Hold the front page!
A mysterious phenomenon has just been shown to be real. Many people doubted its existence. They laughed at the many men who claimed that
it was true. Now those who scorned
will have to eat their words and say sorry.
It is not Bigfoot.
It’s not the Loch Ness Monster.
It’s not ghosts. It’s the dreaded
man-flu!
What is man-flu?
Well, I can tell you easily since I am experiencing it now.
A few mornings ago – on my birthday no less – I awoke after
a very troubled sleep. I had a
fever. My throat was extremely
rough. When I stood up, I had an awful
headache. I knew immediately I was being
attacked from inside by man-flu. I
reached for some painkillers to deal with my headache, but bending over to get
them out of the drawer was making my headache much worse.
“help... me...” I croaked weakly to my wife.
“WHAT?” she demanded sharply, showing little sympathy.
Being a woman, of course, she doesn’t understand
man-flu. She will catch the same cold,
virus, or flu as I do. But her symptoms
will be a little bit milder. Her throat
will be rough, but not quite as sandpaper rough as mine. Her head will ache too, but not quite as
brain-stretchingly as mine. So she gets
annoyed when I complain, thinking that I’m exaggerating. She thinks that I should just put up with the
symptoms. Until now she hasn’t known that
my symptoms are worse than hers. Women,
that is man-flu. It’s like flu, but
worse.
And how do I know this?
A Canadian researcher has claimed that men really do suffer
higher rates of hospitalisation and death because of flu. He says that this may be because men have
weaker immune systems than women. This
may be because men use more of the body’s energy growing, or producing growth
hormones.
So it is the duty of all women to be more sympathetic to men
who are ill. And you can start today
with my man-flu.
Vocabulary:
“Hold the front page!” – a phrase shouted in a newspaper
office when some vitally important news suddenly emerges
a phenomenon – a hard to explain event or process
to scorn something - to show that you think something
ridiculous or that you lack any respect for it
to eat one’s words – a casual phrase meaning being forced to
admit that what you said was wrong
dreaded – greatly feared
to croak – to speak in a very weak voice
to exaggerate – to make something sound worse or more
serious than it actually is
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