First Woman and First Man lived happily in God’s Garden of Peace until, one day, they got drunk on apple cider and caused a mess. God was really angry and handed out punishments to the two of them.
“First Woman: It was you who sneaked in
the apple cider, and you got drunk and threw up all over the garden path. The poor angels have been cleaning up all
morning. As a punishment, you will have
to leave the Garden of Peace. And you
will have to experience the pain of childbirth.”
“And you, First Man: You peed in the
goldfish pond and fell asleep in the flower bed, crushing my favourite
tulips. As a punishment, you will have
to leave the Garden of Peace. You will
also have to work hard for your food from now on - No more free lunches!”
“Okay,” said God. “I have been harsh but fair with you. You can take your apple cider with you when
you leave.”
First Man and First Woman looked into God’s
stern face, trying to look contrite.
Just then, sitting on a tree and visible over God’s shoulder, they
noticed a snake. The snake started
making funny faces and swaying about comically.
They tried not to laugh, but couldn’t help sniggering.
“What’s so funny?” asked God, coldly. “Let’s see if you find this funny. I’m not finished punishing you. When you have children, they will be naughty. They will laugh at you and refuse to accept their
punishment. When you go to a restaurant,
they will never find anything on the menu they want to eat. When you find a game that they like, they
will demand that you play it 100 times in a row, and still get angry when you
get tired. They will be unable to sit
still or behave in a car, even if you are driving them to Disneyland. And you will never return to the Garden of
Peace!”
*
Well, it may not be peaceful but at least
they make us laugh.
Vocabulary:
cider – an alcoholic drink, made with fruit
to sneak something in – to bring something
inside by stealth, hiding it from someone else
to pee – to urinate
to crush something – to press or squeeze
something until it is destroyed
contrite – to be full of regret,
acknowledging something one has done wrong
to snigger – to laugh when you are trying
not to laugh; to laugh in a half-suppressed way
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