Why does YouTube seem to think that I am a fat, lazy, paranoid man who cannot spell, and who has a severe earwax problem?
I say this because of the adverts that are shown to me when I watch YouTube. Google has a lot of data on me, and is able to personally tailor its adverts to fit that data. So I am a little concerned as to why these adverts keep popping up on my screen.
First, there is an advert for some kind of magical slimming drink. “You could become one of the few people in the world who get sexier as they get older. This is the secret that the 20 billion Dollar a year slimming product industry doesn’t want you to hear. You don’t have to exercise or go on a diet. Just drink our…”
Second, there is an advert for a tool to help you avoid spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. “My sentences used to be clunky, and people struggled to understand what I was trying to say. But with this amazing new app, my sentences sound clear and concise.”
Third, there is an earwax removal product. “This is the secret that the 1 billion Dollar a year cotton bud industry doesn’t want you to know. Cleaning your ears with cotton buds can be dangerous. But our new, safe, and washable earwax remover…”
Most of the adverts claim that there is a secret that some huge industry doesn’t want you to know about because, if you knew about this wonderful new product, the old industry giants would collapse. Are so many potential customers really attracted by crazy conspiracy theories? It seems like a pretty sad comment on our times.
And why don’t I get adverts for exciting holidays and adventures, and instead get adverts for fat, lazy people with too much earwax? Google seems to know that I am now over forty, and am vulnerable to a declining body and a mid-life crisis.
By the way, why don’t you take English
lessons with me? You can be one of the
few people over forty who gets cleverer as they age. With my new programme of conversation and
article based lessons, you can amaze yourself with the speed of your
improvement. It’s so easy that you can
study while doing other things, like removing earwax! The 100 billion Dollar a year language
teaching industry doesn’t want you to know this secret, so book now!
Vocabulary:
paranoid – having a false belief that
people are trying to harm you
to tailor something – to change something
to neatly fit a specific person or group
to pop up – to briefly or suddenly appear
clunky – of a sentence or writing style,
not being smooth, or being awkward to read
concise – giving a lot of information
clearly and in a few words
a conspiracy theory – a belief that a
secret and powerful group is the real reason for an unexplained event (For
example, “Some people believe that Neil Armstrong never landed on the moon, and
that the moon landings were faked by NASA.
This is a conspiracy theory.”)
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