Almost Squashed －あと少しでぺしゃんこにされる－

It generally isn’t easy to make a complaint to a giant company.  As a customer, you are like an ant trying to get the attention of a tyrannosaurus rex. 

“Hey, Mr. Big Lizard!  Watch where you are going.  You nearly stood on me!” 

When I was trying to buy an audio book from Audible, a company owned by Amazon, I noticed a problem with the website.  It said that there was a two books for the price of one sale.  But when I tried to buy two books listed in the sale, I was being asked to pay the full price. 

So I clicked on the website’s link, “Contact us”.  There was a menu of complaints.  I clicked through the options.  Is it a problem listening to a book?  No.  Is it a problem downloading a book?  No.; and so on.  The problem I had wasn’t on the list.  Eventually to leave the list, the only thing I could click on was the option, “Never mind”. 

I had to laugh.  I want to choose whether I mind or not. 

I guess you shouldn’t try to argue with a t-rex. 

* 

There was an interesting story about Amazon in the news recently.  Amazon delivers huge numbers of parcels every year.  Every now and then, some of them are undelivered, and the intended recipient never comes forward to claim the item.  Amazon has huge warehouses filled with these unclaimed packages.  They don’t know what is inside each package.  Rather than destroying the undelivered items, Amazon has started selling them.  British customers who want to take a lucky dip can pay 13 Pounds per kg of parcel.  They could get something expensive, such as an electronic gadget.  Or they could get a box of half melted chocolates.  Do you feel lucky?

 

Unusual Food －珍しい料理－

One of the lessons I sometimes do with my students is about unusual foods.  I ask the students if they have tried any foods which might be considered rare in Japan, such as insects. 

During that lesson, one of my students said that she had eaten rabbit. 

“What made you decide to order rabbit?” I asked. 

“Well,” she said, “In actual fact I thought I had ordered eel.” 

I had to laugh.  “Eel” is “unagi” in Japanese, and “rabbit” is “usagi”.  After a few glasses of wine in the restaurant, it seems like my student got the two similar words mixed up. 

* 

I remember going on a family holiday to Belfast in Northern Ireland when I was a child.  We found a café with a menu advertising “soup of the day”. 

My father and I both fancied some hot soup to warm ourselves up on the cold day, so we asked what the soup of the day was. 

“Tsalgon,” said the waitress. 

My father and I glanced at each other, neither recognising the word. 

“What was that?” said my father. 

“Tsalgon,” repeated the waitress. 

My father and I looked at each other again, still confused.  We both thought that it must be some kind of Irish speciality that we had never heard of.  Seafood soup, maybe? 

“I’ll just have the soup of the day then,” said my father. 

“Me too,” I said. 

The waitress sighed, and spoke more slowly this time.  “It’s all gone.” 

So I never got to taste tsalgon soup.

 

Ten Worries

I have been reading an interesting book called, “What should we be worried about?: Real scenarios that keep scientists up at night”.  It is a series of essays written ten years ago, by various scientists, economists and other thinkers.  Their essays argue for different problems and potential problems that society needs to think more about. 

Here are ten interesting quotes taken from the book.

1

By far, environmental problems are our worst. Our resources are limited. Growth cannot continue forever, Gentle Reader. Time to change for the sake of future generations. 

2

The idea of 10 billion sharing the planet by 2050 is a truly dreadful prediction. Time to fight back against those individuals and groups who oppose efforts to control population growth. 

3

Democracy is increasingly looking like a failure. That saddens me. And yet a liberal democracy with a market economy seems to be our best bet. 

4

Vaccinations work. Use them. 

5

Let's get on with fixing up this world. Believing in an afterlife only leads to avoiding the decisions needed in this life. 

6

More unmarried men leads to greater crime rates. 

7

We must change how we use water. It's critical. It's being destroyed.

 

8

Normal people are not as nice as we make them out to be.

 

9

We live in the past or want the past to return. This makes it impossible for the future to get here.

 

10

"Global warming" needs a stronger name.

 

Strange Mornings －奇妙な朝－

My eight year old son was having difficulty getting ready for school in time in the mornings.  He tended to get distracted, especially by books.  When he was supposed to be brushing his teeth, we would find him lying on the floor, reading a book.  When he was supposed to be putting things into his school bag, we would find him leaning against a wall, flicking through manga. 

For a while we tried just telling him off for getting distracted, but the problem persisted.  So I came up with a solution.  I asked him what book or manga he wanted to read, and then left it by the front door.  If he could brush his teeth, prepare his school bag, put his shoes on and so on, then he could start reading his book.  This worked so well that soon he was ready 25 minutes before he had to leave for school, and was sitting quietly by the door, reading his favourite book. 

But it was summer, and there is no air conditioner at the front door.  It was very hot there.  So we wanted to let him read a book in the living room.  But we also wanted him to have his shoes on, so that he was totally ready to go to school.  Therefore I let him put his shoes on and pick up his book at the front door.  Then I laid some newspaper on the floor in front of our sofa in the living room.  Then I picked my son up and carried him into the living room.  He could then sit on the sofa without worrying about his outdoor shoes touching the floor. 

My wife later came up with a refinement to this procedure.  She has gotten rid of the need for newspapers on the floor.  She bought two shower caps, designed to be worn over your hair when you take a shower.  She puts these over my son’s shoes, allowing him to walk around inside our house with his outdoor shoes on underneath.  He then only needs to take the shower caps off before he leaves for school in the morning. 

Our mornings are now regularly accompanied by the sound of swishing plastic as my son enters the living room with his book.  He puts me in mind of a robot walking through our house. 

I can’t decide.  Are we very clever parents, or quite mad?

 

Bad Omens －凶兆－

I have been reading a book recently about the history of the ancient world. 

There was an interesting story from Mesopotamia, which in the modern world is part of Iraq.  More than 4,000 years ago, the king of one city was worried about the poor state his city was in.  So he consulted a fortune teller. 

“What do the omens say,” he asked the fortune teller.  “Do I have a bright future?” 

The fortune teller shook his head. 

“I am sorry, Your Majesty.  The omens are not good.  They say that the king will face great disaster.” 

Instead of punishing the fortune teller, the king came up with what seemed like an ingenious plan.  He had one of his lowliest servants brought to him.  The king told this man – who tidied up his gardens – that he would be king for the day.  He could enjoy eating the king’s food, enjoying the company of the king’s women, and enjoying every luxury, and he would revert to his role as gardener the next day. 

Secretly, the king planned to have this gardener murdered during his day spent as the king.  Thus, the bad fate predicted by the fortune teller would fall onto the head of the gardener, not the real king. 

According to this ancient story, the king died while eating some soup on the very day that the gardener was living as the king.  The gardener refused to give up the kingship, and ruled for another 24 years. 

Was an ancient god angry that the king had tried to cheat his fate?  Or did the gardener slip some poisoned herbs into the king’s soup?

 

 

 

Cold Humour —冷たいユーモア－

I recently finished reading an interesting book about the history of the cold war between America and the Soviet Union. 

People in the Soviet Union experienced shortages of goods in shops and long queues to buy things in the 1980s.  There were a couple of funny jokes from that time included in the book.

 

1

A woman in Saint Petersburg waits in a long queue at a butcher’s.  Eventually, when she gets to the front, she finds that the store has run out of meat. 

“Don’t you have any meat at all?” she asks. 

“No, we are all out,” replies the clerk. 

“Well,” says the woman, “Do you at least have some milk here?” 

The clerk shakes his head.  “We only deal in meat.  The shop which has run out of milk is across the road.”

 

2

A man in Moscow waits in a long queue to buy vodka.  He waits for an hour and still hasn’t gotten near the front. 

“This is ridiculous!” he exclaims.  “I can’t stand these queues any more.  I’m off to kill Gorbachev.” 

The other people in the crowd watch him stomp off.  Eventually, an hour later, he comes back and rejoins the queue. 

“What happened?” ask the others.  “Did you really kill Gorbachev?” 

“Are you kidding?” says the man.  “That queue is twice as long as this one.”

 

Why Do I Keep Getting Adverts for Salted Peanuts? －塩ピーナッツの広告ばかりもらっているのはなぜか－

The CEO of Britain’s largest supermarket this week suggested that they may start using artificial intelligence to influence their customers’ purchasing decisions.  Around 22 million people in Britain have signed up to Tesco’s Club card.  If they use the card to get discounts on their shopping, the supermarket can collect data on what they are buying. 

Tesco’s CEO, Ken Murphy, said that this data could be used to “nudge” shoppers into making healthier choices.  He suggested that an AI programme could let shoppers know that the items they have bought contain more than their recommended intake of salt, for example, and suggest healthier alternatives. 

It sounds like a helpful idea in theory.  But wouldn’t supermarkets be tempted instead to sell the data on their customers to companies, in order for them to prey upon the customers’ weaknesses more effectively? 

“Mrs. Smith is eating too much salt.  So why not target her with more adverts for salty junk food?  She obviously can’t resist it!”

 

Vocabulary:

to nudge someone into doing something – to gently push someone, or apply pressure to someone, in order to encourage them to do something

[eg., The government has introduced a tax on sugary drinks, in order to nudge people into drinking healthier alternatives.]