Karuizawa Ramble －軽井沢散策－

My wife and I, and our six year old son arrived in Karuizawa from Tokyo by coach. 

“This is the stop for the onsen!” announced the driver. 

All of the other remaning passengers got off, leaving just us sitting alone. 

“Aren’t you getting off?” asked the driver. 

“No, we are going one more stop,” said my wife.  “I think that’s what it said you had to do to get to the nature walk on the web site, anyway.”  She sounded uncertain. 

“To the depot?” said the driver.  “Well, okay.” 

So we continued past the tourist areas and on to the coach depot.  There was no nature walk there, just some coaches, a vending machine, and some drivers drinking Boss coffee.  So we had to walk for about twenty-five minutes back to the onsen stop we had just passed, on a narrow leave strewn path beside the highway, being constantly passed by noisy, smelly trucks.  At least it wasn’t raining. 

A little tired from our walk along the highway, we found the tourist area.  We had pizza for lunch.  My son insisted on having chocolate and banana pizza.  Then we took part in a two hour nature walk in the forest with a guide. 

“My binoculars are broken,” complained my son.  “I can’t see anything.” 

“That’s because you are putting your eyes to the wrong end,” explained the guide.  “Try turning them around and you will be able to see things more clearly.” 

The nature walk was a lot of fun.  The guide pointed out different animal tracks, birds and insects, and explained something about each. 

He pointed out two lines of ants – one line climbing up a tree, and the other line coming down.  The bodies of the ants in the line coming down were bigger than the ones going up.  So they were having their lunch at the top of the tree. 

The guide pointed out some claw marks on another tree, which had been made by a bear as it climbed, looking for cherries.  My son shook his bell frantically to keep the bears away. 

Our holiday was almost ruined the next day by arithmetic. 

“Ask me an arithmetic question,” said my son, as we walked around some shops. 

I gave him some problems, such as 12 times 12 and 14 times 14, which he got right.  Then I asked him to do 17 times 17. 

His answer was wrong, and I told him so. 

“No, Daddy!  You are wrong!” 

He refused to accept that he was wrong, or accept any help in solving the problem.  He was in a bad mood for about six hours because of 17 times 17.  Eventually, after tears and tantrums in a burger restaurant, he accepted that even he could sometimes make mistakes. 

“Daddy made a mistake when he went for breakfast without his mask, and we all had to go back to our room on the third floor to get it.  Mummy made a mistake when she took us to the depot.  And I made a mistake when I did 17 times 17.” 

I don’t like onsens.  Hot baths make me feel ill.  So instead of the hotel hot spring, I’ll always associate Karuizawa with a family stroll around the local coach depot, chocolate and banana pizza, ants with full bellies, and the number 289.

 

Vocabulary:

to ramble – this has two meanings.  One meaning of ramble is to walk for pleasure in the countryside.  The other meaning is to talk or write at length in a confused way, or about unimportant topics

a depot – this word comes from French, so the pronunciation is French.  The final “t” is not pronounced.  A depot is a place where large vehicles such as buses or trains are kept and maintained when they are not in use.

to be strewn (with leaves) – untidily scattered (with leaves)

frantically – in a hurried way because of strong fear or anxiety

arithmetic – the manipulation of numbers by adding, subtracting, multiplying, etc. 

A taxi to the Heavens －天へのタクシー－

“Where are you going to, love? 

Isn’t it odd the way some taxi drivers become instantly familiar and casual with their passengers?  They often start chatting about their lives, hobbies and the city, whether their passengers are in a mood to talk or not. 

Imagine if the pilot of a plane took the same attitude. 

“Thank you for flying with British Airways.  We are currently cruising at around 30,000 feet.  Speaking of feet, I just bought a pair of new shoes.  Since my divorce, I have decided to start treating myself.  You’ve got to treat yourself once in a while, don’t you think?  Please fasten your seatbelts, as we are experiencing a little turbulence.  To be honest, mates, I don’t know why people bother with seatbelts on planes.  If we fly into a mountain, I don’t see how a seatbelt is going to help, do you?  [Beep, beep!]  Sorry about that, folks.  That cloud is just sitting there in the middle of the sky, as if it owns the place.” 

I recently took a taxi with a driver who was very chatty.  My family and I were taking a taxi home from Ikebukero, and the driver chatted about various new buildings and shops that had opened up in the area, and his opinions on them.  Then my wife said that there was a planetarium in Sunshine City. 

“I’ve been there, and I don’t trust the planetarium,” said the driver.  “The stars aren’t real.” 

I thought maybe that he meant that the show was somehow inaccurate, perhaps that the planetarium cut the number of stars they showed to keep the picture simple.  But that’s not what he meant. 

“How can you see the stars in the daytime?” he asked.  “So it must be fake.” 

The odd taxi driver seemed to believe that the planetarium was scamming its customers, because it did not have a real telescope. 

If driverless cars really do become as successful as some people predict them to, perhaps human taxi drivers will disappear.  I’ll miss them.  Robots can’t give you the same quirky experience.

 

Vocabulary:

to cruise – to travel smoothly at a moderate speed

to treat oneself – to give oneself something luxurious or special

turbulence – violent or unsteady movement of air or water

inaccurate – not correct; containing a mistake or mistakes

to scam someone – to cheat someone, especially for money

 

To be or not to be, that is the quotation －生きるべきか、死ぬべきか－

In a Shakespeare play, the character of Hamlet asks, “To be or not to be, that is the question.” It is a very famous and often quoted line.

I will write down the first half of some other famous quotations, with three suggestions for how to finish each one. See if you can choose the correct ending.

1

Winston Churchill:

“If you are going through hell,…”

A – “…don’t be surprised if it gets very hot.”

B – “…keep going.”

C – “…spit in the Devil’s eye.”

2

Oscar Wilde:

“We are all in the gutter,…”

A – “…but some of us don’t mind the smell.”

B – “…but some of us are looking at the stars.”

C – “…but some of us are looking for their dropped keys.”

3

Marcus Aurelius:

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of…”

A – “…your wife.”

B – “…your wine.”

C – “…your thoughts.”

4

Harry Potter:

“I am what I am, and I am not…”

A – “…ashamed.”

B – “…going to apologise for drinking and flying.”

C – “…real.”

5

Niccolo Machiavelli:

“It is better to be feared than loved, if…”

A – “…you are Liz Truss.”

B – “…you have tested positive for covid.”

C – “…you cannot be both.”

Answers:

1B, 2B, 3C, 4A, 5C

Liz Truss Makes a Pig’s Ear of the British Economy －トラス首相は英国経済を豚の耳に変える－

The early 19^th century French leader, Napoleon Bonaparte, once described the British as a nation of small shopkeepers.  He didn’t mean it as a compliment.  He meant that the British were unphilosophical, unexciting and uncultured, and as conservative as a small scale butcher or baker. 

In a way he was right.  Most countries have experienced revolutions or radical political swings in the modern era.  France swung from Louis XVI to Robespierre.  Germany swung from the avant-garde era of Weimar to Hitler’s Reich.  Meanwhile, Britain avoided revolution or wild political and cultural swings, and just quietly got on with business. 

At least we were quietly and very conservatively getting on with business until Brexit.  That was a pretty significant and radical political change, which seems to have given politicians a taste for sudden leaps into the unknown.  It is as if Britain’s political philosophy had changed from, “Keep calm and carry on,” to “Move fast and break stuff.” 

Our new prime minister, Liz Truss, is certainly keen to move fast and break stuff.  She made radical tax cuts so quickly that she didn’t let independent economists forecast the effects of her changes, which caused serious doubt.  And she seems to have broken the confidence of the international financial community in Britain’s medium term future.  She has cut taxes for everyone, especially the super-rich.  And she is paying for these tax cuts with a huge increase in borrowing.  Clearly this cannot continue for very long.  So the financial markets are no longer willing to buy British debt, or give Britain cheap loans. 

Liz Truss’s plan is to grow the economy so quickly that the massive tax cuts will pay for themselves.  To follow Napoleon’s analogy of a nation of small shopkeepers, Britain’s economy before Liz Truss was like a butcher’s business.  We were selling pork and bacon to the world at a steady price, but the business was growing only slowly.  Liz Truss wanted faster growth, so she shot half of the pigs and replaced them with new, genetically modified pigs with tiny bodies and enormous ears.  She is gambling that the rest of the world can be persuaded to eat the new, pure British product for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 

Pig’s ear and chips, anyone?

 

It’s Raining Cats and Elephants－土砂降り！猫と象が降っている。－

 1 - It is raining cats and (?)

(elephants, so please wear a hard hat)

(kittens, but don’t worry – they are mostly landing on their feet.)

(dogs, so please take an umbrella.)

2 - We can kill two birds with one (?)

(grenade.)

(cat.)

(stone.)

3 - He has let the cat out of the (?)

(tree, where he just killed two birds.)

(cloud, which is why it is raining cats.)

(bag, so it is no longer a secret.)

4 - The early bird gets (?)

(sleepy in the afternoon.)

(lost in the dark.)

(the worm.)

5 Signs the Japanese Tourist Board Should Avoid －日本観光局が避けるべき5つ看板－

With the coronavirus situation getting better, and Japan’s borders starting to open up, more foreign tourists will start arriving again.  No doubt the local tourist boards are taking the time to renovate and install new signs and guidance to prepare for the influx.  Here are five signs which the Japanese Tourist Board should avoid.

 

Nara Park:

Deer crackers can be fed to the deer, or make a cheap lunch for budget travellers

 

Mount Fuji:

Keep off the lava

 

Kinkakuji:

Yukio Mishima brand cigarette lighters are available from the gift shop

 

Tokyo Sky Tree:

Access to the smog observation platform is available for a modest surcharge

 

Snow Monkey Park:

There are plenty of snow monkeys inhabiting the area, which can be seen bathing in the hot spring here.  So please feel free to take one home with you

Home Delivery Coals to Newcastle －ニューカッスルまでのホームデリバリー石炭－

A few weeks ago it was reported that Domino’s Pizza was pulling out of Italy.  The American fast food chain is a successful worldwide brand, which sells American style pizzas, including “meat feast” and “Hawaiian style” pizzas.  The restaurant chain has, for example, 1,200 stores in the UK and Ireland. 

Domino’s entered the Italian market in 2015, and by this year had 23 outlets in Italy.  They tried to compete with local pizzerias by focussing on the convenience of their home delivery service.  Unfortunately for them, during the pandemic, many local pizzerias had to switch to offering home delivery too.  The Italian arm of Domino’s has filed for bankruptcy, and their stores in the homeland of pizza will all close. 

There are rumors that Domino’s are not perturbed by their setback, and are looking for further investment opportunities.  They are looking at the possibility of exporting American style chopsticks to China, of selling American style sand to Saudi Arabia, and shipping American style ice to Iceland.

Vocabulary:

coals to Newcastle – Newcastle is a town in England which used to be famous for coal.  So the phrase, “carrying coals to Newcastle,” came to mean foolishly trying to provide goods to a market where those goods were already plentiful and not needed.

to be perturbed by something – to be made anxious or unsettled by something