Feeling checked out at the check-out －レジでチェックされている感じ－

“Oh!  Do you like kimchi?”

The lady at the check-out of my local supermarket suddenly strikes up a conversation as she is processing my items.

“Um... yes.  I sometimes make steamed pork and kimchi on a bed of rice.  Or I just put it into a salad...”  I wonder if I am supposed to say more.  Should I ask her if she likes kimchi too?

“Wow, so you like kimchi then!”

“Hmmm...”  Whether I ought to say something more or not, no other kimchi related comments spring to mind.

I awkwardly pay, pick up my packet of kimchi and other items, and wander away.

I don’t think of myself as an unfriendly person.  But random conversations in shops or at the supermarket usually leave me feeling a little awkward.  I can’t think of anything especially interesting to say.  And I’m not sure how long I should let the conversation continue.  What if there is somebody in the queue behind me, who just wants me to shut up about kimchi and let them move forward?

But the next week the lady at the check-out does it again.

“Oh!  So you like rice-crackers as well!”

“Ah, yes.  Crunch-crunch.  Ha ha!”

I leave the supermarket feeling more awkward than ever.  The worst thing is that I now have to be very careful about what I buy, in case the same lady passes further comment on my items.

“Oh!  Two bottles of cheap wine, a jumbo box of chocolates, and some ready-meals for one!  Are you going through a rocky patch in your marriage?” she might say.

Maybe I’m taking the wrong attitude to this.  Having somebody check out and comment on my purchases encourages me to make better choices.  I’ve noticed that I download a lot of classic audio books from Audible.  I’ve listened to Dante, Herodotus and Oscar Wilde.  It may be because they send me a list of recommendations based on my previous purchases.  I wouldn’t want the list only to show sci-fi novels.  A feeling of being watched encourages me to try more challenging books.  Perhaps it will also encourage me to eat fewer unhealthy rice-crackers and more healthy kimchi.

Thank you, lady at the check-out.  Have a nice day.

Vocabulary:

to spring to mind – of a thought, idea etc., to suddenly occur

to wander (away) – to walk (away) leisurely, or without a clear purpose

crunch – the noise of something hard, such as a biscuit, breaking

a ready-meal – a supermarket meal which doesn’t require cooking

to go through a rocky patch (in a relationship) – to go through a difficult time or experience a period of difficulties (in a relationship)

Sir Kazuo Ishiguro of the floating world －浮世の作家、Sir カズオ・イシグロ－

“Deeply touched to receive this honour from the nation that welcomed me as a small foreign boy.”

Kazuo Ishiguro, on receiving his knighthood

“Knighthood lies above eternity; It doesn’t live off fame, but rather deeds.”

Dejan Stojanovic

My wife recently read Kazuo Ishiguro’s book, “An artist of the floating world”.  Several of my students have also started reading his books.  They are, of course, jumping on the bandwagon.  Before Ishiguro won the Nobel Prize, they weren’t reading his books.  Now they are suddenly his biggest fans!

In addition to winning the Nobel Prize, Ishiguro has gotten a British knighthood.  He has become Sir Kazuo Ishiguro.

Should Ishiguro have been awarded a British knighthood? - By the way, he won’t mind me not calling him “Sir”, since I’ve been reading his books long before he got his knighthood or Nobel Prize (unlike some people I could mention).

There are some good reasons to give Ishiguro a knighthood.  His books are very well written.  Literature is important, and rewarding top writers acknowledges that.  Ishiguro’s personal story is also heartwarming.  He came to Britain as a “small foreign boy”, and yet has risen high in British society.  Recognising this shows that Britain is open and welcoming (at least occasionally).

But I would like someone who receives a knighthood to have done something selfless or beyond what was expected of them as citizens.  Ishiguro is not being honoured for charity work.  He is not being honoured for placing himself in danger to help others.  He is being honoured for “services to literature”.  But he did get paid for writing his books, didn’t he?  And I could make the same argument about many of the other people honoured.  Actress Emma Thompson is now Dame Emma Thompson for “services to drama”.  But she does get paid for acting, I suppose?

So here’s my plan.  Sir Kazuo can keep his knighthood.  But his next two books are to be published for free.  Anyone can reach the floating world of the British knighthood.  But they should give up something a little extra to get there.

Vocabulary:

to be touched – to be emotionally moved

a deed – an action

to jump on the bandwagon – to start following or supporting someone or something because everyone else is; to support someone after they have become very successful

to acknowledge something – to accept or recognise the truth of something

selfless – unselfish; concerned more with the wishes or needs of others than oneself

Keeping your children on the other side of the business class curtain －子供たちをビジネスクラスのカーテンの向こう側に座らせること－

I have never flown business class.  I wouldn’t mind paying 10 per cent extra for a little more space, and a curtain to keep out the poor people.  But business class tickets are usually three times the price of economy class tickets.  I’d rather spend extra money when I get to where I am going than on the plane journey.

But some people are rich enough not to mind the expense.  If you are a tv celebrity, for example, you can probably afford business class.  And you have extra reason to enjoy the curtain that keeps out poor people.  You don’t want to be bothered by autograph hunters.

But what does a tv celebrity do when travelling with their children?  The kids can’t drink the free Champagne.  They are unlikely to fully appreciate the in-flight dining options, such as tarragon and orange cured salmon with vegetable caviar.

British tv presenter Kirstie Allsopp recently talked about her answer to this.  She and her partner sit in the business class cabin, and her 10 and 12 year old sons sit in economy class.  Explaining her reasons, she said that having the kids sit in business class would be a massive waste of money.  She also said “[Business class] should be a huge treat that you’ve worked for.  If kids get used to [business class] then what do they have to work towards?”

Some people complained about this.  They pointed out that if the kids misbehaved or needed help, then it would annoy other passengers and give extra work to the flight attendants.

But I wonder whether there is a bigger problem?  If you keep the kids on the other side of the curtain while you sip on Champagne and nibble on caviar, couldn’t that cause resentment in the kids, which will come out in the future?  What if the kids get their revenge when you are old and sick?  “Sorry, Mummy.  Being loved by your children is something you have to work towards.  We wouldn’t want to spoil you with visits to the nursing home.”

I’m just jealous.  I’ve always wanted to peek behind that curtain.

Vocabulary:

the expense – the cost

a celebrity – a famous person, especially in entertainment or sport

an autograph hunter – someone who tries to collect the signatures of famous people

a treat – a special luxury or reward

to nibble on something – to eat something in small bites

resentment – a bitter feeling of having been treated unfairly

to spoil someone – usually of a child, to treat someone overly leniently or softly so that their character is badly affected

How children became naughty －子供たちはどのように、いたずらっ子になったか－

It happened like this.

First Woman and First Man lived happily in God’s Garden of Peace until, one day, they got drunk on apple cider and caused a mess.  God was really angry and handed out punishments to the two of them.

“First Woman: It was you who sneaked in the apple cider, and you got drunk and threw up all over the garden path.  The poor angels have been cleaning up all morning.  As a punishment, you will have to leave the Garden of Peace.  And you will have to experience the pain of childbirth.”

“And you, First Man: You peed in the goldfish pond and fell asleep in the flower bed, crushing my favourite tulips.  As a punishment, you will have to leave the Garden of Peace.  You will also have to work hard for your food from now on - No more free lunches!”

“Okay,” said God.  “I have been harsh but fair with you.  You can take your apple cider with you when you leave.”

First Man and First Woman looked into God’s stern face, trying to look contrite.  Just then, sitting on a tree and visible over God’s shoulder, they noticed a snake.  The snake started making funny faces and swaying about comically.  They tried not to laugh, but couldn’t help sniggering.

“What’s so funny?” asked God, coldly.  “Let’s see if you find this funny.  I’m not finished punishing you.  When you have children, they will be naughty.  They will laugh at you and refuse to accept their punishment.  When you go to a restaurant, they will never find anything on the menu they want to eat.  When you find a game that they like, they will demand that you play it 100 times in a row, and still get angry when you get tired.  They will be unable to sit still or behave in a car, even if you are driving them to Disneyland.  And you will never return to the Garden of Peace!”

*

Well, it may not be peaceful but at least they make us laugh. 

Vocabulary:

cider – an alcoholic drink, made with fruit

to sneak something in – to bring something inside by stealth, hiding it from someone else

to pee – to urinate

to crush something – to press or squeeze something until it is destroyed

contrite – to be full of regret, acknowledging something one has done wrong

to snigger – to laugh when you are trying not to laugh; to laugh in a half-suppressed way