He Don’t Play the Trombone －彼はトロンボーンを弾かない－

Imagine you receive a letter, open it and start reading.  What is the worst thing that could be written in the first line?

How about these for bad things to read in the first line of a letter?

“This is a final demand for payment.”  

“Greetings from your dentist.”

“Hey Charlie, I’m pregnant.”

I think the last one could be the worst.  It is the first line of a Tom Waits song.  I can’t help but laugh at how the situation of this song starts bad, but little by little just gets worse.

Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis

Hey Charlie I'm pregnant, and living on 9th Street,

Right above a dirty bookstore off Euclid Avenue.

I stopped taking dope and I quit drinkin whiskey.

My old man plays the trombone and works out at the track.

He says that he loves me, even though it's not his baby.

He says that he'll raise him up like he would his own son.

He gave me a ring that was worn by his mother,

And he takes me out dancin every Saturday night.

Hey Charlie, I think about you everytime I pass a filling station,

On account of all the grease you used to wear in your hair.

I still have that record - Little Anthony and the Imperials,

But someone stole my record player - now how do you like that?

Hey Charlie, I almost went crazy after Mario got busted.

I went back to Omaha to live with my folks,

But everyone I used to know was either dead or in prison.

So I came back to Minneapolis - this time I think I'm gonna stay.

Hey Charlie, I think I'm happy for the first time since my accident.

I wish I had all the money we used to spend on dope.

I'd buy me a used car lot and I wouldn't sell any of them,

I'd just drive a different car every day depending on how I feel.

Hey Charlie, for Christ’s sake, if you want to know the truth of it,

I don't have a husband, he don't play the trombone.

I need to borrow money to pay this lawyer and Charlie hey,

I'll be eligible for parole come Valentine's day.

Vocabulary:

a hooker – this is slang for a prostitute; someone who sells sex

dope – illegal drugs

“My old man” – this can mean “father’, but in this line means “husband”

a filling station – a petrol station; a gas stand

“How do you like that?” – expressing surprise and disgust, “What do you think of that?”

to get busted – to be arrested

parole – early release from prison