At New Year it is customary to make resolutions. These are promises you make to yourself, for the purpose of self improvement.
To make sure I stick to my
resolutions, I have decided to write them down here. That way, if anybody sees that I am failing
to stick to them, they can make me re-read my blog and force me to try harder.
Here are my five modest resolutions.
1
Eat more chocolate
I like my dentist. His eyes light up when he talks about
teeth. Sometimes when he’s explaining
some procedure he wants to do, he pulls out a model of a man’s skull, with jaws
and teeth, and runs his fingers over it in excitement.
If I’m going to see more of him next year,
I’m going to have to eat more sugar.
2
Put away that exercise bike
Who have I been trying to fool? That exercise bike just sits in the
corner. And sometimes I bump into it if
I’m going somewhere useful, like to the drinks cabinet.
3
Start smoking cigars again
Now that I have a young son, it is important
that he knows how harmful smoking is. I
had better start again, so that he can see me coughing.
4
Study Japanese less
Nobody likes a swot.
5
Put on weight
It would make my wife feel much
better. Every day she would look at me
and feel slim. I would have to put on an
awful lot of weight though...
Vocabulary:
to stick to – of a plan, promise etc., to
persevere; to continue as originally planned
for one’s eyes to light up – for someone to
show their excitement in their expression
to fool (someone) – to make someone believe
in a lie
a cigar – a kind of rolled up tobacco,
which is bigger than a cigarette, and which is not directly inhaled when smoked
a swot – a slang term for someone who
studies too much; a teacher’s pet
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