Devils in skirts, devils in schools －スカートをはいた悪魔、学校にいる悪魔－

“Education, education, education!” 

So said Tony Blair twenty years ago as he was elected prime minister of the UK. 

I was in high school at the time.  I can certainly agree that we had some problems in our schools.  For example, I had an English teacher who never talked during the lessons.  He just checked who was present and then sat behind his desk, reading a book.  So the students did whatever they wanted, chatting and joking loudly.  The only time we got him to talk was when we started throwing things at his head.  Were we terrible children or was he a terrible teacher?

Now, twenty years after the government promised to fix all our education troubles, are Britain’s classrooms temples of calm and learning? 

Maybe not.  Judging by recent news, our schools have become a battleground between revolutionary devil-students and strict devil-teachers. 

You may have heard an interesting story this month from Isca Academy in Exeter in England.  There was a heatwave and many of the boys wanted to wear shorts.  But the school insisted that they stick to the uniform, which only allowed long trousers for boys and skirts for girls. 

When the boys complained, the head teacher was unsympathetic. 

“If you don’t like your trousers, then you can always come in a skirt!” she said sarcastically. 

But some of the boys took her literally and borrowed skirts from sisters or female friends and wore them to school.  This is how the story was reported, and people across the country laughed at the amusing protest of the boys. 

But after reading several articles about the incident, some of the small and little reported details stood out. 

The mother of one of the boys reported that when her son said he would go to school in shorts, the teachers threatened to send him to the “isolation room” for a week. 

The isolation room?  This is a school, not a prison, right? 

And according to another article, after five boys wore skirts to school, two of them were punished.  One was punished because “his skirt was too short.”  The other was punished “because his legs were too hairy.” 

Huh?  It sounds to me like the teachers were trying to humiliate the boys in skirts and to get other kids to bully them.  I can almost imagine the teachers giving the boy in a short skirt wolf-whistles. 

In an often scary and chaotic world, some things never change.  There will always be devils in schools, skirt-wearing and trouser-wearing, amongst both the students and the teachers.

Vocabulary:

revolutionary – involved with trying to overthrow a system of government or authority

strict – applying the laws or rules severely

a heatwave – an unusually hot period of weather

to insist – to refuse to change one’s opinion, claim etc despite an opposing view

sarcastically – in a joking or ironic tone

to take someone literally – to interpret someone’s words as being spoken truly, not jokingly or sarcastically

isolation – being alone or apart from others

to humiliate – to shame; to cause extreme embarrassment to

a wolf-whistle – a double whistle, with a rising and then falling tone, signifying a lewd or sexual interest in another person

 

(I don’t want to be a) Hero of the sky －空の英雄（には、なりたくない）－

It’s a long way up to the ninth floor.  So you press the button for the elevator.  It arrives and the doors open.  It contains only a single, heavily pregnant woman.  Looking at the woman, you marvel that she can be getting out and about so late in her pregnancy.  She looks so heavy that the baby could pop out at any moment. 

What do you do?  Do you smile, step in, and make some baby related comment to share the woman’s joy?  Will you take the lift with her up to the ninth floor? 

Don’t be a fool!  Ask, “Going down?” and pretend that you are waiting for an elevator going in the other direction.  Then breathe a sigh of relief.  If necessary, go and take the stairs just to calm yourself down. 

Why would I give such harsh advice?  I have nothing against pregnant women. 

It’s just that I’ve read so many stories about pregnant women getting stuck in some awkward place, then going into labour, and some unlikely hero having to help deliver the baby.  What if the elevator gets stuck, and you’re the only potential hero in the vicinity? 

This week a baby was born on a flight from Saudi Arabia to India.  The Indian airline promised to allow the baby free flights for life, which sounds nice.  But I also noticed that their statement praised the cabin crew, as well as a passenger who was a nurse, for helping deliver the baby. 

The cabin crew had to help deliver the baby?  Can you imagine the conversations that must have gone on? 

“Um, Tina, could you come through here?” 

“Well I’m a little busy right now.  I’m pouring cups of tea and coffee for the passengers.” 

“Yes, I see that.  But I want you to put down the coffee pot and come and deliver this baby.” 

“But I haven’t finished.  There might be some more passengers who want coffee...” 

“Tina!” 

“Oh, all right.  But I’d better get a bonus for this.  Just promise me you won’t give away my bonus money to the baby as free flights for life or something stupid like that!”

 

Vocabulary:

heavily pregnant – at an advanced stage of pregnancy

to marvel – to wonder; to be amazed

a lift – British English for an elevator

to go into labour – for a pregnant woman or female to start to give birth

to deliver a baby – to help a pregnant woman or female to give birth

to get stuck – to become trapped or unable to move

in the vicinity – in the area nearby

the cabin crew – the staff on an aeroplane

 

I’m right, and I’ll shoot myself to prove it! －おいらは正しいぞ！それを証明するために、自らを撃つ－

Some people just love to be right. 

If you present them with an opinion, they will probably disagree.  They will stop whatever they are doing and try to pull your opinion apart, turning it round and yanking it from every angle.

If you present them with a fact, backed up with hard scientific evidence, then they may still disagree.  “Who conducted this so called scientific study?” they will say.  “Can they really be trusted?”

Scepticism is important.  We always need to challenge the information and opinions we hear: Where did this come from?  Could it be wrong?  But life is too short to be forever ultra-sceptical.  There comes a point when refusing to believe just damages yourself.  People will stop inviting you to parties, for one thing.

Some people are so determined to prove you wrong that they will even shoot themselves to do it.

This was literally true in the case of Clement Vallandigham.  He was an American lawyer who shot himself in 1871 while demonstrating that his client was innocent of the charge of murder.  He wanted to show that the dead man had not been murdered, but had in fact shot himself accidentally.  To show how easily a gun could go off when pulled out quickly, he pulled out his own gun in the same way.  It went off and he shot himself and died.  Apparently, he had forgotten to take the bullets out.  So his scepticism was shown to be well founded.  But was it worth it?

Donald Trump famously claimed that climate change was a hoax, despite all the hard scientific evidence to the contrary.  His scepticism is not just shooting America, but the rest of us as well. 

And what of Britain?  We have recently heard plenty of sceptical voices.  During the Brexit referendum campaign, every time an economist said that Britain’s economy would be damaged, politicians said that they must be biased or wrong.  Every time a diplomat said that the EU would punish Britain and offer them a bad deal, politicians said the diplomats were just protecting their own jobs. 

And how are Britain’s attempts to negotiate with the EU going?  The EU is united and strong.  Britain looks weaker than ever, with the Prime Minister’s authority reduced after the recent election.  An EU diplomat told a British journalist, “Britain has shot itself in one foot.  We intend to shoot you in the other.” 

But don’t worry.  Those same sceptical politicians will tell us that everything is all right.  The bullet isn’t a real bullet.  The blood we seem to be losing is just fake blood.  Maybe we should stop inviting these sceptics to our parties.

 

Vocabulary:

to pull something apart – to destroy something or break it into pieces by pulling

to yank – to pull with sudden force

to conduct – of business, negotiations etc., to carry out, to do

scepticism – the habit of not easily believing, of questioning

ultra – a prefix (placed before another word to make a new word) - extremely

well founded – having a solid basis

a hoax – a fake claim, a lie, scam etc.

biased – supporting one side unfairly against another

 

Tormented by pink Nova bunnies in the night ‐ ピンクのNOVAウサギに悩まされた夜－

I am grateful for getting an uninterrupted night’s sleep.  My son had a fever for three days and kept waking up in the middle of the night and demanding attention.  At last his fever broke and he slept through the night.  After several exhausted days, so did I. 

But I had a long dream about working at Nova.  In the dream I hadn’t prepared any lesson plan and had to make it all up as I went along, confusing both myself and the students.  In other words, it was very much like a real Nova lesson. 

Teaching at Nova was my first job in Japan, which I did for about a year and a half.  I worked in a very busy branch and we usually had to teach seven or eight lessons a day.  I had only 10 minutes to prepare between lessons.  I was just out of university, with no previous experience, and with only three days of training to fall back on. 

So inevitably I would sometimes go into lessons without any idea of what to do.  The best trick I learned was to give the students a task for the first five minutes and to try to come up with a lesson plan while they were talking to each other. 

“Talk to each other about a book you have read.  You have five minutes.  Start.” 

But sometimes, like in my dream, I couldn’t come up with a plan at all and just started babbling, confusing myself and the students. 

“Well today’s lesson seems to be about the word ‘have’... So, uh, do you guys have anything?  No, that’s too simple.  What do you have and what don’t you have?  I mean like, I don’t have a refrigerator but I do have a headache.  Uh, Miki?  [45 minutes later]  Well, I think we all learned something about the word ‘have’ today.  Have a nice day.” 

The resulting embarrassment seems to have left some deep mental scars, since I am dreaming about it more than ten years later.  When a pink Nova bunny gets into your head, it’s hard to get it out again. 

And yet I did have my fans amongst the students.  I really did start babbling and tell the class that I didn’t have a fridge.  And the next week one of the students offered to give me a fridge.  I accepted and my beers were cold thereafter. 

Naturally, after that I started mentioning lots of other things that I didn’t have during the lessons.  I got that fridge, a tv, and two girlfriends out of that “What don’t you have?” lesson. 

So Nova did give me some useful things too.  Not just pink bunnies in the night.

 

Vocabulary:

to torment – to cause pain and suffering

for a fever to break – for a fever to end, and the high temperature to drop

to fall back on – of a plan, basic knowledge or training etc., to rely upon as a reserve option after the main plan etc. hasn’t worked or helped

to babble – to make meaningless noises or speak without expressing clear meaning

a refrigerator/ a fridge – a kitchen appliance used to keep food, drinks etc. cold

 

She spent her life by the washing machine. It’s the perfect tribute －彼女は洗濯機のそばで人生を過ごした。それは彼女にぴったりの賛辞だ。－

Do you have any romantic notions about what should happen to your body after death?  Perhaps you would like to be cremated, and your ashes scattered into the sea.  Perhaps you would like to be buried next to your lover, so you can spend eternity in each others’ arms. 

I have decided what should happen to my body after death.  I want to be given a final spa treatment, my body washed so clean that only white bones remain.  Actually, according to a BBC article I read about “water cremation”, only my white bones and my surgical implants would be left.

This new treatment has started in Canada and America, and will come to Britain soon.  The body is treated with chemicals at a high pressure and temperature.  This causes the soft parts of the body to dissolve.  As with cremation by fire, the bones are left and are crushed into powder.  But while cremation by fire leaves black, burned ashes, the water cremation leaves the bones as white powder.

It sounds lovely and clean, doesn’t it?  In some ways it makes me think of a final spa treatment, cleaning the body thoroughly.

On the other hand, in some ways it makes me think of a trip to the launderette.  According to the BBC article, the body is placed in a huge tank.  Then to activate the machine, someone presses a button marked “cycle”, like on a washing machine.  The machine then beeps twice and the tank starts to fill with water, again like a washing machine.  The treatment takes about three hours, including a final rinse cycle.  The waste water, including the chemicals and the dissolved parts of the body has a kind of soapy smell, like you get in a launderette. 

Perhaps your loved one deserves a final spa treatment after death.  Or perhaps they have diligently washed your clothes so often that you feel a final trip to the washing machine would be the perfect tribute. 

Either way, it will be interesting to see if water cremation catches on.

Vocabulary:

a notion – an idea or thought

to be cremated – for a body to be burned after death

to scatter – to throw over a wide areaa surgical implant – a medical device or artificial body part put into one’s body

to dissolve – of a solid object, to break down and become thoroughly mixed with a liquid

 launderette – a place with coin operated washing machines for people to wash their clothes

diligently – with care and hard work

to catch on – to become popular