I asked one of my female students this week about
micro-cheating.
The idea that couples should be careful of micro-cheating has
been put forward recently by an Australian psychologist. She suggested that before someone in a
relationship cheats on their partner - in other words has a secret relationship
with another person - they will probably be guilty of micro-cheating. According to this psychologist,
micro-cheating means small examples of someone keeping secrets from their
partner or focussing instead on another person.
One of the examples she gave was that of someone contacting
their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend to say, “Happy birthday!” on their
birthday. I used this as a topic of
conversation with my student, and asked her, “So what do you think? Do you think that is micro-cheating?”
“That’s not micro,” she said coldly.
“Well,” I said, “Someone
in a relationship replies to another friend’s Facebook post with a heart
emoji. Is that micro-cheating? Or someone saves another person’s number in
their phone, but changes their name. Is
that micro-cheating?”
“That’s NOT micro!”
This was turning into a very difficult English lesson.
For me, the odd point about the phrase micro-cheating
is one of branding. Every action
or every problem must have had smaller events or examples leading up to
it. Before having a secret affair,
someone might have sent a heart emoji to another person. But sending a heart emoji doesn’t always lead
to an affair. Using the phrase
micro-cheating is just a way of making that action sound more serious than it
really is.
What if we did the same thing with other actions or
problems?
“My wife was micro-violent towards me today.” She tapped me on the shoulder to get my
attention. Why didn’t she just say my
name?
“This morning I micro-murdered my boss.” I gave him a cigarette.
“I ran a micro-marathon last week.” I ran twenty metres to catch the bus.
Please leave plenty of heart emojis in the comments section. My wife is a very understanding woman.
Vocabulary:
to put forward (an idea) – to suggest or promote (an idea)
a psychologist – someone who studies human behaviour,
relationships etc.
to focus on something – to make something the centre of your
attention
one’s ex-(boyfriend) – one’s former (boyfriend); a
(boyfriend) that one has broken up with
odd - strange
branding – the idea of changing the image of something by
changing its name, or associating the name with other things or images
to lead up to – to precede in time; if A and B lead up to C
then A and B happen a little before C
to have an affair – for someone in a relationship to have
another, secret relationship
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