I recently read an old travel diary of a
British celebrity, Michael Palin. He has
made a number of tv travel series, and also collected further notes and
memories of his trips, and released them as books and audio- books. The audio-book I listened to was, “Full
Circle”, in which he travels around the Pacific rim. He goes from Alaska to eastern
Russia, Japan, Korea, China, Vietnam, the Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia,
Australia and New Zealand, and then up through Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Colombia, Mexico,
the USA, Canada, and then back to Alaska.
I wish I could have Michael Palin’s
job! What could be better than being
paid to have a ten-month vacation, travelling around the world?
According to his diaries, though, he did
feel like he was going to die several times – including on a back-up ship
travelling from the Philippines to Malaysia, which had only been designed to
sail on the calmer waters of the Japan Inland Sea, and on a helicopter trying
to reach an Alaskan island in very poor weather. Plus, his diaries mention regular diarrhoea
and sickness, long queues and unfriendly officials in Communist countries, and
lonely hotel rooms. He heard that his wife was seriously ill and needed
treatment while he was filming thousands of miles away, in Indonesia. Perhaps the fantasy of constant travel, always
planning a move toward the next horizon, is better than the reality.
Part of the charm and interest of the
travel diaries are that they are now quite dated. He made the trip in 1995 and 1996. So much would be radically different if he
were to repeat the journey now. It was
fascinating to hear his impressions of Japan just a few years after the “bubble
economy” had passed its peak.
I laughed when he repeated in his diary a
joke that a South Korean told him, concerning the difference in national
character between the North Koreans, Japanese, and South Koreans.
A North Korean, Japanese, and South Korean
enter a restaurant together.
“You’ll have to excuse me,” says the waiter. “We have run out of beef, so you’ll have to
do without.”
“What’s beef?” asks the North Korean.
“What does it mean to do without?” asks the
Japanese.
“What does, ‘excuse me’ mean?” asks the
South Korean.
The joke assumes that North Koreans live in
poverty. That’s easy to understand. It assumes that the Japanese can always get
whatever they want, and don’t understand doing without. This might be because of the recent bubble
economy, or Korean memories of living under Japanese occupation. And the joke assumes that South Koreans don’t
understand the idea of politeness. I’m
sure that none of these observations are fair, but they made me giggle anyway.
If any production companies would like to
film me travelling to all these countries again, to see if anything has
changed, please get in touch! “Full
Circle 2 – This time a blind man travels the Pacific rim clockwise!”
Vocabulary:
a rim – an edge; the part where something
ends
back-up – reserve; second option, if the
main option is unavailable
diarrhoea – a stomach or bowel illness,
causing normally solid waste from the body to come out as liquid
to be dated – to seem old-fashioned, or not
to have kept up with modern times
to do without – to get by without getting
what is wanted or needed; to live without luxury
to giggle – to laugh lightly in a silly way
clockwise – of a circle, in the direction
that the hands of a clock move
I lived in Shanghai for four or five months
about twelve years ago. In such a short
period of time I couldn’t get to understand the Chinese culture to any great
depth. But I stayed long enough to
notice a number of things that seemed strange to me, or very different from how
things would be done in Scotland or Japan.
Sometimes, when I was walking around
Shanghai in the morning, I would see Chinese people in their pyjamas.They might
be wearing a bathrobe, or pink fluffy nightwear. And they would be walking outside in the city
too.
I always wanted to speak to these people
and ask them, “Excuse me, but why are you wearing pyjamas outside? Do you do everything in reverse, and wear a
suit and tie in bed?”
In Scotland, if I saw an elderly person
walking outside in pyjamas, I would assume that they were senile. I would check to see if they were confused or
needed any help. In Japan, if I saw a
young person walking outside in pyjamas, I would assume that there was some
kind of weird cosplay event, and take a look around for other people dressed as
ninjas or robots.
I don’t know why those people in Shanghai
were wearing pyjamas outside. I suppose
that they just felt comfy in pyjamas, and didn’t really care what other people
thought of them. In a way, it could be a
powerful symbol of confidence and individuality. “I don’t care if almost everybody else wears
trousers or skirts, sweaters or shirts outside.
I like my pink fluffy bunny pyjamas, and society’s not going to tell me
what to do!”
I was reminded of Chinese in pyjamas by a
news article this week. The local
government in Suzhou had to apologise for on-line shaming of citizens who had
been caught wearing pyjamas outside.
Surveillance cameras captured pictures of
the pyjama-wearers. Facial recognition
software then identified who the people were.
So the local government criticized them on-line, published the pictures
of them in pyjamas, and gave their names and the details on their national ID
cards.
If wearing pyjamas outside really is an
expression of confident individuality, I can see why a repressive government,
which is installing hundreds of millions of such surveillance cameras around
the country, might not like it.
Vocabulary:
not to any great depth– not very well, not
very much, etc.
senile – of an elderly person, showing a
loss of memory or mental powers because of old age
comfy–comfortable; feeling pleasant
shaming – the act of trying to make people
feel ashamed, or guilty about their behaviour
surveillance – close observation,
especially of someone suspected of committing crimes or other wrongdoing
repressive–tending to restrict or limit
personal freedom or liberty
I wrote an article for the Japan Times
which was published on Monday. The
article was about taking a very old and wrinkled plastic bag to a Japanese
supermarket. I asked the cashier not to
give me a new plastic bag, but just to put everything in my old one. Unfortunately, she seemed unwilling to put a
customer’s goods into such an old and wrinkled bag. So she put everything into a clean plastic bag,
even though I had asked her not to. And
she put some paper wrapping around a jar I had bought. And she offered to give me an ice-pack to
keep my cheese chilled. Is the problem
that Japan’s customer-service is just too good?
You can read the article here:
ウィルのジャパンタイムズの記事（13Jan2020）
Some of the comments that people posted
under the article were interesting.
There was a foreigner living in a small town in Japan. He or she wrote that they spent a few weeks
saying, “No plastic bag, please. I don’t
need an ice-pack, thank you. I have my
own chopsticks. I don’t want a plastic
spoon, thanks. No, I don’t need a
straw. Just add some tape and I’ll take
the items as they are.”
They were getting very tired of saying this
in every supermarket and convenience store they went into. But the staff soon began to recognise
them. “There’s that weird hippie gaijin!” And so they stopped putting things in plastic
bags, or offering extra disposable cutlery.
Sometimes it is useful to stand out as a weird foreigner in a small
town.
Vocabulary:
wrinkled – Of skin or a surface, slightly folded
or not smooth, such as the creased face of an elderly person
disposable – easily or quickly thrown away
cutlery – items used to bring food to one’s
mouth, such as forks or spoons
I recently went home to Scotland for the
first time in seven years. My Japanese
wife and my three year-old son came along too.
We stayed for Christmas and New Year in Glasgow. As a guide, I have made three lists – the top
five foods we ate, the top five Christmas presents we got, and the top five
differences I noticed between Scotland and Japan.
Top Five Foods:
5 - Scotch broth
This is a traditional Scottish soup, made
with mutton, oatmeal and vegetables. It
is thick and filling, and has a strong, meaty smell. Eat it for lunch with some bread.
4 – Christmas lunch
We cooked a turkey in the oven, wrapped in
salami to keep the meat moist. We also
had Brussel sprouts, which are bitter vegetables, a little like miniature
cabbages. And my mother made ‘pigs in
blankets’ – pork sausages wrapped in bacon.
Serve with roast potatoes and gravy.
3 - Scotch pie and peas
A Scotch pie is a kind of meat pastry. But the sides of the pastry are higher than
the middle of the pie. This makes the
top of the pie into a little bowl. Put
some mushy peas on top of the pie and eat them together.
2 - Haggis pakora
Haggis is a kind of black sausage, made by
chopping up sheep’s organs and oatmeal and herbs, and putting them inside a
sheep’s stomach. It has a very strong
smell and flavour. Someone had the
brilliant idea of cutting up this haggis into small pieces, and putting them
inside Indian spicy pakora. The outside
is crunchy and spicy, and then the inside is soft and meaty. Yum!
1 - Apple crumble with custard
There are many different kinds of apple
available for sale in the UK, such as Golden Delicious, or Granny Smith’s. Some are sweet, some sour. Use sour apple, bake it inside a crumbly
pie. Then add custard, which is a kind
of sweet, creamy dessert covering.
Top Five Christmas Presents:
5 - Dinosaur slippers
It’s cold in Scotland. So a three year-old needs slippers to enjoy
running around a big house. He really
likes them if they look like dinosaurs.
4 - Alexa
My sister got this smart-speaker for
me. It was more impressive than I had
imagined. You can talk to it, ask it
questions, and ask it to play music or the radio, using only your voice. My mum wanted to listen to the most recent
album by a band called “Elbow”. So I
asked Alexa, “Alexa, what is the most recent album by Elbow?” Alexa answered. Then I asked her to play that album and it
started. Simple, and a little scary.
3 – My son’s computer
I often work using my computer at
home. I say to my son, “Don’t bother
Daddy now – he’s working,” or, “Don’t touch Daddy’s computer!” My son got a little pretend computer, which made
noises when you pressed the buttons. He
sat happily in the living room, telling people, “Don’t bother me, I’m working!”
and, “Don’t touch my computer!”
2 – An Irish coffee set
Irish coffee is coffee and cream and
whiskey. This kit had all the ingredients
for a perfect Irish coffee. Because of
the coffee, you are allowed to drink this in the morning, even though it is
alcoholic. Lovely!
1 - My son’s doctor’s kit
My wife and I both got a terrible cold on
the flight over to Scotland. We got
fevers, chills, headaches and blocked noses.
Luckily, my son got a little kit with stethoscope and syringe, and he
spent much of the holiday pretending to be a doctor and giving us injections.
Top Five Differences Between Scotland and
Japan:
5 - Play areas for kids
We don’t really go out to restaurants in
Japan, because it is so difficult with small children. Parents are expected to be able to control
their children, to avoid annoying the other customers. It is okay for children to be noisy in family
restaurants or McDonald’s, but the food there is not nice.
In Scotland, many restaurants had special
play areas for the children. So they
could climb up and down ropes and ladders, and jump in “swamps” of plastic
balls. The adults ate in a separate
section, a little away from the kids.
Sometimes the kids were fighting each other, and biting in order to play
on something first. But the parents
didn’t seem to mind.
4 - House guests
My parents’ house was like a hotel at times
with all the guests who came round to have Christmas lunch, or to say “Happy
New Year!” or to see me. It saves a lot
of money if you can meet visitors at home instead of taking them to a café or
izakaya. But it is hard to keep the
house clean. So don’t mind a little dirt
and mess. It shows that you are welcome
in the house, and that children are present!
3 - touching
I was kissed and hugged more times by
relatives, friends and children in the two weeks I spent in Scotland than in
the last seven years in Japan. I am
going to start hugging people in Japan.
I think it’s nice.
2 - discipline
Nobody seemed to shout at children, or get
angry with them. When my son had a
toilet accident and then refused to let us clean him in the shower, my wife and
I shouted at him to try to fix the problem before he made a bigger mess. Everyone in the house came to the bathroom to
see what the problem was. They looked at
us like we were weird, shouty alien parents.
Perhaps we were.
1 – space
My father’s house has four bedrooms, three
living rooms, and a large garden with shed and drive-way. Almost all of our Tokyo apartment could fit
into just one of his living rooms.
On our second day as guests, I sat in the
kitchen with my wife and son. “I’m going
to Grandpa’s house,” said my son, and stood up.
“I wonder what he means?” I thought, since he was already in his
grandfather’s house. Then my son walked
to the main living room. He thought that
the living room was Grandpa’s house. Our
little Tokyo apartment feels very small now.
