What are the most valuable things everyone should know? －みんなが知るべき一番価値のあるものは何ですか？－

My sister once asked me to write some life advice down in a baby book to be given to her daughter when she grew up.  Basically, I had to consider the question, “What are the most valuable things everyone should know?”  I thought about the mistakes I had made in my life and came up with some advice such as “Don’t trust dentists,” and “Never open a third bottle of wine.”  Having had a little more time to consider, I would like to add, “It may be very hard to get anyone except your mum to read your short stories,” and “Never schedule an English lesson with a university student at 9am (because they probably won’t turn up).”

Recently I found someone who has put much more thought into making rules for life.  A Canadian psychologist, Jordan Peterson, wrote a successful book based on 12 of his rules for life.  I enjoyed reading it and found a longer list of rules for life he had posted on the internet.  I’d like to print a few of them below.  Which ones do you agree with?

A selection of Jordan Peterson’s rules for life:

Tell the truth.

Do not do things that you hate.

Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient.

If you have to choose, be the one who does things, instead of the one who is seen to do things.

Pay attention.

Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you need to know.  Listen to them hard enough so that they will share it with you.

Plan and work diligently to retain the romance in your relationships.

Be careful who you share good news with.

Be careful who you share bad news with.

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

Work as hard as you can on at least one thing and see what happens.

Maintain your connections with people.

Ask someone to do you a small favour so that he or she can ask you to do one in the future.

Do not try to rescue someone who does not want to be rescued, and be very careful about rescuing someone who does.

Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

Do not transform your wife into a maid.

Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.

Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.

*

I wish I had known some of these things earlier.  I could have avoided a lot of mistakes.  I never would have bought that maid’s costume for my wife’s birthday, for example.

Vocabulary:

to turn up – to appear; to attend

a psychologist – someone who studies the human mind and human behaviour

to pursue – to try to get; to chase

expedient – convenient and practical in the short-term

to assume – to suppose or think something, without proof

diligently – with care and hard work

to retain – to keep

to do someone a favour – to do something kind or helpful for someone

to transform something – to change the nature of something

Never growing up, never flying from the nest －いつまでも成長しないこと、いつまでも巣から飛びださないこと－

“Keep adventuring and stay not a grown up.”

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.”

From “Peter Pan”, by J.M. Barrie

When does childhood end and adulthood begin?  At what age should a human being be able to look after itself, independent of parental support?

Many legal responsibilities begin at 18.  In the UK, you can go to an adult prison, vote, and get married at that age.

But the average age at which Britons get married (for the first time) is now 32 for men and 30 for women.  The average age at which men and women leave their parents’ home is now 25.  So some psychologists in Britain argued earlier this year that young people should not be considered fully adult until the age of 24, to better reflect modern life.

I’m not so sure.  Modern life might be different, but the human body is still the same, or very nearly the same, as it was when we were given adult responsibilities earlier.  Alexander the Great became king when he was just 16.  Many historians believe that he became king by arranging the assassination of his father, Philip II.  He then conquered most of the known world before he died of a fever after a bout of drinking at age 32.  Joan of Arc was 17 years old when she led soldiers into battle against the English.  Imagine a psychologist trying to tell these two youngsters that they had better stay at home and let the adults sort things out for them.

And what of the poor parents?  If you get married at 32, have a child at36, and are expected to look after and provide for your child for 24 years, then you won’t be able to rest until you are 60!

I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at a news article I saw yesterday.  A 30 year old man in New York still lives with his parents.  He pays no rent, has no job, and does no housework.  His parents asked him to leave and he refused.  They offered to give him 1,000 dollars if he would leave, and he refused.  They hired a lawyer and gave him a legal notice requiring him to leave after 30 days.  He ignored it.  His parents have now sued him and the case will go to court.  Maybe society should have put more pressure on him to behave like an adult when he was 18.  He didn’t have to become Alexander the Great.  But Alexander the Employed would be a good start.  Or at least Alexander the Very Helpful with the Washing-up.

Ps. Mum, if you are reading this, I’ve got some laundry for you to do.  And tell Dad to send over some cash so that I can buy a new smartphone.

Vocabulary:

a grown up – an adult

to cease – to stop

a psychologist – someone who studies the human mind and human behaviour

to better reflect – to look like or represent more closely

to conquer something – to overcome and dominate by force

to sort something out – to fix or deal with something; to put something right

Travelling with a friend, travelling with an enemy, and the Narita almost-divorce －友人との旅行、敵との旅行、それからあやうく成田離婚－

What do you have to do to show that you really know someone and can accept them despite their faults?   

You learn a lot about someone when you first start living together, and a lot of it is things you didn’t want to know.  She was such a pretty and charming girl when you were dating her.  Now she goes to the toilet without closing the door.  He seemed so independent and self-possessed.  Now you know he was desperate for you to move in so that you would do all of his laundry.

But perhaps just as much as living with someone, you can get a good sense of another person’s real character by going on holiday with them.  If you’re dating someone, or just friends with them, there aren’t usually that many stressful decisions to be made.  Shall we have red or white?  Your place or mine?  Sushi or pasta?  And it’s easy to compromise.  If your friend really wants to eat pasta, then just let them have their way.  You only meet them occasionally anyway, and you can have sushi with another friend, another time.

But being on holiday is different.  This could be your only chance to try paella cooked in a real Spanish restaurant.  And there are only two days left.  Why is he being so unreasonable?  Added to that, you have constant language difficulties and local people trying to part you from your money.  You’re both tired, He insisted that he knew how to get there but got totally lost, You wanted to see that world-famous museum but he had to go back to the hotel to rest and recover from his hangover...  And these little stresses and disagreements build up day after day until you get back to Narita Airport and realise that you don’t even like this person who has been your friend or lover for years.

In Japanese, of course, there is a term for this.  It’s called a “Narita rikon,” or “Narita divorce”.  It is generally used for newlyweds who come back from their honeymoon, their first holiday abroad together, who realise that they have made a big mistake.  But I think the term works just as well with friends who fall out after travelling with each other.

When asking some of my students about this topic, I heard of a Narita almost-divorce.  There was a Japanese woman who works as an English teacher and speaks English very well.  When she went on her first holiday with her husband, who is Japanese and speaks almost no English at all, she got really irritated with him when he kept pushing her aside and trying to order food, negotiate with shop-keepers, ask directions etc.  He seemed to want to show that he was the man and in control, even though his wife could have done a much better job.  So every conversation became awkward.  “Kohii?  Tsuu?” (He gestures, pretending to hold a coffee cup and holds up two fingers.  The waiter looks confused.)

I had my own Narita almost-divorce experience.  It was with a friend, not my wife.  But I had better not tell you about it.  He might read my blog.

Happy travelling!  Be nice to each other.

Vocabulary:

a fault – in a person, a negative character trait, something not good about a person

self-possessed – calm, confident and in control of one’s feelings

laundry – clothes to be washed

to go on holiday – to take a trip for leisure

to let someone have their way – to allow someone to do what they want, or how they want to do it

unreasonable – unfair; not based on good sense

to part someone from their money – to get someone to spend their money

a hangover – a bad feeling such as a headache, which comes after drinking too much alcohol

a newlywed – someone who has recently gotten married

to fall out – for a friendship or relationship to become unfriendly

Zombie cola, cannibal fried chicken, and translation troubles －ゾンビコーラ、共喰いフライドチキン、それから翻訳のトラブル－

I was reading about China last night and I stumbled across some very funny examples of translation blunders.  The funny mistranslations were found in advertising slogans used by Western companies in China.

It is quite difficult to translate advertising slogans, because the short phrases often contain double-meanings, use slang, or refer to things specific to one culture.

One great example of this was given by Pepsi.  In English, their slogan was, “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation”.  To “come alive” in this phrase means to be suddenly filled with energy.  But when translated into Chinese, the meaning became, “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave”.  That’s a more powerful cola than most people want!

Another great blunder was made by KFC.  In English, their slogan was, “Finger lickin’ good”.  That suggests that the food is so good you want to lick your fingers when you have finished eating.  But the meaning in Chinese became, “Eat your fingers off”.  That’s not quite such an appealing image.

Translation can be hard, even if you don’t leave your own country.  I remember reading a funny story from Wales in the UK.  English is the most commonly used language in Wales, but about 20 per cent of the population are also native speakers of Welsh.  So any writing on road signs is written in both English and Welsh.  A civil servant who did not speak Welsh was responsible for putting up a road sign that warned lorry drivers not to use a road.  He needed to get a Welsh-language translation of this English message for the sign: “No entry for heavy goods vehicles.  Residential site only”.  So he emailed a request for a Welsh translation to another department, and was very pleased when he received an immediate response.  That’s how a road sign appeared in Wales telling drivers: “I am not in the office at the moment.  Send any work to be translated.”

Vocabulary:

to stumble across something – to find something by chance

a blunder – a stupid or careless mistake

one’s ancestor – one’s relative, usually from long in the past, from whom one is descended (eg. One’s great-great-grandparent)

a grave – a place where someone is buried after death

to lick something – to run one’s tongue over something

a civil servant – someone employed by the government to help run government services

a lorry – British English for a truck

The Butterfly and the lepers －蝶々とハンセン病患者－

I wrote last week that I like butterflies.  I also mentioned that my favourite book was “Papillon,” by Henri Charriere.  You may know the story from a film version, featuring Steve McQueen.  But the book is 100 times better.  It is the true story of a French man who was convicted of murder.  In those days, France had a small colony in South America and the prisoner, nicknamed Papillon (“Butterfly”) is sent to a prison colony in Guiana in South America.

In this short extract, he has just escaped from prison for the first time, along with two others.  But his boat is not strong enough to travel far, so he needs to find another one.  He travels to an isolated colony of lepers to try to buy a new boat.  He hopes that they will not kill him, turn him in to the police, or pass their disease onto him.

Extract:

The boat approached the island sideways.  I tried to turn it around, but couldn’t.  And with the current pushing us, we went sideways into the vegetation that hung down into the water.

For all my frantic back-paddling, we struck with such force that, had we landed against rock instead of leaves and branches, we would surely have broken apart and lost everything.

Maturette jumped into the water, pulled the boat into a thicket and tied her up.  We shared a cup of rum and I climbed the bank alone, leaving my two friends alone in the boat.

I walked, compass in hand, cutting back the brush and attaching strips of flour sacking to branches along the way.  I saw a faint light ahead.  Suddenly I heard voices and made out three straw huts.

I moved forward and, since I didn’t know how I should present myself, I decided to let them discover me.  I lit a cigarette.  As the light flared, a small dog came barking towards me and nipped at my legs.  “Just so long as he isn’t a leper,” I thought.  Then, “Idiot!  Dogs don’t get leprosy.”

“Who’s there?  Who is it?  Is that you, Marcelle?”

“It’s an escaped prisoner.”

“What are you doing here?  You want to rob us?  You think we’re too well off?”

“No.  I need help.”

“For free, or for pay?”

“Oh, shut up, Laschuette.”  Four shadows emerged from the hut.  “Approach gently, friend.  I bet you’re the man with the gun.  If you’ve got it with you, put it on the ground.  You have nothing to fear from us.”

“Yes, that’s me.  But I don’t have the gun now.”  I inched forward.  I was close now, but it was dark and I couldn’t make out their features.  Stupidly, I put out my hand.  No one took it.  I understood, too late, that such a gesture was not made here.  They didn’t want to contaminate me.

*

Keep flying, beautiful butterfly.

Vocabulary:

to be convicted – to be found guilty of a crime

a colony – an area under the control of another country, which sends its own people to live there

a leper – someone suffering from leprosy, a contagious disease which can cause severe skin decay

a thicket – a dense group of bushes or trees

a bank – of a river, lake, or body of water – the edge of land facing the water

to make something out – to be able to see something enough to see what it is

to flare – of a light, to become bright for an instant

to nip (at something) – to slightly bite

to rob someone – to steal or forcibly take someone’s money or property

to contaminate someone – to pass a contagious illness onto someone