I’m bored with reality - Give me monsters －現実に飽きた。モンスターちょうだい－

“As the internet of things advances, the very notion of a clear dividing line between reality and virtual reality becomes blurred, sometimes in creative ways.”
Geoff Mulgan

 “Gotta catch ‘em all!”
From the Pokemon franchise 

In a maternity ward, a new father ignores the birth of his first child because he is busy catching a monster.  In Singapore, a man is deported for a bitter harangue against the country where he can’t find any monsters to catch.  On the banks of a river, a teenager searching for monsters instead finds a dead body.  In a museum commemorating the victims of Nazi murders, people repeatedly disturb the solemn quiet to battle monsters.  In Phoenix, monster hunters break into private property to get at a monster.

These are some of the strange incidents caused by the release of the new Pokemon Go game.  The game is marketed as “augmented reality”.  That is, it adds to reality, rather than creating a virtual world wholly and clearly separate from reality.  Players have to go to places in the real world to find monsters to catch.  If they use their device’s camera, they can see the monsters, which seem to exist in the real world.

The game has become wildly popular.  I wonder if this is a craze, which will be successful for a while before the novelty wears off.  Or is this the future?  Will we see more and more role playing games blending their virtual worlds with the real world?

As some of the stories above show, people are already getting into trouble in the real world because they have become so absorbed in the world of monsters.  My favourite of the strange stories was the Australian who was transferred to Singapore.  He had become so addicted to playing Pokemon Go in Australia that, when he found out that it wasn’t available in Singapore, he became furious.  He recorded a nasty rant about the country and posted it on Youtube.  He claimed that any country that didn’t have Pokemon Go was “stupid” and that Singaporeans must be stupid.  Some Singaporeans saw the video and contacted the man’s company to complain.  He was fired, and the Singaporean government even stepped in to take away his visa and deport him back to Australia.  Perhaps he found a monster in Singapore after all.

What will happen when other video games copy the idea of augmenting reality?  For a war game, will you have to travel to real bridges and strategic points in order to virtually shoot opposing players?  I can see the blending and confusing of reality and virtual reality causing problems in America, where there are so many real guns around.

I think on the whole I like my monsters to stay in the land of fantasy, or at least locked away in the cupboard.  If we let the monsters loose into reality, who knows when they will turn on us?

 

Vocabulary:

a notion – an idea

blurred – clouded; fuzzy; hard to see clearly

to be deported – to be forced to leave a country by that country’s government

a harangue – a lengthy and aggressive speech

to commemorate – to respectfully remember, especially after someone’s death

solemn – serious and respectful

augmented – having been added to or made greater

a craze – widespread but short-lived popularity

novelty – the interest which comes with something being new

furious – extremely angry

a rant - an angry, out of control speech

 

I want my 14 minutes and 55 seconds of fame! －14分55秒の名声がほしい！－

“In the future, everyone will be world famous for 15 minutes.”

Andy Warhol

“On the Web, everyone will be famous to 15 people.”
Attributed to Scottish artist, Momus
 

Andy Warhol’s comment in the 1960s that everyone would, in the future, have 15 minutes of fame has become something of a cliché.  With the democratisation of sources of news and information, such as social media, Youtube, and even humble blogs, the idea has seemed prescient.

The more recent quote that on the Web, everyone will be famous to 15 people is a humorous, but also telling observation.  If more people are providing information, then fewer people must be accessing each source of information.  Bloggers and Youtube posters can have fame of a sort...  if the 15 people who read or watch really love their posts.  By the way, it would be rude to ask how many people read this blog!

Anyway, I had brief contact with a more traditional source of news recently.  Just before the British referendum on leaving the EU, I got a call from a Japanese tv station, asking if I would appear on a national morning news show to give my opinion on the vote.

Naturally, I immediately thought of the advertising possibilities and agreed.  If I could just get them to mention my Tokyo English school - Nerima English - or the fact that I teach Skype lessons and telephone lessons to students who could be anywhere in Japan.  The students would come flooding in.  Wouldn’t they?

So a cameraman and an interviewer came round to my school and talked to me in Japanese for about 15 minutes.

We immediately ran into difficulties.  The interviewer asked if I agreed with the proposal in the referendum, or disagreed (賛成しますか？ または賛成しませんか？)  This confused me.  The referendum question was worded without a Yes or No answer in English.  It asked, “Should the UK leave the European Union, or remain in the European Union?”

Interviewer:  Do you agree with the referendum proposal or disagree?

Me:  Um...  What?

Interviewer:  Umm...

Me:  I want to stay in the EU.  Do you understand?

Interviewer:  Ah, okay.  Let’s move on. 

The interviewer then asked me why I wanted to remain in the EU.  I took a deep breath and then started a long, rambling speech.  I tried to explain that I was worried about the direction a leave vote would send British politics in.  I explained about the workers’ rights that the EU protects, and my fears that a UK outside of the EU would try to gain an economic advantage by ending these protections, and perhaps ending our wonderful free health-care system.

I spoke about other points and fears – about Scotland’s future being unclear, damage to the economy and Britain’s influence in the world, and so on.

And after the exhausting 15 minute interview, what did they show on tv?  I appeared for about 5 seconds.  On the tv screen, I said, “Britain has a free health-care system.”  And then they moved on to another British person.  Viewers wouldn’t even be sure if I supported leaving the EU, or supported remaining.  There was no mention of an English school in Tokyo.  No flood of new students...

I want the rest of my 14 minutes and 55 seconds!  Somebody call Andy Warhol!  I was promised 15 minutes!

 

Vocabulary:

the Web – the worldwide web; the internet

to attribute  a quote to (someone) – to say that (someone) made the quote

a cliché – an overused phrase

prescient – displaying a knowledge of the future, or an ability to accurately predict the future

telling – revealing; significant

to come flooding in – of offers, letters, emails etc., to suddenly appear in huge volumes, like a flood of water

rambling – of a journey or speech, to move randomly and widely from place to place, or from topic to topic
 

A cynical British view on European unity －欧州統合に対するイギリスのシニカルな見方－

(The UK Prime Minister discusses the British policy on Europe with his top civil servant)

Civil Servant: Minister, Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least the last 500 years: to create a disunited Europe.  In that cause we have fought with the Germans against the French; with the French and Italians against the Germans; and with the French against the Germans and Italians.  Divide and rule, you see?  Why should we change now when it’s worked so well?

Prime Minister: That’s all ancient history, surely?

Civil Servant: Yes, and current policy.  We had to break [the EU] up, so we had to get inside.  We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn’t work.  Now that we’re inside we can... set the Germans against the French; the French against the Italians; the Italians against the Dutch...

From 1980s political comedy tv show, “Yes, Prime Minister” 

Britain’s recent decision to leave the EU reminded me of an old episode from the tv show “Yes, Prime Minister”, from the late 1980s.  The writers of the comedy show imagined a civil servant having to explain to the naive British Prime Minister that we don’t really trust our European partners, and that we only joined the EU (at that time still called the EEC) in order to make sure that it didn’t work.

I can imagine the civil servant bemoaning the decision to leave the EU.  Without Britain constantly complaining, arguing and messing things up, perhaps the EU will start to work well.  They might create their own European army, move to integrate their economies better, and speak with a more united voice on the world stage.

And how will Britain achieve its long-term goal of keeping Europe disunited then? 

 

Vocabulary:

a civil servant – someone employed in a government job; someone tasked with carrying out government policy

foreign policy – a country’s relations with other countries, and diplomatic goals

an objective – a goal; something one wants to achieve

disunited – not united; divided or separated

to bemoan – to complain or express great disappointment about

to mess something up – to make something fail, break, perform badly etc.

to integrate – to bring together; to make two or more things come together to work as a whole

 

Why I support Britain remaining in the EU －イギリスのEU残留を支持する理由－

As I write this, the polling stations are opening in the UK to allow people to vote in the in/out referendum regarding the EU.  So it is too late to convince anyone who might read this to change their mind.  But perhaps future archaeologists trying to figure out why in 2016 - World War III suddenly broke out, Britain’s civilization fell, and the UK became a wasteland of cannibals - will find this blog and get some clue as to how the disaster happened.

Okay, I’m only joking.  Whatever the public decides, I’m sure civilization will survive.  There will likely be a shock to the economy and the pound will drop in value if we leave.  Relations with the EU will probably be poor for years to come.  But perhaps the benefits of leaving are worth a little disruption?

I don’t think so.  And I can explain how I came to that conclusion by comparing the current referendum over whether to leave the EU with the 2014 Scottish referendum over whether to leave the UK.  I supported Scotland’s independence in the 2014 referendum, but I don’t support Britain leaving the EU.

I was excited during the Scottish independence campaign by hearing pro-independence politicians talking about their model for Scotland’s success as an independent country.  They talked about imitating small, independent north-European countries like Norway, Sweden and Denmark.  I imagined Scotland becoming more egalitarian, with a fairer tax system and better public services, like they have in those countries.

In contrast, the politicians who support Britain leaving the EU come from the other side of politics.  And they have been talking about making Britain’s economy more efficient by “relaxing rules”.  In practice, what that would probably mean is taking away protections and benefits for workers.  The society I imagine they want to imitate is the United States.  In the US, there are fewer business regulations and trade restrictions.  But there is also no free health-care system, few protections for workers when they get sick or want to take maternity or paternity leave and so on.

There’s a good expression in English which sums up the feeling that although things are not perfect now, a proposed change might make things even worse: Better the Devil you know.  Let’s stick with the Devilish EU., rather than what worse Devils Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage (Leave campaigners) want to make for us. 

Vocabulary:

an archaeologist – Someone who studies the events of the past by digging in the ground to find

artefacts such as old coins or pieces of pottery

to break out – for something to suddenly happen, especially something bad such as war or a fever

a wasteland – an unproductive or severely damaged area

a cannibal – a human who eats other humans

disruption – confusion or difficulties caused by a change

pro- - in favour of

egalitarian – of a society, dividing things fairly or evenly

 

Calling for a hamburger revolution －ハンバーガー革命、求む－

Hamburgers of the world, arise and cast off your chains!

Why am I calling for a hamburger revolution?  Let’s go back a little and consider hamburger evolution.

All things are subject to constant change, incremental improvement or adaptation to evolving circumstances.  The hamburger is essentially an adapted sandwich.  It became popular as a kind of street food sold at stalls during the 1904 St. Louis World Fair.  So even from its beginnings, the hamburger was designed to meet the public’s desire for fast food.  It was something you could eat while walking around.

The public is fickle, and the hamburger has had to keep evolving.  Many people are more health-conscious these days.  We worry about how much nutritional balance we are getting from a frozen and re-heated burger and cheap bun.  Some of us like to pretend that our burger is actually a kind of vertical salad, the buns merely serving to hold a healthy meal in place.

This is how I came to be eating a chilli bean, salad and avocado cheeseburger from a well known burger chain in Japan.  All of the ingredients were tasty, and there were plenty of vegetables to salve my conscience.  So what was the problem?

Even if you haven’t eaten such a burger, I am sure you can guess.  I took one delicious bite out of the wobbling tower of ingredients and then all the chilli and avocado squirted out of the back.  I had been given a paper bag to hold my burger with, and it quickly filled up with most of the filling.  Ground beef and a slice of cheese, it turns out, will sit quite nicely in the middle of a burger because they come as large, solid blocks.  All the healthier additions don’t really suit the basic burger design.

Now I am not willing to give up on burgers filled with chilis and avocado chunks.  So I want to see some radical re-design of the hamburger.  I humbly submit some initial ideas below. 

 

1 – Bun flaps

The problem of the hamburger is that it is open all around.  This could be solved with flaps of bread covering the back and sides like a nice haircut, and therefore holding the ingredients in. 

2 – Edible toothpicks

Burger stores have in the past tried to deal with a tall burger by pinning the ingredients together with a toothpick.  This is just a bit of a pain, especially as a blind person, since you risk biting into the toothpick and hurting yourself.  How about using a breadstick – harder than the bun but still edible – to hold it all together?

3 – Specially trained waiters

The problem is the ingredients squirting out of the back of the burger.  So why not have specially trained waiters wearing hygienic gloves positioned at the back of the burger as the customer eats?  They can then catch anything that falls out and push it back in.

4 – Dig a hole

Why should the ground beefburger and cheese slice be solid and round, or square?  Make them ring shaped.  You could also do the same with the upper bun.  Now you can fill in the hole with your avocados and chilis 

5 – The lovers’ burger
Since the problem of ingredients falling out of the burger always occurs at the back side, away from your mouth, then remove any back side.  Double the size of the burger, and have two people eat it at the same time, from both ends.  They will then meet in the middle, with no loss of food.  This will prove financially beneficial since it encourages people to eat even faster to avoid losing out to their partner.  Given the hamburger’s circular shape, it would even be possible to have ThreesomBurgers.

Expect to see one of my WillyNillyBurgers (C) at a chain restaurant near you soon!

 

Vocabulary:

to cast off – to remove and throw away

incremental – bit by bit; one small piece at a time

a stall – a very simple outdoor store, for selling items such as fast food

fickle – of a person, tending to change their mind quickly or often

vertical – of a shape, extending upwards or downwards

to salve one’s conscience – to make one feel better, less guilty etc.

to wobble – of an unsteady object, such as jelly, to shake or move from side to side

to squirt – of a liquid or paste, to be forced at high speed through a narrow hole or opening

a chunk – a thick piece

humbly – modestly; without vanity or pride

edible – able to be eaten

hygienic – clean; safe against germs
  

Who on Earth is relaxing to the sound of a vacuum cleaner? －一体だれが掃除機の音でリラックスしているの？－

I suffer from occasional insomnia.  There are times when my brain seems to get stuck in a state from which it is impossible to drift off to sleep.

I think of my brain as being a car engine (I’m sure it’s a Rolls-Royce), with a gear-box attached in order to regulate the required power output.  If I find myself puzzling over the mysteries of life, replaying an argument in my mind and finding clever points I wish I had made, or worrying about whether I am going to fall asleep or not, then my mind will stay in fifth gear.

So how can you shift to first gear before letting your mind drift to a stop?  No doubt there are many things you could try before going to bed, such as stretching your muscles, taking a bath, or reading a book.  I often listen to slow, relaxing music.

Yet I have recently discovered that there are a huge variety of sounds that different people find relaxing.  When my wife started having difficulty getting to sleep, she did some research and found a specialist web-site with a library of sounds that you can play in the background in order to relax.  How about listening to the purring of a cat?  Or the burbling of a stream?  Or of the distant rumble of city trains?  Or of your mother gently vacuuming in the background?

Huh?

That’s right.  They have gone to the trouble of recording a sound-loop of someone using a vacuum cleaner.  That way you can listen to it all night.

I would have thought that a vacuum cleaner was just about the last thing that you would want to hear.  But maybe it’s all about nostalgia.  My wife found the sound of a chorus of croaking frogs relaxing.  She grew up within earshot of a rice field, where the frogs would gather and croak loudly.  So listening to the noise put her in mind of her childhood.

Perhaps being reminded of your mother cleaning the house (or father, before you cry “sexist!”) makes some people feel safe and warm, as if they were in their childhood home again.

I’m a city boy from Glasgow.  I don’t know if I can find a taped loop of drunken neighbours singing and shouting in order to get the perfect nostalgic soundtrack to fall asleep to.  Until then I’ll be left with my slow, relaxing music.  And my wife’s frogs. 

Vocabulary:

insomnia – the medical condition of having difficulty sleeping

to drift off to sleep – to gently fall asleep

to regulate – to control, adjust

to purr – of a cat, to make a deep sound with its throat, often when stroked

to burble – to make the sound of gently running water, such as a slowly moving stream or river

rumble – a deep, lasting noise such as the passing of a heavy train, or thunder

to croak – of a frog, to make a deep, throaty noise, often to call a mate

within earshot of – close enough to hear 

 

Junk is in the eye of the beholder – Lessons from second-hand British fashion －ガラクタは見る人の目の中にある。中古イギリスファッションからの教訓－

Are British people fashionable?  Imagine a typical street scene in Manchester, or Edinburgh, or Cardiff.  It is a sunny day and pedestrians are passing on the high street.  How do you picture them dressed – in dowdy colours and worn t-shirts, or trendy fashions and chic designs?

Apparently, if you are reading this in Hungary then the chances are good that you are imagining the latter.

I listened to a documentary recently which explained what happens to the mountains of second-hand clothes donated in Britain to charity shops.  The charity shops don’t have the expertise to sell the clothes individually for the maximum profit, so they sell the clothes in bulk to a private company.  The clothes then go on an amazing journey and process of sorting.  This private company moves the clothes to Hungary.  According to the documentary, 100 tons of second-hand clothes are imported into Hungary from Britain every day.  Then the items are laid out on a conveyor belt and local fashion experts pick out the best 5 to 10 per cent of the items for re-sale in Hungary.  The remaining clothes are sent on to less discriminating markets in Africa or Pakistan.  Material which cannot be worn but which can be burned is shredded and turned into energy, and a small per centage (about 1 per cent) ends up as land-fill.

From this mass of donated clothes, a large industry has thus been created in Hungary.  You can find dozens of these second-hand shops, identifiable by a British flag outside the store.  The stores receive a fresh stock of clothes each month, and on days when the new stock is revealed, long queues of eager shoppers form.

One of these shoppers was interviewed and asked why they were buying discarded clothes from the UK.  The woman excitedly praised British fashion.  “They’re so stylish!”  She went on to explain the British clothing brands that she loved, such as Marks and Spencer.

Now I was glad to hear that these clothes were being put to good use.  It’s great that waste is being minimised.  But I can’t get my head around the idea that Britain is either stylish or produces high quality clothes.

I tend to buy reasonably simple clothes.  I often buy trousers and shirts at Gap, and t-shirts at Japanese discount retailer Uniqlo.  The t-shirts usually last at least a couple of years before the material wears out.  When it looks too shabby to be worn outside it goes into my pyjama pile.  In contrast, every t-shirt I buy from Britain is made of super cheap material and wears out within 6 months.  I bought a t-shirt, the design of which was created by Edwyn Collins, a singer-songwriter and artist.  It was a lovely design of a salmon that he had painted.  But the t-shirt was pyjama material before the year was out.  I could have bought 4 Uniqlo t-shirts for the price I paid, and they would have each lasted 4 times as long.

My parents once sent me a cheap shirt that they had picked up in Britain in Primark.  It’s a discount clothing store, something like an Irish/British equivalent of Uniqlo.  But when I tried to put on the shirt, I found that I couldn’t close the buttons.  It had buttons, but the manufacturers had somehow stitched shut all the button holes.  That was straight into the pyjama pile.

Maybe I just have an unfair prejudice against British fashion.  After all, I’m British and I’m not fashionable.  So how can anyone else be?  But the story of Britain’s second-hand clothes shows that beauty, and junk, are in the eyes of the beholder. 

Vocabulary:

dowdy – of clothes, styles etc., boring or unexciting

worn – As an adjective, damaged by repeated use

chic - stylish

to donate – to give as a gift to charity or the needy

the latter – When listing two options, the second one

in bulk – of merchandise, large amounts taken together

a conveyor belt – in factories, a moving belt or platform to transport goods automatically

discriminating – selective, choosy or picky

land-fill – rubbish which is buried underground

a prejudice – an unfair dislike

junk – rubbish or used items of little value

a beholder – someone who beholds, or sees

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” – An English idiom, meaning that each person sees beauty in their own way