The time of life to be grumpy －イガイガの時期－

“I charm you and tell you of all the boys I hate,
All the girls I hate,
All the words I hate,
All the clothes I hate,
How I’ll never be anything I hate,
You smile, mention something that you like,
How you’d have a happy life if you did the things you like”
Lyrics from “The dark of the matinee,” by Franz Ferdinand

“The 35 to 54 year old group of men is the grumpiest of any in Britain today: Grumpier than their parents, who survived the war and felt lucky to draw their pensions; Grumpier than their children, who seem perfectly happy taking a lot of drugs and spending all night on the internet.”
From British tv series “Grumpy old men”from 2003

Curmudgeon is a lovely sounding word. But that is not reflected in its meaning. A curmudgeon is a bad-tempered or surly person. Someone who is always grumpy or complaining about life is a curmudgeon. If you go to a flower viewing party and complain that there are too many people, and that there aren’t enough bins, and that those people over there are talking too loudly, then you are probably a curmudgeon.

The thing is, no one likes a young person who is bad tempered. There is a sense that you should be enjoying the prime of your life. But it is kind of acceptable for older people to be curmudgeonly. If you worked hard when you were young only to see the younger generation laugh at you because you struggle to use a smartphone, then perhaps you have a right to be grumpy. If you’ve got various aches and pains which come with old age and you see youngsters running around without effort, maybe it is understandable to be a little envious.

I realised last week that I am taking my first steps towards being a curmudgeon. I was in Kamakura with my wife. We were slowly inching our way up a hill near a famous temple. We were holding onto one another for support and trying not to look too tired from the climb. Then a group of kids came screaming and running down the hill beside us, full of slightly idiotic energy. I spent much of the rest of the afternoon getting irritated by their over enthusiastic displays of energy.

Oh, well. It is my 35^th birthday in a couple of weeks. According to the tv show “Grumpy old men,”which I have quoted above, I am entering the perfect time of life to be a curmudgeon. It’s time to start practicing the phrases I’ll need:

“It’s not like it used to be in the old days.”
“Why do they have to have the music on so loud?”
“Oh, not a party!”
“Why are those kids still awake after 9 pm, anyway?”

I feel a little better already. Being grumpy seems to suit me.
 

Vocabulary:

grumpy – bad tempered and sulky

to draw a pension – to take out or receive money, usually in old age, after you have retired

the prime of one’s life – the best or most important time in one’s life

to inch one’s way (forward/up/down etc.) –to move at a very slow pace, advancing by inches (a few centimetres) at a time

 

Surviving minimalism －ミニマリズムから生き延びる－

My wife recently discovered a smartphone app which allows the user to sell things directly to other people with the same app.  It’s a bit like taking your old things down to a second hand shop and cashing them in, except that you don’t physically have to go anywhere.

My wife is not a woman who does things by halves.  Every night I am disturbed by the sound of a smartphone camera clicking as she photographs more and more items to put up for sale on line.  She has sold old skirts and dresses; knick-knacks and souvenirs from Scotland; antique mugs and more.  She seems to have become obsessed with the idea of minimalism and downsizing.  She is like a black hole, ripping through the apartment and sucking into oblivion anything which is not firmly attached to the floor.

Not only is she selling her own stuff, I find my own pile of earthly goods getting smaller little by little too.  I have been encouraged and cajoled to get rid of a Braille writing tool (“You don’t use this any more, do you?”); fan goods to remind me of my favourite football team from back home (“You can’t go to the games while you’re in Japan anyway”); old audio books (“How many times can you listen to the same book?”) and more.

I have started to look for hiding places around the house for my things.  Otherwise I’ll be sitting on a bare wooden floor in my underpants.  It’s tough living in a minimalist household.

Or maybe one day she will point the camera at me and put my picture and description into her app.  If you see a Caucasian man for sale on line – second hand, a little worn but still serviceable – please give him a good home.

 

Vocabulary:

minimalism – The idea of living with only the smallest possible amount of material goods

to cash something in – To exchange something, such as a cheque or second hand goods, for money

 “[Someone] who doesn’t do things by halves” – [Someone] who commits 100 per cent effort to what they are doing; someone who doesn’t take half-measures

a knick-knack – A small, worthless object, such as a souvenir, office toy etc.

to downsize – To make something like a company’s scale, the size of your house etc. smaller

oblivion – Non-existence

to cajole – To persuade by persistent effort

bare – Empty; naked

Caucasian – Of a person, having a fair skin colour

serviceable – Of an item for sale, able to be used; working

Elephants in the clouds, elephants in the toilet －雲にいる象、お手洗いにいる象－

“Humans see elephants in the clouds instead of understanding that  they are in fact randomly shaped clouds that appear to our eyes as elephants.”

“Humans look for explanations even when there are none.”

“We see the winners and try to learn from them, while forgetting the huge number of losers.”

“{Some traders} eat like chickens and go to the bathroom like elephants.”

Last week an incident with my white cane reminded me of a book that I read some years ago.  The book is “Fooled by Randomness: The hidden role of chance in life and in the markets” (2001) by Nassim Nicholas Taleb.

The main point of the book is that the human brain is not good at dealing with randomness.  We like to pretend that there is order where there is only chance.  So we see elephants in clouds, or invent superstitions to explain why we were successful one day but failed the next.

We fool ourselves into believing that future risks can be pretty well judged by examining the patterns of the past.  Thus, we tend to under-estimate the impact of unique or rare events.  Taleb gives the example of a stock market trader who bets on the market continually going up year after year.  He might make small gains which build up for years.  And then if he keeps gambling because he has been successful in the past, he might lose everything if the market suddenly crashes.  He sums this scenario up with the amusing description of a man who eats like a chicken (taking in money in lots of small portions) and goes to the toilet like an elephant (when he loses, he flushes huge amounts of money down the drain at once).

Last week my white cane, which I use to feel for obstacles in front of my feet as well as to let other people know that I am blind, suddenly broke.  I had been using it safely for five years and when it split into four pieces it was completely unexpected.  When I first started using a cane, I worried that it might suddenly break if it collided with a bicycle or car and I used to carry a second cane with me, folded up and placed in a shoulder bag.  When it didn’t break for month after month and year after year, I started to forget about the danger and stopped carrying a second cane with me.  Like a chicken, I was happily eating my good fortune day after day and thinking nothing of any elephant-sized trip to the toilet I might have to make tomorrow.

Actually, I am glad to report that I was very lucky.  My cane broke when I was with my wife and father.  So they were able to guide me to a safe spot until we could find another cane.  If I had been out in the street by myself, it would have been a very awkward situation.

So I guess the moral of today’s blog is not to dismiss avoidable risks which seem unlikely but which will have a big impact if they occur.  Enjoy your chicken feed while it lasts.  There is a long queue for the toilet...

 

Vocabulary:

randomness – The lack of a pattern or predictability in events.

a superstition – A belief without a logical basis, such as luck, the supernatural etc.

to under-estimate - to make a guess about value, probability, cost etc. which is too low

a drain – A pipe or channel used to carry water away

a cane – A stick used to help people walk, or blind people to walk safely

to split – To break into separate parts

to collide – For two or more objects to hit each other

awkward – Causing difficulty; hard to deal with

to dismiss – To treat a theory or idea etc. as unimportant, impossible, unworkable etc.

 

 

 

Don’t forget your credit card －クレジットカードをお忘れなく－

I usually publish my blog on Thursdays but my father is coming to Japan to visit from Wednesday, so I will be rather busy.  I will keep it short this week and publish a little early. 

I’m not sure if my dad reads my blog but just in case, here is some vocabulary inspired by his visit: 

To treat (one’s son) to dinner – to buy dinner for (your son).  It could be sushi, tempura...  Either way, you can use this useful phrase.

“It’s my round.”  You say this in a bar or pub when you offer to buy drinks for the other people in your party.  It could be whiskey, wine...  Either way, you can use this useful phrase.

“Don’t be silly.  Put your wallet away.” – This is a phrase used when you want to insist on paying, rather than letting someone else do so.  It could be in an electronics store, a furniture store...  Either way, you can use this useful phrase. 

I’m only joking.  I’m really looking forward to Wednesday, and normal blog service will be resumed next week.

Will