In My Life －イン・マイ・ライフ－

“There are places I’ll remember,

All my life, though some have changed…

 

All these places have their moments,

With lovers and friends, I still can recall.

Some are dead and some are living,

In my life I’ve loved them all.”

from The Beatles song, “In My Life”

 

I read today about an interesting scientific discovery, which has recently been published. 

Doctors were studying the brain waves of an 87 year old man who suffered from epilepsy.  They connected him to a machine which would analyse his brain waves.  Unfortunately, during the test, the man suddenly had a heart attack and died. 

But this unexpected death allowed the doctors to record the brain wave patterns of a human as they died for the first time.  And from the time the heart stopped working, and for thirty seconds after, the brain experienced a spike in activity similar to that experienced when dreaming, or recalling memories.  It appears that, at the point of death, our life really does flash before our eyes. 

I wonder if the brain is randomly searching through as many memories as possible, looking for some past experience which will give a clue as to how the body can be saved? 

Or have your memory banks been storing a highlight reel of your best bits, ready to enjoy at the end of your life?  Perhaps, as John Lennon suggests, you never forget the friends and lovers you meet along the way.

Vocabulary:

epilepsy – this is a medical condition in which brain activity becomes abnormal for short periods, causing people to collapse to the ground and lose control of their muscles, or to behave strangely

a spike – a sudden, sharp increase

for one’s life to flash before one’s eyes – to suddenly recall a stream of memories from many different periods in one’s life.  For example, “During the car crash, my life flashed before my eyes.  I thought I was going to die.”

 

He Don’t Play the Trombone －彼はトロンボーンを弾かない－

Imagine you receive a letter, open it and start reading.  What is the worst thing that could be written in the first line?

How about these for bad things to read in the first line of a letter?

“This is a final demand for payment.”  

“Greetings from your dentist.”

“Hey Charlie, I’m pregnant.”

I think the last one could be the worst.  It is the first line of a Tom Waits song.  I can’t help but laugh at how the situation of this song starts bad, but little by little just gets worse.

Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis

Hey Charlie I'm pregnant, and living on 9th Street,

Right above a dirty bookstore off Euclid Avenue.

I stopped taking dope and I quit drinkin whiskey.

My old man plays the trombone and works out at the track.

He says that he loves me, even though it's not his baby.

He says that he'll raise him up like he would his own son.

He gave me a ring that was worn by his mother,

And he takes me out dancin every Saturday night.

Hey Charlie, I think about you everytime I pass a filling station,

On account of all the grease you used to wear in your hair.

I still have that record - Little Anthony and the Imperials,

But someone stole my record player - now how do you like that?

Hey Charlie, I almost went crazy after Mario got busted.

I went back to Omaha to live with my folks,

But everyone I used to know was either dead or in prison.

So I came back to Minneapolis - this time I think I'm gonna stay.

Hey Charlie, I think I'm happy for the first time since my accident.

I wish I had all the money we used to spend on dope.

I'd buy me a used car lot and I wouldn't sell any of them,

I'd just drive a different car every day depending on how I feel.

Hey Charlie, for Christ’s sake, if you want to know the truth of it,

I don't have a husband, he don't play the trombone.

I need to borrow money to pay this lawyer and Charlie hey,

I'll be eligible for parole come Valentine's day.

Vocabulary:

a hooker – this is slang for a prostitute; someone who sells sex

dope – illegal drugs

“My old man” – this can mean “father’, but in this line means “husband”

a filling station – a petrol station; a gas stand

“How do you like that?” – expressing surprise and disgust, “What do you think of that?”

to get busted – to be arrested

parole – early release from prison

This Is the Secret that Will Change Your Life －これは貴方様の人生を変える秘密です－

Why does YouTube seem to think that I am a fat, lazy, paranoid man who cannot spell, and who has a severe earwax problem?

I say this because of the adverts that are shown to me when I watch YouTube.  Google has a lot of data on me, and is able to personally tailor its adverts to fit that data.  So I am a little concerned as to why these adverts keep popping up on my screen.

First, there is an advert for some kind of magical slimming drink.  “You could become one of the few people in the world who get sexier as they get older.  This is the secret that the 20 billion Dollar a year slimming product industry doesn’t want you to hear.  You don’t have to exercise or go on a diet.  Just drink our…”

Second, there is an advert for a tool to help you avoid spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.  “My sentences used to be clunky, and people struggled to understand what I was trying to say.  But with this amazing new app, my sentences sound clear and concise.”

Third, there is an earwax removal product.  “This is the secret that the 1 billion Dollar a year cotton bud industry doesn’t want you to know.  Cleaning your ears with cotton buds can be dangerous.  But our new, safe, and washable earwax remover…” 

Most of the adverts claim that there is a secret that some huge industry doesn’t want you to know about because, if you knew about this wonderful new product, the old industry giants would collapse.  Are so many potential customers really attracted by crazy conspiracy theories?  It seems like a pretty sad comment on our times. 

And why don’t I get adverts for exciting holidays and adventures, and instead get adverts for fat, lazy people with too much earwax?  Google seems to know that I am now over forty, and am vulnerable to a declining body and a mid-life crisis. 

By the way, why don’t you take English lessons with me?  You can be one of the few people over forty who gets cleverer as they age.  With my new programme of conversation and article based lessons, you can amaze yourself with the speed of your improvement.  It’s so easy that you can study while doing other things, like removing earwax!  The 100 billion Dollar a year language teaching industry doesn’t want you to know this secret, so book now!

Vocabulary:

paranoid – having a false belief that people are trying to harm you

to tailor something – to change something to neatly fit a specific person or group

to pop up – to briefly or suddenly appear

clunky – of a sentence or writing style, not being smooth, or being awkward to read

concise – giving a lot of information clearly and in a few words

a conspiracy theory – a belief that a secret and powerful group is the real reason for an unexplained event (For example, “Some people believe that Neil Armstrong never landed on the moon, and that the moon landings were faked by NASA.  This is a conspiracy theory.”)