The power of a rigged choice －仕組まれた二者択一の力－

Before you read this blog post, I have to ask you to do a little work.  It is necessary for you in order to understand the rest.  You have to choose either to blink (shut your eyes and open them again) twice, or to stand up and count out loud to ten before sitting down again.  Choose one and do it now please.

Okay.  So did you pick one and do it?  You may be cheating and have done neither.  Since this is a blog for non-native speakers of English, you may not have understood, and be scratching your head in confusion instead.  But my guess is that most people chose to blink twice.

The reason that you probably blinked twice is that it seems a lot easier and less effort than standing up and counting to ten.  I’m sure that you didn’t particularly want to do it, but the choice seemed very easy in comparison with the alternative.  That at least is my theory.  I have found that it is a great technique for getting people to do things that they don’t want to do.  If you simply try to force them to do something then they will naturally resist.  But if you can set up a situation in which they have to choose between what you want, and something worse, then they will likely do what you want without complaint.

I thought about this technique recently when I was trying to get my son to go to his cot at night.  He is two and a half now, and often resists being put in his cot.  I let him lie in my futon beside me for half an hour or so before I lift him out and put him in his cot to sleep alone.  Understandably enough, he prefers to stay in the futon, where he can kick me and roll over on top of me, and get up and run around whenever he wants.

So for a while I had a battle getting him to move from the futon to the cot after half an hour.  I would just tell him it was time to move and lift him into the cot.  He would scream and shout, demanding to stay where he was.  In the end he often cried himself to sleep, frustrated that he had been abandoned in the cot.

So I tried saying to him one night, “You have to leave the futon now, but you can choose where to sleep.  Would you like to sleep in the cot, or in the laundry room?”

Of course I wouldn’t really make him sleep in the laundry room, but he didn’t know that.  So he thought about it and said, “Cot.”  I lifted him into the cot and he went to sleep peacefully, happy that he had made a good choice.

Don’t think that the rigged choice is a technique that is only ever used on children.  In British politics now, it seems to be the only technique Prime Minister Theresa May knows.  She has negotiated a very unpopular deal with the EU, which Parliament does not want to vote for.  The most recent opinion polls show that 80 per cent of people think the government has done a bad job of negotiating, and that 55 per cent of Britons would now vote to stay in the EU.  Almost six million people have signed a petition asking the government to cancel Brexit.  An estimated 1 million people marched in London recently to demand another chance to vote to stay in the EU.  But the only choice the Prime Minister is offering is to agree to her bad deal or to face a huge economic crisis by leaving the EU without a deal.  Mrs. May wouldn’t really leave the whole country to sleep in the laundry room, would she?

Vocabulary:

to scratch one’s head in confusion – not to know what is going on to such an extent that you place your hand on your head and scratch like your head is itchy

to resist – to oppose; to refuse to accept and work against

a cot – a small, raised sleeping place for a baby or small child that is hard to climb out of

frustrated – feeling unable to change things or get what one wants

to be abandoned – to be left alone without help

an opinion poll – a survey of people’s attitudes

a petition – an official letter to the government, asking them to change something

Language mishaps happen －言語のミスは起こりますよ－

There were two funny stories about language mishaps I read about in Japan this week.  I’d like to share these, as well as relate a funny language mishap I had recently with one of my students.

Osaka Metro tried to make things easier for English speakers by translating their web pages from Japanese into English.  Unfortunately, they used an automatic translation programme, and it made a literal translation of everything, including station names.  So The Sakaisuji Line became The Sakai Muscle Line, and the third carriage became three eyes.

There was also a report this week of a language mishap in a Japanese convenience store.  Staff were shocked to see a foreigner walk into the store, take a look in the drinks section and then pull out a bottle of tea and start drinking it without paying.  When they confronted the customer, he got angry.  He pointed to the bottle, on which was written, “Free Tea”.  Free Tea is the name of the brand, the idea being that drinking the tea leaves you feeling refreshed and free from stress or care.  You can see why the customer got confused.

The mishap I experienced was when I was teaching a lesson about school.  I asked my female student what her favourite subject had been at school, what after-school clubs she had been a member of, and so on.  Things were going fine until I said, “Were you good at P.E.?”

She said, “Teacher, I don’t know that word.  What is P.E.?”

“It stands for Physical Education,” I said. “Do you understand now?”

“Ah yes,” she said.  “I understand.”

“So,” I continued.  “Were you good at Physical Education?  You seem to me like the kind of person who would be good at it.”

She made a little noise as if clearing her throat and then said nothing for a long time.  She seemed very embarrassed and I didn’t know why.

“Hold on a minute,” I said.  “Are you sure you know what Physical Education means?  Tell me how to say it in Japanese.”

“It’s karada no kyouiku,” she said.  In other words, “Education about the body.”

Physical Education of course means learning to play different sports, and learning to run and jump and use your body.  But she thought I had said to her, “Were you good at sex education classes?  You seem like the kind of woman who would be good at that.”  No wonder she went quiet.

And if you make such a mistake, my advice is not to worry about it.  Mishaps happen.

Vocabulary:

automatic - working by itself without direct human control

a literal translation – a version of something changed from one language into another language word for word, exactly as it was originally written

to stand for – of an abbreviation, for the letters to represent (eg. BBC stands for the British Broadcasting Corporation)

Britain’s lost fingers －イギリスの失われた指－

Unless you’ve had 12 pints of beer, you are probably able to touch the end of your nose, even with your eyes shut.  This is apparently because the brain creates a powerful image of the body, and can judge where different parts of it exist in space.  If you are unfortunate enough to have a piece of your body cut off, you may feel itchiness or pain from the phantom body part because the brain refuses to believe that its image of the body is wrong.

In much the same way, citizens of a country develop a powerful sense of their country’s “body”, or self-image.  Thus, people believe that “British people drink tea,” or “British people wait patiently in queues.”  But this may just be a phantom image in the minds of the country’s citizens.  These body parts may be shrivelling or have long since fallen off.  Britons may no longer love tea so much or wait patiently in queues.

“British people are pragmatic, not radical.”  Britain has long had an image as being very stable, politically conservative, and a little boring.  If French people are unhappy about something, they come out onto the streets and protest.  Italian prime ministers change so often that it is hard to remember their names.  Britain, by contrast, has been seen as pragmatic.

But is this still true?  We voted for Brexit.  And now the British Parliament cannot find a compromise.  Perhaps British politics has become as radical as French politics.  Perhaps soon British prime ministers will change so often that we can’t remember their names.

It is not so bad to be politically boring.  The last three years of political instability, in-fighting and chaos has been interesting.  I wonder if it is too late to stick back on the fingers we have cut off?

Vocabulary:

a pint – a unit for measuring liquid – a large glass of beer is drunk in a pint glass in Britain

itchiness – a tendency to feel an uncomfortable sensation on the skin

phantom – ghostly; not real

to shrivel – to wrinkle and become smaller, especially due to a lack of moisture

pragmatic – dealing with things sensibly and realistically, not on ideology

radical – extreme; advocating fundamental or complete change

in-fighting – conflict within a group

chaos – a lack of order; extreme uncertainty

Why Romantic love is for Italy, not Britain ーなぜロマンティックな愛はイタリアのために、イギリスではなくてー

Why do the Italians have a reputation for being passionate lovers?  How easy it is to imagine a man in Italy standing in the garden of his lover, calling up to her as she sits by her window above!

And why do the British have a reputation as calm, tea-drinking people who wait patiently in queues and try not to show their feelings?

Maybe Lord Byron, a British Romantic poet of the 19^th century, had the answer.  He thought that it was all to do with the weather.  I recently read a poem of his, in which he complained about a lady who expected him to wait for her in a garden in the cold British winter.  I thought it was very funny, so I have printed some extracts below.

From, “To a lady who presented to the author a lock of hair braided with his own, and appointed a night in December to meet him in the garden”.:

“[Why should you]

Doom the lover you have chosen,

On winter nights to sigh half-frozen?”

“Shakespeare set the precedent.

Oh, would some modern Muse inspire,

And seat her by a [warm] coal fire?”

“In Italy I’ve no objection,

Warm nights are proper for reflection.

But here our climate is so rigid,

That love itself is rather frigid.

Think on our chilly situation,

And curb this love of imitation.” 

*
So Byron blames Shakespeare for setting scenes of love in a garden, as he does in Romeo and Juliet.  He wishes that British women would stop trying to imitate these romantic scenes, which are not suitable to our climate.  And he wishes that another great writer would set a scene of love indoors, next to a warm fire.

Vocabulary:

to present something to someone – to give something to someone

to be braided – of threads, hair etc., to be woven together into a decorative pattern

to doom someone or something – to ensure that someone or something meets a terrible fate

a precedent – an example which will be followed or copied

“Oh, would some modern Muse inspire” – If only some modern Muse would inspire

a Muse – a Greek goddess responsible for inspiring artists

an objection – an expression or feeling of disapproval or opposition

reflection – serious thought or consideration

rigid – hard and unbending

frigid – very cold in temperature

chilly – uncomfortably or unpleasantly cold

to curb something - to restrain or hold something back 

Don’t let your mouth run away with you －調子に乗って、しゃべりすぎるな－

When we first got together, she promised, “I will give everything I have and do everything I can to bring you an exciting and successful relationship.”

But she left me after two and a half years.

When we first lay in bed, she said, “I have loved you all my life and to be given this fantastic opportunity and to be with such a truly great man is a dream come true.”

But now she lies with another.

Someone from her hometown said, “I grew up with her.  She is known around here as ‘Mochi’.  We used to play with her in the car park or behind the school.  I was in her class at secondary school and when the teacher asked what she wanted to do when she grew up, she just said that she wanted to marry William.”

And yet she has just remarried.  At the wedding she said that she would give everything, give her life, for her new husband.

A short time after we got together, when I was worried by her flirtation with another man, she complained, “It just shows you how distrustful the world is now – the gossip and speculation that goes on.  I’ve just landed my dream man – the man I’ve loved all my life.”

Yet now her friends say that she was never happy in our relationship.  How could she have been when I didn’t buy her all the things she wanted?

When some people speculated that she might be happier with another man, she said, “There is not a place I could be in this world right now where I’d be happier in my married life and personal life.”

When I think back now, there were a few hints that she wouldn’t stay forever.  Six months into our relationship, when everything was going well, she said, “For me, whatever I do with the rest of my life, to marry William is the ultimate.  I’m hopefully going to be attractive for the next 15 to 20 years but to have married William and been with him is an incredible honour.”

And, “I don’t see William as a stepping stone.  I want to be here as long as I can.”

During the marriage, a journalist said, “William is lucky to have this girl as wife.  She gives the marriage purpose, belief, conviction.”

*

Be careful what you say.  Don’t let your mouth run away with you.  If you make promises you cannot keep then your words will later seem hollow and people will feel betrayed.

The quotes above are mostly real, but I changed them slightly – from football management to marriage.  I am a big fan of Celtic, a Scottish football club.  Our manager has just left us suddenly in the middle of a season to double his wages by managing an English club, Leicester.

The manager was very successful and would have been remembered as a hero if he had waited until the end of the season to leave. What is even worse about his betrayal is the number of times he said that Celtic was the club he had loved all his life, how he couldn’t be happier anywhere else, and so on.

Be careful what you say.  Don’t let your mouth run away with you.  If you make promises you cannot keep then your words will later seem hollow and people will feel betrayed.

Vocabulary:

to get together – of a relationship, to form a partnership; to start to date

flirtation – behaviour that demonstrates a playful sexual attraction toward someone

the ultimate – the best or final

a stepping stone – one stage on a path leading somewhere else

hollow – without substance

to betray – to be seriously disloyal to; to cheat someone’s trust 

A most unfortunate allergy －とても残念なアレルギー－

Allergies can be deadly serious.  Or they can be annoying, ridiculous, and even a little funny.  Here are three stories of the latter kind.

I have a friend who has a wheat allergy.  This must be annoying because she can’t eat most bread or drink most beer.  She used to live on a small Japanese island and, as a rare foreign resident, was well-treated by the locals.  Before she realised that she had an allergy, the local baker used to give her free bread.  When my friend found out that she had a wheat allergy, she didn’t want to hurt the baker’s feelings by refusing the bread.  She couldn’t eat it, and she didn’t want to throw it out at the garbage collection point in case it was seen.  So she accepted the free bread every week for months, and carefully buried it in her garden.

My wife has an egg allergy.  This must be annoying because so many different types of food contain egg.  She can’t eat most sweets or cakes.  Even surprising sweets like rice-cakes sometimes contain egg, since it can be added to the outside to make the food look shiny.  I enjoy pretending that all chocolates and luxury foods I receive as gifts have egg in them.

“Can I try one of those truffles?” she asks, tentatively.

I stuff the last two into my mouth.  “No.  They tasted of egg.  I’m only trying to protect you, darling”

But I have come to realise that the allergies of my wife and my friend are not so bad after all.  I have developed an even more unfortunate allergy.  I seem to have developed an allergy to young, pretty women.

Most of my students are women.  In recent months I have noticed that I often cannot stop sneezing during the lessons.  This only happens with female students, and especially the younger ones.

It could be that my nose has become very sensitive, and that I sneeze whenever I am in a room with someone who is wearing perfume.  This tends to be worn by young or middle-aged women, rather than elderly women.  Or maybe I really am allergic to young, pretty women.  In any case, you can see what a curse this allergy is!

Ps.  Please do not feel offended if I sneeze during our lesson.  Even more so, please do not feel offended if I don’t sneeze during our lesson.

Vocabulary:

latter - the second thing, when two things have been mentioned; not the former

to hurt someone’s feelings – to make someone feel bad or offended

to bury something – to put something under the grtentatively -  - in a way that lacks confidence; hesitantly

to stuff something somewhere – to put something somewhere roughly or carelessly

to sneeze – to suddenly eject air from your nose and mouth in an involuntary physical reaction

Peace and blame －平和と非難－

The ten year-old girl came stalking over to me and pointed.  Her eyes were hot with anger.  “Your country did this to us!”  Her voice was shaking with emotion.  She waited for me to accept the blame and apologise.

We were at the Maruki Gallery in Saitama, where you can see the collected works of Iri Maruki, who was born in Hiroshima and survived the atomic bombing.  He painted many works about the suffering of the victims, as well as other paintings depicting the victims of the Japanese invasion of Asia and the victims of war in many countries around the world.

The children were on a school excursion, and I had been invited to accompany them.  The gallery was divided into two floors, with the paintings about Hiroshima on one floor, and the paintings about other victims on the other floor.  I was just an assistant language teacher and so did not have any specific responsibility for looking after a group of children.  I was able to walk around freely and I saw both parts of the gallery.

I got the impression that the artist had a strong sense of the horrible suffering caused by war and his view that in war all countries were capable of committing acts of evil.  He wanted people to understand the suffering of the victims of the atomic bombing not because they were Japanese, but because they were people.

The children did not have the chance to walk around freely, and they were only shown the paintings about Hiroshima.  They then sat and listened to a lecture about the sufferings of the Japanese.  Without seeing the other floor and only seeing victims and stories from one country, the children came away with the impression that the only, or main, victims of the war were Japanese.  And at least one girl was made so angry that she confronted me about it and expected me to apologise.

I told her that I wasn’t American, that I wasn’t born during the war, that my father wasn’t even born during the war, that Japanese soldiers had killed people too, and that maybe she had missed the point of the art exhibition.  But I didn’t say any more in case the school got angry at me for interfering with their educational policy.

I’d like to think that the girl is now old enough to have a wider view of both war and life.  Or perhaps she spends her evenings posting angry messages on Twitter.  In any case, I read a book about victims of another war in another country and remembered going to the gallery.  It is well worth visiting if you have the chance.  The pictures will stay in the back of your mind for many years afterwards.

Vocabulary:

to stalk – to walk forcefully in a proud, stiff or angry manner

to depict – to represent by a drawing, painting or other art form

an excursion – a short trip or tour, especially one for leisure

to interfere with  - to get involved without invitation or necessity