It’s a cat’s life for some －ある者には猫の生活である－

Until recently, a group of scientists researching animal intelligence believed that dogs were smarter than cats.

Japanese researchers from Kyoto University had performed experiments which showed that dogs could remember some specific events.  The researchers allowed the animals to feed, and the animals demonstrated that they could remember where, and from which bowl, they had eaten.

But this week the scientists announced that cats could also remember some specific events.  They could remember where, and from which bowl, they had eaten too.  And the Kyoto University team pointed out that cats could match dogs in a number of mental tasks, such as reading humans’ gestures and facial expressions.

I don’t know how any fool could really have believed that dogs could be smarter than cats.  Dogs are smart enough to do amazing things for humans: guarding our houses by barking at intruders, joining us in hunts for rabbits or foxes, and even guiding blind people around town.

Cats, of course, are smart enough not to do anything useful for us at all.

There are a lot of animals which don’t do anything useful for humans.  Sharks aren’t known for working hard on behalf of humanity either, for example.  But we don’t cuddle sharks, tickle them under the chin, or send them for an MRI scan if they start feeling unwell.  Pet dogs are sometimes treated to all of these things.  But at least they are putting the work in.  How have the cats managed to get human love and affection, and free health insurance?

That’s smart.

Maybe we all need to learn from cats how to live our lives.  Do nothing to help those around you, but always be stylish, and feel entitled to be supported and pampered by others’ hard work.

British Prime Minister Teresa May understands this well.  She wants Britain to be the pampered fat cat of Europe, paying nothing to the European Union, but getting all of the benefits of membership.

Well at least we’re not trying to be a shark, biting any other country that comes close.  Unlike some recently elected world leaders I could mention...

Meowww!

 

Vocabulary:

an intruder – someone who enters your property without permission

on behalf of – for the benefit of; at the request of

to tickle – to lightly touch someone’s body, in order to cause mild discomfort and laughter

to put the work in – to work hard

to pamper – to indulge with every comfort and attention

 

I’ll have a dodo burger and some tuna steak to go, please －ドードーバーガーとマグロステーキを持ち帰りで－

“As dead as a dodo.”

Not content with wiping out a whole species of bird, we continue to mock its extinction.  We have turned the mass killing of this bird into an idiom, generally used as a joke.  “That politician will never survive the scandal.  He’s as dead as a dodo,” we say, and laugh.

The poor dodo, extinct since around 1683, only 70 or so years after its first contact with humans, isn’t laughing.

“As dead as a tuna fish.”

We could be saying that in a few decades.  According to a BBC article I read yesterday about Tsukiji fish market, famous for holding 4am auctions of freshly caught tuna, the mighty tuna is heading towards extinction.  Since the 1960s, numbers of Atlantic bluefin tuna have fallen by over 95 per cent.  Pacific bluefin tuna is doing only slightly better.

And the world’s human population keeps increasing.  And eating.

Perhaps if the governments of the world got together, they could come up with a plan to protect the tuna and other fish from over-fishing.  They could encourage everyone to eat more natto and tofu instead.  But how could you persuade a planet of murderous meat-eaters to go vegetarian?

Well, perhaps you could convince them that the fish were poisoned?  You could dump a load of mercury into the oceans, and then pour in a huge dose of radioactive materials from a nuclear power plant.  And then take the world’s largest fish market and move it to a chemically contaminated site.

The public would become terrified of the idea of eating fish.  And the seas would instead be taken over by the luxury yachts of the tofu and natto producers, getting rich on the world’s new appetite for vegetarianism.

This must explain what the Japanese government has been doing in recent years.  Their plan to move Tsukiji fish market to an artificial island in Tokyo Bay, which has been left contaminated by a former chemical factory now makes perfect sense.

I smell natto for dinner.  Bon Appétit! 

Vocabulary:

to wipe out – of a group, population etc., to kill every member

a species – a kind of living creature or animal

to mock – to make fun of; to laugh at

extinct – of a species, having no more living members (eg. Like the dinosaurs)

to dump – to throw away, especially in a messy or careless way

radioactive – producing radiation, or harmful invisible energy released by nuclear bombs etc.

contaminated – dirty; not clean or safe

 

 

English student running wild 1 – “Kudokareta” －暴走生徒１ 『くどかれた』－

Bousou-Seito is a Japanese lady in her fifties.  I have been teaching her now for about four years.  She hadn’t studied English since high school, and so started at quite a low level.  But little by little she has been improving. 

A while ago, she had the great idea of studying English by writing a diary.  When she started studying with me, she hadn’t studied English in decades, so her diary used only simple sentences.  It also contained a lot of mistakes.  But I corrected her sentences and practiced any new vocabulary with her.  It has been a great way of studying, since it seems much easier to remember new language which came from something she wrote, rather than something which happened to be written in a textbook.

I call her “Bousou-Seito”, or “Student running wild” because of the unexpected directions her stories run off into.  “Bousou-zoku” are the motorbike gangs that drive up and down the streets late at night, revving their engines.

Bousou-Seito gave me permission to publish some of her diary entries on my blog.  I hope you find them as interesting as I did.  Some of the names of people and shops have been changed to protect the innocent.  And the guilty. 

Diary entry: “Kudokareta”

Last week a customer I know came to Cafe Celery.  He said, “Long time no see, onee-san.”  He had been sick, but he loves alcohol.  He was the only customer.

He said, “I was kudokareta by the onigiri shop’s owner.”

The owner of Cafe Celery said, “Don’t be silly!  Really?”

He said, “Recently the onigiri shop is quiet.  The customers only eat one onigiri.”

After a while, the owner of Cafe Celery said, “I understand now.”  The customer was born in Fukushima.  By “kudokareta” he meant, “guchi wo iwareta”, or “He complained to me.”

I was surprised.  I had thought that the onigiri shop’s owner was gay.  In standard Japanese, “Kudokareta” means, “I was seduced.”

I told this to the customer.  He said, “Don’t be silly!”  We laughed.

Japanese is very difficult.

 

Vocabulary:

to happen to be – By chance is; Incidentally is

to rev (an engine) – especially of a loud engine such as on a motorbike, to sharply increase the power output of an engine, causing it to make a loud noise

 

 

Emerging from the 2016 bunker of song －2016年の歌の防空壕から現れること－

 “Well my friends are gone,

And my hair is grey.

I ache in the places,

Where I used to play.”

From the Leonard Cohen song, “Tower of song”

Around the world, the doors of bunkers are opening.  Beautiful faces, talented fingers grasping prized guitars can be seen emerging once more into the sunlight.  Any celebrities and musicians who hid themselves underground when they saw how many famous people were dying in 2016 can come out.  They can walk in the world with confidence again now that we have moved into 2017.

David Bowie, Prince, Leonard Cohen, and Carrie Fisher were some of the big names to die last year.  Many commentators pointed out the unusual number of celebrity deaths.  It seemed like a cursed year.  Famous people could be forgiven for taking extra care: reducing the amount of illegal drugs they used, never mixing beer with wine, always looking left and right before crossing the road, and moving to a bunker.

I don’t mean to make fun of anyone’s death.  I was a big fan of the original Star Wars, and of all the musicians I mentioned, especially David Bowie.

But it is interesting to wonder whether 2016 was a statistical freak.  Or will a similar number of celebrities die in 2017?  The number of famous people increased hugely from the 1960s.  New pop musicians started appearing with dizzying regularity as tastes rapidly changed, and the wide spread of television made many more famous.  Fifty years later, perhaps it is only natural that this group of people is experiencing a higher number of deaths.

So get back in the bunker, and stay off the heroin.  Or go round to Mick Jagger’s house and switch to whatever drugs he has been using.  After having his eighth child at age 73 (with a 29 year old ballerina), the Rolling Stones frontman seems to have acquired the secret of living forever. 

Vocabulary:

a bunker – an underground shelter, used to protect people in wartime

to ache – to feel pain

to grasp – to hold tightly

to emerge – to come out

a statistical freak – a random and unusual event; a random high or low point in some statistics

dizzying – causing dizziness or light-headedness; of an event, fast moving and confusing