The Lottery of Death －死亡の抽選－

“A dreaded sunny day, so I meet you at the cemetery gates –

Keats and Yeats are on your side,

While Wilde is on mine.”

From The Smiths song, “Cemetry Gates”

 

This is nothing to do with the recently passed Halloween, but I quite like walking around graveyards – in the daytime, anyway.  It is particularly nice if you can find the grave of a long dead poet, artist or other admired person. 

So how do you like the idea of resting forever alongside Oscar Wilde or Frederic Chopin in a Paris cemetery? 

That chance is being offered to residents of the city.  Because it is the responsibility of families to maintain the graves of their deceased loved ones and not the Paris authorities, many old Parisian gravestones and monuments have fallen into disrepair.  The local government wants to tidy up these old, ruined graves.  So they are offering residents of Paris the chance to buy one of them.  If they do, they will be guaranteed a spot in the graveyard for themselves when they pass on.  This is a rare privilege, since the graveyards inside the city limits have been basically full for around 100 years.  The buyer will then be responsible for restoring the old grave, as well as preparing their own. 

Although it will be an expensive commitment, many wealthy Parisians have applied to join the scheme.  Because demand is higher than supply, the city authorities are holding a lottery draw. 

The lucky winners of the lottery of death will be able to sleep forever close to other famous residents, such as Edith Piaf, Marcel Proust, and Edgar Degas.

Piaf and Sartre are on your side, while Wilde is on mine.

 

A Gift to Knock Your Socks Off －すごい！と思わせる贈り物－

My mother asked me what I wanted as a birthday present recently, and I struggled to come up with an answer.  “What do I want, that is reasonably priced and small enough to post?” I thought.  “Ummm… socks?” 

It isn’t easy to pick gifts.  Pity the poor civil servants who have to prepare presents for Donald Trump.  It is customary for world leaders to receive gifts when they visit foreign nations.  What do you buy a man who has everything, and who believes he deserves even more? 

How about a gold crown?  That’s what South Korea gave to Trump this week.  It is easy to see why they thought he would like it. 

A 400 million Dollar jet?  Qatar gifted a plane to the American president, who promised to donate it to his presidential library when he leaves office. 

It can also be embarrassing if the gift that you give another person doesn’t match the value of the one that they have given you. 

When Obama was the president and he visited the U.K. to meet our prime minister, Gordon Brown, they exchanged gifts.  Brown gave Obama a  specially made pen holder crafted from the wood of a famous anti-slavery ship, as well as a biography of Winston Churchill.  Obama gave Brown a box set of dvds of Hollywood movies. 

He probably would have been better with a pair of nice socks.

 

Vocabulary:

to knock someone’s socks off – to amaze or impress someone

[eg., You must try this tiramisu.  It will knock your socks off!]

 

Strong Word Disease －強い言葉病－

There is a radio show in the U.K. called, “Strong Message Here”.  The show discusses how language is used in politics, and finds humour in the sometimes strange things that politicians say. 

The other day I found out why that phrase was chosen as the radio show’s title.  It was taken from a speech given by the then leader of the Labour Party in the U.K., Jeremy Corbyn. 

At his party’s conference in 2015, he told the nation, “We need to be investing in our schools, investing in our young people, and – strong message here – not cutting student numbers! 

He was reading from an autocue.  “Strong message here” was in brackets, and was not supposed to be read aloud.  It was a stage direction, meaning “Read this next part more powerfully.” 

I thought it was funny.  And it made me remember another famous political gaffe, from back in 2005. 

Jacques Chirac, the then president of France didn’t realise that his microphone was still on when he told the leaders of Germany and Russia his opinion of the British.  “The only thing they have done for European agriculture is mad cow disease.  After Finland, it is the country with the worst food.  One cannot trust people whose food is so bad.” 

I’d like to go to Finland some day.  Either I will find out that Chirac was being unfair, or else at least it will make me feel better about British cuisine.

 

Vocabulary:

an autocue – a device for helping people to make speeches on television or in front of an audience; it projects words onto a glass screen which can be read without the speaker having to look down

[eg., He read his speech from an autocue.]

a gaffe – a mistake that causes great public embarrassment

[George W. Bush is famous for his many gaffes.]

 

A Heavy Hitting Event －重みのあるイベント－

Sumo has come to the U.K..  London’s Royal Albert Hall is hosting a professional sumo tournament featuring forty of the biggest names in the sport. 

Apparently, the tournament has been a success so far, with tickets quickly selling out. 

I read an interesting interview with someone responsible for making the Royal Albert Hall, which is more famous for hosting classical music concerts, ready for the tournament.  Some of the biggest problems involved dealing with the weight of the athletes.  The regular chairs could only support 100kg of weight, and so were not strong enough for the wrestlers.  Sturdier chairs which could hold 200kg of weight had to be installed instead.  And the toilets had to be reinforced to deal with the risk of them collapsing under the weight of a wrestler with indigestion. 

The venue also had to take out expensive insurance to cover the possibility that someone sitting on a ringside seat would be squashed by a sumo falling out of the ring. 

Perhaps the tournament will inspire a young British boy, and in twenty years we will have a British Yokozuna?

 

Sunflowers in Grey －向日葵を灰色で－

I read an interesting book about the brain recently. 

It told the stories of a number of patients who had suffered brain injuries, to illustrate how different parts of the brain had different functions, and what happened when these functions were disrupted. 

In one case study, there was an artist in New York who lived by painting.  His paintings were very bright and colourful.  One day he was involved in a traffic accident and suffered a head injury.  He quickly recovered from his injury, except for one detail.  He lost the ability to see colours.  His eyes were uninjured, but the part of the brain which interpreted light signals as colour had been damaged.  He could only see the world in shades of black and white. 

The artist suffered from a severe bout of depression, since he no longer felt able to paint his bright, colourful pictures.  He began to sleep longer during the day, and to sit up awake at night.  The nighttime world of moonlight and dimly lit streets seemed more suited to shades of grey than bright colour.  Eventually the artist started painting nighttime scenes in shades of grey, and no longer missed his ability to see in colour. 

Small and Slopes to the Left －小さくて、左を向いているー

“You can tell a lot about a person’s character from their handwriting, you know?” 

“Oh, really?  Well, I have a couple of letters here.  I wonder if you could tell me about the two writers?” 

“Sure, let me see…  Well, this first person is an extravert.  You can tell from the big loops that they use in their a’s, b’s and d’s, etc..  And the rightward slant of their letters indicates an expressive personality.” 

“I guess that sounds kind of accurate.  And what about this second letter?” 

“Oh, that’s easy.  This was written by a doctor.” 

“That’s incredible!  How did you know that?” 

“Because I can’t read a word of it.  Only doctors have handwriting this bad.” 

* 

There was an interesting story from India this week.  A judge ordered that all doctors in the Punjab region write their prescriptions using capital letters.  This came after a government doctor was asked to make a medical examination of an alleged crime victim.  The handwriting of his report was so messy that not even one word of it could be understood by the judge.  He became concerned that this could lead to chemists misreading prescriptions or directions, and patients being given the wrong medicine. 

* 

“Well, Madam, it says here that you are suffering from heartache and are looking for a pink kitten.  I’m not sure our pharmacy can help you.” 

“Um, no.  I am suffering from headaches and am looking for a painkiller.”

 

Vocabulary:

an extravert – a person with an outgoing personality, who is not inward looking

[eg., For an actor or other performer, it helps to be an extravert.]

a slant – of a line, the property of not being straight and leaning in a particular direction

[eg., The Leaning Tower of Pisa has a very noticeable slant.]

a prescription – a note written by a doctor which allows a patient to order medicine from a chemist

[eg., Don’t forget to take your prescription to the pharmacy.]

English with a Dash of Dutch Courage －お酒の力を借りての英語－

Nervously, you step through the doors of the language school.  Before committing to buying a course of English lessons, you ask one of the teachers about the school and its methods. 

“What kind of teaching methods do you use?” you ask. 

“Well, we’re quite flexible,” says the teacher.  “I can teach daily conversation lessons, business lessons, preparations for a test, etc.  Is there any particular method of learning English that you would like to try?” 

Pulling out a hip flask and taking a sip of whisky, you answer, “I’d like to study English using the Ig Nobel Method.” 

The Ig Nobel Prize is awarded to scientific research that at first makes you laugh, and then makes you think.  This year’s main prize was won last week by a group of researchers in the Netherlands.  They compared how well two groups of native German speakers performed when trying to learn Dutch conversation.  One group studied in the normal way, and the other group studied after drinking some alcohol.  The researchers found that the students who had drunk alcohol performed better, especially with their pronunciation. 

I normally offer my students a cup of tea to drink during our lessons.  Should I start offering them something stronger?

 

Vocabulary:

Dutch courage – this is a drink of alcohol which is taken to reduce anxiety.  The expression comes from hundreds of years ago when sailors in the Dutch navy were given alcohol before battles to help give them the courage to fight

[eg., “I think I need a little Dutch courage before asking her for a date.”]