Paperwork Problems －ペーパーワーク問題－

Governments love paperwork.  You need the correct visa, passport, form, permission slip, stamp or signature to get anything from the government.  And new governments love to change the paperwork.  The old stamp is no longer sufficient.  Now you need the new, and more expensive one. 

Now the stamps have been replaced with an online system.  But electronic permission is even worse than stamps, since there is never a real human being available for you to explain your problem to any more. 

“You will find all necessary information on our website.” 

Things get even worse when the government forgets to tell people that the process has changed. 

One such case of a sudden paperwork change has been making news this week in Britain.  The change affects people who hold dual nationality – that is, a British passport and also the passport of another country. 

Until this year, those dual nationals were able to enter the U.K. using either passport.  Now these people have to enter the U.K. only with their British passport. 

But the government did little to publicize the change.  Many dual nationals have let their British passport expire and made travel plans, not realizing that they would be unable to reenter Britain.  They are now scrambling to get their passports renewed, or are having to stay outside the U.K. longer than they had planned. 

The situation reminded me of the opening of Douglas Adams’ novel, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”.  An alien fleet of ships suddenly appears above the Earth, ready to demolish the whole planet to make room for a kind of highway through space. 

The United Nations and the governments of Earth frantically complain that they hadn’t heard of these plans. 

The alien is entirely unsympathetic. 

“The plans have been available in the local planning office in Alpha Centauri for the last nine months.  Honestly, if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local government plans then that is your problem.”

 

Revenge of the Little People －小さい人たちの仕返し－

I recently listened to an audio version of an old book by a science fiction writer.  “The Cyberiad,” by Polish writer Stanislaw Lem, was first published in 1965.  It is a kind of mixture of science fiction and fairy tales.  The idea is that robots in the far future tell their own series of fairy tales, partly explaining their morality and fears. 

The heroes of the stories are the constructor robots, Trurl and Klapaucius.  In one story, Trurl is travelling in deep space when he encounters another robot which is stuck on an asteroid.  Trurl lands on the asteroid and speaks to this other robot.  The robot explains that he was the king of one planet, but he was considered such a bad and cruel ruler that he was exiled to this asteroid and cannot now get off the lonely little world.  He begs Trurl to take him back to the planet which he once ruled. 

Trurl doesn’t want to upset the people of the planet by returning the exiled king.  But he feels sorry for the lonely robot.  So he promises to build a new world for the cruel king to rule over.  He builds a tiny little world full of microscopic creatures, who live and die on a world the size of a little box. 

The king is delighted with the gift and starts ruling over the world, threatening to shake the box and cause earthquakes if the inhabitants don’t follow his strict rules and build statues of him. 

Trurl flies away and meets his friend, Klapaucius.  When he tells Klapaucius what he has done, his friend is angry. 

“Why have you created this life and left it to be tortured by this awful king?  You have to go back to that asteroid and set the people of the box free.” 

Trurl realizes the cruelty he has inflicted on the microscopic creatures.  So he and Klapaucius return to the asteroid.  When they get there, there is initially no sign of the king, or the box.  The whole of the asteroid is covered in tiny cities.  Given their microscopic size, the created creatures live and develop much faster than fully sized creatures.  They have developed a high level of technology, and they have escaped their box and spread across the asteroid. 

Wondering what has happened to the bad king, Trurl eventually sees his frozen body, floating around the asteroid as a moon.  It seems that the creatures of the box rebelled against his rule and managed to expel him into space, where he will float above them forever, like a cold, dead god. 

All life that can think and feel pain is to be valued, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem, and no matter how humble or artificial its beginnings.

 

Willing to Sound Bad －下手に聴こえても構わない－

I am a big fan of the American band, Wilco.  I happened to find a book written by the lead singer, Jeff Tweedy recently.  It is called “How to Write One Song,” and it was very inspiring.  After reading the book, I started writing a song on the guitar.  I haven’t written any songs for about 15 years, but it was interesting to try Tweedy’s methods. 

Here are a few quotes from the book, and some of my thoughts about them. 

1

“Don’t undervalue things that come easy. Sometimes they’re the things that would be the hardest for someone else to do and often they are the things that would be almost impossible to do when you try too hard.” 

I once wrote a song in my sleep.  When I was a university student, I had a dream in which I was holding a guitar and singing a song.  I had a unique melody, and what seemed at the time to be interesting lyrics. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t own a guitar, and I didn’t know how to play one yet.  I had no recording device, either.  So I went back to sleep and my song was lost. 

Paul McCartney famously wrote the song “Yesterday” in the same way.  He wrote it in his dream.  So maybe Jeff Tweedy is right: sometimes the best things you create can come easily.

2

“No work of art is ever finished; it can only be abandoned in an interesting place.” 

Songs which someone has tried hard to perfect can often be less interesting than the first demo version of the same song.  Somehow, you can get a better sense of the warmth of the human musicians if you hear a rough vocal or a sigh or laugh caught on the microphone.  A good example of an imperfect but warm and slightly wonky recording is Orange Juice’s version of the song, “L.O.V.E.”.

 

3

“I find it’s almost impossible to put two words together and not find at least some meaning. We’re conditioned to look for patterns and identify mysteries to solve much more than we are designed to dictate what we’re searching for. I recommend allowing that natural curiosity and our sense-making brains to do their thing.” 

Tweedy suggests playing with words, and finding random connections between them to make unique lyrics.  Obviously not all random collections of words will be interesting, but you might be able to pick out a few interesting combinations, and build a poem or song lyric around those random combinations.

 

4

“So if you’re doing something with your free time other than writing a song, it’s because you really don’t want to write a song.” 

Don’t complain that you have no time to do something creative, and then sit down and watch tv for two hours.

 

5

“Being willing to sound bad is one of the most important pieces of advice that I can give you. Writing a song will teach you that it’s OK to fail. And more than that, that it’s actually good to fail, and that you can come to appreciate the gifts of failure.” 

The book sounds a bit Buddhist at times:  It’s not the destination that counts, but the journey.

 

Tweedy is convinced that doing something creative is good for your mental health.  It can be writing haiku, drawing pictures, or finding the beauty in an unusual sound.  Like God, we all have the power to create something that wasn’t there before, even if it is only ourselves that appreciate the creation.  And like a child we have created, our poem or song doesn’t even have to be great in every way for us to love it.

New Year, New Job for You －新年、あなたに向いている新しい仕事－

Since it is the start of a new year, it is a good time for new beginnings.  Do you feel trapped in a job that doesn’t suit you?  Why not consider a career move?  Here is some useful advice about different jobs from people who have really experienced the working conditions. 

1

Q: I am thinking of becoming a delivery driver?  Is it a good idea?

A: Your strange environment will disrupt your sleep cycle and mental health.  You must be able to withstand motion sickness, homesickness and claustrophobia on a daily basis.  If you can do that then this is a good job for you.

 

2

Q: I am thinking of becoming an English teacher in Japan.  Is it a good idea?

A: It is very rough on your body and doesn’t pay well.  There is a risk of being bitten, if you are not careful.  But if you can put up with all the strange smells and challenging behaviour, it can be a really rewarding job.

 

3

Q: I am thinking of becoming a politician.  Is it a good idea?

A: You must learn to hide your true feelings, live with a false identity and constantly manage stress and secrecy.  You have to be a little crazy to want to do this job, since the wrong word could put you in real danger.

 

4

Q: I am thinking of becoming an astronaut.  Is it a good idea?

A: You might think that this is an easy job – just loading up your vehicle and travelling.  But you have to be comfortable travelling in all kinds of weather, and working when many other people are having time off.

 

5

I am thinking of becoming a zoo keeper.  Is it a good idea?

A: You may encounter cheeky or naughty behaviour, but also you will have wonderful and rewarding interactions.

 

6

Q: I am thinking of becoming a secret agent.  Is it a good idea?

A: You probably shouldn’t do this job for the money or job security.  You might enjoy this job if you are an extravert, who loves being the centre of attention and talking to people.

 

Oops!  I have just realized that I have accidentally mixed up the answers.  They should be: Q1 is A4; Q2 is A5; Q3 is A6; Q4 is A1; Q5 is A2; and Q6 is A3).  Or was it right the first time? 

Ito and Atami, from a Monkey’s Perspective －伊東と熱海、お猿さんの観点から－

My family and I took a brief break to the hot spring resorts of Ito and Atami over the New Year’s holidays. 

We mostly enjoyed using the hotel pool and restaurant, but a few other things also caught my son’s imagination. 

As we were climbing up towards Atami Castle, we passed a group of trained monkeys performing a play.  A woman would ask one of the monkeys, “Are you feeling tired?” and the monkey would drag a little chair onto the stage and sit on it with legs crossed, or suchlike.  My wife and I felt a little uncomfortable for the sake of the monkeys, and would have liked to move on quickly.  But my son was mesmerized by the monkeys and wouldn’t leave.  He must have felt some affinity for the little creatures.  His role is basically to be the little monkey of our family, after all. 

My son also took the unusual step of spending money in Atami Castle.  He has developed a very tight-fisted attitude towards cash, and he generally prefers piling up and counting his money to spending it.  But he did buy a fortune for 200 Yen.  He got a level 2 good fortune, and was reasonably satisfied. 

Lastly, he really enjoyed the cable car ride which takes people up to and down from the castle.  It is regarded as one of the shortest cable car rides in Japan, taking only two or three minutes.  The car swung quite a lot as it moved.  I found it a little alarming, but then I didn’t have a piece of paper giving me level 2 good fortune.

To the Santa Complaints Department －サンタの苦情処理部へー

My son wrote a letter to Santa this year, as usual. 

He wrote, “Any present is okay.” 

Either he is very modest, or else he has little imagination and just couldn’t think of what he wanted. 

Not so the daughter of my wife’s colleague.  She wrote a detailed letter to Santa, with many specific requests for presents. 

When Santa brought the girl all of the presents on her long list except one, she wrote back to Santa. 

“Dear Santa, you have forgotten to bring one of the presents on my list…” 

I am sure this girl will achieve a lot in her life, since she knows what she wants, and is determined to get it!

 

All the Chocolate in the World －世界にある全てのチョコレート－

I went out to a pizza restaurant in Ikebukuro recently with my wife and son, to celebrate my birthday.  We passed a queue of people buying lottery tickets for the end of year big lottery draw. 

We decided to stop by the kiosk and buy our own lottery ticket. 

For the next 25 minutes or so, my wife and my nine year old son argued about how they were going to spend the jackpot. 

“We’ll buy a big house, and nobody will have to work.” 

“But if we buy a house that is too big, we will quickly run out of money and have to go back to work.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh at their enthusiasm.  Maybe my wife was just enjoying the fantasy of winning, but my son seemed quite confident that the money was already half in our pockets.  After all, you can’t win if you don’t buy a ticket.  And we have a ticket. 

I blame “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”.  I read it with my son.  A big part of the story is the golden ticket to the factory, which everybody is extremely keen to find.  Of course the hero Charlie finds one of the precious tickets. 

“However small the chance was of striking lucky, the chance was there.” 

But if the book risks giving an unrealistic impression of gambling, at least there is some more wholesome life advice. 

Charlie says, “I wouldn’t give up my family for anything – not for all the chocolate in the world.” 

That’s a nice thought for the Christmas season.

 

Vocabulary:

wholesome – helping to produce good health and physical well-being, or moral well-being

[eg., Children need more wholesome activities than watching tv and playing computer games.]