人寄れば文殊の知恵 －二つの頭はひとつより良い（三人寄れば文殊の知恵）－

Globyaglobb, the Chief Slurper of Venus, may his tentacles ever ooze, rises from his three year mating cycle. 

“How go our secret plans and clever tricks to destroy that noisy, disgusting land-walking monster spreading across the Earth?” 

Cludyawhoop’s fronds turned briefly purple and he lowered his second head before he answered.  “The coronavirus did not kill them, Your Slurpfulness.  They started growing a thin white skin in front of their face, which helps to block the Venusian coronavirus, and they started rubbing some sort of ooze onto the ends of their upper tentacles, which seems to kill it.” 

Globyaglobb squelched.  “What is this ooze they put on the ends of their tentacles?” 

“They call it ‘soap,’ O Damp One.” 

Globyaglobb’s tentacles vibrated.  “May these humans’ skins dry and their second head shrivel,” he said. 

Cludyawhoop slurped carefully.  “Your Sliminess, it is believed that the humans have only one head.” 

Globyaglobb was pink for a moment.  “So you say.  But perhaps their second head is hidden, and you have not yet discovered it.  After all, you did not know of this second face they keep hidden, and which wards off our viral attacks.” 

Cludyawhoop oozed quickly.  “We do know what they call their second face, O Sticky One!  It is called a mask.” 

Globyaglobb greened dangerously.  “I am not interested in a vocabulary lesson,” he said.  “I want to hear secret plans and clever tricks.” 

Cludyawhoop hid both heads behind his fronds, and thought fast.  “Um, how about, uh, balloons, Your Slipperiness?” 

“Go on.” 

Cludyawhoop blued in relief.  “Secret Venusian balloons.  We’ll put them high in the sky above the Earth, and learn about these monsters’ weaknesses.  They will never find them, and it will soon lead to their utter destruction!” 

Globyaglobb released a smell of warning.  “They had better not find them, Cludyawhoop, if you want to keep both of your heads.” 

* 

A strange, eight sided balloon was shot down over America this week?  Interesting.

 

Demons Out! —鬼は外！—

“What did you do at nursery today?” asked my mother, during our weekly Skype call. 

Her grandson, my six year old, replied, “A demon came to our nursery today, Grandma.” 

I explained to my mother that during the Japanese festival of Setsubun, people throw beans to ward off demons, shouting, “Demons out, good fortune in!” 

“Why did the demon come to your nursery?” my mother asked. 

“To punish the bad kids,” said my son. 

“Goodness!” said my mother.  “In Scotland, Santa Claus sometimes visits nursery schools, not demons!” 

She found it quite hard to understand why a nursery school would want to frighten their children by sending in teachers wearing genuinely scary and grotesque demon masks.  It has always seemed a little strange to me as well.  It certainly highlights a different emphasis between modern Scottish schools and a traditional Japanese education.  One says that bad children will not get the presents they want at Christmas.  The other says that bad children will be dragged off to hell and thrown into an iron pot, to be stirred by merciless demons… Well, unless the kids have got some beans. 

“Why are demons weak against beans, Daddy,” my son asked. 

Good question.  I didn’t know how to answer him.  Is it only beans that work?  If you were to hit a demon with a baseball bat instead of beans, would that also be effective? 

The teachers said that my son was particularly scared of the demon which came to his nursery, and was extremely reluctant to approach it.  When it came close to him, he threw his beans at it and then ran away. 

“That was very clever of you,” I told him.  “Sun Tzu advises that when fighting a stronger enemy, you should avoid direct confrontation, but instead use hit and run tactics.” 

A nursery school aged child, armed only with beans, should proceed cautiously in a battle with a demon.  Now that Setsubun has passed, the little heroes can lay down their beans and rest for another year.

Vocabulary:

to ward something off – to prevent something from harming you or negatively affecting you (eg. “Nobita raised his hands to ward off Gian’s punches.”)

Sun Tzu – an ancient and famous Chinese general.  In Japanese, he is called Sonshi