Have a break, eat a Chocolate McWilliam － 一休みして、マクウィリアム・チョコを食べよう －

If I used the slogan, “Have a break, eat a Chocolate McWilliam” in an advertising campaign, I could be taken to court in the UK.  That’s because the giant chocolate makers Nestle have trademarked the phrase, “Have a break.”  For years they have been using it as their advertising slogan for KitKats: “Have a break, have a KitKat.” 

So no one else can use the phrase, “Have a break” in their adverts.  Is that fair?  It seems like a very short and generic phrase to me.  Is it really so connected with the KitKat bar?  Couldn’t you just as easily say, “Let’s have a break.  Let’s have a cup of tea”? 

But Nestle are not content just to trademark slogans.  This week they lost a court case in the UK in which they tried to trademark the shape of the KitKat bar.  It has four fingers of chocolate connected together.  If they had won the case, then any other four fingered chocolate bar would have breached Nestle’s intellectual property rights. 

Actually, my advertising slogan, “Have a break, eat a Chocolate McWilliam” would not be allowed for another reason.  The giant hamburger chain McDonald’s has trademarked the use of “Mac” and “Mc” in any connection with food or drink.  Sorry, but there will never be a Chocolate McWilliam. 

People do realise that Mc is a very common start to family names in Scotland, don’t they?  Indeed, McDonald is a common Scottish family name.  So if your name is Mr. McLeod and you want to open a tea shop called “McLeod’s Tea, you may find yourself taken to court.

These giant companies are just being very cheeky, aren’t they?  They are trying to trademark basic words, sounds, shapes , colours etc.  People know when they are buying a KitKat because it says “KitKat” on the front in large letters.  It’s not because sticking four bits of food together is amazingly unique. 

By the way, when I started the English school NerimaEnglish, I trademarked the letter “N”, the colour blue, and the response “Hmmm” to a student’s question.  Anyone wishing to use any of these things in connection with English teaching now owes me money.  Please email me for details of where to send the money and how much.

Vocabulary:

to trademark something – to register an item, idea etc. as representing a company or product

generic – not unique; commonplace

to breach someone’s rights – when someone is entitled to a certain minimum standard of treatment, to act in a way that does not meet that standard

cheeky – showing a lack of respect or politeness, especially like a child or in an amusing way

 

Frankenstein was a Doctor too, you know －フランケンシュタイン博士も医者だったさ－

The men in my family don’t like seeing the doctor or taking medicine.  Well, who does?  But I mean the men in my family really don’t like seeing the doctor or taking medicine.

I learned that until a recent viral infection which could not be ignored, one of my relatives hadn’t had any hospital tests since he was a little child.  That would be fifty or sixty years ago.  That is not because he has been super healthy.  He has gotten sick many times but just waited for the sickness either to get better on its own or to kill him.

He has always thought, “Sick people go to the hospital.  Therefor, to avoid getting sick, all I have to do is avoid going to the hospital.”  I am sure that there is a flaw in this logic somewhere. 

Another, older relative also avoided the hospital like he would have avoided a trip to Count Dracula’s castle or Doctor Frankenstein’s laboratory.  Even when he was in his eighties and was coughing badly, he refused to go.  His sons had to trick him into going.  They contacted his doctor and asked him to call as if by chance, and to arrange a visit as if it were a social call.

“Oh, Mister [X],” he said.  “We like to invite our patients in to chat once in a while.  It’s important that the staff don’t forget your face.  This is all perfectly normal.  We will be finished after a quick chat and a cup of coffee.” 

Of course, he left after an x-ray, and holding some bottles of medicine for his lung infection. 

Sadly, my baby son seems to have inherited the family curse.  He has an ear infection and we are supposed to give him anti-biotics.  We’ve mixed the medicine with mashed banana, chocolate flavoured gel, peach flavoured syrup...  We’ve tried holding his head back to force him to swallow.  We’ve tried waiting until he is very hungry.  No matter what, the medicine ends up everywhere except down his throat. 

I’m sure that it’s hard to feed medicine to any baby.  But it is much harder when the family curse is telling the baby, “Don’t drink that evil potion of Doctor Frankenstein, or you’ll wake up as a monster!” 

Oh, well.  We will keep trying. 

Maybe this distrust of doctors is not a curse anyway.  My older relative lived into his nineties.  Perhaps the family theory has been correct all along?

 

Vocabulary:

a viral infection – the presence of a virus attacking the body

a flaw – a problem; a mistake

logic – reasoning; clear and rational thought

a social call – a visit to chat, renew a friendship etc.

to inherit – to receive from one’s parents, grandparents etc.

anti-biotics – a type of medicine taken to help kill viruses or other infections

to swallow – to take food, liquid etc. from the mouth into the throat

a potion – a liquid with healing, magical or poisonous effects

 

Living under a pair look prime minister －ペアルック首相の治下で暮らすこと－

This week the British Prime Minister Teresa May appeared on a lightweight daytime tv show with her husband, Philip.  They didn’t talk about politics but talked about the mundane chores of daily life and how a powerful leader shares these with her partner.

Teresa and Philip claimed that he does “the boys’ jobs”, such as taking out the bins.  By the way, don’t tell my wife that taking out the bins is a boys’ job.  You have to wake up very early in order to catch the bin lorry.  As everybody knows, boys need more sleep.

It seems that Teresa May is worried that people see her as a cold politician and not as a human being.  So appearing on tv to discuss domestic chores with her husband might make the electorate see her as a normal person just like them.

But it is a risky strategy for a politician seeking election to allow the tv cameras a glimpse into their family life.  What if their family have some habits which seem normal within the family because they have been doing them for years, but which will seem ridiculous to outsiders?  Does your husband pick his nose and then flick away what he has found when he thinks that nobody is watching?  Does he wear socks with holes in the toes?  What would it do for the politician’s career if their husband was caught with some such embarrassing habit?

Philip May seemed to do quite well on tv.  He didn’t do anything stupid, or exciting.  He just sat there and looked like rather an ordinary man, which was probably the whole aim of appearing on tv.

Some people, though, did notice that Teresa and Philip had developed something of a “pair look”.  They had similar fashion sense, and even used gestures in a very similar way to each other.  The pair look happens to many couples that have been together for a long time.  Perhaps the wife starts to buy more and more of the husband’s clothes, or vice versa.  Perhaps they just spend so much time together that the other person’s dress sense and gestures seem so normal that the two different styles start to merge.

In any case, we had better get used to our pair look Prime Minister.  With the main opposition Labour Party stuck with an unpopular leader, it seems like she and Philip will be around for another five years. 

I’m off to get ready for bed.  My wife has bought me a lovely new pair of fluffy pink pyjamas which will keep me nice and warm – and very stylish too, she says. 

Vocabulary:

lightweight – of a conversation, topic etc., not serious; trivial

mundane – boring and everyday

a chore – a small everyday task

a bin – a place where you put rubbish, trash etc.

the electorate – all of the people who can vote

or vice versa – or the other way around

to merge – for two things to start to join together and become one

 

Still waiting for my monkey god to emerge －まだ私の猿神様の出現を待っている－

“Born from an egg on a mountain top,
The punkiest monkey that ever popped.
He knew every magic trick under the sun,
To tease the gods and everyone and have some fun.”

From the Godiego song, “Monkey magic”, theme from the tv series, “Monkey”

One of the early blogs I wrote on this site was about the value of perseverance.  I considered the different attitudes to it in the UK and Japan.  One of the points I highlighted was the Japanese idiom, “Ishi no ue ni mo san-nen”, or “Sit upon the rock for three years.”

According to one interpretation of this idiom, you can achieve great things by continuing even a simple thing for a long time.  Perhaps someone learning the piano can greatly improve their technique through constant practice.  If they give up as soon as it becomes boring or difficult then they will never become a great musician.  Over time, perseverance has so much power that it can even warm a stone so much that it splits open if you sit on it for long enough.

Well, I have followed the advice of the idiom and persevered at writing this blog.  This is my 156^th article, written at a rate of one a week.  That means I’ve been sitting on this rock for three years.  I’m getting some huge blisters on my bottom.  Has it been worth it?

According to the idiom, what is supposed to happen now?  Does the stone, finally warmed sufficiently by my blistered bottom, turn into an egg and crack open?  What comes out then - a mischievous monkey god?

And what if that doesn’t happen?  What if, after sitting on a rock for three years, I find that it’s still just a rock?

Maybe the idiom can be turned around.  Sit upon the rock for three years.  That’s not a minimum length of time, but a maximum.  If you sit upon a rock for three years and a magic monkey god hasn’t popped out by then, then it is never going to happen.  If you’re still sitting at a piano after three years of effort and can barely play a tune, then it’s time to quit.  Don’t be a fool!  Get off the rock.  Get up and put some ointment on your blistered bottom.  Find another hobby.  Get a girlfriend.  Just get away from that stupid rock!

Oh, well.  In the old article I wrote, I suggested that I would give up alcohol for three nights a week and stick at it.  At least I didn’t sit on that rock for three years.  Perseverance is nice.  But there must be limits.
 

Vocabulary:

to emerge – to come out

perseverance – the habit of continuing something and not quitting

an interpretation – a way of understanding the meaning of something

a blister – a painful swelling on the surface of one’s skin

sufficiently – to an adequate degree; enough

mischievous – causing mischief; tending to play tricks or cause trouble

ointment – a kind of cream used as a medicine to treat blisters, rashes, sore skin etc.

 

Running out of sympathy with a runny nose －鼻水に対する同情を使いきる－

Normally when you catch a cold, one of the first things that you do is to look for sympathy from other people.  You don’t call it a cold.  You call it something that sounds a bit worse.  “I’ve got a touch of the flu.”  Or, “I think I’ve caught that bug that’s going round.”

Then everyone will feel a little more sympathy for your suffering.  “Do you have a fever?” they ask.

“Well, no.  Not really,” you say.  “I’ve got a sore throat and a runny nose...  But I might come down with a fever at any moment!”

This is a natural human reaction.  It’s not nice to have a sore throat or runny nose.  You can’t sleep well at night.  Every bin in the house becomes nothing but a soggy pile of used tissues.  But people who only catch a cold once or twice a year quickly forget how bad your suffering is.  So it is necessary to exaggerate a little in order to get the sympathy and moral support which will help you recover.

I now have a sore throat.  It seems very much like the beginning of a cold.  I should be exaggerating my symptoms and getting people to say, “There there.  You poor thing.  Hang in there,” or “Let me cook dinner.  You had better rest up in bed.”

But I’m too embarrassed to do it again.  This is my fourth cold in a row.  I have had nothing but one cold after another since about February.  So instead I try to hide my coughs from friends and students.  Rather than exaggerating I find myself playing the symptoms down.  “Sorry.  I think my hayfever is causing me problems again,” I say as I try to breathe after a long cough.

And anyway, my wife and baby son are both coughing too.  They deserve at least as much sympathy as I do.  The bins in our house are going to stay soggy for a while yet.

 

Vocabulary:

“a touch of (the flu)” - a casual phrase, meaning that you have (the flu), but just a little bit

a bug – a casual expression for a virus

to come down with (a fever) – to contract (a fever); to get (a fever)

soggy – of an item such as a tissue or piece of paper, to be so full of water or liquid that it loses its shape

to exaggerate – to make something seem bigger, more important, worse etc. than it really is

in a row - consecutively

to play (something) down – to make (something) seem smaller, less important, less bad etc. than it really is

 

Eating with your ears, eyes, magnets and perhaps even your mouth －耳で、目で、マグネットを使いながら、もしかしたら口さえ使いながら食事をすること－

A man decides to ask his food loving girlfriend to marry him.  He wants to ensure that the event is as special and memorable as possible.  So he books the most expensive restaurant he can find.  It has a set cost of 255 pounds per person, or around 400 pounds with wine.  So the whole night comes to 800 pounds, but hopefully you only propose marriage once, right?

The man waits for the perfect moment.  He hopes for a little quiet time between courses, when the conversation is warm and the taste of the last exquisite dish lingers in the mouth.  Unfortunately, it seems that each time a course finishes, a member of staff comes over to tell the couple what time it is.  This is not the real time, you understand, but the time in the fantasy “journey” of the meal.  The meal is meant to replicate a trip to the seaside, including changes in time, mood and weather, all spread over 17 courses.

At last, just before the 16^th course, the man finds a little peace in which to propose.  It has been a strange evening, but he and his girlfriend have been well fed, and are feeling light-headed from the expensive wines.  It’s now or never.  He gets down on one knee, pulls out a box containing the ring from his pocket... And a waiter comes over.”The day is coming to an end, and we will now enjoy a dish called The Sound of the Sea.  Please put on these headphones while you eat your seafood.”

*

I don’t suppose that a theatrical restaurant like this would be good for a man proposing marriage to his partner.  Nor would it be good for anyone who just wanted to enjoy some nice food and conversation.  But according to a BBC programme I listened to this week [Start the Week on Radio 4], this kind of “spectacular dining experience” is becoming popular at elite restaurants.  These restaurants use sounds, smells and visual gimmicks to “enhance” the experience of eating.  The 17 course meal in the fictional story above is based on a real one offered at a restaurant called The Fat Duck in England.  Apparently, the gimmicks include hidden magnets to make some dishes appear to float in the air.  And the cheapest course really does cost 255 pounds per person.

I don’t object to anyone mixing theatre with eating.  But if you take the idea too far, what started as adding a little theatre to a lovely meal changes to having a little bit of lovely food with your long theatrical production.  As a blind diner, I sometimes have enough difficulty picking up food from fancy but impractically designed plates without trying to deal with dishes floating above hidden magnets.  I think I’ll stick to the hummus and falafel set with pita bread at a nice local restaurant.  Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to enjoy food with my mouth and my nose than with headphones, magnets or gadgets.

 

Vocabulary:

to ensure – to make sure; to make certain

exquisite – extremely beautiful and delicate

to linger – to stay or remain; to be slow to disappear

to replicate – to recreate; to copy

to get down on one knee – a traditional way for a man to propose marriage to a woman

a gimmick – a trick designed to attract attention, customers etc.

to enhance – to improve; to make better

hummus and falafel – types of food made with chick peas which are popular in the Middle East

Why do we allow horrible treatment just to save a few pennies? －どうしてほんの少しのお金を節約するために、ひどいサービスを許すの？－

A man goes to a bar with a group of friends for some drinks.  He buys a round of beers, paying in advance.  Then he cheerfully carries the tray of drinks back to his friends.  Everybody settles back into their chairs and gets ready to say “Cheers!”  Just then the barman and three heavy set bouncers saunter over.

“Right lads,” says the barman, “We are all thirstier than we expected, and we have run out of beer.  Four of you had better hand over your drinks.”

There is a stunned silence.

The barman narrows his eyes and tries again.  “I’ll give you two pounds in compensation, and you can come back to pick up the beer you have paid for tomorrow.”

The little group are all thinking, “But we’ve already paid for our beers.  How can you demand them back?  And we don’t want to drink beer tomorrow.  We have made plans for tonight!”

The barman is getting exasperated.  “I don’t know how you can all be so selfish!  I’ll give you four pounds in compensation then.  It’s my final offer.  Any takers?  No?  All right.  You, you, you, and you.”  He angrily jabs his fingers at four paying customers.  “Take the four pounds voluntarily, or I’ll get these bouncers to drag you out violently.  I’m perfectly within my rights, you know.” 

*

The above situation in a bar is entirely made up.  But it is of course very similar to what happened on an American United Airlines flight a few days ago.  The flight was overbooked, and the airline wanted to seat four of their crew members.  So they forced four passengers to leave the aircraft, paying them a little money in compensation.  One passenger resisted leaving the seat he had paid for, and was violently dragged off the plane.

I’m sure most people will have seen the video by now.

I just can’t believe that this was all perfectly legal and within the rules for airlines.  Airlines often deliberately overbook their flights, expecting that some passengers probably won’t turn up.  And if everyone does turn up, you get problems like the one United Airlines faced this week.

But perhaps the most disappointing thing is that customers seem increasingly content to put up with awful service and treatment on planes, as long as the tickets are cheap.  But how much more expensive would the tickets really be if the airlines were banned from deliberately overbooking their flights?  Isn’t it worth paying just a little bit more in order to avoid the risk of being physically dragged off a flight by security staff who should instead be looking for terrorists?

We wouldn’t accept such an awful level of service in a bar.  Why should it be considered acceptable when flying? 

 

Vocabulary:

heavy-set – of a person, broad and strong

a bouncer – someone employed at a bar, night club etc. to prevent trouble or deal with violent customers

to saunter – to walk in a slow, relaxed manner

lads – a slang term for young men

stunned – astonished or shocked into inaction

compensation – money paid to someone because of injury, damage, inconvenience etc. that they have suffered

exasperated – extremely irritated or annoyed

to jab – to poke roughly, especially with something pointed

to drag – to pull roughly along the ground

made up - fictional