The Karuizawa rap ー軽井沢ラップー

My wife walked ahead of me, pushing our two-year old son in his pram.  I held onto her shoulder as we wandered around, looking for somewhere to rest and eat.  Our legs and minds were weary, as if we had been travelling hard for days.  All around us, people shuffled slowly about in twos, threes or fours.  Everyone seemed lost and weary, like prisoners who had abandoned all hope.  Just then some loud music boomed out from the speaker system.  There was an electronic drumbeat like a machine gun and a rapper started spitting out terrible lyrics, full of swearing, hatred and promises to kill.  We were in an open-air shopping centre in Karuizawa, and it was a bright, sunny day.

There is something strange about the music played at shopping centres in Japan.  I have noticed before that they often play fast, angry hip-hop.  The lyrics are rarely appropriate for a happy family outing.  “I f****** killed that b**** then I shot a copPop!  Pop!  Pop!”

I used to think that the person who chose the music just happened to like hip-hop and couldn’t understand the inappropriate English lyrics.  But in that shopping centre in Karuizawa I realised that they were doing it on purpose.  We were looking for a specific restaurant – a branch of a Hawaiian style burger chain.  We knew it was there somewhere but couldn’t find it.  There were a few maps in the shopping centre, but they were not clearly marked.  None of the maps showed where you were.  It seemed like they preferred people to be lost.  That way, shoppers would walk round and round looking for something, and pass many shops they wouldn’t otherwise have gone to.  In the same way, I thought, perhaps they are playing fast, violent music with threatening lyrics because they want people to be stressed out.  To relieve their stress they might run into a shop and buy something.  That’s the theory of retail therapy.  Buying something gives you a momentary feeling of control and calm.

We eventually found the burger store.  It was the first day of our trip to Karuizawa – the first family vacation for myself, my wife and our two-year old son.  With one blind adult, one wild toddler and one more adult (with an egg allergy), it was quite difficult at times.  At the hotel buffet meals, my wife had to run around to get food for three people (no eggs), and we had to wolf it down before my son got tired and started screaming.

But we had a good time.  The hotel had a large, heated family bath we enjoyed together.  And we found an amazing roast chicken restaurant called Kastanie.  It was the tastiest meal I’ve had in a long time.  The weather was good and we played with a ball in the park.  The best thing for my son was the pair of room slippers in the hotel.  He found a mini pair just for him and marched around the room happily, taking them off and putting them on again.

Hopefully, this was the first vacation of many together.  I can already picture our next trip, wandering around a shopping centre in Osaka, searching for a speciality restaurant that makes okonomiyaki without eggs, all the while listening to violent rap.

Vocabulary:

weary - tired

to shuffle – to walk slowly and clumsily

to boom out – for a sound to be made loudly and powerfully

open-air – without a roof

an outing – a trip; an excursion

to happen to (like) – to (like) by chance

stressed out – to be anxious, tired and irritable because of too much pressure

retail therapy – the idea of relieving stress or anxiety by buying something

to wolf something down – to eat something very quickly 

The fox and the tail ーキツネとしっぽー

I recently retold a Native-American folk tale in which a fox came out badly.  I wanted to write a story which gave the fox a happier ending.  So I wrote this story, which is based on an old Scottish folk tale.

The fox and the tail:

One day the fox and the wolf were out together at night, and they stole a dish of porridge from a farmer.  The wolf was the bigger of the two beasts, and he had a long tail and sharp teeth.

The fox was afraid of his companion.  When the wolf ate almost all the porridge and left him only a little, he was too afraid to complain.  But he vowed to get his revenge. 

So, a little while later, the fox began to sniff the air.  “We have had a fine night together.  But I feel tired and I had better get some sleep,” he said.  “I thank you for sharing the porridge with me.”

“Wait,” growled the wolf suspiciously.  “You smell something tasty, I can see.  Are you planning to have a midnight snack before you go off to sleep?”

“Well, if you must know, I had planned on eating a little cheese before I went to sleep.”

“Come,” growled the wolf.  “That’s not very friendly.  Aren’t we going to share the cheese just like we shared the porridge?”

The fox’s ears seemed to droop in disappointment before he answered.  “Of course, my friend.  Thieves like us work better as a team, especially with farmers around who would love to kill us if they had the chance.  We will go and fetch and eat this cheese together.”

So the fox sniffed the air again and trotted off towards a loch.  It was winter, and the surface of the loch had frozen.  “The cheese is there, in the middle of the frozen loch.  Do you see it?” asked the fox.

The wolf looked, and saw the full moon reflected on the surface of the frozen water.  It looked very much like a round of delicious cheese.  “I see it!” he said, and prepared to run off towards it.

“Don’t be too hasty,” warned the fox.  “A farmer lives near here with his family.  It must have been him who left the cheese there.  If he sees us making a midnight snack of it, he will surely come and kill us.  So here is my plan.  Go and sit by the cheese and hide it under your tail.  Keep your tail as still as possible so that the cheese is completely hidden.  I will go to the farmer’s hut and make sure that he is asleep.  When I see that he is asleep, I will come back and we can eat the cheese together in safety.”

So the wolf walked onto the loch, and covered the reflection of the moon with his tail.  The fox saw that he kept his tail as still as possible.  The fox trotted off to the farmer’s hut.  He waited quite a long time, and then started yelping and making a lot of noise.

When the farmer heard the fox, he rushed out of bed and chased after him with a stick and a gun.  The fox ran towards the loch and ran past the wolf, shouting “Run, wolf!  The farmer has woken up!”

But, as the fox had guessed, the wolf’s tail had become stuck to the ice.  When he tried to run away, he found that he couldn’t escape because of his tail.  So before the farmer could catch and kill him, he pulled so hard against the ice that his tail came off as he ran away.

From that night on, the wolf felt smaller and less confident when he compared the fox’s bright, bushy tail with his own stump of a tail.  And they shared their stolen food equally.

Vocabulary:

to come out badly – to lose or be at a disadvantage after some event

porridge – a dish of oatmeal boiled in water or milk

to vow – to swear; to strictly promise

to sniff – to breathe in sharply through one’s nose; to smell

to droop – to fall or hang down

a thief (plural, thieves) – someone who steals

fetch – bring; go and get

to trot – of a four legged animal, to slowly run

a loch – a Scottish word for a lake

still - unmoving

to yelp – to make a short, sharp cry

The wisdom of rats －ネズミの知恵－

“If Brexit is a disaster, I’ll go and live abroad.”

Brexit supporting politician, Nigel Farage in March 2017

Some important figures in the European Union have said this week that they are getting closer to making a deal with Britain about how it will leave the EU.  Britain will probably have to accept a deal which causes extra difficulties for businesses in Britain.  We will have to pay a huge divorce bill to the EU.  And we will have to accept most of the rules of the EU, without any longer being able to influence or change them.

I have been thinking back to the politicians who promised that doing business in Britain would be easier, that we would get extra money back from the EU, and that we would no longer have to accept any rules we didn’t like.  Why did politicians such as Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage and Michael Gove make predictions about Brexit which were so wrong?  Did they lack wisdom?

The following essay might provide an answer, even though it was written in 1612.  I have slightly edited this essay by Francis Bacon to make it easier for non-native speakers to understand.

 “Of Wisdom for a Man’s Self,” by Francis Bacon

An ant is a wise creature for itself, but it is a shrewd thing in an orchard or garden.  And certainly men who are great lovers of themselves do not help the public.

Divide yourself between self love and society.  Be true to yourself, but do not be false to others, especially your country.  It is a poor centre of a man’s actions – himself.  All things which are like the Heavens move around another, which they benefit.

The judging of all things by how they affect yourself is more understandable in a great ruler, because if you are a ruler, good and evil for yourself can also affect the public.  But it is a terrible evil in a servant to a ruler, or a citizen in a republic.  For whatever decisions pass through such a man’s hands, he bends them to suit himself.  This may of course then damage his ruler or his country.  Therefor let rulers and countries choose servants who are not like this.

Something which makes the effect of this behaviour worse is the tendency for all proportion to be lost.  It is bad enough for the servant’s good to be preferred before the master’s.  But it is a greater extreme when a little good of the servant is chosen over a great good of the master.  Yet that is often the case for bad politicians, generals and servants.  The good these servants cause benefits themselves, and the hurt they cause they pass onto their masters.

It is the nature of extreme self lovers that they will set a house on fire just to roast their eggs.  And yet it is often the case that these bad servants are very popular with their masters, since they study hard how best to please their masters, and profit themselves.

Wisdom for a man’s self is, in many ways, an immoral thing.  It is the wisdom of rats, who will be sure to leave a house before it falls.

Vocabulary:

Brexit – Britain’s exit from the European Union

a figure – a person

a bill – a sum of money to be paid

shrewd – having or showing sharp powers of judgement

a tendency - something which happens mor often than not; a habit

proportion – the relative size or amount of two things when compared

hurt – injury or damage

Welcome to the world of wellness workshops－ようこそ、ウエルネスのワークショップの世界へ－

How many of you have been on a diet?  Have you ever tried to eat only a banana for breakfast, and one more for lunch?  Have you ever suffered with cabbage soup for dinner while your friends were munching on take-away fried chicken?  Have you ever stood on a set of scales and looked fearfully down, praying that your weight will have fallen?

Well you don’t need to worry any more.  The concept of dieting is officially dead.

The company which is probably best known in Western countries for helping people to lose weight has changed its name from “Weight Watchers” to “WW”.  According to their new advertising slogan, “WW” now stands for “Wellness that works”.  The company offers regular face to face meetings with customers.  Along with getting advice on foods to eat and foods to avoid, customers are weighed at these meetings.  Instead of being called “weigh-ins”, they will now be called “wellness workshops”.  The CEO explained that the changes were “to reflect that we are becoming the world’s partner in wellness.”

The problem seems to be the politically correct nature of modern life.  Companies are now scared to offer dieting or weight-loss, in case they are accused of “fat-phobia”, or discrimination against fat people.  After all, if you offer a product designed to help people lose weight, doesn’t that mean that you are disrespecting fat people?  Doesn’t the idea of going on a diet unfairly suggest that one body shape is better than another?  So to avoid criticism, the weight loss companies have to pretend that they are offering “wellness” instead.

I find the name change and the worry about “fat-pｆhobia” all a little silly.  Being fat has been clearly shown to lead to early deaths.  There’s nothing wrong with a doctor encouraging fat people to lose weight to improve their health, or with companies offering products to help people follow their doctor’s advice.

What change will come next?  Will products designed to help people quit smoking be banned because they discriminate against smokers?  Is it wrong to suggest that not smoking is better than smoking?

I have never been on a diet, but I have put on a little weight in the last few years.  I shall try to use the Weight Watchers/ WW name change positively.  It is a great incentive to lose weight by myself.  I would hate to go to something called a “wellness workshop”.  It sounds like an awful office training course.

Vocabulary:

to munch on something – to eat something loudly, or slowly and with enjoyment

a set of scales – a device which measures the weight of something placed on it

a concept – an idea or thought

a weigh-in – often used before a boxing match, an event at which people’s weight is measured

politically correct – of a person or group, tending to avoid using language which could be offensive to others, especially minority groups

discrimination  - unequal and unfair treatment

an incentive – a motivation; a reason or encouragement to do something