Get the fax away from my door! －そのファックスを俺の戸口から持ち去れ！－

I was half-way to buying a fax machine yesterday.

Or at least that’s what the fax machine salesman was thinking.  He must have been hopeful, or else he wouldn’t have given me his leaflet, and then his catalogue, and then gone back to his car to get his colleague, and then taken my name, and then given me his name card.  And finally promised to come back again.

Now I don’t need a fax machine.  I don’t know anyone else who has a fax machine, so who would I fax?  Perhaps I could just have fun endlessly sending witty faxes to myself?  That wouldn’t be too dissimilar to writing this blog.

The real problem, as my wife tells me, is that I am no good at getting rid of cold callers.

“You sounded like you were actually interested in his fax machine,” she tells me.  She has been listening from the living room, whilst feeding the baby.

“Well it’s not easy for me being rude in Japanese,” I protest.  “In every textbook they teach you how to sound polite.  Nobody has ever prepared me to sound bored and annoyed.”

I think I need to approach cold callers from a different angle.  I have put a bunch of leaflets advertising my English lessons next to the front door.  The next time a fax machine salesman comes calling, I will try and beat him at his own game:

“Good evening, Sir!  I’m Yamamoto from AAA Messaging.  Can I ask you if you need to send a lot of messages?”

“What?  Oh!  Umm...  Actually I often message my students.  I have an English school, you know.  Do you speak much English?  Here, take some leaflets.  I’ll just note down your name, so that I can better contact you with further details.  So, Mr. Yamamoto, shall I put you down as greatly in need of improving your English, or fairly in need of improving your English?  Please take another leaflet.”

Vocabulary:

a leaflet – a flyer; a small paper or booklet used to advertise or give information

dissimilar to – unlike; different from

a cold caller – someone who calls, either at your door or on the phone, when they have not been invited or are not expected

to beat someone at their own game – to do something in the same way as another person, and to do it even better