A most unfortunate allergy －とても残念なアレルギー－

Allergies can be deadly serious.  Or they can be annoying, ridiculous, and even a little funny.  Here are three stories of the latter kind.

I have a friend who has a wheat allergy.  This must be annoying because she can’t eat most bread or drink most beer.  She used to live on a small Japanese island and, as a rare foreign resident, was well-treated by the locals.  Before she realised that she had an allergy, the local baker used to give her free bread.  When my friend found out that she had a wheat allergy, she didn’t want to hurt the baker’s feelings by refusing the bread.  She couldn’t eat it, and she didn’t want to throw it out at the garbage collection point in case it was seen.  So she accepted the free bread every week for months, and carefully buried it in her garden.

My wife has an egg allergy.  This must be annoying because so many different types of food contain egg.  She can’t eat most sweets or cakes.  Even surprising sweets like rice-cakes sometimes contain egg, since it can be added to the outside to make the food look shiny.  I enjoy pretending that all chocolates and luxury foods I receive as gifts have egg in them.

“Can I try one of those truffles?” she asks, tentatively.

I stuff the last two into my mouth.  “No.  They tasted of egg.  I’m only trying to protect you, darling”

But I have come to realise that the allergies of my wife and my friend are not so bad after all.  I have developed an even more unfortunate allergy.  I seem to have developed an allergy to young, pretty women.

Most of my students are women.  In recent months I have noticed that I often cannot stop sneezing during the lessons.  This only happens with female students, and especially the younger ones.

It could be that my nose has become very sensitive, and that I sneeze whenever I am in a room with someone who is wearing perfume.  This tends to be worn by young or middle-aged women, rather than elderly women.  Or maybe I really am allergic to young, pretty women.  In any case, you can see what a curse this allergy is!

Ps.  Please do not feel offended if I sneeze during our lesson.  Even more so, please do not feel offended if I don’t sneeze during our lesson.

Vocabulary:

latter - the second thing, when two things have been mentioned; not the former

to hurt someone’s feelings – to make someone feel bad or offended

to bury something – to put something under the grtentatively -  - in a way that lacks confidence; hesitantly

to stuff something somewhere – to put something somewhere roughly or carelessly

to sneeze – to suddenly eject air from your nose and mouth in an involuntary physical reaction