Donald and the Spider’s Thread －ドナルドと蜘蛛の糸－

One day, the Buddha was strolling alone along the edge of a lotus pond in Paradise. 

After a time, the Buddha paused at the edge of the pond and from between the lotus leaves that covered it saw a glimpse of the state of things below.  Now this celestial pond just happened to lie directly over Hell, and peering through that crystal-clear water was like looking through a magnifying glass at the Great Swamp and the Bone House at its centre. 

The Buddha saw there, in the depths of Hell, a single man flailing around amidst the other sinners.  This man was named Donald and he had fallen deep into the swamp. 

He was floating and sinking in the swamp at the bottom of Hell.  It was pitch black no matter which way he looked, and the occasional glimpse of light that he would see in the darkness would turn out just to be a glint of light from the terrible Mountain of Guns.  How lonely he must have felt!  The Donald could only squirm like a dying frog as he choked in his coronavirus mask. 

Donald was a notorious attention-seeker who had committed racist acts, corruption, collusion with foreign enemies, and other acts of evil.  In his past, however, he had performed just one smart deed: whilst seeking attention and avoiding blame falling on himself, he had bashed the Chinese Communist Party.  Even the Buddha had little sympathy for the Chinese Communist Party. 

Looking down on the sinners in Hell, the Buddha recalled this.  On a lotus leaf beside him, the Buddha saw a single spider spinning out a web of silver thread.  The Buddha decided to lower this thread as a rope to help Donald climb out of the bottom of the Great Swamp. 

* 

Will Donald climb out?  Or will the thin thread snap from the great weight of Donald’s sins?  Find out soon!

 

Vocabulary:

a glimpse – a very short look

celestial – Heavenly

a magnifying glass – a glass used to make things, such as insects, look bigger

to flail around–to move wildly about, without a clear purpose or without control

pitch black – deeply black, like oil

to squirm – to move your body about as if in pain or great discomfort

to choke – to be unable to breathe

notorious – famously bad

corruption – unfair or immoral dealings, especially of a politician

collusion–secret or illegal cooperation with others

 

Fried Chicken and Elephants ーフライドチキンと象さん－

I saw two interesting stories this week about food.

The first was about how the coronavirus pandemic has forced Kentucky Fried Chicken to change their advertising slogan.  For years, their adverts have shown people enjoying their portions of fried chicken so much that they lick the flavour from their fingers.  The slogan says, “Finger Licking Good!”  But when KFC released a new advert showing people licking their fingers this year, hundreds of people complained. Many people felt that KFC were encouraging bad hygiene habits, which were inappropriate during a health crisis.  So KFC withdrew the advert, and stopped using their “Finger Licking Good!” slogan.  I wonder what their new slogan will be?  “Very tasty, but please wash your hands carefully before eating, and never lick another person’s fingers!” 

The other story was about elephants in a zoo in Poland. One of the elephants died recently, and the other elephants have been feeling grief and stress ever since.  So the zoo keepers have decided to try to make the elephants feel better by putting cannabis in their food.  This drug, which is also known as marijuana, can make people feel calm and at peace with the world.  It can also be a little addictive.  How will it affect the elephants?  Trunk Licking Good? 

Vocabulary:

a portion – of a meal, one person’s share, or enough food for one person

to lick something – to run one’s tongue over something, for example to enjoy the taste of ice-cream without biting it

hygiene–conditions which promote health and the absence of disease, such as cleaning carefully

to be addictive – to be hard to stop, or habit-forming, such as cigarette-smoking or gambling

an elephant’s trunk – the long nose of an elephant, which can also be used to pick up food

What Cats Really Dream About －ネコたちは、実はどんな夢をみているのか－

 I used to have a cat called Domino, who like to sleep on my chest.  When I got into bed, she would jump up on top of my chest and enjoy the warm spot.  Sometimes I would fall asleep with her still sitting there.  Then I would have strange dreams about having a pressure on my chest, or of being unable to breathe properly.  I might dream of being stuck under a fallen piece of furniture, or of being trapped in a cave where the air was thin.  Eventually I would wake up and throw the cat out of my room.  After all, I am a man.  My sleep is more important than my cat’s comfort.  But while I was having these strange dreams, what was my cat dreaming about?

This week I listened to an audio version of Neil Gaiman’s comic book series, “The Sandman.”  It is available on Audible.com.  He is one of my favourite writers, and his Sandman comics are perhaps the books which I have enjoyed more than any other.  They are really a collection of lots of little stories, which fit together into a larger narrative.  One of the stories which I enjoyed is called “Dream of 1,000 Cats.” 

In the story, a kind of cat prophet travels the world, telling her story to all the stray cats and pet cats that she can reach.  She tells of how she felt she had lived a privileged life as a pet cat, being well fed and cared for by her owners.  Then, after she took a stray cat as a lover and had five kittens, she looked forward to teaching her children to hunt and to grow to be strong.  But her owners didn’t want the kittens and so drowned them in a river. 

Broken-hearted, the mother cat fled, and travelled far to find a reason why the world could have been so cruel to her kittens.  She eventually came to a kind of cat god, who explained that in the beginning of time things were different.  Cats were huge in those days, and humans were only the size that cats are today.  So the cats kept the humans as slaves and pets, and hunted them for food at night.  This continued until one day a human prophet dreamed of a world in which humans were big, and cats were small.  This prophet travelled the world, telling other humans of his dream, and eventually enough humans shared the same dream.  When 1,000 humans all at the same time dreamed of a world in which humans were large and cats were small, this dream became reality.  In the new reality, people had always been big, and cats had always been small, and it was the cats who lived as pets. 

So the cat prophet now shares the dream in which cats rule, and humans are pets.  And if enough cats – perhaps just 1,000 – ever have the same dream at the same time, the world will go back to the way it used to be.  And the human pets and slaves will fear their cat masters. 

Perhaps that is what Domino was dreaming about.Maybe that is why I felt uncomfortable.  My dreams were trying to give me a warning.  Look at your own sleeping pet.  What is he or she really dreaming about?

 

Vocabulary:

a prophet – a religious figure, such as Jesus, who can reveal messages from God or the gods to people

a stray cat – a cat which lives amongst humans, but which does not have a human owner; a street cat

to be privileged – to be in a lucky or special position, which not all others can enjoy

to drown (someone) – to kill (someone) by forcing their head underwater

to flee (past tense: fled) – to run away or escape

Phantom Record Breakers －幻の新記録更新者－

 

A few weeks ago there was a funny story from the world of athletics.  An American sprinter competed in a 200 metre race.  He finished the race in the astonishing time of 18.90 seconds.  This was a new world record, much faster than Usain Bolt’s record of 19.19 seconds. 

The sprinter, Noah Lyles, looked a little confused.  Had he found new levels of power and speed that he hadn’t known he possessed?  Unfortunately, five minutes later it was revealed that there had been a mistake.  Lyles had started from the wrong lane, and had run just 185 metres, not the full 200. 

He was understandably disappointed.  He later tweeted, “You can’t be playing with my emotions like this…” 

I wondered if there were any other phantom record breakers.  I found a strange story about a massive sandwich.  You may have heard of the Guinness Book of Records.  They keep a record of lots of strange and unusual events – such as the longest official football match ever played (3 hours and 23 minutes), or the greatest amount of chilli peppers eaten by a single person in sixty seconds (97 grams).  Some people are excited by the idea of appearing in the book, and try to beat a previous record.  Sometimes charities or other groups try to get publicity by attempting to beat a record. 

An Iranian organisation tried to gain publicity for its activities by beating the record for the longest sandwich ever made.  They gathered over 1,000 people in a line to try to make a single sandwich 1,500 metres long.  They succeeded in generating publicity, as many ordinary Iranians gathered to watch the attempt.  They finished making their huge sandwich, and then officials from the Guinness Book of Records started to measure it to see if it was longer than the previous record of 1,378 metres.  The Iranian team smiled, and started to dream of seeing their name in the book. 

But the measuring was taking a long time, and some people in the watching crowd were starting to get impatient, and hungry… 

Yes, you guessed it.  People in the watching crowd pushed forwards and started to eat the sandwich before it could be measured.  And the record was lost forever. 

So Noah Lyles shouldn’t feel too bad.  He is not the only phantom record breaker.  I wonder if the sandwich tasted nice?

 

Vocabulary:

a phantom–a ghost; something which seems to be there but is not real

to possess something – to own something; to have something as your belonging

publicity–widespread attention from the media

The Little Sumo, and the Princess, and the Giant, part 3 －小さなお相撲さんとプリンセスと巨人 パート3－

In earlier parts of the story, the Little Sumo, the princess, and Mummy and Daddy were picked up by a nasty giant, and taken to his castle.  The giant wanted to eat them and so set them on his dinner table.  The princess asked why he didn’t use a plate, and the giant left to fetch a big rock to use as a plate.  Daddy found a crack between the window and sill that they could escape through.  But before they had time, they heard the giant coming back. 

“Oh, dear!” said Mummy.  “We don’t have time to escape.  We’ll have to try again.” 

They all ran back to the middle of the table, and pretended not to have moved.  The giant set down a huge, smooth rock on the table in front of them. 

“Well, now I have my plate,” he boomed.  “Let’s eat breakfast!” 

* 

Part 3: 

The giant looked at the four people hungrily, and licked his lips. 

“Are you going to eat with chopsticks or a fork?” asked the Little Sumo. 

The giant looked confused.  “What?” 

“I like to use a fork,” said Daddy.  “It’s very hard to eat some things with chopsticks – tofu, for example.” 

“Umm…” said the giant, scratching his chin. 

“Oh, no,” said Mummy.  “I always use chopsticks.” 

“Yes, so do I,” said the princess.  “I imagine that such an important giant must use chopsticks to eat too.  He certainly is too important to eat with just his hands!” 

“Chopsticks!” boomed the giant.  “I was just about to go and get my chopsticks.” 

The giant turned around and walked out of the room, looking embarrassed. 

“Quick!” said Daddy.  “Let’s go and climb through the gap between the window and the sill.” 

So they all ran to the crack, and they were able to squeeze through to the other side.  While they were there, they heard some strange noises.  The giant seemed to be pulling something big out of the ground. 

But unfortunately, on the other side of the window, there was no way to get to the ground.  The window was too high! 

“It hasn’t worked!” said Daddy.  “We can’t get down.  We’ll have to go back inside the castle and think of something else.” 

Just then they heard the sounds of the giant pulling something heavy into the castle, so they all squeezed back through the crack and returned to the table, and pretended that they hadn’t moved. 

The giant came into the room carrying two large and heavy trees.  He placed them against the giant table while he rested and caught his breath. 

“There!” said the giant.  “I have brought two chopsticks to eat my breakfast with. 

“Well,” said the princess.  “Now you have a plate.  And you have chopsticks.  If only you had a napkin, you would be ready to eat breakfast.” 

The giant looked sad.  “A napkin?” he said. 

“Oh, yes,” said Mummy.  “It is very important always to eat breakfast with a napkin.” 

“One time when I was a baby, I didn’t put on my napkin,” said the Little Sumo. 

“That’s right,” said Daddy.  “And then you spilled food all over your clothes.” 

“But I’m not a baby any more,” said the Little Sumo.  “I always use a napkin to eat breakfast!” 

“Right!” boomed the giant.  “You all wait here while I go and find my napkin.” 

Then the giant turned around and left the room.  They heard him leaving the castle. 

“Quick!” said the princess.  “We can climb down the giant’s chopsticks.” 

“That’s right,” said Mummy.  “They’re not really chopsticks.  They are actually trees.” 

So they all climbed down the trees, and ran out of the room.  They found the entrance to the castle, which the giant had left open. 

“I wonder what he is going to use as a napkin?” asked the Little Sumo. 

“He must be looking for something huge,” said Daddy. “Maybe he will use a carpet or rug.” 

“I think he might use a curtain,” said Mummy.

“Never mind,” said the princess.  “Let’s all go home.” 

So the princess, and Mummy and Daddy, and the Little Sumo cheerfully walked back home.  And they lived happily ever after. 

“Is anybody hungry?” asked the Little Sumo.  “My belly is rumbling!”

 

Vocabulary:

to fetch something – to go away and bring something back

for one’s belly to rumble – for one’s stomach to make a noise when it is getting smaller when one is hungry

The Little Sumo, and the Princess, and the Giant, part 2 －小さなお相撲さんとプリンセスと巨人 パート2－

In part 1, the Little Sumo, and Mummy and Daddy go to the vegetable garden.  There they see a very elegant princess who is growing vegetables without getting dirty.  She uses two long sets of chopsticks to pull up weeds, without touching the soil.  But then a nasty giant comes to the vegetable garden, and decides to take the princess, the Little Sumo, and Mummy and Daddy away to his castle.  He plans to eat them.

*

Before anyone could complain, or run away, the giant picked up the princess in his left hand, and scooped up the little sumo, and Mummy and Daddy in his right hand.

“How lucky!” boomed the giant.  “I have found breakfast, lunch dinner, supper, and a snack too, in this vegetable garden!”

And the giant carried them all off to his castle, so that he could eat them the next day when he got hungry.

*

Part 2:

The giant put everyone inside a cupboard in his huge castle, and then put a heavy stone in front of the cupboard door.  The princess, and the Little Sumo, and Mummy and Daddy were trapped inside the cupboard.  There was only a little light coming into the cupboard from a crack in the door.

“Stay in there tonight, and we can have a nice breakfast together in the morning!” laughed the giant.  Then he went to bed.

“We have to escape before morning,” said Mummy.

“I know!” said Daddy.  “We can escape using a rocket ship.”

“That’s a great idea!” said the princess.

“But we don’t have a rocket ship, Daddy,” said the Little Sumo.

“Ah, yes.  Well that idea won’t work then,” said Daddy.

“So the giant really is going to eat us,” said Mummy.

Everyone sat there unhappily in the gloomy cupboard for a while.

“I wonder how the giant eats,” said the Little Sumo.  “Does he use a fork and knife, do you think?”

“That gives me an idea,” said the princess.  “Maybe if we wait until morning, we can escape after all.”

*

The next morning, the giant came into his huge kitchen to prepare his breakfast.  He opened the cupboard, and scooped everybody up and placed them on his giant dining table, which was pushed up against a huge wall in his castle.  The Little Sumo could see green grass outside of a giant window in the wall.

“I’m so hungry,” said the giant.  “I can’t wait to start eating my breakfast.  Now there are four tasty-looking people.  Who shall I eat first?”

“But where is your plate?” said the princess.  “I’m a princess and I have eaten breakfast with many important people.  They always eat with a plate.  Surely a giant like you is important enough to eat breakfast using a plate?”

“Uh… Of course I’m important enough to eat breakfast with a plate.  I was just about to get it.”

Then the giant walked out of the huge kitchen, looking a little embarrassed.

Everybody quickly ran to the window, looking for a way out.  They found a little gap between the window and the window sill.  It was just big enough for one person to slowly squeeze through.  Daddy was about to try to crawl through to escape, when they heard the giant coming back.

“Oh, dear!” said Mummy.  “We don’t have time to escape.  We’ll have to try again.”

They all ran back to the middle of the table, and pretended not to have moved.  The giant set down a huge, smooth rock on the table in front of them.

“Well, now I have my plate,” he boomed.  “Let’s eat breakfast!”

*

Oh, dear!  The princess’s escape plan hasn’t worked.  Find out if the Little Sumo and his companions become the giant’s breakfast next time!

Vocabulary:

to be trapped – to be stuck; to be unable to escape

a crack – a long, thin line where something is breaking apart

gloomy – dark; unhappy

Appreciating the Small Details of Urban Japan －日本で、都会の細部の有り難みを知ること－ ジャパンタイムズに記事が掲載されました

I promised to finish writing a Little Sumo story I started last week.  But today is a public holiday, and I decided to lie on my sofa in my boxer shorts all day, eating from a bag of mixed nuts and listening to podcasts instead.  You shouldn’t work on a public holiday.  Actually, I stood on some scales for the first time in about a year this morning, and found out that I am about 6kg heavier than I was in the recent past.  So maybe I’ll have just a small bag of mixed nuts then.

Because of this holiday, let me keep today’s blog simple.  I will tell you about an article I had published in the Japan Times this week.

I wrote about how difficult it is for people to travel recently – the corona virus has made people scared, there are few flights, and people in other prefectures don’t seem to want visitors from Tokyo.  So I advised foreigners living in Japan to remember that they are living in a fascinating country, and to appreciate some small details which make Japan different from their home country.  I suggested some things such as admiring the stylish jackets of Japanese construction workers, or walking past a tonkotsu ramen restaurant to enjoy the unique smell.

Can you think of any other small details that someone stuck in Tokyo could enjoy?

Here is a link to the article:

ジャパンタイムズの記事リンク（2020/07/19）