Coffee on the Moon 月のコーヒー

NASA recently sent human astronauts around the moon.  They, and also China, plan to establish a base on the moon where humans can live for extended periods.  This made me wonder what kind of facilities will be built on the moon for the resident humans.  They will need oxygen and living quarters and so on.  There will be attempts to mine usable resources from the moon.  But even astronauts can’t spend all their time working.  I am sure that one of the first non-essential facilities for downtime will be a place which serves coffee. 

That got me thinking about names for the first coffee shop to open on the moon.  If I can get the name right, perhaps I can copyright it  and then sell it to Elon Musk.  So here are some ideas I came up with:

 

1 – Coffee Lunatic 

A lunatic is a crazy person.  So the name suggests something like, “Crazy for Coffee”.  And Luna is, of course, an alternative name for the moon.  The word lunatic comes from the folk belief that the full moon makes people crazy.  Think of werewolves who change by the light of the full moon.

 

2 – Need a Buzz? 

A buzz can mean a burst of energy or excitement.  You might say, “I get a buzz from playing music.”  Buzz was also the nickname of the astronaut who was the second person to walk on the surface of the moon.

 

3 – Bean Up Here Long? 

Have you been up here on the moon for a long time?  Would you like some coffee beans?  Okay, this was not my best effort.

 

4 – Fly Me to the Moon Café 

This refers to a song sung by, amongst others, Frank Sinatra.

 

5 – Blue Moonday 

“Blue Monday” is the phenomenon of feeling unhappy on Monday morning when you have to start the working week.  You might need a strong cup of coffee to fight the Monday blues on Earth.  Living on a cold, dead rock is probably going to be challenging for anyone living on a moon base too.  So if you’re feeling down, why not head over to Blue Moonday for a nice cup of coffee.

 

This really is how I spend my days – thinking of names for imaginary coffee shops.

Scribble or Tap? －カキカキ、それともカチカチ？－

 Tap – tap – tap – tap – tap! 

“What are you doing?” 

Tap – tap – tap – tap – tap! 

“I said – What are you doing?” 

Tap – tap – tap - tap! 

“I said…!” 

“Sorry, Daddy.  I am doing a typing game.  I just wanted to knock down this monster.” 

My son has been playing Typing Coliseum.  His school provided the game as a way for the students to learn how to type on a keyboard.  A word appears on the screen, along with a monster.  They have to type that word in quickly in order to knock down the monster. 

The trouble is, the game seems to be very addictive.  When my wife went to the school the other day, the library was full of elementary school kids, furiously tapping their keyboards in order to battle monsters.  Wasn’t there a time when libraries were for reading books? 

The Swedish government has just announced that it is moving away from the use of electronic screens in schools, and going back to paper and pencils.  Sweden had been pushing the use of technology in schools and pre-schools very hard.  But this coincided with a drop in students’ performance in some key areas, especially in literacy and maths.  The Swedish government acted when surveys revealed that 24 per cent of Swedish 15 and 16 year olds were unable to reach a basic level of literacy.  It is not that technology must never be used.  But it can certainly be used too much. 

I wonder if Japan’s schools will start to move in the same direction, and we will again hear the sound of scribbling pencils, instead of frantically tapping keys.

 

Issun-kyoshi (the Little Teacher) 一 ー寸教師 －

Because of his school’s spring vacation, my 9 year old son was at home during the day a lot over the last couple of weeks. 

I could go and talk to him between English lessons I was teaching. 

“Daddy, could I teach English, do you think?” he asked. 

“Yes, I guess so.  Maybe when you are a bit older, you could teach English,” I said. 

He watched me picking up the lesson fee I had just received from the table. 

“I could help you teach English soon, Daddy.  You can give me a test and tell me when my English is good enough to teach.” 

He wanted me to pay him as an assistant teacher. 

I told him his English would have to get better.  He answered, “Okay, can you teach me now?” 

So I sat him on the opposite side of the table to me, and started teaching him as if he was my student.  He did well answering questions such as, “Where do you live?” and “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” 

Then I got him to ask me questions.  I would say, “I am from Scotland,” and he would have to ask, “Where are you from?” 

I said, “I like to go to karaoke, and I like to play the guitar.” 

He thought for a moment, then asked, “What are your hobbits?” 

It might be a little early for my assistant English teacher to start teaching, unless his students are studying Lord of the Rings.

 

Pet Rock －ペットのロック－

I was listening to the BBC news this week, and there was an item about pets.  Apparently, the number of dogs and cats in the U.K. is very large – more than 13 million dogs and more than 12 million cats in a country of 69 million people. 

To give a bit of context, a news reporter went to a pet museum, where an expert talked about the history of pets.  That expert also talked about odd trends in pet ownership, such as the mummification of cats in ancient Egypt and the invention of Tamagotchi as virtual pets.  Then he mentioned “pet rock.” 

I had a sudden image of a rock band featuring pets.  The human drummer bangs his drums:  badda, badda, bing, bing, crash!  The human guitarist strikes his instrument: kerrang!  Then the spotlight shifts to the vocalist: miaow!!! 

I realized that this would be ridiculous and then had another thought.  The rocks are diamonds, emeralds and rubies.  Rich pet owners are dressing their dogs in jewellery for a walk in the park. 

But this thought was wrong too.  Apparently, in the 1970s, an American businessman picked up some stones and put them in a box with “breathing holes.”  He then sold these rocks as pets, and made a successful business out of his pet rocks. 

The real pet rock turned out to be the stupidest idea of the three.  I actually think a cat vocalist accompanying loud guitar and drum music would do well on Spotify.

 

Smarter than the Average Bear －平均的な熊より賢い－

“I’ll steal from the rich and give to a poor bear – me!”

Cartoon character, Yogi Bear

 

I have been reading an interesting book about the attempts of scientists to communicate with animals. 

There is a lot of scientific debate and disagreement about how intelligent different animals are, and whether animal communication can be called language. 

On the intelligence of bears, the writer mentioned a problem staff had at Yosemite national park in America.  Nobody could seem to design a bin that would allow human tourists to put their rubbish into, which the bears would not be able to also access. 

A frustrated staff member said, “There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest human tourists.”

 

Three More Pizzas, and a Little More Gold, Please －ピザをあと3枚、それとゴールドをもう少しください－

The Oscar Awards will take place soon.  After the ceremony, there will be a celebratory dinner for 1,500 guests. 

The feast will be prepared by 75 chefs, who will cook a variety of foods, from sushi to vegan options, Austrian dishes to Mexican.  It sounds a bit like a buffet breakfast in a nice hotel, except probably better.  I wonder if they have those little sausages you usually get at a buffet? 

The guests will also receive a statue dusted with real gold.  That reminded me of comedian David Cross talking about his experience of being given a meal to eat with real gold on it. 

“Odorless, tasteless gold – to eat!” 

As he said, is there any reason to eat real gold except to laugh at poor people? 

The organizers are also preparing to serve 7,000 glasses of Champagne, 600 pizzas and 90kg of steak. 

Of all the delicacies you can imagine, from all over the world, and prepared by high class chefs, would you really order pizza?

 

Eyes, or an Eye, in the back of my Head －僕の頭の後ろにある目－

I remember wondering about eyes when I was a university student.  I understood the idea of evolution, and accepted that it was the best explanation for how life appeared and spread across the Earth.  But I couldn’t imagine how eyes could have evolved.  If each evolutionary change was a small step, how could something as complex as an eye appear?  How useful is half an eye, or a quarter of an eye? 

Luckily, there are scientists who study these things.  There are stages in the development of eyes, from more simple to more complex and effective (and sometimes back again, such as creatures that start to live underground).  We can feel sunlight on our skin.  Perhaps the eye started with a patch of skin that was just a little bit more sensitive at finding the sunlight. 

I heard about some new research about the evolution of eyes this week.  Scientists have found an ancient life form, which lived before the evolution of fish.  It had a worm-like body and one simple eye in the top of its head to help it detect sunlight.  The scientists believe that later animals such as fish evolved from these creatures.  So if you travel back far enough into our evolutionary past, there was a time when we were born with one eye, not two. 

The story also made me think of the English expression, “I have eyes in the back of my head.” 

Parents often say this to their naughty children.  It means, “I can see you, even when you think that you are out of my line of sight.” 

“Stop reading manga when you are supposed to be doing your homework!  I have eyes in the back of my head.”