Ordeals —試練－

My son is struggling to learn how to swim, and sometimes tries to avoid his swimming classes by feigning illness. 

So I tried to inspire him to stick at it by telling about an ordeal practiced by boys and young men in the Amazon rain forest.  There is a tribe that makes gloves full of bullet ants, which the boys and young men have to wear for ten minutes or so in order to pass the ordeal.  The ants will sting them thousands of times during the ten minute period.  Each sting feels like being shot, which is why the insects are known as bullet ants. 

I meant the lesson to be that if these boys could withstand this ordeal, then my son could also put up with his uncomfortable swimming lessons. 

I asked him what ordeal he would introduce at his school for the children that he didn’t like.  Here were some ideas he had. 

The scorpion in the bed ordeal.  In order to become a man, you have to spend one night in bed with a scorpion. 

The counting ordeal.  You have to count to one million, without missing any numbers. 

The chili sauce ordeal.  You have to drink a glass of chili sauce.

 

Very Small Gods －とても小さな神様－

“Gods like to see an atheist around.  [It] gives them something to aim at.” 

“The trouble with being a god is that you’ve got noone to pray to.”

From “Small Gods” by Terry Pratchett

 

It is said that in Japan, the customer is god.  But are there limits to what customers can expect, even in Japan? 

One of my students complained to me recently about the standard of service that her new mobile phone provider was offering. 

“I bought a new mobile phone, and I don’t know how to use it very well,” she said.  “So I went to that phone provider’s shop and asked them to teach me how to use it.  But they said that they charged money for giving lessons in how to use their phone.  Can you believe it?” 

I wasn’t so sure that my student was entitled to complain.  After all, the labour cost of having a staff member available to teach customers how to use the phone has to be paid from somewhere. 

If my student’s logic is correct, then a customer can buy a car from Toyota and then demand that Toyota teaches their new customer how to drive.  Or I could buy some eggs from my local supermarket and then demand that the staff teach me how to make an omelette.  You could buy a book from a book shop and then demand that the staff teach you how to read. 

If the customer is god, he or she is a very small god, whose temples have all fallen down and whose last worshipper has died.

 

Looking Down on Us with Envious Eyes －嫉妬の目で僕らを見下ろす－

This week I have been rereading the classic science-fiction novel, “The War of the Worlds”, by H.G. Wells.  It was published in 1897.  In addition to containing fascinating ideas, the writing is at times beautifully creepy.  Here are some quotes from the opening to the novel.

 

1

“No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man’s.”

 

We can be very confident that no aliens are watching us from Mars.  But are there aliens watching us from farther away?

 

2

“as men busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. With infinite complacency men went to and fro over this globe about their little affairs, serene in their assurance of their empire over matter. It is possible that the creatures under the microscope do the same.”

 

I hope not.  I don’t want to have to feel guilty about killing billions of microscopic creatures whenever I wash my hands with soap.

 

3

“No one gave a thought to the older worlds of space as sources of human danger… [Across] the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of [the beasts], intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.”

 

Beautifully creepy indeed.

 

Vocabulary:

to scrutinise something – to examine or inspect something closely and thoroughly

[eg., I thought that the money might be fake, so I took time to scrutinise it.]

to be transient – lasting only for a short time; not permanent

[eg., The effects of the drug are transient, so you need to keep taking it.]

complacency – a feeling of satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements, which is not justified or appropriate

[eg., That football team lost their last match due to complacency.  If they had prepared properly, they would have won.]

to be serene – calm, peaceful and untroubled

[eg., Lying on the quiet beach, I felt serene.]

Mad About Hats －帽子バカ－

I bought a new hat recently.

There is currently a closing down sale at a hat store in Koenji, and all the hats are half price.

My wife and son came with me to the hat shop.  I wore my old hat there.  I wanted to try on various hats to check the size, so I gave my old hat to my son to hold for a while.

I eventually chose a new hat to buy.  I asked my son if he still had my old hat.

 “Hmmmn?” he said.  “I don’t have it.  I think I must have put it down somewhere.”

Of all the places to lose a hat, my son had lost it in a hat store.  Apart from being hard to find, like a chameleon blending in to its surroundings, there was also a danger that someone would pick it up and try to buy it. 

We managed to retrieve my old hat in the end.

Here are a couple of hat related phrases in English:

1 – as mad as a hatter.

This means very mad, as in crazy.  Hats used to contain mercury, and hatters often suffered mercury poisoning, making them behave strangely.

 

2 – to keep something under one’s hat

This means to keep something secret

e.g., I am going to quit my job soon, but keep it under your hat.  I don’t want everybody to know.