The Little Sumo, and the Princess, and the Giant, part 1 －小さなお相撲さんとプリンセスと巨人 パート1－

Here is a Little Sumo story.  They are jointly written by myself and my three year old son.

“No, Daddy!” my son says.  “You’re telling a silly story!  Let me tell it now!”

See if you can tell which parts were written by me, and which by my son.

*

The little sumo had never met a princess before.  But one day he met a princess in the vegetable garden, where he and his family grew aubergines, tomatoes, and green peppers.

Daddy was wearing Wellington boots, long trousers to keep the mosquitos away, and a big hat to keep out of the sun.  Mummy was wearing an old pair of shoes, a long-sleeved jumper, and thick gloves to protect her skin from the dirt in the vegetable garden. The little sumo had little Wellington boots, little gloves, and a little hat.

All of a sudden he noticed a beautiful woman in a purple dress who was pulling up weeds in the vegetable plot next to the little sumo’s.  She was wearing a purple dress, and stylish moon shoes, which were silvery-grey.  There was a smell of orange and cinnamon coming from her exposed legs and arms.

“Look Mummy and Daddy,” said the little sumo.  “There’s a princess in the vegetable garden!  She’s not wearing Wellington boots or long trousers.  How does she keep away the mosquitos and keep clean?”

“She has sprayed her arms and legs with orange and cinnamon to keep away the mosquitos,” whispered Mummy.

“What a clever idea,” whispered Daddy.

The little sumo could tell that only a princess would grow vegetables in a vegetable garden wearing a beautiful purple dress, and smelling of orange and cinnamon.  She wasn’t pulling up weeds in gloved hands like Mummy.  Instead, she was pulling up weeds using special chopsticks.  She had a pair of chopsticks in each hand and pulled up the weeds in her plot of land like this:by pushing one set of chopsticks into the dirt and scraping it away from the weeds, and then pulling the weeds up with her other set of chopsticks.  This also allowed her to stay on the path, and reach the weeds without standing in the dirt.

“How elegant!” whispered Daddy.

“I wonder where she buys her special chopsticks,” whispered Mummy.

It seemed to get dark in the vegetable garden all of a sudden.  A huge shadow was blocking the sun from touching the vegetables.

The little sumo looked up and saw a giant, dressed all in green, who was standing over them all.

“Fee-fi-fo-fum!  I smell the blood of an orange-flavoured woman!” said the giant in a booming voice.  “Fee-fi-fum-fo!  I smell the blood of a tasty sumo!” he continued.

Then before anyone could complain, or run away, the giant picked up the princess in his left hand, and scooped up the little sumo, and Mummy and Daddy in his right hand.

“How lucky!” boomed the giant.  “I have found breakfast, lunch dinner, supper, and a snack too, in this vegetable garden!”

And the giant carried them all off to his castle, so that he could eat them the next day when he got hungry.

*

Oh, dear!  Will the little sumo, Mummy and Daddy, and the princess be safe?  How will they escape from the giant’s castle, or will they all be eaten like squishy aubergines?

Find out next time!

Vocabulary:

an aubergine – a vegetable, also called an eggplant

Wellington boots – long boots designed to keep the feet dry and safe from mud, puddles of water, etc.

exposed – uncovered, not protected by clothing

Fee-fi-fo-fum – In the traditional fairy tale, Jack and the Beanstalk, the giant says, “Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman

to scoop something up – to pick something up as if using a spoon

squishy – easily crushed and spilling out juice (for example a strawberry is squishy, but a potato is not)

Harry Potter and Freedom of Speech －ハリーポッターと言論の自由－

Recently the writer of Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling, has been attacked on social media after she expressed opinions which some people strongly disagreed with.  She is one of many people who have been attacked on social media for expressing their opinions, even when they were not trying to cause any harm or in any way spread hate.  It seems like people can no longer argue and persuade, or agree to disagree.

So it is not surprising that J.K. Rowling has signed an open letter, explaining the importance to our society of allowing people to speak freely without being attacked on social media, and without writers being disciplined by their editor because some people feel offended.  The letter was also signed by many other writers, journalists and academics, such as Noam Chomsky and Salman Rushdie.  I agree with the letter and feel it is a very important issue.

So I have taken some key points from the letter, edited to make it easier for non-native speakers to read, and included it below.  Feel free to disagree (politely!)

An edited version of “A Letter on Justice and Open Debate”

Our cultural institutions are facing a moment of trial.  There are calls for greater equality and inclusion across our society.  But this has also weakened our norms of open debate and toleration of differences.  It instead promotes ideological conformity.

The forces of illiberalism are gaining strength throughout the world.  We must speak out against an intolerant climate that has set in on all sides.

The free exchange of information and ideas, the lifeblood of a liberal society, is daily becoming more limited.  An intolerance of opposing views is spreading, and there is a vogue for public shaming.  It is now too common to hear calls for swift and severe punishment for speech or thought which is perceived to be wrong.  Editors are fired for running controversial pieces; books are banned; and journalists are barred from writing about certain topics.

The result has been to steadily narrow the boundaries of what can be said without the threat of reprisal.  We are already paying the price in greater risk aversion among writers, artists and journalists.  The way to defeat bad arguments is by exposure, argument and persuasion, not by trying to silence or wish them away.

Vocabulary:

an institution–a long-lasting and important organisation, such as a school, church, etc.

a moment of trial – a time when something faces difficulty and challenge

inclusion–openness to wide numbers of people taking part

a norm – a normal or commonplace thing; a custom or general rule

toleration – the practice of living peacefully alongside people with opposing views

ideological conformity – the tendency to think the same about important matters; a lack of difference in thought

illiberalism – lack of liberalism; a lack of freedom, openness and tolerance

a vogue for something – a current trend for something or fashion for something

perceived to be – seen or thought to be

reprisal – revenge attack

risk aversion – an unwillingness to take risks; a desire to stay safe

exposure – the opening of something not well known to wide knowledge

Teaching a Pig to Sing －豚に歌うのを教えること－

I recently read an old sci-fi novel.  It was Robert A. Heinlein’s book, “Time enough for love”.  One of the characters gives out life advice throughout the story.  Some of his advice is very interesting.  Here are a few quotes from the book.

1 - “Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”

This reminds me of my attempts to learn to speak Chinese.  My teacher spent months trying to teach me to recognise the difference in tone of four words which sounded to me like, ma, ma, ma, and ma.  This pig never learned to sing.

2 – “Never try to out-stubborn a cat.”

Cats don’t change their ways to suit humans.  In the news today there was a story about a cat who returned home 12 years after jumping out of a window and running away.  He didn’t even say sorry, but went straight to the place where his food bowl had been kept.

3 – “A society that gets rid of all of its trouble-makers goes downhill.”

This makes me think of recent demonstrations in Hong Kong.  Young demonstrators have certainly caused a lot of trouble for the city.  But maybe it is a scarier situation when no one is brave enough to cause any trouble at all.

4 – “Delusions are often functional.  A mother’s opinions about her children’s intelligence, beauty, goodness, etc. keep her from drowning them.”

Sometimes it is best to pretend.  I am still as handsome and desirable as I was twenty years ago.

5 – “If you are part of a society that votes, then do so.  There may be no candidates and no measure that you want to vote for…  But there are certain to be ones that you want to vote against.”

This is timely advice for the upcoming election for Tokyo governor.

Vocabulary:

to be stubborn – to be unwilling to change your opinion or attitude; to be hard-headed

to go downhill – to become worse

a delusion – an imagined and false reality

to be functional – to have a practical purpose

to drown someone – to kill someone by forcing their head underwater

a measure – a policy or plan or proposal to change something

ET and the Child Police －ETと子供警察－

The philosopher Voltaire once said that if God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

I’m not sure exactly why he thought that creating an imaginary God would be a useful thing for humanity.  But perhaps one reason would be for an imaginary God to function as a powerful policeman.  Even if no human eyes could see you committing crimes, then you might still be frightened of being seen by God.

My wife recently tried a similar tactic to encourage our son to behave well – she created an imaginary alien, who watches over our son’s behaviour.

My wife calls her own phone from her computer.  “Oh dear!  The alien’s calling.  He wants to know if you have gotten ready for the nursery yet.  He’s a scary alien.  You had better get ready, or he will come round!”

So far her ruse seems to be working.  The pretend alien is the only thing that can get our son to do something that he really doesn’t want to do.

But you have to be careful not to push these ruses too far.  One of my wife’s friends used to pretend to be talking to the police about her son.

“The police will come to arrest you if you don’t finish your homework,” she would say.

She had to stop doing this when one day her son called the emergency contact number for the police.

“This is the police.  What is the emergency?”

“Hello, this is (Taro Tanaka).  I have finished my homework.”

“Umm, what?  Is there some emergency, Taro?”

“There is no emergency.  My mum said that you would arrest me if I didn’t finish my homework.  But I’ve finished it now. So don’t worry.”

“I see, Taro.  Could you pass the phone to your mother, please?  I’d like to talk to her.”

Vocabulary:

ET – an extra-terrestrial (an alien)

a ruse–an action intended to deceive someone; a trick

to push something too far – to continue something for too long, or take something to an extreme

Moving Wild with a Swinging Child －揺れている子供と荒々しく移動すること－

“Got the message that,
I gotta be a wild one (Wild, wild, child).
Ooh, yeah, I’m a wild one (Wild, wild child).
Gonna break it loose,
Gonna keep ‘em moving wild,
Gonna keep a’swinging, baby,
I’m a real wild child.”
From the song, “Real Wild Child” by Ivan 

My three year-old son can be difficult for me to handle sometimes.  He is a bit of a wild child. 

For instance, I have had big difficulties when trying to take him to his nursery.  It is about 10 or 15 minutes away from our house on foot.  I have been trying to help my wife by taking our son to the nursery some mornings.  I can’t do it myself because I am blind and it would be too dangerous.  But three days a week a guide comes round to help me go to the supermarket, or barber or whatever.  So on those days the guide, my son, and I have been going to the nursery together. 

Unfortunately, my son usually doesn’t want to go to the nursery.  Because of the coronavirus, we kept him at home for a couple of months, and he realises that he prefers this to running around in a group of screaming kids.  I can’t really blame him for that.  When he is in a really bad mood, he starts screaming and kicking off his shoes, and refusing to walk.  Because the guide is a lady in her seventies, I can’t ask her to carry my son.  So I carry him, with him still squirming about and screaming in my ear, and trying to kick off his shoes.  It is no use reasoning with him or waiting for the tantrum to end.  He can keep it going seemingly forever. 

So I have to walk carrying this wild child in front of me, stepping very carefully to avoid bumping into things I cannot see.  I can’t use my white cane to check the ground in front of me, because I can’t hold my son with just one arm.  My guide holds my shoulder and tries to push me straight ahead, or to the left or the right.  Somehow, the three of us have got to move like this across several busy roads and along streets that have no pavements.  The last time this happened, my son’s kicking to try and force his shoes off started pushing my trousers down just as we were crossing a road.  I had to hurry to the other side before we were struck by a car, or my underwear was revealed to the world.  What a strange sight we must be to passers by! 

Maybe little by little my son will get used to his nursery again and stop fighting so hard to avoid going there.  But my mother says that I was the same at that age, and always had to be carried kicking and screaming to my nursery.  So maybe he has the wild child gene, and it will stay with him until he passes it onto his own children.  I’m going to buy a stronger belt for my trousers.



Vocabulary:

to handle something–to manage (a situation or problem)

to squirm–to twist your body about, especially because of nervousness or discomfort

to reason with somebody – to try to make someone understand your point of view, or to change their opinion through discussion

a tantrum – a childish show of anger

a gene – something passed on from parent to child, which can cause a change in characteristics, such as eye-colour

The Little Sumo’s first adventure, part 3 －小さなお相撲さんの初めての冒険 パート3－

In the story so far, Mummy, Daddy, and the little sumo (three years old) tried to buy some Moon Cola from a vending machine.  The front of the vending machine opened and they went inside.  Then the vending machine rose above the Earth like a rocket with the three inside… 

The vending machine kept going up and up, and soon they could see the Earth below them. 

“I hope we will be safe,” said Mummy.  “I have never been in space before.  I wonder where the vending machine can be taking us?  All we did was try to buy some Moon Cola.  We didn’t ask to go into space!” 

“Moon Cola?” said the little sumo.  “Then maybe the vending machine is taking us to the moon!” 

* 

The little sumo was right.  Soon through the window, they could see a silvery grey shape. 

“What’s that?” asked the little sumo.  “It looks like the silver coin we put into the vending machine!” 

“That’s the moon!” said Daddy.  “It looks silvery grey because there is no water, and no grass on it.  And it is getting closer!” 

The surface of the moon got closer and closer, and then the vending machine landed on the surface with a little bump. 

“Oh dear!” said Mummy.  “There is no water or grass on the moon.  There is no air on the moon either!  We didn’t bring any space-suits with us, so we can’t breathe if we go outside!” 

“Yes, you’re right!” said Daddy.  “Maybe we should ask the vending machine to take us back to Earth.” 

The little sumo was about to start looking for a button which might make the vending machine go back to Earth, when he noticed something moving outside the window.  It was a large grey creature with three legs and eight arms, and its head was growing out of its belly button.  In one of its arms it seemed to be holding something shiny and red.  It started running towards the vending machine. 

“Oh dear,” said Daddy.  “I think it wants to chop and eat us.  Quickly, let’s try to find a button which will take us back to Earth!” 

Click! – Clang!  Kloonk – Klunk!  The moon monster was feeling and pushing against the outside of the vending machine. 

Just then the little sumo saw a blue and green button next to the window.  He pressed it! 

And then they could see the moon monster getting smaller below them.  The vending machine was rising high above the moon.  The little sumo watched as the moon monster waved his eight arms at them.  “That’s strange,” he said.  “It is not holding that shiny red thing in its hand any more.” 

“Never mind that,” said Daddy.  “Well done for finding the right button, little sumo!  I think we are going back to the Earth now.” 

The vending machine rose high above the moon, then turned around and began to drop slowly towards the Earth.  Looking through the window, Mummy, Daddy and the little sumo saw the Earth, then they passed through a white cloud, then they saw Tokyo getting bigger before them, and finally landed in the same spot where the grey vending machine had always been. 

Mummy opened the door and they all got out of the vending machine, and looked about at the ordinary street of Tokyo. 

“That was lucky,” said Daddy.  “I thought that the moon monster was going to attack and break the vending machine.” 

“Let’s go back home!” said Mummy. 

“Wait!” said the little sumo.  “I want to check and see if we can get our Moon Cola.” 

The little sumo opened the flap at the bottom of the vending machine, to search where the drinks usually fall into when you select and pay for them.  He felt around with his hand until he touched something cold.  He pulled it out.  It was a shiny red can of Moon Cola. 

“So the moon monster wasn’t trying to chop and eat us,” said Daddy. 

“No,” said Mummy.  “He was giving us our Moon Cola.” 

“I wonder what Moon Cola tastes like?” said the little sumo, and he smiled happily.



Vocabulary:

to chop something–to cut something up into small pieces with repeated strong blows or cuts (eg. I chopped some vegetables to make a salad.)

a flap – a thin covering which hangs in front of an opening, and which can be pushed or pulled open (eg. A cat flap is a door which cats can push open)

The Little Sumo’s first adventure, part 2 －小さなお相撲さんの初めての冒険 パート2－

In part 1, Mummy and Daddy and the three year-old little sumo went for a walk in Tokyo and became thirsty.  They saw a vending machine selling “Moon Cola”, and decided to buy some.  But after putting their money in the vending machine, nothing happened.  So the little sumo pulled open the front of the machine, and they all climbed inside to take a look around. 

Just then the door closed behind them!  For a moment it was dark, but soon a pale grey light began to shine inside the little box.  Then they could hear a voice – a sort of shiny, metal, vending machine voice – and it was saying, “Five, four, three, two, one…” 

“Oh dear,” said Mummy.  “I hope we will be all right. 

* 

“Lift off!” said the vending machine. 

And it began to rise off the ground. 

When a rocket lifts off, the astronauts have to lie flat, because it feels like they are being pushed very hard towards the ground.  It is like lying in bed and being sat on by an elephant.  But the vending machine was different.  Going up in a vending machine feels a bit like going up in an elevator.  You feel a little bit dizzy, but you don’t have to lie down. 

“Look!” shouted the little sumo, “I have found a window!” 

On the far side of the little box, one part of the wall was made of glass.  The glass was at just about the right height for the little sumo to look out of, but Mummy and Daddy had to crouch down to look through it. 

“There’s the train station!” said Daddy. 

“And there’s our house!” said Mummy. 

The vending machine was rising higher and higher, and Tokyo was becoming smaller and smaller.  Soon they couldn’t see individual buildings or people, but they could see the whole of Tokyo below them, and the sea, in Tokyo Bay. 

“It looks amazing!” said Mummy. 

But suddenly everything outside the little window became white. 

“What has happened?” asked Daddy.  “Why can’t we see anything any more?” 

“Maybe it is snowing?” said the little sumo.  “Maybe that is why everything is white.” 

The vending machine went up some more, and a white cloud suddenly appeared below them. 

“We couldn’t see anything because we were inside a cloud!” said Daddy.  “And now that we are above it, we can see again!” 

The vending machine kept going up and up, and soon they could see the Earth below them. 

“I hope we will be safe,” said Mummy.  “I have never been in space before.  I wonder where the vending machine can be taking us?  All we did was try to buy some Moon Cola.  We didn’t ask to go into space!” 

“Moon Cola?” said the little sumo.  “Then maybe the vending machine is taking us to the moon!” 

* 

I didn’t have enough space in today’s blog to finish the story.  So I will have to finish it in part 3 next week.  How will Mummy, Daddy and the little sumo survive in space?  Will they ever get to drink that Moon Cola?  Find out next time!



Vocabulary:

Lift off – This is said when a rocket is fired and begins to rise above the surface of the Earth

to feel dizzy – to have a feeling of spinning around, and losing your balance

to crouch down–to bend your legs to make your body or head lower