Rumpus Boy Gruff, part 3 －ランパス少年、グラフ ～パート3－

“I’m going to try,” said Daddy Gruff.  “Maybe I’ll think of something when I see him.” 

So Daddy Gruff cautiously stepped out of the living room and onto the staircase. 

Rumpus Boy had been waiting.  Having a rumpus all alone on a staircase can be somewhat satisfying.  But it is much more satisfying to have a rumpus in front of another person, who can feel the force of your frustration and anger.  So Rumpus Boy’s rumpus picked up strength again as Daddy Gruff approached.  He screamed and kicked the wall. 

“Isn’t it time to finish your rumpus?” asked Daddy Gruff.  “You must be tired by now.” 

Rumpus Boy growled like a dog.  He hissed like a snake.  In between the growling and hissing, a few human words could be heard.  “But, but, but!” he said. 

“This is no good,” thought Daddy Gruff.  “I’ll have to try something else.” 

“Don’t have your rumpus on me,” said Daddy Gruff.  “I’m big, and your rumpus doesn’t bother me as much as it would a smaller victim.  Pretty soon Mummy Gruff will come along to use this staircase.  And she is smaller than me.  So if you let me past, you can enjoy your rumpus more by bothering her instead.” 

Rumpus Boy stamped his foot and glared at Daddy Gruff.  But then he looked past him, down the staircase, trying to see if the smaller Mummy Gruff were coming.  Daddy Gruff took his chance and quickly slipped past Rumpus Boy on the staircase, and went to bed. 

A short time later, Mummy Gruff emerged from the living room and stepped onto the staircase.  Rumpus Boy’s rumpus picked up fresh energy as he saw a new and smaller victim.  He shouted.  He screamed.

Mummy Gruff spoke soothingly.  “Calm down, Rumpus Boy.  Isn’t it time to finish your rumpus?” 

Rumpus Boy started biting the handrail which ran alongside the staircase.  In between the sounds of gnashing teeth, a few words could be heard, and each word sounded like a furious complaint.  “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!” 

“This is no good,” thought Mummy Gruff.  “I’ll have to try something else.” 

“I’m quite big,” said Mummy Gruff.  “So your rumpus doesn’t bother me as much as it would a smaller victim.  Pretty soon the cat will use the staircase.  If you let me past, you can enjoy showing your rumpus to the cat instead.” 

Rumpus Boy glared at Mummy Gruff and clenched his fists.  But then he looked past her down the staircase, searching for the cat.  Mummy Gruff took her chance and slipped past Rumpus Boy on the staircase, and went to bed. 

A short while later the cat appeared at the bottom of the staircase.  Rumpus Boy stamped his foot.  The cat looked at him without concern.  Rumpus Boy bitterly complained, “But, but, but!”  But the cat cared nothing for human language, and quietly came up the staircase.  Rumpus Boy bit the handrail that ran alongside the staircase.  The cat walked past him, and out of sight. 

Rumpus Boy sighed.  After all, it hadn’t been so fun to have a rumpus in front of a small victim.  It was only fun to have a rumpus when you were very small, and the person listening to the rumpus was very big. 

“Maybe as I get bigger, I will stop wanting to have my rumpuses,” he thought.  “And one day, when I am big enough, I won’t want to have rumpuses at all.” 

Feeling very tired out by his rumpus, Rumpus Boy climbed the staircase towards his bed. 

“But I’ll still be quite small tomorrow,” he thought.  “I suppose a little rumpus would still be okay.”  He smiled. 

The end.

 

Rumpus Boy Gruff, part 2 －ランパス少年、グラフ ～パート2－

Nobody can remember what started the rumpus that night.  Perhaps it was his homework being corrected.  Rumpus Boy couldn’t accept it when someone told him that he had made a mistake. 

“No, Mummy Gruff!” he would scream.  “You are wrong, not me!” 

Mummy Gruff would mutter, “I’m sure that 14 plus 4 is equal to 18, though.”  But Rumpus Boy wouldn’t listen. 

Perhaps the cause wasn’t having his homework corrected.  Perhaps it was another thing.  There are as many triggers for Rumpus Boy’s rumpuses as there are mosquitos in summer. 

In any case, the rumpus kicked off.  Rumpus Boy screamed.  He kicked his pencils across the floor.  He slammed doors.  He ran out of the living room and onto the staircase which led to the bedrooms on the second floor.  There on the staircase, the rumpus continued. 

After an hour of rumpus, Daddy Gruff went out to the staircase to see if the rumpus could be calmed down.  He quickly retreated back to the living room, holding his hands over his ears. 

“The rumpus will continue for a while longer yet,” he said. 

Another hour passed.  Mummy Gruff went out to the staircase to see if the rumpus could be calmed down.  She quickly came back with her hands over her ears. 

“Not yet,” she said.  “This may be the biggest rumpus yet.” 

Another hour passed, and the rumpus continued.  Mummy Gruff and Daddy Gruff were getting tired. 

“I am getting sleepy,” said Daddy Gruff.  “I want to go to bed.” 

Mummy Gruff glanced up.  “I’m tired too,” she said.  “But how will we get past Rumpus Boy on the staircase?” 

Vocabulary:

to mutter – to say something in a low and hard to hear voice, especially because of dissatisfaction

[eg., The drunk man sat in the corner, muttering complaints about his life under his breath.]

a trigger for something – the sudden cause for something to happen, especially negative feelings such as shock or anger

[He is suffering extreme stress.  Loud noises can be a trigger for him, causing him to panic.]

 

Rumpus Boy Gruff, part 1 －ランパス少年、グラフ ～パート1－

There was Daddy Gruff, Mummy Gruff, and their young son, Rumpus Boy Gruff. 

Rumpus Boy Gruff had another name, but everyone called him Rumpus Boy.  That was because every night, when he couldn’t get what he wanted, he would become furiously angry and begin a rumpus.  If, for example, he wasn’t given a second helping of ice cream, he would start shouting and screaming.  Then he would start slamming doors and kicking the walls.  Soon he wouldn’t be able to remember what his rumpus was about, but it would nevertheless continue until he fell asleep from exhaustion. 

Upon hearing the banging, the neighbors would say, “Ah, there is Rumpus Boy again.  His rumpus has started a little later than usual tonight, hasn’t it?”

 

Vocabulary:

a rumpus – a casual word for a noisy disturbance or argument

[eg., Will Smith caused a rumpus at the Academy Awards ceremony when he got on stage and slapped the comedian who made a joke about his wife.] 

Dear Freshness Burger, －拝啓、フレッシュネスバーガー御中－

Dear Freshness Burger, 

I am so sorry to tell you, but I think it is time for our long term relationship to end. 

I have greatly enjoyed the years I have spent with you, mostly on Wednesday afternoons. 

We have laughed together, and we have cried together.  We laughed when my friend got your name wrong and called you “Freshless Burger” by mistake.  I cried when for a time you stopped selling the spicy chicken burger and I had to switch to a lemon chicken burger instead. 

I am sure that you must know the reason I fell out of love with you.  It is your changing taste in music.  When I first spent time at your place, you played gentle jazz classics such as Billie Holliday.  I relaxed into my chair and sipped my coffee, feeling the cares of the world drift away from me.  After a few years you switched to jazzy covers of classic pop tunes, such as the Beatles and Elton John.  I could still get a lot of pleasure from sitting there, singing along and saying, “I like the original better.” 

But, as you know, in the last month or so you have been playing nothing but “Freshness Burger Radio!”  In between adverts for various food items, which I don’t particularly mind, you play up-tempo ultra modern pop music.  The music is in fact so up-tempo and modern, it sounds as if it is aimed at a target market of 9 to 13 year olds.  The songs all sound the same, using fast beats, and dull repetitions of words to sound instantly catchy.  Typical lyrics are something like, “I love you, love you, love you.  And I’m going to, going to, going to… Make you mine!”  I get the impression you are trying to make me slurp down my coffee faster, in time to the crazy tempo.  The lyrics could just as well be, “I want you, want you, want you… To drink up, drink up, drink up… And get out!: 

Best wishes for the future.  I truly wish you all of the happiness you deserve.  I hope you find a nice 9 to 13 year old boy to sit in my chair on Wednesday afternoons. 

Yours regretfully,

Will