Video Killed the Vegetable Star －やさいスターの悲劇－

Is it better to be doing something great and creative, or is it better to be watching a video of yourself doing something great and creative?

The answer seems obvious.  It ought to be much more fulfilling to be doing something great than watching yourself doing something great.  But people seem to prefer watching the video.

Think of all the people who take pictures of their lunch, and post it on Instagram.  Wouldn’t it be better just to enjoy the meal in front of you?

I realised how deeply this fascination with watching our highlights on video runs when my two year-old son showed signs of it.  I can play the guitar a little, and recently started to practise again for the first time since my son was born.  He watched me playing and immediately wanted to get involved.

“Join Daddy play guitar!” he demanded.  So I had to stop practising and let my son sit beside me and pull some strings on the guitar.  For a few weeks he was demanding to play the guitar every day.  He started to get quite good at it.  I made some chords with my left hand and let him pull the strings to make a noise.  He started to get the hang of plucking the strings together to make a recognisable chord.  Then one day he started singing a song that one of his teachers plays at his nursery.  It is sung in Japanese and is a song about vegetables.  The lyrics are something like, “Vegetable, vegetable, vegetable, vegetable!  Tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, yeah!  Radish, radish, radish, radish, yeah!”

I don’t know how his nursery teacher plays it but with my son and I playing together it sounded like a weird new genre of nursery-punk.  My wife heard us playing and shot a video of the performance. 

And that’s the sad part of the story.  We made the mistake of showing our son the video.  From that moment he stopped wanting to play the guitar.  Now all he wants to do is watch the video of his performance.  “Watch video!  Watch video play guitar!”  So the nursery-punk vegetable star has retired from playing.  And it’s all because of the power of selfie video.

Vocabulary:

fulfilling – causing happiness by allowing someone’s character or abilities to develop fully

to pluck something – to pull the strings of an instrument to make a noise

a selfie – a picture of yourself, taken by yourself

Oh, Fortune ーああ、富ー

If I were to tell you that I had just won the lottery jackpot and was giving up English teaching and blogging in order to live out my life on a beach in Thailand, how would you feel?  Very probably you would experience a wave of jealousy or even hatred.  “Why did he get all the luck?” you would think.

Luckily for you, and unfortunately for me, I haven’t won the lottery jackpot.  So you needn’t feel jealous.

Perhaps we should feel happy to see someone else receive a large slice of good fortune.  But it seems so unfair.  Why can’t the good fortune be spread around evenly?  We could be happy to see someone being lucky if we knew that we were due an equal amount.

What would the world be like if God spread the fortune around fairly and equally?  If someone won the lottery jackpot, you would be happy for them to enjoy their good fortune because some time in the future they would get an equal slice of bad fortune.  Perhaps they would get sick or hit by a car.

For the ancient Greeks and Romans, Fortune was a goddess who could turn human lives upside down by a sudden change of her favour.  I have been reading a Roman writer, Plutarch.  He wrote about an ancient dictator of Sicily called Dionysius.  He was “born and educated in the most splendid court that ever was”  and controlled Sicily for ten years after the death of his father.  But he was defeated in battle and taken to Corinth as prisoner after watching his wife and children killed and thrown into the sea.  According to Plutarch, “Upon the news of his landing at Corinth, there was hardly a man in Greece who had not the curiosity to come and view [him], and say some words to him.  Part, rejoicing at his disasters, were driven there by mere spite and hatred, that they might have the pleasure of trampling on the ruins of his broken fortune.“  The former dictator lived the rest of his life as a common man in Corinth, “loitering about perhaps in the fish market or sitting in a perfumer’s shop, drinking the diluted wine of taverns or squabbling in the street with common women.”

So if you were given a set amount of luck to spend by God, how would you spend it?  Would you live out your whole life, being neither very lucky nor very unlucky?  Or would you prefer a life like that of Dionysius, having great fortune and great misfortune in equal amount?

I am going to stop buying lottery tickets and try to be happy with my life as it is.  I don’t want to make Fortune angry by seeming greedy for too much.

Vocabulary:

a jackpot – a large cash prize in a game or lottery

to be due something – to be entitled to get something

a dictator – someone who controls an area through force, not democracy or consent

spite – a desire to hurt, annoy or offend someone

to trample on something – to walk roughly over and crush something

ruin – the state of being destroyed or falling into pieces

to loiter – to stand or wait around without apparent purpose

diluted – mixed with water to make it weaker

to squabble – to argue noisily about something minor or unimportant

Liquor Off and Old Glasses of Beer －リカーオフと古いグラスビール－

Anyone who lives in Japan must have heard of the company Book Off.  They are well known for offering cheap books which have already been read by a previous owner.

I was amazed recently to find a store in Koenji called “Liquor Off”.  Since I was strolling around Koenji with my wife and son early in the morning, the store was closed.  I would have liked to go in and find out how their business works.  The name seems to suggest that, like Book Off, they offer second-hand goods at a discounted price.  But how can you offer second-hand liquor?

It made me recall a comedy sketch by a Scottish comedian named Ivor Cutler, which is called, “Old Cups of Tea”.  If the store works like the tea seller in the comedy sketch, then a visit to the store would be a bit like this:

“Hello, Sir,” says a smiling staff member.  “Would you like to try a second-hand glass of beer?”

The customer, a first time visitor, is puzzled.  “A second-hand glass of beer?  What do you mean?”

“Well, you see,” says the staff member, “Some people might try a new kind of beer and find that they don’t like it.  Or someone might feel like a glass of beer and then change their minds after drinking only half of it.  These people can bring the unfinished glass of beer to our store, and we will buy it off them for a nominal price.  Then we sell it to customers who are looking for a bargain.”

“Gosh,” says the customer.  “How much does it cost for a second-hand glass of beer?”

“Well that depends, Sir.  We have 200 yen glasses of beer, 100 yen glasses of beer, 50 yen glasses of beer and, well, we have free glasses of beer.”

“You give away free beer?  Give me a glass of that then!”

The staff member frowns.  “Well, if you really want the free beer, Sir, then here you are.”  He reaches into a cupboard behind the counter, checks the label, and lifts a half-full glass of beer to the table.

The customer drinks a mouthful.  Then he coughs and splutters.  “What are you trying to do to me?  This tastes disgusting!  It tastes like it was poured months ago!”

“That’s right, Sir.  That beer has been sitting in our cupboard since November.  That’s why it’s free.  Would you like to buy a more expensive beer, which was left unfinished at a bar in Koenji just last night?”

“Yes,” says the customer.  “Give me that one.  I need to take the taste of that really old glass of beer out of my mouth.”

“That will be 200 yen, please, Sir.  And do you still want the rest of that free glass of beer?” 

*

No doubt Liquor Off doesn’t work like this.  Perhaps they buy second hand, unopened bottles of alcohol which people receive as gifts and don’t want.  If anyone has been to the store, please let me know how it works.

Vocabulary:

to stroll around – to walk around in a leisurely way

second-hand – having had a previous owner; not new

nominal – of a fee, price, etc., very small or far below the real cost

Gosh! – an expression of surprise or amazement

to frown – to have a facial expression where wrinkles appear on the forehead, showing a negative feeling

to splutter – to blow out air sharply several times

On (Not) Hearing Your Heroes －自分のヒーローの声を聞かないことについて－

“I have often felt a sense of guilt towards the world while listening to amazing music and having a good time alone.  I thought it may be good to share such good times with other people while chatting over a glass of wine or a cup of coffee.”

Haruki Murakami on Tokyo FM

People say that you should never meet your heroes.  Presumably that is because the polished, or sexy, or cool image they present to the public is just an image.  Reality cannot match the image you have of your hero.  I decided recently that not only should you never meet your heroes, in some cases you shouldn’t hear them either.

I have been a big fan of Haruki Murakami’s writing over many years.  His books are mysterious, deep, sexy and cool (at least in my mind).  So I was excited to hear that he was presenting a series of radio shows on Tokyo FM – picking the records and chatting inbetween tracks.  Would Murakami sound just like I imagined the characters in his novels?  Would he carefully arrange his thoughts before answering any question, and give an imaginative and succinct answer?

Sadly, he didn’t sound like one of the characters from his books.  He sounded like a fairly ordinary old man who was overly excited by his collection of rare vinyl.  His voice was quite nasal – a better voice for a writer than a radio dj.  His answers were sometimes imaginative, but also sometimes weird and a bit inappropriate.  He suddenly started talking about sex and his female co-presenter, who sounded perhaps thirty years younger than him, fell into an awkward silence.  In short, while his radio appearance was interesting, it was a little disappointing too.

Maybe I can’t blame Murakami for my disappointment.  He didn’t seem like a bad person, just an ordinary person.  And I suppose that’s what he is – a fairly ordinary old man, who happens to be very good at writing.  I’m sure if you meet Ichiro Suzuki, he will be quite an ordinary middle-aged man who happens to be good at baseball.  He probably has a nicer voice, though...

Vocabulary:

succinct – briefly and clearly expressed

vinyl – a material used to make records

nasal – of a voice, being dominated by sounds coming from the nose rather than the throat

weird – strange and creepy

inappropriate – not proper or suitable in the circumstances

A Chickpea and Sunflower Bagel for Her, and a Save the World Sandwich for Him －彼女にひよこ豆とひまわりのベーグルを、彼には世界を救うサンドを－

A vegan cafe in Australia caused controversy a couple of years ago by deciding to ask men and women to pay different prices for the same food.  If men or women have to pay more for the same dish, which gender do you think should be charged more?

Of course women should be charged more.  This is because women’s bodies are, on average, smaller than men’s.  So if a man and his girlfriend both order a sandwich, the woman may be 90 per cent full after eating it, and the man only 72 per cent full.  It makes sense to me therefor that the man’s sandwich should cost him 18 per cent less.  It is 18 per cent less satisfying for him.

But this is not how the owners of Handsome Her cafe in Melbourne saw it.  Statistics in Australia show that men earn 18 per cent more than women on average.  So the cafe owners asked men to pay 18 per cent extra for the same food, to highlight the gender pay gap.  They also gave women “priority seating”.  I’ve no idea how the priority seating worked.  Did the cafe ask men to move to the back of the bus, I mean cafe, if a woman came in and wanted to sit on the comfiest seat?

Anyway, the cafe went out of business at the end of April this year.  The cafe’s unusual policies were discussed and criticised on the internet.  Many people found their “man-tax” idea ridiculous.

I don’t know whether the man-tax was the reason the cafe went out of business, but it suggests to me that the owners were making a mistake by mixing up food and politics.  I am interested in politics and agree that it is important to protest and argue for positive change.  But some places are better for political protests than others.  When I go out for lunch, I don’t crave a socialist sandwich, or a workers’ rights sandwich, or a save the world sandwich.  I just want a tasty sandwich.  Maybe the cafe went out of business because they were spending too much time planning a revolution to overthrow men, and not enough time cooking tasty sandwiches.


Vocabulary:

gender – relating to a difference between male and female

statistics – a set of numbers collected to show differences between groups, changes over time, etc.

to highlight something – to draw attention to something

priority seating – seats reserved for people with special needs, such as the disabled, parents with young children, etc.

the comfiest – the most comfortable

ridiculous – absurd; deserving to be laughed at

to crave something – to strongly desire something

Starting Afresh －最初からやり直すこと－

Today is the first day of the Reiwa Era in Japan.  I used to dislike the Japanese custom of giving a period of time a unique era name, and changing the name whenever the emperor changes.  I disliked it because it caused problems for me in places such as banks and hospitals.  Whenever I had to write down my birth date, I couldn’t remember which era I had been born in.  The staff also had difficulty working it out from the Western style date I gave them.

But I have started to like the custom a little more.  There’s something positive about changing name.  It’s a little like saying, “Let’s put all our troubles and difficulties in the past and start afresh.”

After the French Revolution, the new government tried to sweep away loyalties to the kings and religious figures of the past by making a new calendar and starting from Year 1.  The calendar remained in use for about 12 years until Napoleon switched back to the old one.

Like a French Revolutionary, why not ignore the rest of the world and live in your own era?  Buy a calendar and cross out 2019 and replace it with your own inspiring name – Year of Diligent Study, or Year of Eating Well, or Year of Definitely Getting a Girlfriend.  Then every day you will be reminded to act positively towards your goal, not be stuck in the failed ideas of the past.

Happy new era.  It’s not every day that we get the chance to start afresh from Year 1.

Vocabulary:

to sweep something away – to quickly and completely get rid of something old

diligent – showing care in your work or duties

Confessions of a sardine in love －恋に落ちたイワシの告白－

My love always wears white gloves when her hands caress me.  Her body is hidden behind a smart uniform, but I can feel her brawny arms, her muscles impressive.

Does she know that I love her?  Every morning I keep my face carefully neutral as I turn to face her, masking my excitement.  Regretfully I have to waste a moment as I glance down to check my footing.  Then I gaze into her face as she pushes me away from her.

It’s 7.55am on the Tozai Line on the Tokyo Metro.  Part-time “oshiya”, or people pushers, are employed between 7.30am and 8.30am to deal with the rush hour commuters.  So many more people board the trains than their designed capacity that the last passengers have to enter the crush of bodies on the train backwards, and be pushed inside to allow the doors to close.  For three years now Car no.3 has been handled by my love – a woman in her late thirties with freckles around the eyes, a look of pinched concentration as she works, and arms that are as strong as a mother’s love.

It takes a little guile to always find myself last to board.  Sometimes I have to let trains pass.  I leave the queue, fiddling with my bag or patting my pocket.  Then I let the queue build up again before joining at the back.  Once or twice I couldn’t avoid being swept along by the crowd and had to enter the train.  I couldn’t bear the thought of going to the office without her send off.  So I got off at the next station and went back, and made sure she pushed me properly the second time.  She must have noticed.  Doesn’t she realise how much I love her?

Why do I love her caress?  It’s like an “unbirth” – a birth in reverse.  I stand freely on the platform, before turning around and being pushed into an enclosing womb.  She is mother, doctor and lover, all in one.  I dream that one day she will acknowledge my love.  She will look into my eyes and her pinched face will break into a smile, her freckles dancing at the edge of her eyes.  And instead of pushing me away with her pure white gloves, she will pull me towards her, into her loving embrace.

*

This is not an autobiographical story.  I am not in love with a people pusher on Japan’s subway network!  But I was inspired to imagine the story above when I heard that the friend of one of my students works part-time as a female oshiya.  Is there really never any romance to be found in the pushing of sardines into a tin can on wheels?

Vocabulary:

to caress – to touch or stroke gently or lovingly

brawny – physically strong; muscular

to mask an emotion – to hide an emotion

capacity – the maximum amount that something can, or is supposed to, contain

a crush – a mass of things or people forced closely together

a freckle – a little brown spot on the skin

guile – sly or cunning intelligence

to fiddle with something – to move or handle something in a nervous way

a womb – the part of a woman’s body where a baby grows

autobiographical – of a piece of writing, about the writer or based on his or her life