In Japan there is a proverb which says that the personality you have at the age of three will stay with you until you are 100.
That’s a slightly frightening thought. When I heard the proverb, I imagined my three year-old son as a bent old man, still sucking his finger and dragging his comfort blanket around behind him.
Maybe what the proverb means is that some basic character traits – introversion or extraversion, bravery or cowardice, etc. – tend not to change in a person over time. So if your three year-old likes getting up in front of strangers and being the centre of attention, then they will probably be just as outgoing and open as an old man or woman.
But does this mean that negative character traits, destructive tendencies and criminality also follow people from the age of three to the age of 100? If you stole cookies from the cookie jar as a toddler, will you be stealing cookies from the other residents of your retirement home almost a century later?
I have just started reading “Convenience Store Woman” by Sayaka Murata in Japanese. The main character, Keiko, explains that she has never fitted in. She recalls being a toddler playing with her friends in the park and finding a dead bird. When all the other children start crying, and an adult suggests making a grave for the bird, Keiko says, “What a waste! Why don’t we take the bird home and cook and eat it? Daddy loves fried chicken!” Decades later, the adult Keiko has never had a boyfriend and doesn’t trust herself in society because she still tends to think and say odd things that startle others.
I hope the proverb is wrong. I like to think that people can change. If it is a fundamental character trait, it may take a lot of effort and a long time to change. It may be like turning around an oil tanker. But even if you jumped on ants , stole cookies, or wanted to cook a dead bird you found in the park, there’s still hope for you to turn your character around. Don’t wait until you are 100!
Vocabulary:
a proverb – a traditional saying, often giving advice about life
to drag something – to pull something along the ground
a comfort blanket – a blanket used by a young child to make themselves feel relaxed or comfortable
introversion – shyness; a tendency to avoid interactions with other people, or to prefer one’s own company
extraversion – the tendency to be outgoing, or to enjoy the company of others
a retirement home – a home for elderly people to live in after they have stopped working
a toddler – a young child who has only recently learned to walk
to startle someone – to surprise and frighten someone
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