Dreaming of a White House Christmas －ホワイトハウスのクリスマスを夢見ているよ－

“And what would you most like for Christmas, Tiny Tina?”

The seven year-old American girl answers, “Peace on Earth.”

Tina’s mother frowns.  “Okay, but can you think of anything more, like, achievable?  How about a doll or a yo-yo?”

“Could I get in touch with Santa?”

***

In America, apparently, children can call a special phone number on Christmas Eve to find out where Santa is.  The American military claims to track Santa with radar and satellite systems as he and his reindeer fly across the sky.  So if American children call in, they will be told, “Santa was last spotted flying over Greenland,” or something similar.  It sounds to me like a weird propaganda operation which uses Santa as bait to make American children fall in love with spy satellites, radar, and the American military.

But anyway, some of the children who call the number are occasionally instead put through to the White House to talk to the American president.  This is obviously a propaganda operation which uses Santa as bait to make children, and people who like children, fall in love with the White House and the American president.

What would Obama have said during one of these phone calls?  “Merry Christmas, little Tina!  What do you want from Santa?  Do you want to be President some day?  Yes, you can!”

The trouble, of course, is that Obama is not President.  Even if you are a huge supporter of Donald Trump, you will probably agree that heartwarming interviews with cute 7 year-old girls are not the current president’s strong point.  I wonder what the White House staff said to him about the interviews beforehand?  “Just keep it short and simple, Mr. President.  Don’t say anything negative.  Don’t say that Santa doesn’t exist.  Oh – And if a small boy with a Russian accent says that all he wants for Christmas is the American nuclear codes, don’t tell him.”

You may have heard that in such a phone call this Christmas Eve, Mr. Trump said to one seven year-old girl, “Do you still believe in Santa?”  When she said that she did, the unsatisfied President pushed her further, saying, “Because at 7, it’s marginal, right?”  At least he didn’t tell her the secret nuclear codes.

I wonder if the White House staff were thinking, “I’m dreaming of a White House Christmas, just like the ones we used to know”?

Vocabulary:

to track something – to follow and note the movements of something

to be spotted – to be seen and noticed

bait – In activities such as fishing and hunting, something used to attract an animal so that it can be more easily caught

to be put through – In a phone call, to be redirected or transferred to another person or department

marginal – Having a small difference between two points [such as belief in Santa and disbelief in Santa]

If Santa did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him －もしサンタさんが存在しないなら、サンタさんを発明しなければならない－

“I believe!”

A principal at an elementary school where a teacher denied the existence of Santa

The French philosopher Voltaire once remarked that belief in God was so psychologically important for mankind that, even if we could prove that God didn’t exist, it would be better to pretend that he did.

It occurred to me today that Western societies seem to have made the same judgement about Santa Claus.  Of course every smart person and even a few French philosophers know that Santa Claus is real.  But there are some cynical people who choose not to believe in him.  Society, quite rightly, harshly punishes these people.

This month a substitute teacher working in New Jersey in America told a class of six and seven year olds that Santa did not exist.  The school principal told parents that she was “troubled and disheartened” by the incident.  The teacher was told that she could never work in the school again.

I heard of a school in Japan where parents were summoned to a meeting with their children’s teacher.  The teacher scolded them for allowing their kids to believe in Santa when they were old enough to go to elementary school.  She had done a survey of class beliefs and had been furious when over half the class reported that they believed in Santa.

What made this teacher angry, and what made the American substitute teacher try to burst the bubble of wonder the children had built around Santa?  My guess is that they have been deeply disappointed by their own lives.  They experience no wonder in their lives, no magic.  So they feel jealous when they see the joy and excitement in the children’s faces, and want to crush their dreams.  This is a worrying attitude for a teacher of young children to have, and so it is right that they should be banned from teaching.

I used to get very excited before Christmas.  My dad would help us to leave out a glass of whiskey and some salted nuts for Santa – either Santa or the reindeer shared very similar tastes in late-night snacks with my dad.  Then I would barely sleep before rushing out of bed at 5 o’clock in the morning to see if Santa had come.

Life contains enough hard realities.  If there were no fat postman delivering toys to children around the world, using a team of faster than light reindeer, then we would have to invent him.

If you have to go outside on Christmas Eve this year, don’t forget to put on a hat.  More than a few people have had their Christmas ruined when they were hit on the head by reindeer droppings.

Vocabulary:

a principal – a head-teacher

cynical – tending to see a dark or selfish reason for human actions; distrustful of things which appear innocent or pure

to scold someone – to angrily tell someone off for their bad behaviour

furious – very angry

to be ruined – to be spoiled; to go very badly

Sorry seems to be the easiest word－ごめんねって言うのは、一番楽な言葉だね－

I am sorry for eating all of the chocolate in the shared snack box.

Sorry is a word which has great power.  I am always encouraging my young son to say sorry.  If he is screaming because he can’t get what he wants, and his parents are refusing to give him what he wants, then we are stuck in a bad situation.  When he says sorry for screaming unreasonably, we can reset our relations and move forward.  But my son is a very young child.  In the adult world, should we let people say sorry when they have done something wrong, and let that apology erase their misbehaviour and reset relations?

A story in the news recently about some Christian nuns – female officials of a church – who stole 500,000 dollars made me think about saying sorry.  The two nuns were working as the head-teacher and teacher at a Christian school run by the local church.  They managed to steal tuition fees and donations from the school’s bank account over a period of around ten years.  They used the money to fund gambling trips to Las Vegas.  Have you ever noticed that people who cheat their companies out of huge amounts of money often seem to lose most of it gambling?  Maybe they just get used to taking risks.

Usually when people are caught stealing 500,000 dollars, they are arrested and sent to jail.  But in this case, the religious school was quoted as saying that, “while the police have been informed, no criminal action will be brought.”  The priest in charge of the nuns’ church was quoted as saying, “The sisters have expressed to me and asked that I convey to you the deep remorse they each feel for their actions and ask for your forgiveness and prayers.”  In other words, they said sorry so we are not going to punish them.

If the nuns were two years old, that would be a sensible response to their crime.  But they are adults.  They must have known that by stealing the money, students at the school would lose out.  Perhaps the school couldn’t afford improved textbooks or a school trip.  And more importantly, punishment is not really about getting revenge on the criminal.  It is about setting an example so that the same crime is less likely to happen again.  If two other nuns with a gambling habit read this story, are they more likely or less likely to steal, knowing that they can just say sorry and all will be forgiven?

Ps. Dear wife, if you are reading this, could you put some more chocolate in the shared snack box?

Vocabulary:

to erase something – to completely remove something

misbehaviour – bad or actions

tuition fees – money paid for a student’s lessons

a donation – money given as a gift or charity

“no criminal action will be brought” – We will not try to have [them] punished by the courts

to convey something – to express; to make known

remorse – deep regret or guilt for one’s actions

A few days in the life of a blind single father －目の見えないシングルファザーの数日の出来事－

I was sitting at the living room table, facing my two-year old son.  He was in his high-chair, with his bowl of natto (sticky, fermented soy beans) and rice untouched in front of him.  Normally my wife helps him eat his dinner.  But she was sick and had to rest, and so the duties of taking my son to the nursery, and bathing and feeding him fell to me.  Unfortunately, like many toddlers, he is in a rebellious phase and often refusess to do things, or makes life difficult for his parents.  I wondered if I could get him to eat his dinner, and without making a mess.

Let’s try cheerful optimism, I thought.  “Mmmm...  That looks lovely!” I said.  “Natto and rice – What a lucky boy!”

He ignored me and started bashing his fork on the table.  Since I’m blind, I couldn’t see if he was just making a noise or throwing the food around.  I’d better deal with this fast, I thought.

Okay, let’s try some child psychology.  “Oh, you don’t want your food then?  If you don’t want it then Daddy will eat it.”  I picked up some natto and rice from his bowl and ate it myself.  “No, no.  None for you.  It’s all for Daddy.”

I hoped he would cry and demand that I give him his bowl back.  Instead, he picked up his plate of vegetables and handed it cheerfully to me.  “Daddy!” he said, happy to have found a way to get rid of his unwanted food.

Okay, I thought.  Generally we try to get him to put the food into his own mouth, but perhaps today would be a good day to be pragmatic and compromise.  “Let’s play a game!  This spoon is a train.  Your mouth is a tunnel.  Daddy will drive the train into the tunnel.  Open wide!  Chugga-chugga-chug.”  I scooped up some natto and rice, felt his mouth with my free hand, and guided the spoon into his mouth.  I repeated this again and again, continuing to make train noises.  And it seemed to be working.  He opened his mouth, waited for the “train” to arrive, and took the food into his mouth.  Little by little the pile of natto and rice in the bowl got smaller.  I began to worry that he wasn’t chewing his food properly, since he seemed to be swallowing it very quickly.  But I was proud of my cleverness.  “My wife complains about how hard it is to get him to eat, but all you need are a few clever tactics,” I said to myself.

Eventually we finished and I told him what a good boy he had been.  Then I reached over to help him take off his apron.  My hand touched something sticky.  Then it touched something else sticky.  Then my hand plunged into a huge pile of stickiness.  The entire bowl of natto and rice, now also mixed with his drool, had dropped onto his apron, the high-chair, the floor, and all over.  He had been letting the food into his mouth, and then silently spitting it out again a few seconds later.  Because I couldn’t see what he was doing, I hadn’t noticed.

I had a few days full of little incidents and difficulties such as this with my son.  When I took him for a shower, I needed to free my hands to fetch some soap.  So I left the shower head on the wall.  I was getting annoyed by my son’s crying until I realised that the water was running straight into his face and he couldn’t breathe.  I battled for twenty minutes to get him to put his legs into his pyjama trouser legs, with him crying and kicking the whole time, before I realised that I was trying to force his legs into the sleeves of his pyjama top.

I hope that it will get easier to do these things when my son can talk a bit more.  He will be able to tell me when I am doing something wrong.  Until then I hope I don’t have too many more experiences of being a blind single father.  It’s hard.  I am happy to say that my wife is feeling better.  I can go back to shopping for groceries, cooking dinner, and hanging up and folding away the laundry, which are my regular household chores.  It’s chicken and rice tonight.  I don’t feel like natto.

Vocabulary:

a rebellious phase – a period when someone often resists control or authority

to make a mess – to make things untidy or disordered

optimism – hopefulness about the future or the success of something

to bash something – to hit something 

pragmatic – dealing with things in a realistic and practical way, not insisting on principles or ideology

compromise – give and take; a willingness to give things up in a negotiation

to scoop – to pick things up with a wide object like a spoon

to chew – to use one’s teeth to break up food into small pieces

to swallow – to let food or drink drop from the back of one’s mouth into one’s throat

to plunge into something – to fall, jump, move etc. deeply into something

drool – saliva dropping from one’s mouth