Hand-knitted mittens, spotted ties, and the tricky business of Christmas presents －手編みのミトン、水玉模様のネクタイ、それからクリスマスプレセントの微妙な問題－

I thought that Christmas was great when I was a child.  The main reason was that I was given presents.  Santa Claus, my Mum and Dad, and even distant relatives gave me presents.  And since I didn’t have a job or money, I wasn’t expected to buy Christmas presents for other people.  They pretended to be happy with the card I made for them or the wonky picture I drew of a reindeer.

But Christmas gets more difficult the older you get.  You have to think of presents to buy for other people’s children.  “Would he like a traditional Japanese toy, do you think?  Is she old enough to read this book yet?  Do they allow their kids to eat sweets?”  Buying satisfying presents can be a tricky business.

A story by Saki which was, I think, written around 1904, illustrates this point.  The narrator is a selfish young man who is very demanding about the presents he receives.  I have edited it to make it easier for English learners to follow.

An edited extract from “Reginald on Christmas presents,” by Saki:

“There ought to be classes on the science of Christmas present giving,” said Reginald.

No one seems to have the faintest notion of what anyone else wants.  And common ideas about it are just wrong.  There is, for example, the “female relative”, who knows “a tie is always useful,” and sends you some spotted horror you could only wear in secret.  It might have been useful if she had kept it to tie up strawberry bushes with, when it would have had the double advantage of supporting the branches and frightening away the birds.  Few people have worse taste in Christmas presents than the average female relative.

This is especially true of aunts.  They are always a difficult case to deal with in the matter of presents.  The trouble is that you never know them when they are young enough.  By the time you have made them understand that you do not want to wear a pair of hand-knitted mittens, they die!  Or quarrel with the family, or do something equally inconsiderate.

There is my Aunt Agatha, for instance.  Last year I had educated her enough that she bought me a pair of gloves of a style which was being worn.  But they were blue!  I sent them to a boy whom I hated intimately.  He didn’t wear them, of course, but he could have.  Of course I wrote and told my aunt that they were the one thing I had wanted to make my existence bright.

If you can’t choose your aunt, then it is wisest in the long run to choose the present and send her the bill.

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Merry Christmas!

Vocabulary:

wonky – a casual word, meaning not straight, bent out of shape etc.

tricky - difficult

“the faintest notion” – the smallest idea (eg. “I didn’t have the faintest notion,” means “I didn’t have even a small idea”)

one’s aunt – one’s mother or father’s sister

to quarrel with someone – to argue or be on bad terms with someone

the bill – the charge; a demand for payment