Dear Freshness Burger,
I am so sorry to tell you, but I think it is time for our long term relationship to end.
I have greatly enjoyed the years I have spent with you, mostly on Wednesday afternoons.
We have laughed together, and we have cried together. We laughed when my friend got your name wrong and called you “Freshless Burger” by mistake. I cried when for a time you stopped selling the spicy chicken burger and I had to switch to a lemon chicken burger instead.
I am sure that you must know the reason I fell out of love with you. It is your changing taste in music. When I first spent time at your place, you played gentle jazz classics such as Billie Holliday. I relaxed into my chair and sipped my coffee, feeling the cares of the world drift away from me. After a few years you switched to jazzy covers of classic pop tunes, such as the Beatles and Elton John. I could still get a lot of pleasure from sitting there, singing along and saying, “I like the original better.”
But, as you know, in the last month or so you have been playing nothing but “Freshness Burger Radio!” In between adverts for various food items, which I don’t particularly mind, you play up-tempo ultra modern pop music. The music is in fact so up-tempo and modern, it sounds as if it is aimed at a target market of 9 to 13 year olds. The songs all sound the same, using fast beats, and dull repetitions of words to sound instantly catchy. Typical lyrics are something like, “I love you, love you, love you. And I’m going to, going to, going to… Make you mine!” I get the impression you are trying to make me slurp down my coffee faster, in time to the crazy tempo. The lyrics could just as well be, “I want you, want you, want you… To drink up, drink up, drink up… And get out!:
Best wishes for the future. I truly wish you all of the happiness you deserve. I hope you find a nice 9 to 13 year old boy to sit in my chair on Wednesday afternoons.
Yours regretfully,
Will
No comments:
Post a Comment