Trading in (men’s) fantasies －（男性の）幻想を扱う商売－

Imagine that there is a salesman, standing outside his place of business, encouraging potential customers to enter.  “Come in, come in!  We have special deals for men and women!”

His place of business is not a shop.  Rather, it is a romantic meeting point; a kind of special dating zone for those looking to find a partner.

The salesman confidently continues, “Women can enter for free!  Meet handsome men, rich men, passionate men!  We have all shapes and sizes.  There’s no need to rush, ladies.  Please form an orderly queue.”

So far the deal sounds good enough for the women.  What is he offering the men?

“Roll up, men!  And make sure to bring your credit cards, since there is a small fee to enter.  Meet the woman of your dreams!  And when you have met her, there is a modest charge to hear what she has to say.  Experience the excitement of chatting to beautiful women!  And if you pay a little extra, we will tell you whether the woman you are chatting to is real or a fake, computer generated image.  Roll up, roll up!”

So, let us just recap.  The women can get in for free, can initiate contact with men they are interested in for free, and don’t have to deal with fake men created by computer.  The men have to pay to enter, pay to initiate conversations with women, pay to receive comments from women, and have to pay even more money or they will be contacted by women who aren’t even real.  Well, if these are the entry conditions, do you think that there will be more men choosing to enter or more women?  That’s right.  70 per cent of the customers who use this service are men, and only 30 per cent are women.  Conclusion?  A higher proportion of idiots are men.

If you have been reading the news recently, you may have heard of the business I have been talking about.  It is a dating web-site which has become popular across much of the world.  It was started in Canada and specializes in matching men and women who are already married and are looking for an extra-marital relationship.  The company’s slogan is, “Life is short.  Have an affair.”  It has been in the news recently because it suffered a data breach and a group of hackers claims to have stolen the details of all of its millions of members worldwide.  The hackers are threatening to release the real names and details of everyone who has registered to join this site unless it is shut down.

Leaving aside the moral implications of a company actively encouraging married people to cheat on their spouses, I found the psychology of the people signing up to this site interesting, and the difference between the genders.  Despite all of the encouragement for women to join, and all of the extra payments that men have to make, there are still far more men than women.  The fake women seem like bait on the end of a fishing line.  So why are all these men joining and risking having their data stolen and their marriages breaking down?  Why are they paying for the small chance that the beautiful woman they are talking to is real and will actually have an affair with them?  I guess that many of them are just buying the fantasy.  As long as there is a tiny chance that it is all real, then they will pay the money, take the risks and live in hope.

Only here’s what they seem to have forgotten: Fantasies are free.  They happen inside your own head.  You don’t need to hand over your credit card details.  Go on, have one right now, especially if you are married.

Vocabulary:

Roll up! – This is a phrase traditionally used outside events such as circuses to encourage people to gather and enter.

modest – small; minor

to recap – To summarise; to briefly go over things again

to initiate – to begin something like a conversation, friendship etc.

extra-marital – outside of marriage

an affair – a secret relationship with someone not recognised as your official partner

a breach – the results of a successful attack which penetrates defences, such as a security breach

an implication – a possible effect or result of an action or a decision

a spouse – a husband or wife

 

 

 

 

“Such a wistful eye” (studying English through poetry) －あんなに悩ましげな目で （詩で学ぶ英語）－

Poetry doesn’t translate well, and it’s one of the hardest things for students of a foreign language to get their heads around.  I know this from my own experience of studying Japanese.  My teacher encouraged me to read Japanese waka and haiku.  I found that they were full of unusual readings of kanji and non-standard uses of words.  This is very helpful in making the lines fit into a tight structure of syllables.  But it’s very confusing!

So whilst I don’t generally recommend poetry as a means of studying a language, there are some exceptions.  One of these is Oscar Wilde’s “The ballad of Rading Gaol”.  “Gaol”, by the way, is an old-fashioned spelling of “jail”, or prison.  Reading is a place.

This poem is more suitable for English study, partly because it has a clear narrative, and partly because the background story of how the poem was written is so fascinating.

Oscar Wilde was convicted of homosexual offenses and was sentenced to two years hard labour.  Whilst in jail he saw the execution of another prisoner, who was hanged for murdering his wife.  After being released from prison in 1897, Wilde wrote about the incident and how the prisoners felt.

It is a very long poem.  So I will print only a short extract, with an explanation of vocabulary at the end.  This is the opening of the poem... 

An extract from “The ballad of Reading Gaol” by Oscar Wilde (1897):

He did not wear his scarlet coat,
For blood and wine are red,
And blood and wine were on his hands
When they found him with the dead,
The poor dead woman whom he loved,
And murdered in her bed.

He walked amongst the trial men

In a suit of shabby grey;
A cricket cap was on his head,
And his step seemed light and gay;
But I never saw a man who looked
So wistfully at the day.

I never saw a man who looked

With such a wistful eye
Upon that little tent of blue
Which prisoners call the sky,
And at every drifting cloud that went
With sails of silver by.

I walked, with other souls in pain,

Within another ring,
And was wondering if the man had done
A great or little thing,
When a voice behind me whispered low,
“That fellow’s got to swing.”

Poor Oscar was bankrupted by the trial and his imprisonment, and was forced to flee Britain to live in Paris after being released.  He wrote the poem in part because he was desperate to get some money.  Because of his disgrace, he didn’t attach his name to the poem until the seventh edition.  It was a success and sold well enough to allow him to survive on the royalties.  But he died only a few years after his release from prison at the young age of 46.

Now I can guess that 50 per cent of readers gave up reading as soon as they saw the word “poetry”.  Congratulations for making it all the way to the end!  You’re very smart. 

Vocabulary:

wistful – having a feeling of vague or regretful longing.  For example: When the divorced man met his ex-wife, he felt wistful.

to get one’s head around something – to understand something.  For example: I can’t get my head around this problem.

a syllable – the parts into which a word is naturally divided when it is pronounced.  “Di-ffi-cult” (difficult) is divided into three syllables.

fascinating – extremely interesting

an offense – a crime

an execution – the killing of a criminal as a punishment for their crime

scarlet – of a brilliant red colour

shabby – in poor condition due to long use or lack of care

gay – in this poem, the word means light-hearted.  That has become an old-fashioned use, and in modern English, it now usually means “homosexual”.

to swing – in this line, it means to be hanged.  When he is executed by hanging, his legs will swing in the air.

to be bankrupted – to run out of money so that you cannot pay your debts

to flee – to run away

disgrace – loss of reputation or respect as a result of a dishonourable action

royalties – money due to the author of a book or creator of an artwork when it is used, bought etc. 

Better value for sumo passengers? － 力士のお客さんの方がお得？ －

This week I have been thinking about two small incidents.  I am not sure if there is really a strong link between them.  But one incident made me remember the other.  Let us see if you can also find a link.

A number of years ago I went to Tokyo Disneyland.  I had to wait in a queue for more than an hour to get on one of the rides.  It was hot, I was tired, the food was over-priced and poor, and no amount of jollity from men in giant rodent costumes was cheering me up.

But whilst waiting in the queue I was able to pass the time by observing a sumo wrestler who was also queueing.  He was with his girlfriend, who was tiny by comparison and very beautiful.  They seemed to be having a better time than me and were laughing and joking together.

When I eventually got to the front of the queue and got into the ride, I found that the space for passengers was quite limited.  It was a little uncomfortable for me, and I only weigh 55 kg.  I was sure that the sumo was going to have real difficulties getting on the ride.  I wanted to hang around and see what happened.  I had an image of the sumo wrestler being forced to wait for an hour and a half only to be told he couldn’t get on, and then becoming furious and charging around Disneyland like Godzilla, destroying everything in his path.  That had to be more interesting than a two minute roller coaster ride.

Unfortunately, I was also accompanied by my partner and she was still enthusiastic about getting on.  So we got on the ride and I didn’t see what happened with the sumo.

The point of the story is this: In facilities built for public use, it’s one size fits all.  Amusement parks, bus companies, airlines and so on don’t build seats of various sizes for various body shapes.  You have to squeeze in as best you can into a seat for the average person.  So large people can lose out.

But sometimes they have the advantage.  If you get on an aeroplane, the airline will check the weight of your bags carefully.  There will be a maximum weight limit and if you exceed the limit then you have to pay an extra fee.  This makes sense, since for every extra kilogram of weight brought on board, the aeroplane will have to use extra fuel to carry everything aloft and the costs for the airline will increase.  But if that’s true, why don’t fat people have to pay extra money to board?  Why don’t I get a “55 kg or less” discount?  On a plane, the sumo wrestler will be getting better value for money for his ticket.

Recently, however, some thin passengers seem to have cottoned on to the inherent injustice of this system.  They are turning themselves into sumo wrestlers in order to escape the costs of bringing large amounts of carry on baggage.

A few days ago there was a great story about a minor celebrity from my home town of Glasgow.  He is a singer in a boy band.

He was due to get on a flight from London to Glasgow, which is a short flight of about an hour.  When he tried to carry two bags onto the plane, he was told that he would have to pay an extra 45 pounds for bringing on a second bag.  Being a clever Scotsman, he came up with a plan to avoid the charge.  He emptied one of his bags, which contained his clothes.  He then put on all of the clothes.  He was thus wearing six t-shirts, six jumpers and four pairs of trousers and looked like a sumo.  He then stuffed his other bag into the empty one.  He got on the plane and avoided paying any extra charge for the second bag.

Unfortunately, during the flight he continued to wear his sumo disguise, or all of the extra layers of clothing.  He began to feel unwell, vomited on the plane and showed all of the symptoms of heat exhaustion.  When the plane landed, he had to be rushed to hospital.  Although his health recovered, his dignity may have suffered permanent damage.

... So was there really any link between these two stories?  Sometimes thin people have the advantage, and sometimes fat people do?  Going to Tokyo Disneyland is just as annoying as getting on a flight, except that the food is worse and the waiting seems longer?  Okay, I’m not sure there really was a link.  It’s 35 degrees and I think my brain may be malfunctioning.  But I hope you enjoyed the stories anyway. 

 

Vocabulary:

a queue : a line formed by people, cars etc. waiting their  turn for something

jollity – the quality of being cheerful.  This word is often used at Christmas.

a rodent – a group of mammals, which includes mice and rats

to be furious – to be violently angry

to exceed – to go over something, like a limit, maximum size etc.

to carry something aloft – to carry something into the air

to cotton on – This is a casual phrase, meaning to figure out or come to understand something.  For example: He cottoned on to his wife’s affair.

to be inherent – to be a permanent or essential characteristic

carry on baggage – luggage or bags which are carried on to a plane by a passenger, as opposed to check in baggage, which is stored in the hold

to malfunction – to fail to function normally

 

 

It’s good to talk －話すことは良いことです－

Imagine that you are on a train platform, walking slowly and carefully towards the stairs.  Now imagine that you are walking slowly and carefully because you are blind.  You are using your white cane to follow the tactile pavings (yellow blocks) which run along the ground and lead to the stairs.  But don’t worry: you have used this train platform hundreds of times before, and you know exactly where you are and how to get to where you want to go.  You are only walking slowly to avoid bumping into other people.

Then imagine that without saying a word, someone suddenly grabs your arm and starts physically pulling you in a different direction, towards the escalators.  You would be rather surprised, and probably not terribly happy. 

This happened to me in a train station yesterday.  It doesn’t happen too often but every now and then someone will grab me suddenly as I am walking along, and try to pull me in some direction or other, without saying, “Hello,” or “Excuse me” or , “Hey, can I drag you around like a sack of potatoes?” 

Of course, most people are much more sensible.  On the same day, a little earlier, another person approached me as I was walking towards the ticket gates.  She asked in polite Japanese whether I needed any help.  I told her that I was fine and thanked her for her offer, and we went our separate ways.  I felt pleased by having a little human contact and that somebody was making sure I was okay.  Probably the woman also went away feeling pleased with a little human contact and at having done something nice for another person.  This is obviously a better way to try to help someone. 

“Helping” a vulnerable pedestrian by suddenly grabbing them is a little bit like deciding to fix your neighbour’s tv by breaking in in the middle of the night.  You know that you mean well but to the other party it might be quite alarming... 

Anyway, I shook the guy off and managed to get to my destination without further trouble.  Yesterday reminded me that it is generally nice to interact with friendly people once in a while, and also that it is good to talk. 

Vocabulary:

a tactile paving – This is a tile set into the ground to assist pedestrians who are visually impaired.  They can be found in many train stations in Japan.

every now and then – Occasionally

to be vulnerable – To be in a weak or dangerous state or position

to break in – To enter someone’s house or property by force

to be alarming – To be frightening; causing worry

I’ll see you in Doggy Heaven －犬天国で会いましょう－

Last week I wrote about Tokugawa Tsunayoshi, who in the 17^th century introduced a law in Japan which made the harming of a dog an offense punishable by death.

I’d like to relate a further story I found amusing from the same era.

Tsunayoshi not only decreed that dogs must not be harmed.  When they died, they had to be given funeral rites as if they were a human.  This involved carrying them up a mountain and laying them to rest there as a mark of respect.

A Westerner who was living on Dejima in Nagasaki and who was occasionally allowed, or forced, to travel to Edo to consult with the shogun kept a diary detailing many of the interesting incidents he saw on the way there.  During the era of compassion for dogs, he noted an incident like this: 

Two farmers were each carrying a dog up a mountain.  The heavy beasts were slung across their shoulders, and the farmers’ backs were bent as they trudged up the mountainside.

One farmer grumbled to the other, “This is madness.  Why do we have to sling these dogs over our shoulders and climb up a mountain, just because the shogun was born in the year of the dog?”

The other farmer shifted under the weight of his own dead dog before sagely replying, “Well, it could be worse.  He could have been born in the year of the horse.”

The Western observer did not record whether the first farmer laughed or not.

 

Vocabulary:

to relate – to tell something in detail.  We relate incidents, the details of something, stories etc.

to decree – for someone in authority to make a rule or law, telling people what they have to do

a rite – a ceremony or ritual

to sling/ to be slung – to put or carry something so that it is hanging down.  We often say “sling A over B” or “sling A across B”

to trudge – to walk with a slow and heavy step, as when you are very tired or carrying a heavy load

to grumble – to complain, especially in a low tone

sagely – wisely; like a sage