What do you have to do to show that you
really know someone and can accept them despite their faults?
You learn a lot about someone when you
first start living together, and a lot of it is things you didn’t want to know. She was such a pretty and charming girl when
you were dating her. Now she goes to the
toilet without closing the door. He
seemed so independent and self-possessed. Now you know he was desperate for you to move
in so that you would do all of his laundry.
But perhaps just as much as living with
someone, you can get a good sense of another person’s real character by going
on holiday with them. If you’re
dating someone, or just friends with them, there aren’t usually that many
stressful decisions to be made. Shall we
have red or white? Your place or
mine? Sushi or pasta? And it’s easy to compromise. If your friend really wants to eat pasta,
then just let them have their way.
You only meet them occasionally anyway, and you can have sushi with
another friend, another time.
But being on holiday is different. This could be your only chance to try paella
cooked in a real Spanish restaurant. And
there are only two days left. Why is he
being so unreasonable? Added to
that, you have constant language difficulties and local people trying to part
you from your money. You’re both
tired, He insisted that he knew how to get there but got totally lost, You
wanted to see that world-famous museum but he had to go back to the hotel to
rest and recover from his hangover...
And these little stresses and disagreements build up day after day until
you get back to Narita Airport and realise that you don’t even like this person
who has been your friend or lover for years.
In Japanese, of course, there is a term for
this. It’s called a “Narita rikon,” or
“Narita divorce”. It is generally used
for newlyweds who come back from their honeymoon, their first holiday
abroad together, who realise that they have made a big mistake. But I think the term works just as well with
friends who fall out after travelling with each other.
When asking some of my students about this
topic, I heard of a Narita almost-divorce.
There was a Japanese woman who works as an English teacher and speaks
English very well. When she went on her
first holiday with her husband, who is Japanese and speaks almost no English at
all, she got really irritated with him when he kept pushing her aside and
trying to order food, negotiate with shop-keepers, ask directions etc. He seemed to want to show that he was the man
and in control, even though his wife could have done a much better job. So every conversation became awkward. “Kohii?
Tsuu?” (He gestures, pretending to hold a coffee cup and holds up two
fingers. The waiter looks confused.)
I had my own Narita almost-divorce
experience. It was with a friend, not my
wife. But I had better not tell you
about it. He might read my blog.
Happy travelling! Be nice to each other.
Vocabulary:
a fault – in a person, a negative character
trait, something not good about a person
self-possessed – calm, confident and in
control of one’s feelings
laundry – clothes to be washed
to go on holiday – to take a trip for
leisure
to let someone have their way – to allow
someone to do what they want, or how they want to do it
unreasonable – unfair; not based on good
sense
to part someone from their money – to get
someone to spend their money
a hangover – a bad feeling such as a
headache, which comes after drinking too much alcohol
a newlywed – someone who has recently
gotten married
to fall out – for a friendship or
relationship to become unfriendly
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