The Man in Black in a Battle of Wits －黒覆面の騎士と機知の戦い－

In the second extract from William Goldman’s book, “The Princess Bride,” the hero is trying to rescue a princess.  The hero is the man in black, and the Princess Buttercup has been kidnapped by the evil and boastful Vizzini, who has a knife at her throat.  The man in black cannot attack Vizzini, or the princess will be killed.  So he suggests that the situation is resolved by a battle of wits.  The smarter man will live, and the less intelligent man will die. 

Edited extract from “The Princess Bride”: 

"We are at an impasse then," said the man in black. 

"I fear so," said Vizzini. "I cannot compete with you physically, and you are no match for my brains." 

"You are that smart?" 

"There are no words to contain all my wisdom. I am so cunning, crafty and clever, so filled with deceit, as tricky as I am untrustworthy . . . well, I told you there were not words invented yet to explain how great my brain is, but let me put it this way: the world is several million years old and several billion people have at one time or another walked upon it, but I, Vizzini the Sicilian, am, speaking with pure candour and modesty, the smartest man yet to walk the Earth.” 

"In that case," said the man in black, "I challenge you to a battle of wits." 

Vizzini had to smile. "For the Princess?" 

"You read my mind." 

"It just seems that way, I told you. It's merely logic and wisdom. To the death?" 

"Correct again." 

"I accept," cried Vizzini. "Begin the battle!" 

"Pour the wine," said the man in black. 

Vizzini filled the two goblets with deep-red liquid. The man in black pulled from his dark clothing a small packet and handed it to the Sicilian. "Open it and inhale, but be careful not to touch." 

Vizzini took the packet and followed the instructions. "I smell nothing." 

The man in black took the packet again. "You cannot smell it but it is called iocane poison. It has no smell, no taste, and dissolves immediately in any kind of liquid. It also happens to be the deadliest poison known to man." 

Vizzini was beginning to get excited. 

"I don't suppose you'd hand me the goblets," said the man in black. 

Vizzini shook his head. "Take them yourself. My long knife does not leave her throat." 

The man in black reached down for the goblets. He took them and turned away. 

Vizzini laughed aloud in anticipation. 

The man in black busied himself a long moment. Then he turned again with a goblet in each hand. Very carefully, he put the goblet in his right hand in front of Vizzini and put the goblet in his left hand in front of himself. He dropped the empty iocane packet by the cheese. 

"Your guess," he said. "Where is the poison?" 

* 

Vizzini sounds a little like Donald Trump.  So will the evil Sicilian guess correctly?  Who will win the battle of wits, and how?  Find out next week!


Vocabulary:

boastful – showing excessive pride and satisfaction in one’s own achievements

one’s wits – one’s intelligence and ability to think

an impasse – a deadlock or situation which cannot be resolved because two parties are evenly matched

to be no match for – to be unable to compete with; to be weaker in ability than

cunning–having or showing ability to get what you want by lying, clever tricks, etc.

crafty - cunning

deceit – the action of misleading someone by hiding the truth or misrepresenting the truth

candour – the quality of being open and honest; frankness

to inhale something – to breathe something in

anticipation–excited expectation of something happening in the future

The Man in Black in Trouble －黒覆面の騎士の困難－

One of my favourite movies of all time is called, “The Princess Bride.”  After enjoying the film, I found the novel, and enjoyed that too.  It is a tale of adventure, battles, romance, pirates, monsters, and true love.  Here’s an extract. 

In this scene, the man in black is trying to recapture his lost love, the Princess Buttercup, who has been kidnapped by the evil hunchback, Vizzini.  The man in black has already beaten an expert swordsman and a giant.  Now he is facing the brains of the criminal kidnappers. 


An edited extract from,“The Princess Bride”, by William Goldman: 

Vizzini was waiting for him.  Indeed, he had set out a little picnic. From the knapsack that he always carried, he had taken a small handkerchief and on it he had placed two wine goblets. In the center was a small leather wine holder and, beside it, some cheese and some apples. The spot could not have been lovelier: a high point of the mountain with a splendid view. Buttercup lay helpless beside the picnic, gagged and tied and blindfolded. Vizzini held his long knife against her white throat. 

"Welcome," Vizzini called when the man in black was almost upon them.

The man in black stopped and surveyed the situation. 

"You've beaten my swordsman, and my giant," Vizzini said. 

"It would seem so." 

"And now it is down to you. And it is down to me." 

"So that would seem too," the man in black said, edging just a half-step closer to the hunchback's long knife. 

With a smile the hunchback pushed the knife harder against Buttercup's throat. It was about to bring blood. "If you wish her dead, by all means keep moving," Vizzini said. 

The man in black froze. 

"That’s better," Vizzini nodded. "I understand completely what you are trying to do," the Sicilian said. "and I want it quite clear that I resent your behavior. You are trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen, and I think it quite ungentlemanly." 

"Let me explain-" the man in black began, starting to edge forward. 

"You're going to kill the Princess!" the Sicilian screamed, shoving harder with the knife. A drop of blood appeared now at Buttercup's throat, red against white. 

The man in black retreated. "Let me explain," he said again, but from a distance. 

Again the hunchback interrupted. "There is nothing you can tell me I do not already know. I have not had the schooling equal to some, but for knowledge outside of books, there is no one in the world as smart as me. People say I read minds, but that is not, in all honesty, true. I merely predict the truth using logic and wisdom. Your explanations are meaningless; we cannot do business together. You wish to keep her alive for ransom, whereas it is terribly important to me that she stop breathing in the very near future." 

"Has it occurred to you that I have gone to great effort and expense, as well as personal sacrifice, to reach this point," the man in black replied. "And that if I fail now, I might get very angry. And if she stops breathing in the very near future, it is entirely possible that you will catch the same fatal illness?" 

"I have no doubt you could kill me. Any man who can get by my sword-master and my giant would have no trouble disposing of me. However, has it occurred to you that if you did that, then neither of us would get what we want-you having lost your ransom item, me my life." 

"We are at an impasse then," said the man in black. 

* 

Find out how the man in black resolves the difficult situation next week!



Vocabulary:

to be kidnapped–to be captured and held prisoner, usually in order for the kidnappers to receive money for your release

a hunchback–a person whose back is curved downwards because of a spinal problem or disability

a knapsack–a soldier’s or hiker’s backpack, usually carried on the back with straps

a goblet–an expensive drinking glass with a foot and a stem

to be gagged – to have one’s mouth covered so that one cannot speak, such as with a cloth tied around one’s head

to be blindfolded – to have one’s eyes covered so that one cannot see

to edge (forward) – to move forward very slowly and very carefully

to resent something–to feel bitterness or moral indignation at some action

a ransom – money paid to get a kidnapped person back

an impasse–a deadlock; a situation in which no progress is possible because of disagreement between two or more parties

Emerging from the Darkness －暗闇から出現すること－

Here is an edited story from “The Decameron” (1353) by Giovanni Boccaccio.  Ten characters hide from the black death for ten days, and each tell ten stories.  This is the fifth story of the second day. 

Let us hope we can all eventually emerge from self-isolation as happily as Andreuccio! 

*

An extremely rich bishop had died recently, and that day he had been placed in his family tomb.  He was placed in the tomb along with many of his finest jewels, including a ruby ring worth 500 Florins. 

Three thieves intended to break into the tomb that night, and steal the riches.  The youngest of the three thieves was named Andreuccio. 

In the middle of the night, the three thieves went to the bishop’s tomb, which was made of marble and very large.  With their iron bars, they managed to pry open the entrance to the tomb, which was very heavy.  The entrance was just large enough for one person to crawl through.  The thieves began to whisper together, arguing about who should enter the tomb. 

“Let Andreuccio enter,” said the two older thieves. 

“I will not!” replied Andreuccio, who was terrified of the thought of crawling into the small hole. 

But the two other thieves threatened him with the iron bars.  “We will beat you to death with these bars unless you go in!” 

Andreuccio, feeling scared, started to crawl into the narrow opening.  But he said to himself that the other two thieves could not be trusted, and were planning to cheat him.  “They will ask me to hand over all the jewels to them, and while I am crawling out of the hole, they will run away and leave me with nothing,” he said to himself. 

So Andreuccio decided to get his own share of the jewels first.  Quickly, he found the bishop’s ring, took it off the dead man’s finger, and placed it on his own.  He then searched about for the other jewels.  He handed a necklace and fine clothes to the other thieves, but told them that he could not find a ring. 

The other two insisted that the ring must be there, and that he should search some more.  Andreuccio pretended to search without finding it.  At last, his companions told him to search until he died, and shut the heavy door of the tomb, leaving him alone in the darkness with the dead bishop. 

Imagine the poor thief trapped in the tomb.  Andreuccio tried again and again to lift up the lid with all his strength.  But it was too heavy.  At last, he fell exhausted on top of the dead body.  He started to weep.  He imagined only two possible fates for himself.  He would either die in the tomb from starvation or lack of oxygen.  Or else, if the tomb were opened, he would be found inside and would be hanged as a thief. 

Time passed in the darkness.  Eventually, Andreuccio heard voices outside the tomb.  He realised that a group of people had gathered and were discussing how best to open the tomb and steal the jewels of the dead bishop.  After a time, the lid of the tomb was opened, and the new thieves started to argue amongst themselves about who should go in to steal the jewels. 

Then Andreuccio recognised the voice of the local priest.  “What are you all scared of?  A dead body will not eat you.  There is nothing to be scared of.  I will go in myself!” 

The priest decided to enter the tomb legs first, in order to drop down onto the body.  So he turned around and started to wriggle into the tomb.  His legs appeared before Andreuccio.  So Andreuccio grabbed hold of the legs and made some moaning noises.  In a panic, the priest wriggled back out of the tomb and ran away as if he were being chased by a thousand devils.  The others ran away in panic too, leaving the entrance to the tomb open. 

Andreuccio scrambled out, and made his way quietly home, still wearing the ruby ring.



Vocabulary:

to emerge – to come out

self-isolation – removing oneself from contact with other people

a bishop – a high-ranking member of the Catholic Church

a tomb – a building to keep the bodies of rich or important dead people in

to pry something open – to force something open by using a rod or bar etc. to force an opening

to crawl – to move like a baby on hands and knees

to weep – to cry a lot

starvation – death from lack of food

moaning – a long, low sound, like that of a ghost or person in pain

to wriggle – to move with quick side to side motions, like a worm

to scramble – to move quickly and clumsily, like someone running in a panic

Remembering an Ancient Virus －古代のウイルスを思い出すこと－

When the coronavirus pandemic started to spread, I recalled the opening of the Decameron by Boccaccio, written in the 14^th century in Florence.  The writer survived the plague known as the black death.  In his book, ten characters hide away in self-isolation from the virus, and pass the time telling stories to each other. 

I have edited the introduction to the book below.  It is a little dark.  I will edit one of the lighter stories next week. 

Remember that we survived much worse viruses than the one we are facing now.  Boccaccio recommends enjoying life and stories even when times are very hard.  I hope you can all do so too.  Take care!


Edited extract from “The Decameron”, by Boccaccio 

When I remind myself, dear ladies, of what delicate creatures you are, it worries me that this present work of mine should have such a gruesome beginning.  The fact is, it is rather like a steep and rugged mountain with a beautiful plain at the top – tough to climb, but worth it when you get there. 

If I could have spared you the pain, I would.  But if I don’t describe the terrible events which produce them, I won’t be able to tell you how these stories came to be told at all. 

In the Year of Our Lord, 1348, the city of Florence was struck by the plague from the East, known as the black death.  The symptoms began to appear in the spring.  Lumps and hard swellings under the arm and groin, some as big as an egg, and then the black spots on the arms and legs – a sure sign of certain death.  And it spread, not only from person to person, but on clothes and belongings.  With my own eyes, I saw two pigs who found a poor, destitute fellow dead on the street.  They rooted among his rags as pigs do, chewing them and tossing them about with their snouts.  Almost at once they grunted, twisted about, and fell dead. 

Great palaces and houses, once full of their lords and servants, were left deserted.  Young men and girls, glorious in their youth and beauty, took breakfast with their friends and kinsfolk in the morning, and in the same evening dined with their ancestors in the underworld. 

I could tell you many more such horrors.  But it would depress me, who saw them, and sicken you. 

So let me report instead that, while the city was in this depopulated state, on a Tuesday morning after church service, the church was almost completely empty except for seven young women, all dressed in mourning.  They all knew each other, were of good families, and educated and courteous.  The eldest was not yet 28, and the youngest not younger than 18.  I could tell you their names.  But it would be better not to.  I have no wish to give material to scandalmongers, who are always ready to slander decent people, and who would delight in slurring the honour of these noble ladies. 

* 

The ten young people gather together for ten days and each tell ten stories.  Many of them are funny.  Many criticise the church.  Many laugh at women cheating on their husbands.  They all seem to celebrate the idea of living life and enjoying it while you can. 

I’ll include one of the stories from the second day next week.


Vocabulary:

self-isolation – keeping yourself away from other people

gruesome - horrifying

rugged – of a path or place to walk, tough and difficult to walk along

a lump – a place on the body which has swollen and become hard, due to illness or injury

destitute – very poor and completely without money

to root (about) – to search roughly, like an animal searching in the ground for food

a snout – a flat nose of an animal, such as a pig

kinsfolk – distant relatives

to dine – to eat dinner

to be depopulated – to have fewer than normal people living there

to be in mourning – to be wearing black clothes etc. to show grief for someone’s death

a scandalmonger – someone who spreads black gossip, or rumours of scandal

to slander someone – to spread false gossip about someone

The way of the toddler: Sōranbushi and sumo －幼児道 ソーラン節と相撲－

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The way of the toddler: Sōranbushi and sumo