ET and the Child Police －ETと子供警察－

The philosopher Voltaire once said that if God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

I’m not sure exactly why he thought that creating an imaginary God would be a useful thing for humanity.  But perhaps one reason would be for an imaginary God to function as a powerful policeman.  Even if no human eyes could see you committing crimes, then you might still be frightened of being seen by God.

My wife recently tried a similar tactic to encourage our son to behave well – she created an imaginary alien, who watches over our son’s behaviour.

My wife calls her own phone from her computer.  “Oh dear!  The alien’s calling.  He wants to know if you have gotten ready for the nursery yet.  He’s a scary alien.  You had better get ready, or he will come round!”

So far her ruse seems to be working.  The pretend alien is the only thing that can get our son to do something that he really doesn’t want to do.

But you have to be careful not to push these ruses too far.  One of my wife’s friends used to pretend to be talking to the police about her son.

“The police will come to arrest you if you don’t finish your homework,” she would say.

She had to stop doing this when one day her son called the emergency contact number for the police.

“This is the police.  What is the emergency?”

“Hello, this is (Taro Tanaka).  I have finished my homework.”

“Umm, what?  Is there some emergency, Taro?”

“There is no emergency.  My mum said that you would arrest me if I didn’t finish my homework.  But I’ve finished it now. So don’t worry.”

“I see, Taro.  Could you pass the phone to your mother, please?  I’d like to talk to her.”

Vocabulary:

ET – an extra-terrestrial (an alien)

a ruse–an action intended to deceive someone; a trick

to push something too far – to continue something for too long, or take something to an extreme

Moving Wild with a Swinging Child －揺れている子供と荒々しく移動すること－

“Got the message that,
I gotta be a wild one (Wild, wild, child).
Ooh, yeah, I’m a wild one (Wild, wild child).
Gonna break it loose,
Gonna keep ‘em moving wild,
Gonna keep a’swinging, baby,
I’m a real wild child.”
From the song, “Real Wild Child” by Ivan 

My three year-old son can be difficult for me to handle sometimes.  He is a bit of a wild child. 

For instance, I have had big difficulties when trying to take him to his nursery.  It is about 10 or 15 minutes away from our house on foot.  I have been trying to help my wife by taking our son to the nursery some mornings.  I can’t do it myself because I am blind and it would be too dangerous.  But three days a week a guide comes round to help me go to the supermarket, or barber or whatever.  So on those days the guide, my son, and I have been going to the nursery together. 

Unfortunately, my son usually doesn’t want to go to the nursery.  Because of the coronavirus, we kept him at home for a couple of months, and he realises that he prefers this to running around in a group of screaming kids.  I can’t really blame him for that.  When he is in a really bad mood, he starts screaming and kicking off his shoes, and refusing to walk.  Because the guide is a lady in her seventies, I can’t ask her to carry my son.  So I carry him, with him still squirming about and screaming in my ear, and trying to kick off his shoes.  It is no use reasoning with him or waiting for the tantrum to end.  He can keep it going seemingly forever. 

So I have to walk carrying this wild child in front of me, stepping very carefully to avoid bumping into things I cannot see.  I can’t use my white cane to check the ground in front of me, because I can’t hold my son with just one arm.  My guide holds my shoulder and tries to push me straight ahead, or to the left or the right.  Somehow, the three of us have got to move like this across several busy roads and along streets that have no pavements.  The last time this happened, my son’s kicking to try and force his shoes off started pushing my trousers down just as we were crossing a road.  I had to hurry to the other side before we were struck by a car, or my underwear was revealed to the world.  What a strange sight we must be to passers by! 

Maybe little by little my son will get used to his nursery again and stop fighting so hard to avoid going there.  But my mother says that I was the same at that age, and always had to be carried kicking and screaming to my nursery.  So maybe he has the wild child gene, and it will stay with him until he passes it onto his own children.  I’m going to buy a stronger belt for my trousers.



Vocabulary:

to handle something–to manage (a situation or problem)

to squirm–to twist your body about, especially because of nervousness or discomfort

to reason with somebody – to try to make someone understand your point of view, or to change their opinion through discussion

a tantrum – a childish show of anger

a gene – something passed on from parent to child, which can cause a change in characteristics, such as eye-colour

The Little Sumo’s first adventure, part 3 －小さなお相撲さんの初めての冒険 パート3－

In the story so far, Mummy, Daddy, and the little sumo (three years old) tried to buy some Moon Cola from a vending machine.  The front of the vending machine opened and they went inside.  Then the vending machine rose above the Earth like a rocket with the three inside… 

The vending machine kept going up and up, and soon they could see the Earth below them. 

“I hope we will be safe,” said Mummy.  “I have never been in space before.  I wonder where the vending machine can be taking us?  All we did was try to buy some Moon Cola.  We didn’t ask to go into space!” 

“Moon Cola?” said the little sumo.  “Then maybe the vending machine is taking us to the moon!” 

* 

The little sumo was right.  Soon through the window, they could see a silvery grey shape. 

“What’s that?” asked the little sumo.  “It looks like the silver coin we put into the vending machine!” 

“That’s the moon!” said Daddy.  “It looks silvery grey because there is no water, and no grass on it.  And it is getting closer!” 

The surface of the moon got closer and closer, and then the vending machine landed on the surface with a little bump. 

“Oh dear!” said Mummy.  “There is no water or grass on the moon.  There is no air on the moon either!  We didn’t bring any space-suits with us, so we can’t breathe if we go outside!” 

“Yes, you’re right!” said Daddy.  “Maybe we should ask the vending machine to take us back to Earth.” 

The little sumo was about to start looking for a button which might make the vending machine go back to Earth, when he noticed something moving outside the window.  It was a large grey creature with three legs and eight arms, and its head was growing out of its belly button.  In one of its arms it seemed to be holding something shiny and red.  It started running towards the vending machine. 

“Oh dear,” said Daddy.  “I think it wants to chop and eat us.  Quickly, let’s try to find a button which will take us back to Earth!” 

Click! – Clang!  Kloonk – Klunk!  The moon monster was feeling and pushing against the outside of the vending machine. 

Just then the little sumo saw a blue and green button next to the window.  He pressed it! 

And then they could see the moon monster getting smaller below them.  The vending machine was rising high above the moon.  The little sumo watched as the moon monster waved his eight arms at them.  “That’s strange,” he said.  “It is not holding that shiny red thing in its hand any more.” 

“Never mind that,” said Daddy.  “Well done for finding the right button, little sumo!  I think we are going back to the Earth now.” 

The vending machine rose high above the moon, then turned around and began to drop slowly towards the Earth.  Looking through the window, Mummy, Daddy and the little sumo saw the Earth, then they passed through a white cloud, then they saw Tokyo getting bigger before them, and finally landed in the same spot where the grey vending machine had always been. 

Mummy opened the door and they all got out of the vending machine, and looked about at the ordinary street of Tokyo. 

“That was lucky,” said Daddy.  “I thought that the moon monster was going to attack and break the vending machine.” 

“Let’s go back home!” said Mummy. 

“Wait!” said the little sumo.  “I want to check and see if we can get our Moon Cola.” 

The little sumo opened the flap at the bottom of the vending machine, to search where the drinks usually fall into when you select and pay for them.  He felt around with his hand until he touched something cold.  He pulled it out.  It was a shiny red can of Moon Cola. 

“So the moon monster wasn’t trying to chop and eat us,” said Daddy. 

“No,” said Mummy.  “He was giving us our Moon Cola.” 

“I wonder what Moon Cola tastes like?” said the little sumo, and he smiled happily.



Vocabulary:

to chop something–to cut something up into small pieces with repeated strong blows or cuts (eg. I chopped some vegetables to make a salad.)

a flap – a thin covering which hangs in front of an opening, and which can be pushed or pulled open (eg. A cat flap is a door which cats can push open)

The Little Sumo’s first adventure, part 2 －小さなお相撲さんの初めての冒険 パート2－

In part 1, Mummy and Daddy and the three year-old little sumo went for a walk in Tokyo and became thirsty.  They saw a vending machine selling “Moon Cola”, and decided to buy some.  But after putting their money in the vending machine, nothing happened.  So the little sumo pulled open the front of the machine, and they all climbed inside to take a look around. 

Just then the door closed behind them!  For a moment it was dark, but soon a pale grey light began to shine inside the little box.  Then they could hear a voice – a sort of shiny, metal, vending machine voice – and it was saying, “Five, four, three, two, one…” 

“Oh dear,” said Mummy.  “I hope we will be all right. 

* 

“Lift off!” said the vending machine. 

And it began to rise off the ground. 

When a rocket lifts off, the astronauts have to lie flat, because it feels like they are being pushed very hard towards the ground.  It is like lying in bed and being sat on by an elephant.  But the vending machine was different.  Going up in a vending machine feels a bit like going up in an elevator.  You feel a little bit dizzy, but you don’t have to lie down. 

“Look!” shouted the little sumo, “I have found a window!” 

On the far side of the little box, one part of the wall was made of glass.  The glass was at just about the right height for the little sumo to look out of, but Mummy and Daddy had to crouch down to look through it. 

“There’s the train station!” said Daddy. 

“And there’s our house!” said Mummy. 

The vending machine was rising higher and higher, and Tokyo was becoming smaller and smaller.  Soon they couldn’t see individual buildings or people, but they could see the whole of Tokyo below them, and the sea, in Tokyo Bay. 

“It looks amazing!” said Mummy. 

But suddenly everything outside the little window became white. 

“What has happened?” asked Daddy.  “Why can’t we see anything any more?” 

“Maybe it is snowing?” said the little sumo.  “Maybe that is why everything is white.” 

The vending machine went up some more, and a white cloud suddenly appeared below them. 

“We couldn’t see anything because we were inside a cloud!” said Daddy.  “And now that we are above it, we can see again!” 

The vending machine kept going up and up, and soon they could see the Earth below them. 

“I hope we will be safe,” said Mummy.  “I have never been in space before.  I wonder where the vending machine can be taking us?  All we did was try to buy some Moon Cola.  We didn’t ask to go into space!” 

“Moon Cola?” said the little sumo.  “Then maybe the vending machine is taking us to the moon!” 

* 

I didn’t have enough space in today’s blog to finish the story.  So I will have to finish it in part 3 next week.  How will Mummy, Daddy and the little sumo survive in space?  Will they ever get to drink that Moon Cola?  Find out next time!



Vocabulary:

Lift off – This is said when a rocket is fired and begins to rise above the surface of the Earth

to feel dizzy – to have a feeling of spinning around, and losing your balance

to crouch down–to bend your legs to make your body or head lower