The Wisdom of Little Boys －小さな坊やたちの知恵－

There was recently a book of philosophy published called something like, “The Wisdom of Cats.”  The idea was to imagine what cats would say about the world if they could talk, and to consider what human society could learn from them.  I don’t have any pets.  But I do have a four year old boy.  What could adult society learn from the wisdom of little boys? 

So here are a few interesting quotes from my son, and my thoughts on what wisdom they contain. 

1

“Daddy, let’s play sumo.  I’ll be Asashoryu.  You can be a weak sumo.” 

Life is a game.  And games are much more fun if you win.  So try to set up the game to your own advantage. Say, “I’ll wash the dishes if you cook dinner.”  If you are lucky, you will be finished in ten minutes, while your partner has to think about a menu, go to the supermarket, and spend much more time cooking.

 

2

When asked why he wasn’t putting his clothes on and getting ready for nursery:

“Daddy, I’m just checking the table for insects.” 

Life is full of boring details, like putting on clothes, and going to work.  But the small things in life and unexpected things can be fascinating.  Live your life looking for small things, and expect the unexpected. Pick up pretty leaves.  And watch the skies for aliens.

 

3

After asking about the biggest and most powerful things in the universe, and getting a variety of answers:

“Daddy, when I was the Big Bang, I became the Buddha.” 

Life is basically about you.  The universe, God, the meaning of existence: it’s all about you.  So be nice to yourself.  Have another cookie.  Upgrade to the deluxe suite.  Go on.  You’re worth it.

 

4

When told that something was too expensive:

“Don’t worry, Daddy.  I will buy money from the future.” 

I think the modern economy already seems to use this wisdom.  Life is about now.  Drink another can of beer.  Let the you in the future worry about a hangover.

 

It Was Not Me, It Was My Algorithm －それでも僕はやってない。アルゴリズムのせいでした。－

I recently had a problem with my bank.  I have been buying audio books from a company owned by Amazon for many years.  I used to make monthly credit card payments, allowing me to listen to one book each month.  Then I noticed that there was better value for money if I bought 24 book credits at the same time. 

So I tried to buy 24 book credits in one payment.  But my bank blocked the money transfer from my credit card.  I couldn’t understand why, because there was plenty of money in my account.  When I called up the bank to find out what had happened, they said that a computer algorithm had stopped the payment.  Because there was a change in my behaviour, the computer programme decided that something was suspicious. 

“But surely you can see that it is not suspicious,” I said.  “I have been making payments to this same company for years.  There is plenty of money in my account.  And anyway, it is a company owned by Amazon.  They are one of the biggest companies in the world.  Surely Geoff Bezos doesn’t need to steal a little money from one customer.” 

“Yes, I see,” said the bank clerk.  “But it can’t be helped.  The computer algorithm decides by itself what looks suspicious.” 

This is the new world that we live in.  Human beings who don’t want to take responsibility for making mistakes can just blame the computer algorithm.  But who set the rules for the algorithm?  Who decided to have decisions made by a computer? 

My problem was a very minor one compared to some of the other problems caused by an over-reliance on algorithms.  I listened to a radio programme recently about “predictive policing,” which is used in America. 

In some police forces, a computer algorithm tries to predict which citizens are likely to commit crimes in the future.  The police are then warned to be careful of Mr. X and Ms. Y, who have not yet committed any crimes, but who might commit crimes in the future.  The computer uses a points system.  If you contact the police for any reason, then you are given some points.  In other words, if someone steals your car and you inform the police, the computer algorithm becomes a little suspicious of you.  If you witness any crime, and help the police to put a criminal in jail, you are given points.  If one of your relatives or neighbors commits a crime, then you are given points.  After your points total goes above a certain level, the police are warned about you, and start to harass you. 

In the radio documentary, there were perfectly innocent people who were being woken up at 3 o’clock in the morning by police officers carrying guns, just to make sure that they were not committing any kind of crime.  Of course, if the police look hard enough, they can probably find some kind of crime.  One of these “suspects” was arrested because he had not written his name on his letter box, which is required by law in Florida.  So, in a very stupid way, the computer algorithm’s prediction that Mr. X would be found guilty of a crime was proven true. 

Some people hate people, because people are not perfect.  We make mistakes.  But it is stupid to think that computers will do any better.  After all, they are designed and built by people.  They have all of the flaws that people have, but none of the charm.

 

Vocabulary:

predictive policing – the use of mathematics or statistical analysis to guess where crime might happen

to harass someone – to unfairly annoy, bother, trouble, etc. someone

a suspect – someone believed to be or suspected of being involved in a crime

a letter box – a place where mail can be delivered

a flaw – something imperfect or slightly wrong

 

A Practical Guide to Living on Earth －地球で暮らすための実践ガイド－

I heard an interesting story on the radio recently.  A very successful astronomer spent a lot of time looking through telescopes and watching space.  She was so focussed on space that she was very impractical on Earth.  She didn’t know how to cook, or how to use the washing machine, and couldn’t remember her children’s teachers’ names.  She left these things to her husband, who gave up his own career in order to support his wife’s scientific research.

This was fine and made a successful family unit until the husband became sick.  In fact, he found out that he was terminally ill.  Because he knew that he would die soon, he worried about how his impractical wife would cope without him to do the shopping, drive the children to school, change the light-bulbs, and so on.  So he made a long list of advice, a practical guide for how to live on Earth.  He wrote pages and pages of advice, such as what to do if the toilet started leaking, or what to do in the event of a black-out.  His wife was actually able to use this practical list after her husband had died.

It was a lovely story.  I wonder what advice I could leave for my family to use if I were to die?

Our son likes to rank and compare the strengths of different animals, monsters, and dangerous places.  You must remember that witches can beat giants, because they can use their magic, and that black holes can beat anything. 

Unfortunately, that is all the practical advice I know.

 

Vocabulary:

an astronomer – a scientist who studies space, the stars, etc.

a telescope – something which you can look through to see things far off in space

to be terminally ill – to have an illness which is expected to cause your death, and which cannot be cured

to leak – for a liquid such as water to spill out of a small crack, break, hole, etc.

a black-out – a time when all the lights stop working, perhaps because of a power cut

What Happens to Time in Prison －刑務所で時間はどうなるか－

Recently I have been enjoying listening to songs by Ewan MacColl, who was a Scottish folk singer.  He wrote a beautiful song about a man stuck in prison, who feels like time is passing painfully slowly.  He looks out of the window and dreams of escaping over the prison wall, if only he could fly.  He hopes that someone will write a letter to him.  But they will have to write the letter to his prison number instead of using his name. 

Ewan MacColl recorded music from the 1930s to the 1980s.  I have copied the lyrics to his song below, and explained some of the vocabulary underneath.  A “lag” is British slang for a man in prison. 

The Lag’s Song 

When I was a young lad sometimes I’d wonder,

What happened to time when it passed?

Then I found out one day that time just lands in prison,

And there it is held fast.

 

When I was a young man I used to go courting,

And dream of the moon and the stars.

The moon is still shining, the dreams they are all broken,

On these hard iron bars.

 

Look out of the window over the roofs there,

And over the walls see the sky.

Just one flying leap and you could make your getaway,

If only you could fly.

 

The prison is sleeping,  the night watch is keeping,

It’s watch over 700men.

And behind every cell door a sleeping lag is dreaming,

Oh to be free again.

 

Go write me a letter addressed to my number,

But say you remember my name,

So I’ll be reminded of how the world goes,

And feel a man again.

 

Got time on my hands, I’ve got time on my shoulder,

Got plenty of time on my mind.

There’s no summer or winter when once you land here,

Just that old prison grind.

 

Vocabulary:

to go courting – to go on dates; to try to attract a romantic partner

bars – in a prison, the line of metal poles that you can see past, but cannot walk beyond

a getaway – an escape

a cell – in a prison, the small rooms that prisoners sleep in

a grind – a tough, dispiriting routine (for example, on Monday, I will have to go back to work and the daily grind)