In
the first part of this story, the narrator tells of his passion for a beautiful
woman, his lover. He cannot control his
desire when he is with her, and so feels like her slave. He sees, or imagines that he sees, her desire
for him growing weaker. So he becomes suspicious
that she will leave him and insanely jealous of whatever new passions she might
feel…
An
edited version of Guy de Maupassant’s “Mad”, part 2 (of 2):
At times she would say:
"Men
disgust me!"
Then I became jealous of her indifference, of her thoughts, which I knew to be impure, and when she awoke sometimes with that same lazy look I suffocated with anger. An irresistible desire to choke her and make her confess the shameful secrets of her heart took hold of me.
Am
I insane? No.
One
night I saw that she was happy. I felt, in fact I was convinced, that a new
passion controlled her. As of old, her eyes shone, she was feverish and her
whole body fluttered with love.
I
feigned ignorance, but I watched her closely. I discovered nothing however.
I waited a week, a month, almost a year. She was radiantly, ideally happy; as
if soothed by some passing caress.
At
last I guessed. No, I am not insane, I swear I am not. How can I explain this
horrible thing? How can I make myself understood? This is how I guessed.
She
came in one night from a long ride on horseback and sank exhausted in a seat facing
me. An unnatural flush coloured her cheeks and her eyes,—those eyes that
I knew so well,—had such a look in them. I was not mistaken, I had seen her
look like that; she loved! But whom? What? I almost lost my head, and so
as not to look at her I turned to the window. A servant was leading her horse
to the stable and she stood and watched him disappear; then she fell asleep
almost immediately. I thought and thought all night. My mind wandered through
mysteries too deep to understand. Who can understand the strange whims
of a sensual woman?
Every
morning she rode madly through hills and each time came back lazy and
exhausted. At last I understood. It was of the horse I was jealous—of the wind which
caressed her face, of the leaves and of the dewdrops, of the saddle which
carried her! I resolved to be revenged. I became very attentive. Every time she
came back from her ride I helped her down and the horse made a vicious rush at
me.
She
would pat him on the neck, kiss his nostrils, without even wiping her lips. I watched
for my chance. One morning I got up before dawn and went to the path in the woods
she loved so well. I carried a rope with me, and my pistols were hidden in my breast
as if I were going to fight a duel. I drew the rope across the path,
tying it to a tree on each side, and hid myself in the grass. Presently I heard
her horse's hooves, then I saw her coming at a furious pace; her cheeks
flushed, an insane look in her eyes. She seemed in bliss; transported into
another world.
As
the animal approached the rope he struck it with his fore legs and fell. Before
she had struck the ground I caught her in my arms and helped her to her feet. I
then approached the horse, put my pistol close to his ear, and shot him—as I
would a man.
She
turned on me and dealt me two terrific blows across the face with her
riding-whip which knocked me over. As she rushed at me again, I shot her!
Tell
me: am I mad?
Vocabulary:
to
disgust someone – to cause someone to have a very unpleasant reaction. For example: The taste of Marmite disgusts
me!
to suffocate – to die from being unable to breathe. For example: When there was a fire, a man suffocated because of the smoke.
to be irresistible – to be something which cannot be resisted; something you cannot fight against.
to choke somebody – to make it hard for someone to breathe, usually by pushing hard on their throat
to
flutter – to make quick, soft movements, like the movements of a butterfly’s
wings
to
feign ignorance – to pretend not to know
to
soothe – to give comfort to; to calm
a
caress – a stroke, or gentle and loving touch
a
flush – the reddening of the skin, when blood rushes to it.
to
lose one’s head – to lose control of one’s mind or emotions
a
whim – a sudden desire
to
be sensual – to be pleasant to the physical senses; to be sexually attractive
a
duel – an arranged fight between two men to defend their honour, sometimes
fought with pistols
hooves
– the hard parts of the feet of animals like horses
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