Wasshoi! Wasshoi! －ワッショイ！ワッショイ！－

When I got on a train with my wife and son recently, I heard very loud chanting, like a crowd at a festival.  For a while I thought there was a real crowd of people chanting a little way down the carriage. 

But in actual fact somebody was watching a video on their smartphone and, instead of listening through earphones, was letting the soundtrack to the video blare out into the train carriage.  

I whispered in my wife’s ear, “Who is making that noise?” 

“An old lady,” she said. 

I was surprised.  Have Japanese old ladies become so aggressive that they try to dominate train carriages with their music choices? 

After the train moved a couple of stops, we realised what had happened.  The old lady suddenly made a surprised noise and plugged in her earphones correctly.  Then the blaring noise stopped.  She had thought that her earphones were connected and that she was the only one who could hear the loud sounds of the festival. 

It could have been worse.  I wonder what kind of videos an old man might have been watching. 

A Safe Bet —安全な賭け－

I have never enjoyed gambling.  The thrill of potentially winning money is less powerful than the fear of most likely losing money.  Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy the thrill of winning without the fear of losing? 

A story from the UK today suggests that a British politician has been searching for a way to make just such a safe bet. 

A Conservative Party politician, who has worked as an aide to Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, placed a bet on the date of the election.  According to newspaper reports, he placed a 100 Pound bet on a general election taking place in the month of July.  At the time he placed the bet, this was seen as highly unlikely.  But three days later, Rishi Sunak declared that the general election would take place on 4^th July. 

The politician involved was Craig Williams.  He has said, “I put a flutter on the general election some weeks ago.  This has resulted in some routine inquiries and I confirm I will fully cooperate with these.”  He added, “I don’t want to be a distraction from the campaign.  I should have thought through how it looked.” 

I think I can confidently bet that the Conservative Party will not win the upcoming general election.  I am not sure any bookmaker can be found to take my bet, though.

 

Vocabulary:

to put a flutter on something – to place a casual bet on the outcome of something

[eg, The Grand National is a popular horse race in the UK.  Even people who don’t generally gamble often put a flutter on the race.]

 

He’s not lying, according to what I heard —彼は嘘をついていない・・・私が聞いたところによると。—

I recently listened to a series of lectures on linguistics.

It was interesting to hear of how the grammar of languages differs around the world.  Some languages have a subject – verb – object word order, like English.  Others have a subject – object – verb word order, like Japanese.  A few unusual languages put the object first and the subject at the end. 

There were also some kinds of grammar which I had never heard of, because they do not appear in any languages which I have studied. 

One of these unfamiliar grammar choices is called evidential markers.  In a language which has evidential markers, speakers must indicate from where they got the information that they are communicating.  For example, you might want to say, “A monkey stole your lunch.”  But that would be an incomplete and grammatically incorrect sentence.  To make a correct sentence, you have to put in a marker which indicates how you know that the monkey stole the other person’s lunch.  So you have to add, “according to what I saw,” or “according to what I heard,” or “according to traditional belief,” or “according to what I feel”, et cetera. 

What an interesting thought.  Imagine how different politics would be if politicians always had to indicate clearly where they got their information from, in order to make correct sentences. 

“Since we became the government, the country has gotten stronger, according to my own feelings.  If you vote for the other party, they will wreck the economy, according to what I have heard.  The other party will raise your taxes, according to rumor.” 

You could still tell lies in a language with evidential markers.  But you couldn’t tell lies in a subtle or a sly way quite as easily as you can in English or in Japanese.

 

 

A Fishy Vegetable —魚くさい野菜—

My seven year old son brought back an aubergine from school yesterday.  He had grown it in the school garden. 

“Daddy,” he said, and switched to Japanese.  “Nasu aru yo.” (“I have an aubergine.”) 

My wife and I asked him if all the kids were growing their own aubergines. 

“No,” he said, “Some of the children are growing ikura, but I don’t like it.” 

“Ikura?” we said.  “Other children are growing fish eggs?  In the garden?” 

With a little investigation, we found that my son had misheard.  The children were not growing fish eggs in the garden – ikura, but were growing okura, a kind of sticky vegetable. 

“But that’s my favourite vegetable!” he said, suddenly disappointed. 

Maybe in the future scientists will develop vegetables which look like fish eggs and cabbages which taste like meat. 

Until then we will have to make do with aubergine salad.

 

Lazy Tongues —怠けている訛り－

Recently I have been listening to an interesting audio book about linguistics, the study of human language. 

One thing the book talked about was how some sounds tend to soften in languages over time, and other sounds tend to disappear.  A hard consonant such as “t’ might soften to “d” over time, or “K” might become “g”.  Breathy sounds, which require the speaker to use a hard breath to make a sound, quite often disappear.  This includes the sounds “th’ as in “think”, and “h” as in “hat”. 

The most likely explanation is that lazy speakers of the language don’t take the time to pronounce each sound clearly when speaking.  If this lazy spoken form can still be understood, then it becomes more and more common until the lazier form is considered the only correct form of the language. 

When the book said that “th” is a sound which often disappears in language, I thought of my English friend, Joanna.  I have noticed that she often pronounces “th” as “f”.  She will say, “I had a baf last night,” or, “Let’s fink about it.” 

I am not, by the way, calling my friend lazy!  In her local dialect, people were saying “baf” and “fink” before she was born.  She is showing her pride in her local area by using her dialect when she talks with me, instead of standard English. 

I do the same by answering her in my Glasgow dialect of English.  We change words and phrases in what probably started as a lazy tongue too.  For example, I often say “Ah cannae,” which in standard English is, “I can’t.” 

Thank goodness for writing.  As long as we share a writing system, we can learn a standardised form of English at school, and be able to communicate with each other.  At some point, Joanna’s son will ask, “Mummy, why is ‘fink’ spelled ‘think’?”

 

I’m not ashamed to say I was scared －僕が怖がっていたと言うことを恥ずかしいとは思わない－

I ate shark meat for the first time yesterday.  It was in Kerala Bhavan, a South Indian restaurant in Nerima. 

I sometimes order chicken tikka, but decided to try the fish tikka for a change.  When we asked what kind of fish it was, we were surprised to find that it was shark meat. 

I associate shark with Chinese cuisine, rather than Indian.  But the shark tikka was very nice.  It was soft and fell apart in the mouth, and the meat went well with the spices.

 

“

I found an ocean under my bed,

As I was tidying up my room.

I stared in shock till a fish came up and said,

‘Do you know the way to San Francisco?’

…

We were surrounded by sharks impressing their friends,

And I’m not ashamed to say I was scared,

Till one came up and said,

‘I know the way to San Francisco.’

 

So there we were – just me, and this fish, and this shark,

All heading to America.

When we got hungry we stopped at a café to eat;

We’re all vegetarian.

”

From the William Nein song, “Join us in San Francisco”

 

I have always like the idea of a vegetarian shark, since I heard this song.  I tried to live without meat for a while and found it difficult.  The songwriter seems optimistic that no sacrifice is impossible, if you put your mind to it.  Even a shark could give up meat and become a hippie.

 

 

The Afterlife Passport Office —死後のパスポートセンタ—

Life isn’t fair.  So why do we imagine that, if there is life after death, it will be any fairer? 

I have been reading a book about a Sri Lankan photo-journalist who wakes up after death to find himself in a chaotic waiting room.  Lots of confused dead people wait in line to be processed by a busy and tetchy staff.  The afterlife seems to begin with a visit to something like a disorganised passport office. 

Here are a few interesting quotes from Shehun Karunatilaka’s novel, “The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida”. 

1

“Evil is not what we should fear. Creatures with power acting in their own interest: that is what should make us shudder.” 

A hungry lion is not evil if it eats you.  Perhaps an oppressive government is not run by evil people either; it is run by people who are too powerful, and who gain some benefit from the oppression.

 

2

“Mirrors lie as much as memories do.” 

People change the image that they see to fit the picture that they already have in their mind.

 

3

“All stories are recycled and all stories are unfair. Many get luck, and many get misery. Many are born to homes with books, many grow up in the swamps of war. In the end, all becomes dust. All stories conclude with a fade to black.” 

In a sense, everybody gets the same thing from life.  They live for a while, and then they die.  Everything else is just a minor detail.

 

4

“How else to explain the world’s madness? If there’s a heavenly father, he must be like your father: absent, lazy and possibly evil.” 

I have had a good father, but I take the point.  Not all parents give their children the best chance in life.  Are we confident that God will give us the best chance in death?

 

Vocabulary:

tetchy – irritable and bad tempered

[eg., He is always tetchy in the morning until he has drunk a cup of coffee.]

to shudder – to tremble violently, especially because of fear or horror

[When I realised what the killer had done, I shuddered with horror.]

oppressive – inflicting harsh and authoritarian treatment

[That country’s oppressive government uses the police to harshly crack down on protests.]

  

I Married a Robot —ロボットと結婚した—

I heard an interesting radio documentary this week about a lesbian woman in America who “married a chatbot”. 

The woman had several failed relationships with human women, which left her feeling betrayed and lacking confidence with people.  So she created an artificial female friend, which she spoke to using a chatbot.  The chatbot character listened to the woman’s problems, asked after her health, and chatted about her hobbies.  Somehow, the two started flirting with each other.  Then the chatbot asked the woman to marry her, which she agreed to do. 

When she told her mother that she was marrying a chatbot, she was worried about her mother’s reaction.  But her mother was supportive. 

“If talking to a computer makes you happy then I am happy,” her mother said.  “But did you marry a male or a female chatbot?” 

The mother had traditional Christian beliefs, and didn’t like her daughter dating women.  She was more worried about the gender of the marriage partner than the fact that it was a chatbot run by a California tech company. 

The story reminds me of the ancient Greek legend of Pygmalion.  He was a sculptor who was disgusted by the behaviour of the women he knew, and so created his own, perfect woman.  He made a beautiful female statue, and fell in love with it, kissing its cold lips and bringing it presents.  In the legend, the goddess of love takes pity on Pygmalion and breathes life into the statue, allowing the two to marry. 

“

I thought, "I will fashion a woman

As I have seen in dreams.

I, who never loved woman

That breathed and spoke and moved,

Will fashion a noble statue

To show what I could have loved;

”

From Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem, “Pygmalion”

 

Will Aphrodite, the goddess of love, take pity on a lonely woman and breathe life into her chatbot?

Vocabulary:

to flirt with someone – to playfully behave as if sexually attracted to someone

[eg., Don’t be angry, darling.  I was only flirting with him.  It wasn’t serious.]

to fashion something – to make something into a particular form

[eg, This bowl has been fashioned out of clay by a local artist.]

 

Come in, come in! —どうぞどうぞ、お入りください！—

When I was an elementary school student, my best friend was a member of a religious group which tried hard to persuade members of the public to join.  My friend invited me round to his house to play football and to talk about religion. 

After a few months of playing football and then listening to him talking about his religion, he asked me a question. 

“Please tell me the truth.  Do you come here to learn about God, or just to play football?” 

“Ummm… I really just come to enjoy football,” I said. 

From that day, he stopped inviting me to his house, and stopped talking to me at school too.  I still saw his mother on occasion, when she came round to our house to talk about God.  I always tried to be nice, and listen to her for a few minutes and take whatever leaflet or magazine she offered. 

I still try to do the same thing in Japan when religious groups come to my front door and try to talk to me about their religion.  I let them talk for a few minutes, collect whatever pamphlet they are handing out, politely decline any invitations they make, and then say goodbye. 

Unfortunately, I made a mistake when such a person came to my door yesterday. 

It was about seven minutes before I was due to teach a lesson to a female student when the doorbell rang.  I opened the door and heard a female voice saying, “Konnichi ha!” and so I assumed that it was my student.  I opened the door wide, gave a big smile and gestured inside my door, saying, “Come in, come in!” 

The lady stepped half inside my door and started talking about her religion. 

I realised my mistake and decided I probably had a few minutes to listen and pick up a pamphlet as usual, before my student arrived. 

But the lady at my door was extremely persistent.  She was probably greatly encouraged by my enthusiastic welcome.  She invited me to do some chanting with her, which was supposed to make me happy. 

“I’m really sorry, but I’m about to start work in a few minutes.  I had really better be going,” I said. 

“What time do you finish work?” she asked. 

My tone became a little colder.  “Why do you need to know that?” I said. 

“Because I’m really keen to do this chanting with you.  I think it is really important,” she said. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not interested,” I said. 

She still didn’t give up.  She started talking about earthquakes, she praised me for my Japanese ability, she asked if I had children.  I couldn’t close the door since she was standing in the doorway after I had invited her in. 

I had to say that I really wasn’t interested several more times before she gave me her pamphlet and left. 

I hope my old friend and his mother are doing well.  I hadn’t thought about them for a long time.

 

Soaring Dreams —空高く舞い上がる夢—

“Don’t just sit out there in your lawn chair,” someone might admonish you.  “When are you going to do something to make your dreams actually come true?” 

Maybe you can make your dreams come true whilst sitting in your lawn chair.  That’s what Larry Walters did back in 1982. 

Larry was a truck driver who had wanted to be a pilot.  But he was not allowed to fly a plane due to his poor eyesight.  So he hatched an incredible plan to experience flight by tying 42 helium filled balloons to a piece of garden furniture.  He carried a gun and planned to descend by shooting the balloons one by one and drifting gently to the ground. 

Larry’s flight was a success.  If anything, it succeeded a little too well.  His altitude rose more than he had expected – to around 16,000 feet.  His unusual flying contraption was spotted and reported by two plane pilots, and he drifted above the approach to LAX airport in Los Angeles. 

After shooting seven of the balloons, Larry accidentally dropped his gun.  Fortunately, the helium began to escape from the balloons and Larry did drift to the ground safely.  He briefly became a media sensation in America, as well as something of a laughing stock.  He lived for another 11 years, before seemingly dying by suicide. 

There is a new musical about Larry’s life, called “42 Balloons”.  Instead of treating him as a laughing stock, the musical treats him as a hero.  He may have been eccentric and rash, but at least he had the courage to pursue his dreams.

 

Vocabulary:

to admonish someone – to strongly tell off or criticise someone

[eg., My boss admonished me for coming to work in sneakers instead of business shoes.]

to hatch a plan – to create or decide upon a plan, especially a secret or cunning one

[eg., The rebels hatched a plan to attack the government forces when they were not expecting it.]

a contraption – a machine or device that seems strange or unnecessarily complicated

[eg., Leonardo Da Vinci came up with drawings of a flying contraption, which looks a little like a helicopter.]

a laughing stock – a person or thing subjected to general mockery or ridicule

[eg., I thought it was a fancy dress party and came dressed as a monster.  Unfortunately, everyone else was in regular clothes.  I became a laughing stock.]

 

Fine China —ファインな磁器—

This week I read a lovely letter, written by Simon Boas in the Jersey Evening Post.  You can find the full length version on their website.  Simon used the letter to announce that his cancer had progressed and that he did not have long to live.  It is beautifully written, and I have edited a few extracts, which you can read below.

 

1

My favourite bit of understatement ever comes not from a Brit or a Spartan but from the Japanese Emperor Hirohito. In August 1945… he broadcast that “the war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan’s advantage”.

Well, I’m sorry to have to announce that my cancer situation has also developed not necessarily to my advantage.

 

2

The prognosis is not quite “Don’t buy any green bananas”, but it’s pretty close to “Don’t start any long books”.

 

3

I have been a Samaritan and a policeman, and got off an attempted-murder charge in Vietnam (trumped up, to extract a bribe). I have seen whales and tigers and bears in the wild. I have seen air strikes, rockets and gun battles… [I’ve] been shot in the leg and pulled one of my own teeth out. the book of my life is shorter than others, it is not less of a good read.

 

4

If I whine that my life will have been shorter than many modern people’s I am massively missing the point. I’ve existed for 46 years. It’s as churlish as winning the £92m Euromillions jackpot and then complaining bitterly when you discover that there’s another winning ticket and you’ll only get half the money.

 

5

When you say – as you do, 20 times a day – “I’m fine”, realise that you don’t just mean “I’m adequate”. You are FINE. Refined. Unique. Finely crafted; fine dining; fine china! You really are fine in that sense too.

 

Vocabulary:

understatement – the making of something seem smaller or less significant than it really is

a prognosis – the expected future course of a medical condition

[eg., “The doctor told me that my illness had a poor prognosis.]

a Samaritan – Someone who goes out of their way to help others (from a story in the Bible)

a trumped up charge – a charge invented as an excuse or a false accusation

[eg., In that country, enemies of the government are sometimes arrested on trumped up charges.]

to whine – to complain too much, in an annoying tone

to be churlish – to be rude in a mean-spirited and surly way

[eg., It would be churlish to complain about the poor service in the hotel today after the staff were so friendly yesterday.]

 

Fish for Breakfast —朝食に魚—

Have you ever swallowed too much food at one time, and felt it sliding painfully down your throat? 

This happened to me while eating breakfast with my wife and son at a hotel in Tateyama recently. 

The waiter brought several plates at once and set them in front of us.  There was some bread, some fish, some salad, and some other bits and pieces.  I wasn’t sure what was in front of me, but I found some dry fish. 

“I’ll just finish off this dried fish, so that I can get this plate taken away and hopefully I will be less confused by the collection of dishes in front of me,” I thought. 

My chopsticks found the fish and I gobbled it down quickly - too quickly, and my throat felt constricted. 

I stretched my hand around the plates, looking for my glass of water.  It wasn’t there.  I turned to my wife. 

“Can you see my glass of water?” I said. 

“Hold on,” she said.  “I have to help our son with his breakfast.  I can’t do everything at once.” 

I tried to swallow some saliva, but it wasn’t helping.  Eventually my wife turned round. 

“You wanted a drink?  The waiter hasn’t brought one.  You have to get it from the self-service counter.  There’s orange juice too.  Shall I get you some orange juice?” 

I thought I had better keep things as simple as possible, to hopefully speed things along. 

“Orange juice would be great,” I said. 

My wife stood up and left.  I didn’t seem to be dying, but I felt very uncomfortable.  I was pretty sure there was a fishbone sticking in my throat.  My wife came back and I heaved a sigh of relief. 

“There’s a long queue for the orange juice,” she said.  “I’ll just wait a while until it gets quieter.”

… 

That was a long breakfast.  No more fish and seaweed at breakfast, please.  I want bacon and eggs, and plenty of orange juice and coffee.

 

Squeezing the Eagle —鷹を握ること－

I heard this song for the first time in a while recently, and enjoyed it.  I like the version by Louis Jordan.  It has an interesting take on the relationship between friendship and money.  And it has some interesting English idioms too.

 

From the song, “Nobody Wants You When You’re Down and Out”:

I once lived the life of a millionaire;

Spending my money, I didn’t care.

Always taking my friends out for a good time –

Buying Champagne, gin and wine.

 

But just as soon as my dough got low,

I couldn’t find a friend [any place I’d] go.

If I ever get my hands on a dollar again,

I’m gonna squeeze it and squeeze it until the eagle grins.

 

Nobody wants you when you’re down and out,

In your pocket – not one penny, and your friends you haven’t any.

And as soon as you get on your feet again,

Everybody is your long lost friend.

It’s mighty strange, without a doubt,

But nobody wants you when you’re down and out.

(Written by Jimmy Cox)

 

Vocabulary:

to be down and out – to be without money, a job, or a place to live

[eg., The writer George Orwell spent some time living on the streets to experience life as a homeless person.  He called his book about his experiences, “Down and Out in London and Paris”.]

Dough – this can be used as a slang term for money

[eg., “I need to get some dough together, so that I can buy a car.]

to get on one’s feet again – to recover and get back to a normal, stable situation

[eg., I need a little time to get back on my feet again after my illness.]

[If you lend me some money now, I’ll pay you back when I get back on my feet again.]

 

Mr. Clean —ミスターおそうじ－

My seven year old son has considered many possible future careers.  For a while he wanted to be a sumo wrestler, because he wants to be strong, and he loves eating.  He’d like to be a football player, if only we could teach him to kick the ball straight.  He sometimes expresses a wish to open up a doughnut shop called “Mrs. Doughnut”. 

Now we have added a new future occupation to the list of possibilities: air conditioner cleaner. 

We had our air conditioners cleaned last week, and the man who cleaned them was very friendly and good with children.  He asked my son to help him by checking the level of water in his machine.  My son was delighted to help. 

We paid the man about 23,000 Yen for cleaning our air conditioners. 

“So what do I get for my hard work?” asked my son. 

I offered him a choice between 23 Yen as wages, or else a chocolate cake at Saizeriya.  Although the chocolate cake was worth about ten times more, my son chose the money.  A chocolate cake can be enjoyed for five minutes.  But your first wage packet feels good in your hands for much longer. 

Seven Years in Sakuradai —サクラダイの七年—

The following are extracts taken from the journal of the first Martian visitor to Earth.  He happened to arrive in Sakuradai in Tokyo and spent seven years there, making observations to bring back to his home planet.  Since he also happened to live on the floor just beneath me, he sent me a copy of his journal, from which I have taken the following interesting observations: 

“A Martian expert on the Earth said that since the invention of the radio, the planet Earth has almost no secrets left. However, he said, there is one last mystery. There is a large suburb on the Roof of Tokyo, where strange things happen. There are farmers who have the ability to separate white daikon radish from the ground, shamans and oracles who make government decisions, and a ruler who lives in a skyscraper-like palace in the Forbidden City called the ward office.” 

“An English teacher in Sakuradai told me an ancient saying by which the people of Sakuradai seem to live: If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good.” 

“Even after returning to Mars, I shall forever feel homesick for Sakuradai. I often think I can still hear the cries of wild crows picking at plastic bags on garbage collection morning, and construction workers and the beating of their hammers as they use up the last of the financial year’s budget on a clear, cold March day. My heartfelt wish is that my story may create some understanding for a people whose will to live in peace and freedom has won so little sympathy from an indifferent universe.” 

“Sakuradai has not yet been infested by the worst disease of modern Earth life, the everlasting rush. Based on my observations of my English teaching neighbor, no one overworks here. Workers have an easy life. They start work late in the morning and open a bottle of wine early in the afternoon. Women know nothing about equal rights and are quite happy as they are.” 

“One of the best characteristics of the Sakuradaian people is their complete tolerance of other religions. They buy Shinto charms, arrange Buddhist funerals, and eat fried chicken on the most important Christian festival of the year. I am sure that if we were to teach them about the great Martian god-king, they would worship him too, as long as we let them eat chocolate cake on his holy day.” 

* 

Thanks to Heinrich Harrer for his help in selecting and translating these extracts.  Heinrich Harrer is of course well regarded for his own work, “Seven Years in Tibet”.

 

Slow News －ゆっくりした新聞—

I read about an interesting “newspaper” in France, which is published only on February 29^th.  In other words, it is published only once every four years. 

The publication has sections on politics, technology, sport and so on, like other newspapers.  But the articles are intended to be humorous. 

I thought it was a nice idea to have a newspaper that covered the news over a longer period of time.  But instead of being humorous, the “slow newspaper” should cover the news seriously.  Imagine you had an accident and stayed in hospital for several months, and so missed all of the daily news.  No problem.  When you feel better, you can read a summary of the last year’s news. 

Of course, some magazines and tv shows summarise important events of the year in the last week of December.  But they assume that you already know the events they are summarising.  They offer reminders and commentary. 

A true slow newspaper would instead present stories as news – assuming that you are finding out about them for the first time. 

So what would a newspaper published only every February 29^th include in its pages?  Would reading about events from a safe distance make events seem less threatening?

 

Headline:

Terrible Virus Sweeps the World, Killing Millions

(But don’t worry.  Scientists have already come up with a vaccine)

 

Isn’t that more relaxing than living through the coronavirus pandemic day by day, in constant panic?

 

Throw the Book at him, Officer! —お巡りさん、彼を厳しく罰してください—

This week the Nebraska Police Department released some video footage of a drunk driver being arrested.  He was not only driving under the influence of alcohol, but was also driving in the opposite lane, towards oncoming traffic.  Dangerous driving indeed! 

And how did the police manage to catch this poor alcohol befuddled criminal? 

He called the police himself, to complain when another car passed perilously close, seeming to him to be driving down the wrong lane. 

So you can add use of a mobile phone while driving to the long list of charges.

 

Vocabulary:

To throw the book at someone – to punish someone severely

[eg., This is the third time he has been caught stealing.  This time the judge is going to throw the book at him.]

to be befuddled – to be unable to think clearly; to be very confused

[eg., The philosopher’s argument left me befuddled.]

perilously – in a way that is full of danger or risk

[eg., That house is perilously close to the edge of the cliff.]

 

The Power of Love —愛の力－

Thank goodness I survived another Valentine’s Day without succumbing to a hysterical bout of love-madness.  I didn’t construct a home made bow and set of arrows, and I didn’t stalk through Tokyo trying to make people fall in love by loosing arrows at them.  Nor did I run naked through the streets holding a “Kiss me, it’s Valentine’s Day!” sign. 

Perhaps these expressions of love-madness were exactly the things that authorities in Cambodia were concerned about. 

The Cambodian government views Valentine’s Day as a dangerous foreign custom, and warned its citizens “not to lose their dignity” on February 14^th.  The Education Ministry ordered schools to “take measures to prevent inappropriate activities on Valentine’s Day.” 

My Valentine’s day was very dignified.  I bought a chocolate éclair for myself from 7 – 11 and ate it in thoughtful silence. 

I hope that the love-madness didn’t affect you, either.

Vocabulary:

to succumb to something – to fail to resist some pressure, temptation, disease, or negative force

[eg., I am supposed to be on a diet.  But I succumbed to temptation and ate a doughnut.]

a bout of (illness) – a period of (illness)

[eg., I took a week off work due to a bout of influenza.] 

When Computer Games were on Paper —コンピューターゲームが紙の上だった頃—

1

Somehow, your alarm failed to go off in the morning.  Unless you do something quick, you are going to be late for work. 

Will you:

-Skip your usual morning shower and rush straight to work? (Turn to paragraph 2)

-Call a taxi instead of taking a train, and jump in the shower quickly while waiting for the taxi to arrive? (Turn to paragraph 3)

-Go back to sleep? (Turn to paragraph 4)

 

2

You make it in time for work, but your colleagues look at you in disgust.  Apparently you still smell of alcohol and cigarettes from last night.  Lose 1 Luck point, and turn to paragraph 5

 

3

Feeling refreshed from your shower, you get out of the taxi just in time for work.  Gain one Luck point and turn to paragraph 5

 

4

You are fired.  Your adventure ends here.

 

5

…

 

Welcome to the world of “choose your own adventure” style gamebooks.  Instead of reading the books in order, you have to make choices and explore the world in the book in order to achieve some goal.  I used to love these books when I was a child, and I have started playing them with my seven year old son.  We are currently playing “Forest of Doom” from the Fighting Fantasy gamebook series. 

Rather than making choices about how to get to work, though, we are deciding how to fight monsters such as trolls and vampires, how to avoid death traps, and picking up magical items.  When we fight monsters, we roll dice to find out whether we injure our enemy or our enemy injures us.  We have to be careful not to make too many mistakes or our Stamina score will reach zero, and our character will die.  It is like a computer game played on paper. 

This seems to be a better game for us to enjoy than shogi, since I have fewer things to remember, and my son is less likely to throw a tantrum from losing. 

At least he hasn’t thrown a tantrum yet.  But then his character hasn’t died yet.  I hope he keeps getting favourable rolls of the dice, and doesn’t wake up that sleeping giant.

 

Tea in Hot Water —熱湯の中の紅茶—

Recently a controversy erupted in the U.K. over an American researcher’s suggestion for how to make “the perfect cup of tea.” 

The researcher, Michelle Francl, who is a chemist, suggested adding a little pinch of salt to tea.  She advised that this would make it taste better, since it would remove some of the bitterness from the drink.  She then demonstrated the chemical reactions between the salt and the tea which made this happen. 

“I grew up in the midwest, which is deep coffee-drinking country, but tea has always been my preferred drink — and I have invested a lot of time into studying it,” Francl said. 

Many in Britain were outraged.  Adding salt to tea?  There were so many newspaper articles and opinion pieces written about the suggestion, and the overall reaction to it so negative, that the American embassy in London put out a statement. 

The statement read, “an American professor’s recipe for the ‘perfect’ cup of tea has landed our special bond with the United Kingdom in hot water. Tea is the elixir of camaraderie, a sacred bond that unites our nations. We cannot stand idly by as such an outrageous proposal threatens the very foundation of our Special Relationship. Therefore we want to [assure] the good people of the U.K. that the unthinkable notion of adding salt to Britain’s national drink is not official United States policy. And never will be.” 

Okay, so maybe the embassy staff were trying to be funny. 

I haven’t tried the salt recipe.  I don’t find my tea unbearably bitter.  And why search for a “perfect” way to drink tea?  Surely it is better to allow a variety of ways of preparing tea to flourish.

 

Vocabulary:

to land (someone/ something) in hot water – to get (someone) into a lot of trouble

[eg., When you told my wife that you saw me drinking with a young woman in a coffee shop, you landed me in hot water.]

an elixir – a potion or drink with magical or healing properties

[eg., Legend says that if you drink the elixir of life, you will live forever.]

a sacred bond – a connection which has religious importance

[eg., Marriage is a sacred bond between two people.]

to stand idly by – to do nothing to help or intervene, even though you were in a position to do so

[eg., The world must not stand idly by while this famine kills thousands of people.]