Zen Christmas －禅クリスマス－ ジャパンタイムズに記事が掲載されました

ウィルの クリスマスの記事がジャパンタイムズに掲載されました。

リンクはこちらです：ジャパンタイムズ記事リンク（2020/12/25）

メリークリスマス☆

Lunch Minus Forty －ランチ マイナス ４０－

It was my fortieth birthday recently.  So I decided to go with my wife to a high-class Italian restaurant to celebrate. 

My wife took a half day off from work, so that we could go while my son was at nursery.  We chose an expensive restaurant which has a relationship with our health insurance provider.  That relationship meant that we could eat for half the normal price, as long as we showed them our insurance cards. 

Having a four year old son, it is difficult to go to any restaurant that is not a family restaurant.  So we hadn’t eaten any gourmet food for years.  We were both really looking forward to the experience.  We spent ages debating which course we should select – the 4,000 Yen, 6,000 Yen, or 8,000 Yen per head course?  In the end we settled on the 6,000 Yen per head course, which we could get for just 3,000 Yen each. 

This meal came with a meat dish, a fish dish, a pasta dish, soup, salad, bread, dessert, and coffee.  We spent a lovely evening debating truffles versus duck, and sorbet versus tiramisu.  Then my wife completed the on-line booking, and we went to bed happy. 

The restaurant is far from our house.  So we had to take a 55 minute bus ride to get there.  It was cold on the bus, because all of the windows were open.  But we were warmed by the thought of the Italian delicacies we would soon be enjoying. 

We got to the restaurant, had our temperature taken, disinfected our hands, and handed over our insurance cards.  A slight smell of exotic cheeses drifted from a luxurious tray carried by a passing waiter. 

“Ah, you did make a reservation, didn’t you?” said the receptionist. 

“Yes,” said my wife, brightly. 

“It’s just that we have no record of your reservation,” said the receptionist.  “You do know that in order to eat a course lunch, you have to book at least two days in advance, don’t you?” 

My wife’s on-line reservation hadn’t been completed correctly.  We couldn’t eat the course lunch.  And the staff weren’t in any way sympathetic. 

“All we can serve you is the daily pasta lunch, or the chicken lunch.  It’s 550 Yen.  It comes with some bread.” 

My wife said quietly, “Um, I have an egg allergy.” 

The receptionist didn’t look pleased.  “You had better eat the chicken lunch then, without any bread.”

 My pasta lunch was probably nice – about 550 Yen’s worth of nice. But every mouthful tasted of the ashes of my lost truffles and tiramisu.  Then we paid and left.  And the 55 minute bus ride home was oh so cold. 

I just hope I can survive until my fiftieth birthday lunch.

 

Vocabulary:

a health insurance provider – a company which will help to pay your medical costs if you get sick

gourmet food – luxury or high-class food

per head – for each person

a delicacy – a rare or luxury food dish

to disinfect something – to thoroughly clean something, to remove viruses

ashes – the black and grey powder that is left after something is burned

 

Dougal －ドゥーガル－

In a comedy series set in the home of three Irish Catholic priests, there was once a very silly scene.  The drunk priest is snoring in the corner.  The clever priest is sitting next to a window with the stupid priest.  Outside the window, some cows are chewing the grass. 

The clever priest holds up a tiny little plastic cow, and shows it to Dougal, the stupid priest.  “This cow is small,” he says.  He points out of the window.  “That cow is far away.” 

Dougal tries to understand, but can’t get it. “But they both look the same size!” 

I remembered this scene when I took my son to the top of Nerima ward office.  We went up to the twentieth floor, and looked out of the windows.  My wife pointed out Tokyo Sky Tree in the distance. 

“Did you know that that’s the biggest tower in Japan?” she asked. 

“No, it’s not!  Our tower is bigger!” insisted my son.  “Look!  Tokyo Sky Tree is very small!” 

It must be nice to be four years old.  There is so much still to learn and understand about the world.

 

Vocabulary:

to snore – to make a loud sound through your nose when you are asleep

to insist – to refuse to back down or accept another person’s opinion or suggestion

 

I Want to Run, But There’s Nowhere to Go －逃げたくたって、どこにも行き場なんてないんだ－

He and I used to be inseparable, the best of friends. But we have had a falling out. 

I lived for many years with few friends – with no friends but him, really.  I would stand by the window in my flat late at night, with the moonlight spilling in through the glass.  And I would wish I had a woman to keep me company.  I used to turn around and tell him of my hopes and my dreams.  And he just lay there on the floor, his feet stretched towards me, and he listened.  He was a great listener in those days. 

Then one day it happened.  I found Bethany.  She sat next to me at the counter in a dark little bar playing old Fifties and Sixties records.  We bonded over the old instrumental track, “Apache.”  What a great tune! 

I met Bethany at that bar every Friday for several weeks.  We talked about music, and books, and about our hopes and dreams.  One night after that I found myself in Bethany’s apartment.  From her stereo, the Four Tops were singing, “I’m getting ready for the heartaches to come, Can’t you see me standing in the shadows of love?”  The lights had been turned out, and we danced.  It was beautiful. 

I didn’t see my friend in those first, beautiful days spent with Bethany.  I’ll admit it – I didn’t think of him at all.  I didn’t stand before him in the moonlight and talk to him in my lonely room, as I once had.  And he must have gotten extremely jealous. 

He has started following Bethany and I everywhere.  I took Bethany to a modern art gallery, to stare at the brightly lit paintings on display.  And he emerged from a crowd of people, following us round the gallery.  I took Bethany to the beach on a sunny afternoon, and he appeared again.  I looked around and he was suddenly there, lying on the sand behind me. 

Bethany is too nice a girl to say anything directly about him.  But I know she is concerned.  Whenever I glance around and jump when I see him close by, she asks me what is wrong. 

If anyone reading this can help me, please get in touch.  I’m at my wit’s end.  Hasn’t anyone ever had the same problem?  How can I escape from my shadow, my jealous shadow who follows me around everywhere I go?

 

Vocabulary:

Inseparable – very strongly connected together; unable to be pulled apart

to have a falling out – of friends, lovers etc., to have a fight or disagreement which leaves the relationship in a bad state

to bond – to form a strong connection

to be at your wit’s end – to be desperate; to be in a very bad mental state

The Wisdom of Little Boys －小さな坊やたちの知恵－

There was recently a book of philosophy published called something like, “The Wisdom of Cats.”  The idea was to imagine what cats would say about the world if they could talk, and to consider what human society could learn from them.  I don’t have any pets.  But I do have a four year old boy.  What could adult society learn from the wisdom of little boys? 

So here are a few interesting quotes from my son, and my thoughts on what wisdom they contain. 

1

“Daddy, let’s play sumo.  I’ll be Asashoryu.  You can be a weak sumo.” 

Life is a game.  And games are much more fun if you win.  So try to set up the game to your own advantage. Say, “I’ll wash the dishes if you cook dinner.”  If you are lucky, you will be finished in ten minutes, while your partner has to think about a menu, go to the supermarket, and spend much more time cooking.

 

2

When asked why he wasn’t putting his clothes on and getting ready for nursery:

“Daddy, I’m just checking the table for insects.” 

Life is full of boring details, like putting on clothes, and going to work.  But the small things in life and unexpected things can be fascinating.  Live your life looking for small things, and expect the unexpected. Pick up pretty leaves.  And watch the skies for aliens.

 

3

After asking about the biggest and most powerful things in the universe, and getting a variety of answers:

“Daddy, when I was the Big Bang, I became the Buddha.” 

Life is basically about you.  The universe, God, the meaning of existence: it’s all about you.  So be nice to yourself.  Have another cookie.  Upgrade to the deluxe suite.  Go on.  You’re worth it.

 

4

When told that something was too expensive:

“Don’t worry, Daddy.  I will buy money from the future.” 

I think the modern economy already seems to use this wisdom.  Life is about now.  Drink another can of beer.  Let the you in the future worry about a hangover.

 

It Was Not Me, It Was My Algorithm －それでも僕はやってない。アルゴリズムのせいでした。－

I recently had a problem with my bank.  I have been buying audio books from a company owned by Amazon for many years.  I used to make monthly credit card payments, allowing me to listen to one book each month.  Then I noticed that there was better value for money if I bought 24 book credits at the same time. 

So I tried to buy 24 book credits in one payment.  But my bank blocked the money transfer from my credit card.  I couldn’t understand why, because there was plenty of money in my account.  When I called up the bank to find out what had happened, they said that a computer algorithm had stopped the payment.  Because there was a change in my behaviour, the computer programme decided that something was suspicious. 

“But surely you can see that it is not suspicious,” I said.  “I have been making payments to this same company for years.  There is plenty of money in my account.  And anyway, it is a company owned by Amazon.  They are one of the biggest companies in the world.  Surely Geoff Bezos doesn’t need to steal a little money from one customer.” 

“Yes, I see,” said the bank clerk.  “But it can’t be helped.  The computer algorithm decides by itself what looks suspicious.” 

This is the new world that we live in.  Human beings who don’t want to take responsibility for making mistakes can just blame the computer algorithm.  But who set the rules for the algorithm?  Who decided to have decisions made by a computer? 

My problem was a very minor one compared to some of the other problems caused by an over-reliance on algorithms.  I listened to a radio programme recently about “predictive policing,” which is used in America. 

In some police forces, a computer algorithm tries to predict which citizens are likely to commit crimes in the future.  The police are then warned to be careful of Mr. X and Ms. Y, who have not yet committed any crimes, but who might commit crimes in the future.  The computer uses a points system.  If you contact the police for any reason, then you are given some points.  In other words, if someone steals your car and you inform the police, the computer algorithm becomes a little suspicious of you.  If you witness any crime, and help the police to put a criminal in jail, you are given points.  If one of your relatives or neighbors commits a crime, then you are given points.  After your points total goes above a certain level, the police are warned about you, and start to harass you. 

In the radio documentary, there were perfectly innocent people who were being woken up at 3 o’clock in the morning by police officers carrying guns, just to make sure that they were not committing any kind of crime.  Of course, if the police look hard enough, they can probably find some kind of crime.  One of these “suspects” was arrested because he had not written his name on his letter box, which is required by law in Florida.  So, in a very stupid way, the computer algorithm’s prediction that Mr. X would be found guilty of a crime was proven true. 

Some people hate people, because people are not perfect.  We make mistakes.  But it is stupid to think that computers will do any better.  After all, they are designed and built by people.  They have all of the flaws that people have, but none of the charm.

 

Vocabulary:

predictive policing – the use of mathematics or statistical analysis to guess where crime might happen

to harass someone – to unfairly annoy, bother, trouble, etc. someone

a suspect – someone believed to be or suspected of being involved in a crime

a letter box – a place where mail can be delivered

a flaw – something imperfect or slightly wrong

 

A Practical Guide to Living on Earth －地球で暮らすための実践ガイド－

I heard an interesting story on the radio recently.  A very successful astronomer spent a lot of time looking through telescopes and watching space.  She was so focussed on space that she was very impractical on Earth.  She didn’t know how to cook, or how to use the washing machine, and couldn’t remember her children’s teachers’ names.  She left these things to her husband, who gave up his own career in order to support his wife’s scientific research.

This was fine and made a successful family unit until the husband became sick.  In fact, he found out that he was terminally ill.  Because he knew that he would die soon, he worried about how his impractical wife would cope without him to do the shopping, drive the children to school, change the light-bulbs, and so on.  So he made a long list of advice, a practical guide for how to live on Earth.  He wrote pages and pages of advice, such as what to do if the toilet started leaking, or what to do in the event of a black-out.  His wife was actually able to use this practical list after her husband had died.

It was a lovely story.  I wonder what advice I could leave for my family to use if I were to die?

Our son likes to rank and compare the strengths of different animals, monsters, and dangerous places.  You must remember that witches can beat giants, because they can use their magic, and that black holes can beat anything. 

Unfortunately, that is all the practical advice I know.

 

Vocabulary:

an astronomer – a scientist who studies space, the stars, etc.

a telescope – something which you can look through to see things far off in space

to be terminally ill – to have an illness which is expected to cause your death, and which cannot be cured

to leak – for a liquid such as water to spill out of a small crack, break, hole, etc.

a black-out – a time when all the lights stop working, perhaps because of a power cut

What Happens to Time in Prison －刑務所で時間はどうなるか－

Recently I have been enjoying listening to songs by Ewan MacColl, who was a Scottish folk singer.  He wrote a beautiful song about a man stuck in prison, who feels like time is passing painfully slowly.  He looks out of the window and dreams of escaping over the prison wall, if only he could fly.  He hopes that someone will write a letter to him.  But they will have to write the letter to his prison number instead of using his name. 

Ewan MacColl recorded music from the 1930s to the 1980s.  I have copied the lyrics to his song below, and explained some of the vocabulary underneath.  A “lag” is British slang for a man in prison. 

The Lag’s Song 

When I was a young lad sometimes I’d wonder,

What happened to time when it passed?

Then I found out one day that time just lands in prison,

And there it is held fast.

 

When I was a young man I used to go courting,

And dream of the moon and the stars.

The moon is still shining, the dreams they are all broken,

On these hard iron bars.

 

Look out of the window over the roofs there,

And over the walls see the sky.

Just one flying leap and you could make your getaway,

If only you could fly.

 

The prison is sleeping,  the night watch is keeping,

It’s watch over 700men.

And behind every cell door a sleeping lag is dreaming,

Oh to be free again.

 

Go write me a letter addressed to my number,

But say you remember my name,

So I’ll be reminded of how the world goes,

And feel a man again.

 

Got time on my hands, I’ve got time on my shoulder,

Got plenty of time on my mind.

There’s no summer or winter when once you land here,

Just that old prison grind.

 

Vocabulary:

to go courting – to go on dates; to try to attract a romantic partner

bars – in a prison, the line of metal poles that you can see past, but cannot walk beyond

a getaway – an escape

a cell – in a prison, the small rooms that prisoners sleep in

a grind – a tough, dispiriting routine (for example, on Monday, I will have to go back to work and the daily grind)

Greensleeves －グリーンスリーブス－

[bring-bring,bring-bring] 

You have reached the number for the emergency services.  Which emergency service would you like to access?  Press 1 for the police.  Press 2 for an ambulance.  Press 3 for the fire brigade.  Press 4 for the superhero brigade. 

[4] 

You have reached the superhero brigade.  Due to the current coronavirus pandemic, we are receiving a greater volume of calls than usual, so please bear with us.  Please state in your own words the nature of the emergency. 

[“Aaaargh!”] 

I’m sorry.  Did you say that a super-villain has escaped from Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane? 

[“Grrrrrr-Hnggggh!”] 

I’m sorry.  Did you say that Godzilla has emerged from the ocean to attack your area?  Please press 1 for Yes, and 2 for No. 

[2] 

Okay. Please listen to this list of options, and select the one which most closely fits your situation.  Press 1 if you are in possession of some Kryptonite, and wish for help in disposing of it.  Press 2 if you are trapped in a time-loop, unless you have tried this option previously.  Press 3 if you have been exposed to gamma rays, and are beginning to turn green.  Press 4 if your computer has become sentient, and is attempting to conquer the Earth.  Press 5 if a dead acquaintance has clawed their way out of their grave, and seems menacing.  Press 6 if an alien civilization has accosted you, and demanded to speak to your leader.  Press 7 if a monster is currently gnawing on your leg. 

[7] 

Okay.  So a monster is currently gnawing on your leg.  Due to the current coronavirus pandemic, we are receiving a greater volume of calls than usual.  Did you know that you can find many great tips for combatting a variety of monsters at our web-site?  Please hang up the phone and visit www.superherobrigade.com/funmonstertips, or else hold the line and an operator will be with you as soon as possible. 

[…Alas my love you do me wrong, To cast me off discourteously…] 

Vocabulary/ notes:

to bear with us – to be patient with us

to state – to clearly say

a villain – a bad person; a criminal

Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane – In the Batman comic books, this is where The Joker, The Scarecrow, and other super-villains are kept prisoner

Kryptonite – In the Superman comic books, this is the green crystal which makes Superman weak

gamma rays – a real form of intense radiation.  In the Incredible Hulk comic books, exposure to this radiation caused Robert Bruce Banner to become the Incredible Hulk

sentient – conscious of itself and able to perceive the outside world

to accost someone – to confront someone boldly or forcefully

to gnaw on something –to bite at something persistently, like a dog taking the flavour from a bone

[Alas my love you do me wrong…] – The lyrics to the song “Greensleeves,” which is often played over the telephone when a caller must be kept waiting

The Split-personality Bilingual － 二重人格のバイリンガル －

Do people who speak two languages have different personalities in each language?  Are you more polite when speaking Japanese than when speaking English?  Or do you perhaps speak more politely in English, because you are less confident about dealing with arguments or difficult conversations? 

I wrote an article about raising my son to speak both Japanese and English as native languages.  Here is a link to it:

ウィルのジャパンタイムズの記事　2020/10/19

Please let me know if you agree.

A Difficulty with Words －言語の苦労－

I heard an interesting radio programme about dyslexia recently.  People who suffer from dyslexia have a difficulty with words.  They may take a long time to read text, or find it hard to spell words correctly. 

The most fascinating part of the programme for me was the story of a bilingual man in Japan.  He is the child of two British parents who spoke English at home.  So English is his native language.  But he went to school in regular Japanese schools, and so he speaks Japanese as a native language too.

The odd thing is that he is dyslexic in English, but not in Japanese.  In other words, he has difficulties reading English and spelling English correctly, but can read and write kanji, hiragana and katakana without any difficulties.  Despite being a native English speaker, English was one of his worst subjects at school. 

According to researchers, this is possible because of the different ways we learn to read English and Japanese.  To work out how to read English sentences, we must understand a system of rules and exceptions.  The letters, “I, n, t” written together are usually pronounced in the same way, as in, “hint,” “mint,” and “tint.”  But the pronunciation changes in the word, “pint.”  Kanji is not learned by following a system of rules, but instead by rote memorisation.  Children write the character again and again until the pattern of strokes is imprinted on their brain. 

So maybe there is an advantage in studying two very different languages, such as Japanese and English.  Even if you are not good at one, you might be good at the other.

 

Vocabulary:

an exception – one unusual case which does not fit into the general pattern or rule

a pint – a unit of measurement; the amount that beer or lager is traditionally served in at a British pub

rote memorisation – learning through repetition

to be imprinted on something – for a mark, pattern etc. to be left on something by pressing or pushing two things together

The Little Sumo and the Roaring Bus, part 3 －小さなお相撲さんと雄叫びバス パート3－

In part 2, the Little Sumo and his family tried to get on a bus to Koenji, with their balloons.  But the first bus had a roaring lion in it, and the second bus had a hissing snake.  So they waited for the doors of the third bus to open. 

* 

“Ook!  Ook!  OOK!” came the noise from inside the bus. 

“My goodness,” said Daddy.  “What can that noise be?” 

“It’s a gorilla!” said the Little Sumo.  “Mummy, Daddy: I don’t want to get on this bus!” 

* 

They let the bus doors close without getting on.  The sounds of the gorilla faded as it drove away. 

“Let’s take a taxi,” said Daddy.  “That should be less scary than a bus.” 

So Mummy found a taxi which had a yellow light shining from it, showing that it was available for hire.  The three of them got in the back, and put their balloons on the floor by their feet, while they fastened their seatbelts. 

“Let’s count all the vending machines we pass on the way to Koenji,” said Mummy. 

The Little Sumo liked vending machines.  He had just counted to seventeen vending machines when the taxi arrived at Koenji.  “Why are there so many vending machines in Tokyo?” he wondered.  “What would happen if they all turned into evil robots and started attacking people by shooting cans of cola at them?” 

Mummy paid the driver, and unfastened the Little Sumo’s seatbelt.  “Let’s go to the little park with the swings and the slide!” she said. 

So they all picked up their balloons and got out of the taxi.  Then they headed towards the little park.  It was a very small park, and surrounded by tall buildings.  It was one of those funny little Tokyo parks which don’t have any grass – just fun things to climb up or slide down, or spin around on. 

They all passed between two tall buildings and reached the entrance of the park.  Then Daddy suddenly stopped. 

“ook!  Ook!  Ook!” 

“Hiss!  Hiss!  Hiss!” 

“Roar!  Roar!  Roar!” 

There was a huge gorilla playing on the tyre swing, swinging back and forwards.  And there was a long snake sliding and slithering down the slide.  Because his body was so long, his head reached the ground before his tail had left the top of the ladder.  And there was an enormous lion, who was sitting in the sandbox.  As his tail flicked back and forth behind him, a little cloud of sand rose into the air. 

For a moment, the Little Sumo was scared.  Then he noticed the birthday cake, and the party poppers, and a colourful sign which was hanging beside the jungle-gym.  “H – A – P – P – Y,” he read. 

“It say’s, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAMMY SNAKE.’  Isn’t that nice?” said Daddy.  “It must be the snake’s birthday.” 

The Little Sumo walked forward with his balloon, and gave it to the snake.  The snake looked very happy, and curled himself round and round the balloon, making his body like a basket to hold it.  Mummy gave her balloon to the lion, and Daddy gave his to the gorilla.  They were very happy too. 

Everyone stayed and played together in the park.  The Little Sumo built a sandcastle with the lion, and pushed the gorilla back and forth on the tyre swing, and let the gorilla push him.  And he slid down the slide with the snake.  He enjoyed some delicious cake.  Eventually, when it was time to go home, everyone – Mummy and Daddy, and the Little Sumo, the lion, and the snake, and the gorilla – all got on the bus together to go to their homes.

 

Vocabulary:

to slither – to move smoothly over a surface with a twisting motion, like a snake

to flick something –to move something with a quick and sudden movement

 

Corona-san and Unusual Taxi Rides －コロナさん、そして珍しいタクシーの旅－ ジャパンタイムズにウィルの記事が掲載されました

I wrote an article which appeared in the Japan Times this week.  It is about how some businesses have had to change because of the coronavirus pandemic.  There are some funny stories from an acupuncturist, opera singer, and an izakaya owner in Osaka.

For example, one of my students calls the coronavirus “Corona-san”.  Is he a person?  Is he a nice person?

One detail that I had to cut was that one of my acquaintances travelled from Tokyo to California.  The flights cost about 75,000 Yen.  But the person didn’t want to take public transport, so booked a taxi to and from Narita Airport.  That cost 55,000 Yen.  Isn’t it strange that a trip from Tokyo to the nearest airport should cost almost as much as the flights to America?

You can read the article here:

　ウィルのジャパンタイムズの記事リンク（2020/9/28）

The Little Sumo and the Roaring Bus, part 2 －小さなお相撲さんと雄叫びバス パート2－

 In part 1, Mummy, Daddy and the Little Sumo decided to go to Koenji by bus.  They each took a balloon, and went to the bus stop.

*

“That bus is going to Koenji,” said Mummy.  “Let’s get on it.”

But then from inside the bus came a strange noise.  It was a little like the sound a cat makes, but it was much louder and deeper. 

“Roar!  Roar!  ROAR!” came the noise from inside the bus. 

“My goodness,” said Daddy.  “What can that noise be?” 

“It’s a lion!” said the Little Sumo.  “Mummy, Daddy: I don’t want to get on this bus!” 

* 

So they decided to wait, and take the next bus to Koenji.  Soon the doors of the roaring bus closed, and it drove off. 

“Don’t worry,” said Mummy.  “I’m sure the next bus will be less scary.” 

“Let’s all play with our balloons while we wait,” said Daddy.  Then he threw his balloon up into the air and caught it again.  The Little Sumo smiled, and played with his own balloon. 

Soon another bus came towards the bus stop. 

“This bus is going to Koenji too,” said Mummy.  “Now we can get on this one.” 

The bus pulled up at the bus stop, and the doors opened.  There was a strange noise from inside the bus.  It sounded like air escaping from a balloon.  The noise got louder. 

“Hsss!  Hsss!  HSSS!” came the noise from inside the bus. 

“My goodness,” said Daddy.  “What can that noise be?” 

“It’s a snake!” said the Little Sumo.  “Mummy, Daddy: I don’t want to get on this bus!” 

So they decided to wait, and to get the next bus to Koenji.  Soon the doors of the hissing bus closed, and it drove away. 

“Don’t worry,” said Mummy.  “I’m sure the next bus to Koenji will be less scary.” 

“Yes,” said Daddy.  “Let’s all drink something while we wait for the next bus.  He pulled out a thermos of hot coffee, and drank some.  Mummy had some hot coffee too, and the Little Sumo drank from his water bottle. 

Soon a third bus came toward the bus stop. 

“Oh!  We are lucky,” said Mummy.  “This bus is going to Koenji too!  I’m sure this one will be less scary.” 

The bus pulled up at the bus stop, and the doors opened.  But then from inside the bus there came a strange noise.  It was a little bit like the sound Daddy made when he hit his toe against the legs of the coffee table.  But it was even louder and stranger. 

“Ook!  Ook!  OOK!” came the noise from inside the bus. 

“My goodness,” said Daddy.  “What can that noise be?” 

“It’s a gorilla!” said the Little Sumo.  “Mummy, Daddy: I don’t want to get on this bus!” 

* 

Will the family ever make it safely to Koenji?  Will they learn why there are so many animals riding buses in Tokyo?  Find out next time!

 

Vocabulary:

to pull up somewhere – of a vehicle, to stop somewhere

to hiss – to make a noise like a snake, or air escaping through a small gap

a thermos – a vacuum flask, designed to keep hot drinks hot

The Little Sumo and the Roaring Bus, part 1 －小さなお相撲さんと雄叫びバス パート1－

One Sunday in summer the Little Sumo told Mummy that he wanted to go somewhere fun. 

“How about going to the shop that sells shaved ice?” said Mummy. 

“No, thank you, Mummy,” said the Little Sumo.  “I had shaved ice with strawberry sauce last Sunday.” 

“Then how about going to the fire station?” said Daddy.  “You can look at the huge ladder on the fire engine.” 

“Can I climb the ladder?” asked the Little Sumo. 

“No,” said Daddy.  “You can just look at it, and pretend that you are a fireman.” 

“Then I don’t want to go to the fire station today, Daddy.”  The Little Sumo thought for a moment.  “We haven’t been to Koenji recently.  Why don’t we go there?” 

Koenji was a nice area of Tokyo, not far from where the Little Sumo lived.  There was a shop which sold fried chicken there, and a little park with a slide and swings.  But mostly the Little Sumo liked to go to Koenji, because he and Mummy and Daddy always went there by bus.  The Little Sumo liked to travel on the bus. 

“Let’s go to Koenji!” said Mummy and Daddy together. 

Mummy and Daddy and the Little Sumo got ready to leave.  The Little Sumo put on his hat and sun-block to protect him from the sunshine.  And he hung a water bottle around his neck, in case he got thirsty.  Then he picked up three balloons, and he gave one to Mummy, and one to Daddy, and kept one for himself.  He had been given the balloons at a party recently, and liked to carry them around. 

“I’m not sure we need these balloons,” said Daddy.  “We will have to hold them all day, and be careful not to let them burst.” 

But the Little Sumo insisted. So the three of them were soon standing at the bus stop, each holding a balloon, waiting for the bus to arrive. 

A long green bus pulled up at the bus stop, and the doors opened. 

“That bus is going to Koenji,” said Mummy.  “Let’s get on it.” 

But then from inside the bus came a strange noise.  It was a little like the sound a cat makes, but it was much louder and deeper. 

“Roar!  Roar!  ROAR!” came the noise from inside the bus. 

“My goodness,” said Daddy.  “What can that noise be?” 

“It’s a lion!” said the Little Sumo.  “Mummy, Daddy: I don’t want to get on this bus!”

* 

Will Mummy, Daddy, and the Little Sumo get eaten by a lion?  Will they survive to see Koenji?  Find out next time!

 

Vocabulary:

a ladder – a tool used to climb up or down using both hands and feet

sun-block – a cream spread on the skin to protect the skin from strong sunlight

to burst – of a pressurised object, such as a tyre or balloon, to suddenly break apart

to insist – to refuse to back down, or to refuse to accept, “No,” for an answer

Confessions of a Light-bulb －電球さんの告白－

I have a friend from England who married a Japanese woman.  The couple used to live in Tokyo, not far from where my wife and I live, and so we used to spend time together.  Generally we would start drinking alcohol in a group of four, and keep drinking alcohol together for several hours until we were all pretty drunk.  Then I would sit and chat with my friend, whom I will call Mark, while my wife would sit and chat with his wife, whom I will call Noriko.

As we got drunker, we would start to make jokes aimed at each other.  Noriko in particular enjoyed making jokes at her husband’s expense. 

“Mark is getting balder and balder,” she used to say.  “Shall we turn the lights down?  The light is shining off his balding head as brightly as a light-bulb.  Mark, you’re a light-bulb!” 

My poor friend had started to lose his hair early, in his late twenties.  I loved spending the evening with Mark and Noriko, and I used to laugh hard at Noriko’s light-bulb comparisons. 

I wish I hadn’t laughed so hard.  I am 39 years old now, and my own head is starting to shine like a light-bulb in the middle.  When I went to the barber recently, he gave me some tips about how to make my hair look thicker. 

“I will leave your hair longer at the sides, and you can comb it into the middle to cover the bald patch.  I also help customers with wigs, you know…” 

On the bright side -pardon the pun -in Western comic-books, showing a character’s head as a light-bulb signifies that they have had a sudden, “bright idea”.  It is a sign of intelligence. 

So I am not going to try to hide my increasing baldness.  I am confident that people who see me will shade their eyes from the glare and think, “That man’s brain must be hot with ideas.  It is a sure sign that he is a clever fellow!” 

My friend Mark is smart too.  At least I think so.  We light-bulbs have to stick together, and not laugh too hard at one another.

 

Vocabulary:

“whom I will call…” – in other words, the writer is choosing to give these people false names

to make a joke at (one’s husband’s) expense – to make a joke in which people are supposed to laugh at (one’s husband)

to be balding – to be losing one’s hair

a patch – a spot or area

a wig – a set of fake hair, usually used by bald or balding people in order to hide their condition

a pun – a word or phrase with a double-meaning

a glare – a bright light which hurts the eyes to look at