Samurai Lies －サムライの嘘－

Imagine this experiment.  You have been asked by a team of university researchers to help them with their research.  You have agreed to help from home, and email the results you get.  The researchers want you to flip a coin, and tell them whether the result is heads or tails.  Whatever the result is, they would like you to report it honestly.  But they cannot watch you or check if you are telling the truth. 

And there is a twist.  If you email to say that the coin shows heads, then you will be paid a little money.  If you email to say that the coin shows tails, then you will get nothing. 

You flip the coin, and it’s tails.  Damn it!  That’s not fair.  Why should you lose the money, just because you were unlucky?  What would a British gentleman do?  What would a samurai do? 

Apparently, a British gentleman would accept his bad luck and email the true result.  A samurai would pick up the coin and flip it again until it showed heads... 

Let me explain the experiment further.  Researchers from the University of Essex in the UK wanted to compare the honesty of people in different countries.  So they performed this experiment on thousands of people, across a number of different countries.  The countries included Mexico, Peru, South Africa, the UK, Portugal, Switzerland, India, China, Korea, and Japan.  They could not test whether any individual person was being honest or not.  But by testing large numbers of people, they could estimate what per centage of people were being dishonest.  If everyone is being honest, then 50 per cent of the results reported should be heads, and 50 per cent should be tails.  In every country, more than 50 per cent of the reported results were heads.  But in some countries, the per centage that reported heads was less than 60 per cent, but in others it was more than 70 per cent.  In other words, people in some countries were reporting the results more honestly than in other countries. 

Britain was one of the most honest countries, according to this test.  Japan, along with Korea and China, was one of the most dishonest countries, according to this test.  So are the samurai really more dishonest than the British gentlemen? 

Maybe the test shows that British people are more honest than Japanese.  But maybe it shows some other difference in cultural values.  For instance, gambling is mostly illegal in Japan, but is more common in the UK.  Perhaps that had an effect on the results.  Maybe the fact that the researchers were from a UK university influenced the results (“Why should I tell the truth to these weird foreigners?”)  Anyway, I’ll be keeping a tighter hold on my wallet in Japan in future, just in case.


Vocabulary:

to flip a coin – to throw a coin in the air and let it fall randomly on one side or the other

heads and tails – the names for the two sides of a coin, in countries where one side shows the head of an important person (such as the Queen)

Damn it! – an exclamation to show sudden annoyance

weird - strange

In Search of Lost Snacks ー失われたおやつを求めてー

Many years had elapsed during which nothing much had happened, except the teaching of English lessons.  But one day in winter my wife, seeing that I was cold, offered me some tea with milk, something which I did not normally drink.  I declined at first and then, for no particular reason, changed my mind.  She brought from the kitchen one of those flat, triangular little snacks called “potato scones,” which look like an item of stationary from a maths class.  Then mechanically, tired after a hard day, I raised the cup of tea to my mouth, into which I had just stuffed a large bite of potato scone.  No sooner had the tea and snack mixed in my mouth than I felt a shudder run through my body.  That was because I had put too much food in my mouth and almost choked.  But it was also because the mixture of milk tea and too much potato scone stuffed into my mouth reminded me exactly of my childhood in Scotland. 

* 

I am going to go back to Scotland soon for a break.  It will be my first time to go home in about seven years.  I am looking forward to eating many of the local foods which I used to eat as a child – sausage rolls, haggis, rhubarb and custard, real bacon, Scotch pies, and potato scones.  I am hoping that as soon as some of this food enters my mouth in the right combination, seven books’ worth of nostalgia will explode in my mind.  This of course happened for Marcel Proust when he ate a French cookie called a Madeleine with some tea, and became the basis for the seven volumes of “In Search of Lost Time.” 

If I left Japan for seven years, I wonder what combination of food would produce a powerful sense of nostalgia for my time in japan?  With a glass of sho-chu and a chocolate covered almond, perhaps I will one day remember every English student I have ever taught?


Vocabulary:

to elapse – of time, to pass or go by

to decline something – to say no to an offer of something

mechanically – without thinking

to stuff something into (one’s mouth) – to fill (one’s mouth) with something, so that there is little space left unfilled

No sooner had [A] than [B] – As soon as [A] happened, then [B] happened

a shudder – a sudden shaking of the body

to choke – to have severe difficulty breathing because the throat is blocked

You’re Never Too Small To Sumo Wrestle －力士になるのに、小さすぎることはない－

I used to like watching Asashoryu, a Mongolian sumo rikishi.  He made the sport seem elegant as he slipped under the grasp of bigger opponents and lifted them off the ground, or when he spun around in a victory dance.  He was considered small for a yokozuna at 184cm tall and 145kg in weight. 

It is hard for rikishi smaller than that to reach the top in sumo.  Enho is just 169cm tall and 99kg in weight.  But he has to compete against rikishi 60 or 70kg heavier, or more.  I am taller than him, and I am creeping closer to him in weight too.  Has there ever been a sumo rikishi who built up his weight by eating chocolate-covered almonds? 

But recently I found some even smaller rikishi.  My son’s nursery decided to put on a sumo tournament, and teach the toddlers to push one another out of a ring.  Thus three year-old Yumenishiki (my son, using his sumo name) took to the ring. 

I was unable to witness an actual bout between the toddlers.  I wonder if they were really pushing and tripping each other?  Did they really have any idea what was going on?  But the nursery seemed proud of its idea, and printed the shikona (sumo names) of the rikishi toddlers and placed them outside the nursery for all passers by to see.  Then stars started appearing next to the names as the tournament progressed (over several days) to show who had won bouts. 

Sadly, Yumenishiki wasn’t getting any stars next to his name.  He was either losing the bouts, or maybe refusing to take part.  When he got home, I decided to test his sumo skills.  I asked him to wrestle on a mat on the floor.  He stamped one foot and the ground, and then the other, then came running at me.

“Be careful!  He seems very aggressive despite his small stature,” I thought. 

Then, when he reached me, he smiled and held my hands and started dancing around in a circle, instead of trying to push me off the mat.  No wonder he wasn’t getting any stars.  He doesn’t have the killer instinct necessary to be a top rikishi. 

I’m not too disappointed that Yumenishiki wasn’t winning.  Wouldn’t it be more worrying if your three-year old child did have the killer instinct of Enho?



Vocabulary:

to creep closer – to move closer little by little

a toddler – a very young child, who has only recently learned to walk

a passer by – someone who walks past

a bout – a sporting contest, especially boxing, wrestling, etc.

aggressive – willing to use force or violence

stature – a person’s natural height

Haruki’s 2010s, and Waiting for Nobel to Ring －春樹の2010年代、そしてノーベルが鳴るのを待つこと－

It will be the end of a decade – the 2010s – soon, and the Japan Times is publishing some articles summing up the decade.  So I wrote an article summarising Haruki Murakami’s work in the last ten years and asking why he hasn’t quite been able to win a Nobel Prize in Literature.

I suggested that the ”Harukists” who cry on tv whenever Murakami doesn’t win a Nobel Prize probably make him look a little desperate.  It might be better to copy Bob Dylan and look completely disinterested instead.

I also wondered whether too much whisky and jazz, and too many erotic scenes put off the judges.  A little salt, pepper, and even some MSGs can make the meal tastier.  But not too much...

You can find the article here:

ウィルのジャパンタイムズの記事 Nov 23, 2019

Thanks!

Vocabulary:

to sum something up – to give a shorter version of something, including the key points

to put someone off – to make someone less attracted or interested in something (eg., “The smell of natto puts me off eating it.”)

MSGs – mono-sodium-glutinate, a kind of food additive or flavouring

Questioning Death －死神に質問する－

I had to go to hospital recently for a check-up.  When I was there, I had to fill out a questionnaire.  The hospital wanted to know my height, weight, medical history, etc.  But they also wanted to know the answer to one odd question.  They asked, “If you have a serious illness, would you like to know?” 

I realised from this that some people would prefer not to know.  They would rather hide from knowledge of their own coming death. 

That reminded me of a wonderful book I read years ago – “Lord of Light,” by Roger Zelazny.  In one scene in the book, a Buddhist pilgrim meets Yama, the god of Death.  Instead of hiding, he has a very different approach.  I have edited the story to make it easier for English students to understand.


Extract from “Lord of Light,” by Roger Zelazny: 

Death came from beyond the hills of stone, walking.  He followed the trail, his red leather boots silent on the path.  Ahead, there was the sound of running water, where a small stream cut across his way.  He advanced upon the trail, the hilt of his sword gleaming in its sheath.  A man waited ahead, standing on the log that crossed the stream.  It was a small man that stood there, wearing the dark garments of a pilgrim. 

Death raised his hand and spoke to this man, saying, “Good afternoon, pilgrim.” 

The man did not reply, but moved to bar his way, positioning himself on the log that lay across the stream. 

“Pardon me, good pilgrim,” said Death.  “But I am about to cross here, and you are making my passage difficult.” 

“You are mistaken, Lord Death,” if you think you are about to pass here without talking with me,” said the man. 

“It is always a pleasure to be recognised,” Death acknowledged, “even by one who speaks unwisely.” 

“You are said to be wise in certain matters,” said the other.  “You are said to be a god, whose kingdom is Death, and whose knowledge extends beyond the reach of mortals.  I would like to question you therefore.” 

Death did not smile.  “What is it that you wish to know?  I grant you the right to ask a question, and I will answer.” 

Then, in the ancient words of an Indian poem, the man chanted, “There is doubt concerning a man when he is dead.  Some say he still exists, others say he does not.  This thing I should like to know, taught by you.” 

Death replied with the ancient words, “On this subject even the gods have their doubts.  It is not easy to understand, for the nature of the spirit is a subtle thing.  Ask me another question.  Release me from my promise to answer your question.” 

“Forgive me if it is foremost in my mind, o Death.  But another teacher such as yourself cannot be found.  And surely there is no other knowledge which I crave more at this moment.” 

“Keep your life, and go your way,” said Death.  “I release you from your request.  Choose sons and grandsons.  Choose elephants, horses, and herds of cattle, and gold.  Choose any other request from me – fair maidens, chariots, musical instruments.  I shall give them to you and they shall serve you.  But ask me not of death.” 

“O Death,” sang the other.  “These endure only till tomorrow.  Keep your maidens, horses, dances and songs for yourself.  No request will I make except for the one I have asked.  Tell me, o Death, of that which lies beyond life, of which men and the gods have their doubts.” 

Death stood very still.  “Very well,” he said, and his hand moved to his sword.


Vocabulary:

a pilgrim – a person who journeys to a special place for religious reasons

to advance – to move forwards

to bar someone’s way – to block someone’s path; to prevent someone from moving somewhere

to chant – to part-sing, part-speak the words of a poem or religious text

subtle – hard to notice or understand the effects of

foremost – closest to the front

to crave something – to very strongly desire something

to endure – to continue without disappearing, ceasing, etc.

Time-machine Dinner Party －タイムマシン晩餐会－

I have a time machine.  I’ll let you use it, if you like, to invite two figures from history to come round and have a dinner party. 

You have to choose carefully.  One of my friends invited Alexander the Great.  But my friend didn’t speak classical Macedonian.  So Alexander just sat at the dinner table drinking wine.  He drank four bottles of red wine and then felt offended by a look that Yukio Mishima was giving him.  Alexander pulled out a spear and tried to stab poor Yukio with it, and we had to end the party early.

I invited Cleopatra and John Lennon.  I thought that I could admire Cleopatra’s beauty, and get John Lennon to play a few songs. 

But the arsenic Cleopatra used in her make-up made me sneeze.  And John Lennon made rude jokes about me and tried to catch Cleopatra’s eye.  Soon they were kissing behind my sofa, and I had to end the party early again. 

Do you think you can choose more wisely?  Who will you invite?



Vocabulary:

to feel offended – to be resentful or annoyed, often because you feel insulted

to stab someone – to use a sharp object such as a knife to pierce someone’s body and cause a wound

arsenic – a kind of poisonous material which is sometimes used in construction, and which used to be used in make-up

to sneeze – to suddenly and violently expel air from one’s nose and mouth, often because of an allergy

Ghosts at the Door ードアの外にいるオバケー

It is nearly Halloween and the ghosts are running about.  Ghosts frighten the living, but in reality they are easily scared themselves.  So we tell scary stories at this time in order to make the ghosts stay away. 

Here is a very short story for Halloween. 

* 

All human beings on the face of the Earth have died in a terrible plague, except for one – you!  Imagine yourself sitting on the sofa in your little apartment in your vast, empty city.  It is oddly quiet, with no trains running and no traffic rumbling.  How do you feel on the third day on your own?  You are eating a packet of crisps raided from the local convenience store, and staring at the wall.  You try not to remember the faces of the bodies you saw when you went to pick up the packets of food.  What will life be like as the last human on Earth?
You sink back deeper into your sofa, then you sit up sharply at a sudden noise.  It is a knock at your door... 

* 

This is based on an even shorter story by Fredric Brown, written in 1949.  His short, short story is, “The last man on Earth sat alone in a room.  There was a knock at the door...” 

Be careful of ghosts this week, and stay safe.  Think carefully before you answer the door.  Who knows what will be there?


Vocabulary:

a plague – a terrible infectious disease

vast – huge; very large

to rumble – to make a continuous deep sound, such as thunder

to raid something – to suddenly or quickly steal something, especially from a business

Being Bugged on the Train －電車で煩わされること－

I heard a strange story from a female student of mine recently. 

She told me that when she was standing on a packed commuter train, a man suddenly patted her on the shoulder.  She turned round and met his eye. 

“Excuse me, but you have something on your back,” he said politely, and smiled reassuringly.  “Can I touch your back to take it off?” 

The woman agreed, and she felt his hand on her back. 

When the train got to the next stop, the man said, “If you get off the train, I’ll show you what was on your back.” 

So she followed him off the train and onto  the platform.  He then showed her a huge brown bug, several inches long.  The woman squealed in horror and thanked him for getting rid of it.  Then she got on the train again and continued on her journey to work, wondering how such a bug could have gotten on her back. 

* 

Perhaps it is a totally innocent story of a good Samaritan politely helping a fellow train passenger. 

But I must admit that I felt a little suspicious.  Maybe the man carries a big brown bug around in his pocket and takes it out on packed commuter trains to stick to the back of female commuters.  It then gives him an excuse to touch them and strike up a conversation, and watch their reaction as they see the huge bug. 

“I’m going to touch your back now to take off the bug.  You might feel my hand, but stay calm.  O, no!  The bug has started running!  Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll catch it soon!” 

I hope my suspicions are unfounded.  But there are some strange people in the world, and especially on trains.


Vocabulary:

packed – very crowded

to meet someone’s eye – to make eye-contact with someone

reassuringly – in a way which makes others feel less worried

to squeal – to make a high-pitched cry

a good Samaritan – someone who goes out of their way to offer help to a stranger (from a story in the Bible)

to be unfounded – of rumours, suspicions etc., to have no basis or reason for existing

Tales of Consumption Tax Confusion －消費税の混乱話－ （ウィルの書いた記事がジャパンタイムズに掲載されました）

I wrote an article for the Japan Times this week about the recent consumption tax hike. 

I was very interested by the reactions of my students to the tax increase, and I heard some funny stories.  One of my students told me that she felt everyone was saving money by buying things before the tax increase, and she didn’t want to lose out.  She didn’t need to buy anything expensive, and the only thing she could think of to buy was toilet paper.  So on the last day before the tax was increased, she made three trips to the shops to buy multi-packs of toilet paper.  There were very long queues and the trips took an hour and a half in total.  She saved only 48 Yen altogether, and now has to store all the toilet paper in her little apartment. 

I got a shock when I bought a coffee and German dog in Doutor.  I have been going there on Friday mornings for years.  When I found out that it was 8 Yen more expensive, my heart started beating more quickly.  Perhaps the thought of losing 8 Yen every Friday morning caused a minor panic, or maybe too many hot dogs have given me a weak heart. 

You can read the full article here:
ジャパンタイムズ記事リンク

Vocabulary:

a hike – a sudden increase in price, cost, tax, etc.

to lose out – to be disadvantaged; to miss an opportunity when others can get it

Selling your Soul for a Pretty Tail －かわいい尾ひれのために自分の魂を売ること－

I wrote last week about Oscar Wilde.  So it is a good chance to introduce my favourite of his stories.  Here is an edited extract from, “The Fisherman and his Soul”.  I have simplified the language to make it easier for non-native speakers. 

A young fisherman falls in love with a mermaid he catches in his fishing net.  He wants her to become his lover, but she refuses.  She cannot love him because he, like other men, has a soul.  She agrees to be his lover only if he sends his soul away.  I once dated a girl like that too. 

 Anyway, the fisherman visits a priest to ask him to send his soul away from his body. 


Edited extract from, “The Fisherman and his Soul,” by Oscar Wilde: 

“I am in love with one of the sea-folk, and my soul is hindering me from having my desire.  Tell me how I can send my soul away from me.  For in truth I have no need of it.  Of what value is my soul to me?  I cannot see it.  I cannot touch it.  I do not know it!” said the fisherman. 

And the priest answered, “What’s this?  You are mad!  Or you have eaten a poisonous herb!  For the soul is the noblest part of man, and was given to us by God so that we nobly use it.  There is no thing more precious than a human soul!  It is worth all the gold that is in the world, and is more precious than the rubies of the kings.  Therefore, my son, do not think any more of this matter!  For it is a sin, that may not be forgiven.  And as for the sea-folk, they are lost.  They do not know good from evil.” 

The young fisherman’s eyes filled with tears when he heard the bitter words of the priest.  And he rose up from his knees and said to him, “Father, let me be like a deer, running in the forest.  How does my soul profit me if it stands between me and the thing that I love?” 

“The love of the body is vile,” cried the priest, knitting his brows.  The sea-folk are lost, I tell you.  They are lost.  For them there is no Heaven or Hell.” 

“Father, cried the young fisherman.  “You do not know what you say!  Once, in my net I snared the daughter of a king.  She is fairer than the morning star, and whiter than the moon.  For her body I would give my soul!  And for her love I would surrender Heaven.  Tell me how to send away my soul and let me go in peace.” 

“Away!  Away!” cried the priest.  “Your love is lost, and you shall be lost with her!” 

And he gave him no blessing, but drove him from his door. 

So the young fisherman went down into the marketplace.  When the merchants saw him coming, they began to whisper to each other.  And one of them came forth to meet him, and called him by name, and said to him, “What do you have to sell?” 

“I will sell you my soul,” he answered.  I beg you – buy it off me.  For I am weary of it.  Of what use is my soul to me?  I cannot see it.  I cannot touch it.  I do not know it.” 

But the merchants mocked him, and said, “Of what use is a man’s soul to us?  It is not worth a copper coin.  Sell us your body, as a slave!  But do not talk of the soul!  For to us it is nothing.  Nor has it any value for us.” 

And the young fisherman said to himself, “How strange a thing this is.  The priest tells me that the soul is worth all the gold in the world, and the merchants say that it is not worth a copper coin.”


Vocabulary:

to hinder someone from doing something – to make it more difficult for someone to do something

noble – having or showing good morals or fine qualities

precious - valuable

a sin – an immoral action; something disliked by God

vile – morally bad or wicked; dirty or nasty

to knit one’s brow – to frown; to let a negative emotion show by changing the shape of your face around your eyebrows

to snare something – to capture something in a trap

to surrender something – to voluntarily give something up

weary - tired

to mock someone – to make fun of someone; to laugh at someone

The Tweets of Dorian Gray, and the Portrait of a Chinese Vlogger －ドリアン・グレイのツイート、そして中国のユーチューバーの肖像－

“Sin is a thing that writes itself across a man’s face.  It cannot be concealed.”
“I am tired of myself tonight.  I should like to be somebody else.” 

There is only one thing worse in the world than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”

All from Oscar Wilde’s, “The Picture of Dorian Gray” (1890) 


Do you tell the truth on Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram?  Or, if you use these or similar social media platforms, do you polish and clean the image of yourself that you present to the world?  Maybe you went on holiday and had a big argument with your partner, but posted only beautiful photos in which you are both smiling.  Maybe you posted a picture of your tastefully arranged living-room, but your bedroom and kitchen are in a total mess. 

Perhaps you are living a life similar to Dorian Gray.  In Oscar Wilde’s novel, Dorian Gray begins to live an immoral life of decadence.  But he remains young and beautiful, and all of his decadent actions instead affect the face of a portrait of himself that he has hidden in his attic.  Every ugly action he commits makes the portrait look uglier, but the public sees only his untouched, perfect face.  In other words, he can present one face to the world and keep his true face hidden away. 

Although the novel was written in the 19^th century, this is not dissimilar to our modern ability to present a beautiful face to the world through our social media postings, whilst the reality is very different.  There was a story in the news this week about a Chinese vlogger called Lisa Li who had more than a million followers.  She posted videos and pictures of herself enjoying beautiful travel experiences and eating gorgeous food.  But when Lisa’s landlord heard that the apartment she rented was extremely dirty, the landlord tried to contact her to ask for the apartment to be properly cleaned.  When Lisa could not be contacted, the annoyed landlord invited the media in to the apartment.  They found a filthy set of rooms with moldy food and dog excrement covering the floors.  Lisa’s hidden self-portrait had been revealed. 

Another theme of The Picture of Dorian Gray also seems applicable to modern social media.  One of the characters claims that there is no such thing as an immoral book.  For him, it doesn’t matter if the effect of writing the book is to damage innocent people’s reputations, or to cause pain and misery.  All that matters is that the book is beautifully written.  On Twitter, a huge amount of comments are negative or hurtful towards others.  Many people have decided that there is no such thing as an immoral tweet.  All that matters is that it is in some way funny, or attracts attention. 

Just never forget that, like Dorian Gray and Lisa Li, your private face will be exposed someday.


Vocabulary:

sin – immoral actions; crimes against god

to be concealed – to be hidden

decadence – moral decline; excessive indulgence in pleasure or luxury

an attic – a small top room in a house

a landlord – the owner of a rented property

filthy – extremely dirty or unclean

excrement – physical waste produced by the body

to be exposed – of a hidden thing, to be uncovered or revealed

On Knowing when to Shrug your Shoulders －いつ肩をすくめるべきかについて－

“Admit it,” your teacher says.  “Just say sorry and you will receive a light punishment.  If you continue to deny it, things will just get worse and worse for you.” 

You know you are innocent.  But what will you do?  Will you shrug your shoulders and accept the unjust punishment, or fight for justice until you can fight no more? 

I read an interesting story about a British man who recently chose the latter option.  A speed camera caught the 71 year-old Richard Keedwell driving over 35 miles per hour in a 30 miles per hour zone.  So he was asked to pay a 100 Pound fine.  But Richard was convinced that he hadn’t been going over the speed limit.  So he hired a lawyer, and a video electronics expert to demonstrate that the speed camera was faulty.  He challenged the speeding fine in court, but lost.  So he appealed, but lost again.  So he appealed to an even higher court, but lost yet again.  The trials took around three years in total, and cost Richard about 30,000 Pounds – his son’s inheritance.  He could have just shrugged his shoulders and paid the 100 Pound fine. 

All I can say is that I bet Richard voted for Brexit.  Sometimes you have to just give up and accept you can’t get the perfect result you think you deserve. 

Someone that I admired very much when he was alive was Clement Freud, a politician, cook, and broadcaster.  He was the grandson of Sigmund Freud.  His brother Lucian Freud became a famous painter.  The two famous brothers fell out with one another during their childhood and didn’t speak to each other for 70 years.  The reason that they fell out was a race that they had.  Both claimed to have won the race, and refused to back down.  Despite both becoming rich and famous and respected, neither could apologise or admit that he had been wrong.  They died without resolving their differences. 

Even if you were the brother who had won the race, wouldn’t it have been better just to shrug your shoulders and let your selfish brother take the credit?  You would lose almost nothing, but perhaps keep a brother for life. 

If the referee denies your team a clear penalty, don’t take a gun onto the field to shoot him.  Even though it’s painful, just shrug your shoulders at the unfairness of life.  And maybe one day your luck will change, and you’ll meet the referee in a dark alley when no one else is around...


Vocabulary:

unjust – not fair or reasonable

the latter – the second of two options

faulty – not working correctly; partially broken

to appeal – not to accept the result of a trial or court case, and to ask a higher court to review the decision

an inheritance – money passed down to someone after another person’s death

Brexit – Britain’s exit from the European Union

to fall out with someone – for your relationship with someone to become bad

to back down – to give up or stop supporting an opinion, position, etc.

an alley – a very narrow passage or street

Living with the Glasgow Effect －グラスゴー効果と共に生きること－

“Oh, I wish I was in Glasgow,
With some good old friends of mine,
Some good old rough companions,
And some good old smooth, red wine.”
Billy Connolly, from the song, “I wish I was in Glasgow” 

I tuned in to the BBC World Service for a few minutes between English lessons last week and heard a discussion about “extreme economies”.  They talked about the economic problems Japan is having because of its ageing population.  To my surprise, they then talked about my hometown of Glasgow. 

“A-ha!” I thought.  “Glasgow is famous around the world!” 

The writer of a recent book talked about the “Glasgow Effect”.  That is the strange and difficult to explain fact that people from Glasgow die, on average, at a much younger age than people from other cities in Britain. 

“Hmmm... Maybe some ways of being famous are not so great after all.  So how long am I going to live?” 

Life expectancy at birth for Glaswegian men is currently 71.6 years, compared to 78.2 years across the whole UK.  Life expectancy for women born in Glasgow is 78 years, compared to 82.3 years across the whole UK.  By the way, why do feminists always complain that life is so much harder for women?  Have they seen how much longer they live? 

“Ouch!  I’ve got several students older than 71.6 years.  I think I’d like to live a little longer than that.  Maybe if I can understand the cause, I can work hard to avoid it...” 

The interesting thing about the Glasgow effect is that nobody is sure what causes it.  It is not just poverty, since there are other poor cities such as Liverpool and Manchester, whose citizens don’t die so young.  The Economist newspaper summed up the mystery well in 2012 when it wrote, “It is as if a malign vapour rises from the [River] Clyde at night and settles in the lungs of sleeping Glaswegians.” 

“[Kagh!]  Sorry, I think I’ve got something stuck in my lungs.” 

I had to turn off the radio and teach my student.  It’s probably just as well.  I don’t like mystery programmes.  Where’s that smooth, red wine?


Vocabulary:

rough – of a person, not so polite or polished in their behaviour

to tune in to a programme – to set one’s radio or tv to receive a programme

life expectancy – how long someone is predicted to live

Glaswegian – of or from Glasgow

malign – evil or having evil effects

a vapour – a gas

Consumption Tax Troubles －消費税のトラブル－

After the changes to the Japanese consumption tax take effect in October, how much tax will you have to pay on a hamburger? 

The answer is that it depends.  If you eat the hamburger in the restaurant then you will have to pay 10 per cent.  If you buy the hamburger to go then you will only have to pay 8 per cent. 

As far as I can understand the reasoning for this confusing system, the government wants to increase the tax rate from 8 per cent to 10 per cent in most cases, but it doesn’t want people to panic.  “Oh, the tax rate hasn’t really gone up,” the government would like people to think.  “I still only have to pay 8 per cent in some cases.” 

This seems to have created an unnecessarily confusing system.  What will MOS Burger do when a customer buys a hamburger to go, and then sits down and eats it in the restaurant?  How confusing will their menus become when every item is listed with two prices? 

The problem with a confusing tax system which has different tax rates for different people or situations is often practical.  How do you check which category this customer falls into?  How do you punish them if they try to claim the cheaper tax rate when they should be paying the more expensive one? 

Recently I bought some special software for my computer which makes the computer usable by blind people.  It is very expensive.  I bought it from a store in the UK.  Although we have to pay 20 per cent tax on goods bought in the UK (and you are worried about 10 per cent!), people who are registered blind don’t have to pay the tax.  The government has created exceptions to our consumption tax (called VAT) which mean that you don’t have to pay the tax on items which are considered essential.  So there is no consumption tax on babies’ nappies or eggs or milk, or on software designed for blind people which is bought by a blind person. 

But that creates practical problems.  How do you actually check that the customer is really blind?  The answer is that the web-site just asks people who are buying the product if they are really blind.  You don’t have to submit a doctor’s note or do an eye-test.  You just choose the box marked, “Yes, I am blind.”  The government has to trust people because there is no practical and easy way to check the information. 

Maybe Japan should adopt a similar system for its confusing consumption tax.  Really hungry people who need to eat a hamburger don’t have to pay consumption tax.  People who are just eating a snack between meals have to pay 20 per cent.  Sales staff could ask a few quick questions to decide which category a customer falls into.  “What did you eat for breakfast this morning?” or, “You look a little fat – Why did you choose the double hamburger with egg topping?”



Vocabulary:

consumption tax – tax collected by the government when something is bought or sold

to buy something to go – of food, to buy something and not eat it in the restaurant

to punish someone – for someone in authority to cause harm to someone who has done something wrong, broken the rules, etc.

blind – having damaged eyesight or being unable to see

an exception – an unusual case; something which doesn’t fit into the usual pattern

essential – completely necessary; something which is needed

The Three Year-old Centenarian －3歳の百寿者－

In Japan there is a proverb which says that the personality you have at the age of three will stay with you until you are 100. 

That’s a slightly frightening thought.  When I heard the proverb, I imagined my three year-old son as a bent old man, still sucking his finger and dragging his comfort blanket around behind him. 

Maybe what the proverb means is that some basic character traits – introversion or extraversion, bravery or cowardice, etc. – tend not to change in a person over time.  So if your three year-old likes getting up in front of strangers and being the centre of attention, then they will probably be just as outgoing and open as an old man or woman. 

But does this mean that negative character traits, destructive tendencies and criminality also follow people from the age of three to the age of 100?  If you stole cookies from the cookie jar as a toddler, will you be stealing cookies from the other residents of your retirement home almost a century later? 

I have just started reading “Convenience Store Woman” by Sayaka Murata in Japanese.  The main character, Keiko, explains that she has never fitted in.  She recalls being a toddler playing with her friends in the park and finding a dead bird.  When all the other children start crying, and an adult suggests making a grave for the bird, Keiko says, “What a waste!  Why don’t we take the bird home and cook and eat it?  Daddy loves fried chicken!”  Decades later, the adult Keiko has never had a boyfriend and doesn’t trust herself in society because she still tends to think and say odd things that startle others. 

I hope the proverb is wrong.  I like to think that people can change.  If it is a fundamental character trait, it may take a lot of effort and a long time to change.  It may be like turning around an oil tanker.  But even if you jumped on ants , stole cookies, or wanted to cook a dead bird you found in the park, there’s still hope for you to turn your character around.  Don’t wait until you are 100!


Vocabulary:

a proverb – a traditional saying, often giving advice about life

to drag something – to pull something along the ground

a comfort blanket – a blanket used by a young child to make themselves feel relaxed or comfortable

introversion – shyness; a tendency to avoid interactions with other people, or to prefer one’s own company

extraversion – the tendency to be outgoing, or to enjoy the company of others

a retirement home – a home for elderly people to live in after they have stopped working

a toddler – a young child who has only recently learned to walk

to startle someone – to surprise and frighten someone